Author rainrhonda Posted June 1, 2017 Author Posted June 1, 2017 From what you described the guy is great. You also are saying there is sexual chemistry (you like the kissing etc). I don't see why not continue dating him? You're 40, you have been out and about, you know the Mr Prince on a White Horse exists in fairy tales. Only there. Of course you can settle for being single and hope for future magic prince... Yes there is some sexual chemistry. I have no prob being physical with him. Nothing about it makes me uncomfortable. He's very affectionate too and I like that. If I wasn't attracted at all, none of this would happen. I'm just not feeling off-the-charts hot for him...but is that even necessary? Do we need that to feel fulfilled? If I only stick to guys that make me feel like that, I'd probably be left with nothing. He isn't too clingy but thinks the world of me, says and does very sweet things, he's funny, has a good job, mentally stable, not a drug addict, and enjoys all the same activities as me. I won't let one flaw throw away all that. It's just all been happening so fast and feels too quick to close all doors on all other options. I am hoping that changes eventually. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Yes there is some sexual chemistry. I have no prob being physical with him. Nothing about it makes me uncomfortable. He's very affectionate too and I like that. If I wasn't attracted at all, none of this would happen. I'm just not feeling off-the-charts hot for him...but is that even necessary? Do we need that to feel fulfilled? If I only stick to guys that make me feel like that, I'd probably be left with nothing. I figured sooner or later I'd read something irrational and confusing. Your post is entitled 'Great guy, unattractive', but you admit that you are attracted to him to some degree. Of course, I figured all along that that was the case. This thread is another example of someone over-dramatizing something very simple. All these posts and 'discussions' and your unattractive is actually attractive after all. Ugh.
Author rainrhonda Posted June 1, 2017 Author Posted June 1, 2017 I figured sooner or later I'd read something irrational and confusing. Your post is entitled 'Great guy, unattractive', but you admit that you are attracted to him to some degree. Of course, I figured all along that that was the case. This thread is another example of someone over-dramatizing something very simple. All these posts and 'discussions' and your unattractive is actually attractive after all. Ugh. I still wouldnt say he is smoking hot or anything to that extreme. But that doesn't mean I won't have sexual chemistry. The confusion lies in weather or not I'd always be okay with "just okay". I don't know but there is only one way to find out so I'm just gonna roll with it. Thanks for your advice... Lol. I made up my.mind after thinking about it more. You don't have to read anything you don't like...the world is cool like that.
Author rainrhonda Posted June 1, 2017 Author Posted June 1, 2017 All the input has mattered and helped alot. It has helped to sort out my feelings. And now I know I don't want to stop seeing him and he has been making me happy and small flaws shouldn't be very important. So I will just see how it goes. The important thing I am very attracted to his personality and how much we like being together. There are physical traits I like, others I don't like. So in conclusion I think that's okay and realistic. Thanks. 1
preraph Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Just don't let him get going so fast you get uncomfortable.
phineas Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I do not want or need a man to "take care of me". I make enough $ to support myself and I am a very independent single woman. I have offered to pay on our dates and he made it clear that he doesn't want that, yet appreciates the thought. If money is all I cared about, trust me I wouldn't be dating still. The reason why you stick with a man you aren't attracted to doesn't matter. it's the fact you are going to force it and it rarely ends well. you either cheat or blindside the guy and destroy him emotionally or you live out your life miserable and slowly resenting him. bottom line let him go.
Author rainrhonda Posted June 1, 2017 Author Posted June 1, 2017 Just don't let him get going so fast you get uncomfortable. Yeah, I'm not to the point of uncomfortable, but he seems like a pretty understanding guy that I could be honest with, if it got to that point. It's not like he's proposing or says he's in love with me. He just likes me a alot...so that is a good thing. He's told all his family and friends because he's happy...that part makes it feel pretty serious, but that doesn't make me want to run. So it's okay.
jjgitties Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Sure, are you serious? Do you just think everyone figures it out and meets thier Prince Charming by age 30? Wrong. You aren't ever going to get prince charming because prince charming is a fairy tale. You are going to find, at best, a nice guy, who is moderately attractive, who is around your age, whom you like to spend time with, and who respects you. Let's see, for the last 40 yrs I have had guys say they love me, want to marry me then dump me out of the blue. I have been madly in love only to find out he's a cheater. I have been physically and verbally abused in past relationships. So yeah, that's where I've been the last 40 years so I of course I have questions. After all that I likely don't have a clue what real love is and it's not a fun place to be at this age. I'm not lucky like all my friends who mey and married by high school/college. You have had really bad luck or are attracted to bad guys. Guys aren't all bad guys.
jjgitties Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I still wouldnt say he is smoking hot or anything to that extreme. But that doesn't mean I won't have sexual chemistry. The confusion lies in weather or not I'd always be okay with "just okay". I don't know but there is only one way to find out so I'm just gonna roll with it. Thanks for your advice... Lol. I made up my.mind after thinking about it more. You don't have to read anything you don't like...the world is cool like that. Lets put it this way.. you better be one hell of a "smoking hot" 40 year old woman if you are hoping to bag a "smoking hot" 40 year old male. 'Cause smoking hot 40 year old men usually have lots of options in front of them and they aren't going to settle for a 40 year old because they know fully well they can get much much younger. ;-) 1
Author rainrhonda Posted June 1, 2017 Author Posted June 1, 2017 Lets put it this way.. you better be one hell of a "smoking hot" 40 year old woman if you are hoping to bag a "smoking hot" 40 year old male. 'Cause smoking hot 40 year old men usually have lots of options in front of them and they aren't going to settle for a 40 year old because they know fully well they can get much much younger. ;-) No, I am not smoking hot, never thought so. That's why I stopped dating guys who are way hotter than me. I don't even know why those guys liked me. Lol. But there are some guys who think I'm a 9 on the scale, others think I'm a 2, depending on what ya like. I'm sordof plain looking, I consider myself just average. I'd say this guy is average also, so that's fine. However I do get hit on by younger guys myself pretty often because I'm told I do not look 40. But I'm not interested in younger men, like them to be my age or older.
Author rainrhonda Posted June 1, 2017 Author Posted June 1, 2017 And besides, this guy's personality is way better than any of those guys I drooled over...I'm trying to stay focused on that. He is not drop dead gorgeous but his personality is about as awesome as I could ask for...
Chris2016 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Lets put it this way.. you better be one hell of a "smoking hot" 40 year old woman if you are hoping to bag a "smoking hot" 40 year old male. 'Cause smoking hot 40 year old men usually have lots of options in front of them and they aren't going to settle for a 40 year old because they know fully well they can get much much younger. ;-) This is what I think too. A good looking guy in his 40's will have options, and those options include younger ladies. In my opinion, (some) ladies in their 40's can't compete with women in their 20's and early 30's.
telemakus Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 No, I am not smoking hot, never thought so. That's why I stopped dating guys who are way hotter than me. I don't even know why those guys liked me. Lol. But there are some guys who think I'm a 9 on the scale, others think I'm a 2, depending on what ya like. I'm sordof plain looking, I consider myself just average. I'd say this guy is average also, so that's fine. However I do get hit on by younger guys myself pretty often because I'm told I do not look 40. But I'm not interested in younger men, like them to be my age or older. They liked you because they sensed an easy lay.
Chris2016 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 No, I am not smoking hot, never thought so. That's why I stopped dating guys who are way hotter than me. I don't even know why those guys liked me. Lol. But there are some guys who think I'm a 9 on the scale, others think I'm a 2, depending on what ya like. I'm sordof plain looking, I consider myself just average. I'd say this guy is average also, so that's fine. However I do get hit on by younger guys myself pretty often because I'm told I do not look 40. But I'm not interested in younger men, like them to be my age or older. Because it's harder for guys, since they're not the choosers, not the gatekeepers. So hotter guys (like any another guys) will at some point try for less hotter women. I call baloney. People who are 37-40 years old, look 37-40 years old. Compared to people in their 20's or early 30's. Nothing wrong with that. It's your age. Accept it. No one escapes growing old. 2
telemakus Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 This will not end well. Your posts read like they were made by a 20 year old. You're still telling yourself to focus on his 'awesome personality' and still setting up an immature and completely false dichotomy between guys who are 'hot' and those with great character. Let this guy go and then fIgure out how you never managed to mature beyond the emotional tenor of an episode of Baywatch. 1
dishwater Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I met a guy recently that is amazing. Treats me great but is not too clingy. We enjoy the same activities, he has a good job, funny, won't let me pay for anything, etc. I enjoy his company alot. And I enjoy being physical with him but, he is really not attractive at all. A few things about him are attractive, but I think his personality helps that. He has all the traits I'd like to find in a better-looking person. And I am 40 years old, being tirelessly dating around with so much disappointment. I don't want to be alone anymore. I have single for years and don't want to spend more years being that way. But I'm not sure if the unattractive thing is something I can get past. I want to give it time, but he thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. It will likely hurt his feelings alot if I decide he isn't for me down the road. I always thought the love of your life should be someone you could just stare at for hours. But is that just a fantasy? Even though I like kissing him, and being close to him, I don't exactly feel like I can't wait to get his clothes off. I don't feel like I'm on "cloud 9" as they say. But, we have been very happy spending time together so far. He has already told his family about me, etc. So are you attracted to your partner? How important do you think it is to have? Not at all. But if you think so, I'll take him. Ha ha. Seriously, I don't think you should string him along any longer. As time goes on his lack of good looks will bug you more and more. Sooner or later you'll see some narcissistic Apollo who will turn you on and you'll make the mistake of having an affair and ruin things for both of you. If looks are so important to you, you should scope out more guys. It seems this one is not quite the proper match...almost but not quite there. Easier now to break it off than later, no matter if he's told his family all about you. Sometimes they do that to apply pressure to hang on to you. 1
Tribble Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 You really need to get out of the mindset that attractive = bad guy and unattractive = good guy. You're basically settling on his looks because you seem to think if he was attractive, he'd be a jerk. Or that anyone who is attractive, must be a jerk. That's just not true and is a harmful attitude to have. But. You say you're attracted to him (parts of him at least) and you're having sex, so he can't be a total turn off to you. Are you more worried about what other people think? That you think you're not matched physically and people would think you couldn't do any better? 1
JuneL Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 It appears that you got the following two things confused: 1. Someone who is objectively attractive; 2. Someone who is attractive to you. When you are in love with someone, you find him incredibly sexy to you even though you know that, objectively, he may not be considered attractive. When you are in love, you wouldn't want to trade his looks for the most objectively best looks in the whole universe, because all of his unique imperfections would look so cute to you 1
NuevoYorko Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I don't think it is going to work because you are putting a lot of onus on his "unattractiveness" already. You seem preoccupied about it; not good for a relationship. If I'm really into a woman I stop looking at her objective beauty and I start finding what she looks like to be completely captivating to me. You aren't there.
Dru76 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Because it's harder for guys, since they're not the choosers, not the gatekeepers. So hotter guys (like any another guys) will at some point try for less hotter women. I call baloney. People who are 37-40 years old, look 37-40 years old. Compared to people in their 20's or early 30's. Nothing wrong with that. It's your age. Accept it. No one escapes growing old. Call baloney all you want but you're wrong. I can't speak to how old the OP looks but there are for sure 40yos that get mistaken for being in their 20's.
JuneL Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Call baloney all you want but you're wrong. I can't speak to how old the OP looks but there are for sure 40yos that get mistaken for being in their 20's. I'm one of those who always get ID'ed when picking up a bottle of wine, which is usually followed by a big compliment with a big surprise after the guy at the store has looked at my driver's license. BUT, trust me on this: it's only because some people lack the skill of identifying people's true age.
Dru76 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I'm one of those who always get ID'ed when picking up a bottle of wine, which is usually followed by a big compliment with a big surprise after the guy at the store has looked at my driver's license. BUT, trust me on this: it's only because some people lack the skill of identifying people's true age. Yeah, that's definitely a thing. Especially when it comes to buying age restricted items. However I personally know someone that could be in a lineup of 20 somethings and not be picked out as being any older. *shrug* Not a huge deal, but it exists.
Miss Spider Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 (edited) I cannot believe the comments basically saying to stick with him because she's not getting better. PA-LEASE. She isn't attracted to him! Would you guys really want to be with someone who is actually trying to focus hard on finding you sexually attractive and barely managing it? I sure wouldn't. OP, I get you want it to work because he's great in all these other ways, but I've been down this road. It's completely normal. Attraction is more than just a great personality click. You know it when you feel it and you don't have to force yourself to. Usually what happens in these sitch is the woman settles down with the guy but as time goes on she wants less and less sex with him until they are in a sexless relationship in which she has never felt any passion. They can still deal sometimes and it's this functioning partnership, but really wanna go down that path? Sorry, but next him for both your sake. Edited June 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough 4
thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I cannot believe the comments basically saying to stick with him because she's not getting better. PA-LEASE. She isn't attracted to him! Would you guys really want to be with someone who is actually trying to focus hard on finding you sexually attractive and barely managing it? I sure wouldn't. OP, I get you want it to work because he's great in all these other ways, but I've been down this road. It's completely normal. Attraction is more than just a great personality click. You know it when you feel it and you don't have to force yourself to. Usually what happens in these sitch is the woman settles down with the guy but as time goes on she wants less and less sex with him until they are in a sexless relationship in which she has never felt any passion. They can still deal sometimes and it's this functioning partnership, but really wanna go down that path? Sorry, but next him for both your sake. Dead on.....and the same applies when the genders are reversed... I can't speak for all, but I cringe when people say "he/she isn't exactly my type, but he'/she's starting to grow on me" ... It all starts with physical attraction...Its a great feeling when you really lust for someone...I mean, sure, people's looks do change, but unless someone gains a bunch of weight or doesn't take care of themselves, then normally people will age and "deteriorate"(for lack of a better word), proportionately... I think more breakups/divorces happen over not really picking who you desire physically than is reported..Its insensitive to call it as it is, so some other bs excuse is given, but more often than not, its because they don't really lust for that person... People need to stop calling others shallow for valuing physical appearance/attractiveness...There is nothing wrong with it! TFY 1
Tinalilly75 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 OP, just let him go Any girl would be happy to have him Looks aren't everything, you get old and looks go you know that right?
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