Feel rubbish

[Axl88]

Ok I am not sure where to start but here goes …..

 

 

I've been in a relationship for almost two years. We met at work and got on straight away, as time went by we began getting closer which led to us adding each other on FB, this led to messaging each other which led to talking on a daily basis. Anyway we got together and realised we had fallen in love.

 

 

We went really well until a year later when she wasn't sure about us anymore and we had a break because she wanted space but she realised she did want us and we got back together.

 

Then it happened again earlier this year when she told me loves me but not in love with me. She still wanted me around and enjoyed my company. I tried to walk away but she kept in contact and when I bumped into her at work she said she didn't want it to be over and hugged and kissed me and she was glad to see me. She kept texting but I was sure I wanted to walk away but we were due to go on holiday so we decided to carry on. We did and we got on well again and until two months later when the same sort of thing happened again. We decided to carry on again!

 

Not long after that she moaned that I don’t spent enough time with her and she wants to see me more often (I do in my view, I live 20 miles away but even after getting home from work in the evening I drive over at night to see her several times during the week and we spend weekends together)

 

Then recently I found out she’s been smoking weed again recently (she gave up before we met) and she starts to be grumpy with me. We didn't see each other one weekend because on the Friday she was “Busy” and the Saturday she rang and had a go at me for putting a picture she didn't like on FB, she wanted to chill on her own. I admit I did get annoyed and send a silly text saying ‘Don’t you like me anymore’

 

Next day she says I don’t support her and I make it about myself. I apologized and said I would in future.

 

I wanted some space myself for a few days and she rang and accused me of avoiding her because I was driving on another road instead of going the ways she was going so we could pass each other and wave (We drive for a living) I told her I wasn't avoiding her I was using another route and she accused me of lying.

 

A few days later she had to take a diversion and rang for help, I pulled out to look at a map to try and help but somehow they led to an argument. She ignored my calls later that day.

 

Then the weekend just gone she has been texting and old male friend who she went to school with. They had slept together once and he declared his feelings for her before we got together. She was talking to him when we were sat down having a meal. I got annoyed and told her I thought it was rude but she just laughed it off. She talked about him quite a bit and she said they had been talking all week. Which she hasn't really done before. She used to confide in him about her ex and she said she had told him that I had annoyed her. She also deleted all the texts between them. She hasn't spoken to me, we haven’t kissed or snuggled all weekend because she said she “wasn't in the mood” we always normally do. I asked her if she still loved me and she just made a face and tapped me on the nose. She did say she loved me just before we left and we did hug.

 

Today she says she loves me but not enough to keep a relationship going but enough to stay as friends. She said its not fair to pretend she's happy.

[preraph]

Well, she doesn't seem just in general like a happy person, so it follows that she might also never be totally happy with a man, right? Some people that's just their personality to be unhappy, unsatisfied. You've had a lot of "breaks." She seems like she's past being excited about you as a man but she likes a LOT of attention, so she's always trying to get more attention and trying to make you jealous and it's just a little too much drama and then the several times a week is excessive for most people to see each other dating.

 

I just don't think you or anyone else has the magic wand that will make her content or happy and you have to stop kicking yourself about it and face reality that this is who she is. I feel she is eventually going to just find another man to torment and leave you hurt again. I'm sorry. If you have feelings for her that run deep, maybe you can't afford to "just be friends" with her and she'd probably never quite stick to that plan either as wishy washy as she is. So do what is easiest for you, but unless you have a real hard time finding girlfriends, I'd say look for a new girlfriend. Good luck.

[Axl88]

Well I went to see her and see if we could talk. She was cold and hard faced at first until something I said about a commitment ring made her cry. We hugged and talked about all sorts, her face changed and her warm side came back. We talked and snuggled until 1AM but she said she still wanted to walk away.

She even picked up a photo of us and looked deeply into it and said "Where have they gone"

 

We didn't have contact for a few days except for five minutes at work where she helped clean egg off my t-shirt

 

 

I then had to work with her on a saturday. I arrived and she was sat in her van looking sad. She came over looking sad and upset and starting making small talk. We got into conversation for half and hour before we did any work! She said it was nice to see me and she had this look on her face. She tired to call twice later that day but I ignored her.

 

We didn't have any contact for another day until I saw her at work. I was in my van reading and she opened the door and began chatting. I had my barriers up and she could see that. She later asked why. I explained that she was trying to carry on as normal even though she wanted to walk away and I was finding it hard. She left me alone but I later found her crying, so I got in her van.

 

She says she needs to figure things out, she's 33, still at home, no family, not sure who she is and what she wants. Nobody to talk too. Loves me, misses me and misses being able to text and kiss and cuddle me.

 

I offered her my hand in support and she grabbed it tight. She said I am her world and she forgets how much she loves me. We hugged and kissed and she had the look on her face that said she didn't want to walk away.

 

I later called and she was a bit off, she said she needs to do a lot of thinking and leave things as how they were, so she's walked away. But talking to me helped.

 

I just don't understand it! I feel like an idiot for offering her support and being lured into a trap only to be pushed away again!

 

HELP!!!!!!

[mightycpa]

You're not going to like this.

 

She is IN THE PROCESS of "losing the feels" for you. Inside, she feels differently... the infatuation is starting to wear off, and she knows this. It's probably happened to her before, and she recognizes the signs.

 

This feeling is probably flashing ON/OFF... sometimes she feels it (probably when she's not near you) and sometimes she doesn't (when you're around). I think she broke up with you a little bit before her heart was actually ready for breaking up, because she knows where this is going. That's why she had to get all stoic-faced to do it. It was an act, because when she's around you, she still mostly loves you. That's also why she keeps backsliding. WARNING: That is fading faster than you know.

 

You can do whatever you want right now, but you can't stop this train. The best you can do is get on board and lose feelings with her so that you don't get run over.

[Marc878]

Awww!!! Every girl needs a guy they can dump over and over.

 

Maybe you'll figure it out after the 5th or 6th time.

 

You're yoyo girl has an obvious problem but I think yours is worse.

 

At your age you shouldn't be acting like a high school boy.

 

Smells like Mr Nice Guy codependency.

 

Read up

"No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download.

 

Read back over your post and pretend this was your brother. What would you think?

[RustCohle]

Sorry to be so blunt but you are in deep ****.

 

First of all you hooked up with a girl at work. That's stupid in its own even if many people do it.

 

Second of all she is using you, as her carpet. On purpose, because she knows she has all the power.

 

The remedy to such situations is NC. How are you going to go NC if you are together at work?

 

Everything you say is irrelevant. She is not attracted to you anymore(this is the reason, everything else is an excuse). And because you work together there is no way you can reattract her.

 

Knowing what I know how would I approached this? I would tell her "hey we had a great time together but let's move on." With a pad on her head. Then turn around and leave. Don't let her tell you anything, don't get into a discussion. Leave. Ignore her messages/phones that will likely follow up. Then focus on getting a new girl outside of work.

 

If you see her at work smile at her turn around and leave. If you happen to work together on a project, work on it without discussing anything else. IF she tries to belittle you at work, use sarcasm and smile. Show her that you are not bothered by her attempts.

 

Or you can let her make you her little slave minus the sex.

[Axl88]

It took me a few days to realise this, but I have realised she is in this process and I have realised maybe I don't feel the same now and I've been slowly moving on.

 

However, having not had any contact for a few days, she text me in the evening asking me to do a job at work the next day, then by saying "Anyway how you doing? How's your day been?" I did reply but I kept in short and didn't get into conversation. She was however sending long texts.

 

Then she tried the next day to start a conversation by texting. I ignored her because I really felt like I wanted to move on from her.

 

Now today she called me this morning and then because I didn't answer has text me asking to meet for dinner tonight ?

 

Ummm I said yeah after 6 hours of thinking no, just out of interest. But I am not sure if I want to go. Part of me doesn't.

[RustCohle]

She wants validation. There are two options: 1) IF you don't feel anything for her ignore her. 2) If you want to have sex with her, tell her a firm date/time to come to your place for the dinner. Not outside but to your place. Then make moves on her for sex. If she avoids you then you know she is only for it for validation. That will give you a clear indication that you should move on.

 

The way I see it, this girl can be either your FB or nothing.

[Axl88]

This forum is full of ****e....all of you were completely ****ing wrong.

[Axl88]

Man. I wish I had listened.

 

After I excepted this, I began to try and move on from her. But she kept on trying to act normal and she was texting me. She then invited me out for dinner.

 

I didn't want to go so I ignored her but I was just curious ..

She said...she missed me, missed chatting to me, missed texting, missed kissing and hugging me. At the same time she liked being on her own and not having to be in constant contact. She took my love for granted because she thought I'd always be there. She cried and went to the loo.

 

She said she never had the same relationship with her ex, they were just togther. Never did emotions or told each other how they felt. Finds it hard, sometimes its too much. She's still learning. Does love me, does want us and sorry.

 

My dad suggested we try renting a place to help with the issues. I suggested it and we agreed it would help and then we began talking about it. Even looked at properties to get ideas on prices.

 

We were fine for a week. We went to see two (planned) shows that we already had tickets and hotels booked for. She was looking at renting options and she even suggested a mortgage! We seemed to be getting on fine. Then all of a sudden she was off again. She was rude to me in front of others. I left her alone but did try to call few days later and got no reply. Later she text saying she wasn't in the mood. Then its her birthday and she isn't right. I ask her if its her decision to get back with me and she admitted yes. Voices in her head, she's a bitch, she's sorry, doesn't mean to be horrible. She later text to say thanks for her birthday card, it made her laugh. I told her I was done.

 

Next day I think we should talk. She's stopped wearing her ring I got her. She hadn't opened her present from me. Don't feel the same. I don't make her laugh as much. End of the road. Frightened if we move in together we will fall out. She's a bitch, needs to figure out who she is. She Missed me as friend not as lover. Closet person to her, feels comfortable with me to tell me all her personal stuff. (She has PCOS). We Can still meet up, still be friends, welcome at her place any time. Always here for me. We had good times, thanks for taking her all the places we went. She does love me. (Yeah ok)

 

 

I am starting to move on but man its hard ! Wish I had never got with her.

[JJNY]

Smells like Mr Nice Guy codependency.

 

Read up

"No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download.

 

Read back over your post and pretend this was your brother. What would you think?

 

Man oh man I wish I read this thing a few months ago. I feel like the author had me in mind when he wrote it. For the first time since my situation happened I feel some hope. Like there can be a lesson in all of this.

 

OP, I suggest you read into this as well. We both need to let go of those who yo-yo us and play games. Are you happy right now? I'm not, and I'm not going to let her do it anymore. Yeah there will be grieving period once you actually cut that cord, but once you (we) get that confidence back and get back out there, you (we) will laugh at your (our) posts.

 

Once they know they can play with you, they will continue to do so.

 

Thanks Marc.

Edited June 29, 2017 by JJNY
typo