maxikay Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 (edited) First time posting here, just wanted to tell my story. My first relationship lasted almost 6 years (from when i was 16, now i'm 22 and she was a year and a half younger). We were each other's first everything. The relationship went through a lot of rough times because she was inmature, but i put up with it because i knew she would grow up, and she did. Eventually we both got into college and from there, everything seemed perfect for me, like our love was really strong and could withstand anything that came our way. Last year we both worked really hard on weekends to save some money for a trip overseas, which we took on january of this year. We had a great time, but shortly before the trip she started working at a law firm, which took up almost all of her time. When we got back and the next school year started, i felt as though she barely wanted to spend time with me. We would see each other one or two times a week, and we always had to study so it was not quality time. Eventually, she told me she thought things were not working out because she we had no time for the relationship. I agreed with her and we ended up deciding to break up. At first I was at peace with the decision and was ok with being friends with her, but after a couple of weeks i realised that i still loved her deeply and so i asked her to meet up with me. I told her that i still loved her, and i wanted to give the relationship one last try, and i also said that i was willing to work on the mistakes i made, as long as she was interested in doing the same. She then told me that she didn't love me anymore, and she had suspected it from a long time ago, but she just hadn't realized it before, and so she told me as soon as she was sure that her love was gone (when we broke up, she had told me that she was still in love with me and wanted to stay friends, and maybe one day we could get back together). She also said that the reason she took that job at the law firm was because she had started to think more on herself, and admitted that she did have more time to spend with me, she just didn't have the desire to. This basically broke my heart, as i felt i had been lied to when we broke up, and saw her as a very selfish person (not because of taking that job, but for lying to me about the reasons to break up and wanting to stay friends). I then told her i didnt have any interest in being her friend or talking to her, we hugged, said goodbye and we haven't talked since. We broke up on april 22, and I've been in complete NC for 2 weeks. At first i was devastated, but i have been getting better as time goes by. I think of her less with every week that goes by, and i sometimes have moments of clarity when i feel like it's for the better and feel grateful for the wonderful first relationship that i had. Other days, like today, i feel a bit angry for the way things ended, and thinking that she's moving on so easily while i'm left paying the price for her lies makes me sick in the stomach. I don't really blame her for not loving me anymore, it just happens and i understand that. It's just that i always told her that if it came to that, we would just tell each other and go separate ways. What bothers me is thinking about how long she could have been faking her love for me, thinking if maybe the fun we had on our trip was all fake. Sorry for the long post, i was just feeling down and thought writing about it would make me feel better. Any opinions and suggestions on how to move on faster will be appreciated. Edited May 31, 2017 by maxikay
springy Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Wow. Sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you are doing as well as can be expected right now. It is normal to experience a range of emotions and might be like that for a bit. I don't believe rushing it or trying to rush would be as successful as just cycling through the process. But really, you are doing much better than you think. What are you doing with your time? Do you work out? Spend time with friends?
Superchicken Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Dude, your so young still. Buy a corvette, and live a little first before committing. Don't settle for any women now. They are all young and unsure. Work on your self for a while. Something to occupy your time. I keep harping on Gym workouts. But, it does work, and it does increase self esteem, stamina, and confidence. Nothing like spending a little time on yourself. Its a needed step to gaining maturity. That's step 1. Step 2, you have to soup up the V8 in your Corvette !. Good luck. Ted.
Author maxikay Posted May 31, 2017 Author Posted May 31, 2017 (edited) What are you doing with your time? Do you work out? Spend time with friends? I'm concentrating on college more as the break up led me to have some bad grades, but nothing too terrible. I've also been training calisthenics 3 times a week for almost a year and don't plan on stopping. I hang out with friends on weekends, and i'm also picking up some old hobbies, like playing guitar and playing videogames with friends. Dude, your so young still. Buy a corvette, and live a little first before committing. Don't settle for any women now. They are all young and unsure. Work on your self for a while. Something to occupy your time. I keep harping on Gym workouts. But, it does work, and it does increase self esteem, stamina, and confidence. Nothing like spending a little time on yourself. Its a needed step to gaining maturity. That's step 1. Step 2, you have to soup up the V8 in your Corvette !. Good luck. Ted. I would do so if a could afford it lol. I'm definetly not interested in serious relationships right now, and i always had that desire to live a little before comitting to someone. I guess i just didn't care enough for me to break up because of it. Thank you both for your answers! Edited May 31, 2017 by maxikay
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