TiredofLies888 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I'm new to this forum as a poster, but I've lingered here for over 10 years, just never had the courage to write anything. I'm a very private person and just couldn't do it. In a weird way, I felt like by doing this, and sharing our problems, that I was doing the same thing I was hurt over my husband doing. At this point, though, I just don't feel like it matters anymore. I feel like he is on purpose train wrecking this, and I have nobody I trust to go to for advice. (Part of that is because I let go of all of my friends, as he would take over my friendships and tell lies about me, he's also inappropriate with female friends, and ends up getting inappropriately close to any females I am friends with. I just stopped having these friends come around anymore.) As for the issues I am having right now, my husband had an affair with a woman for over a year. He has continued to lie to me about it, and insists she meant nothing, that all it was is him talking to someone, he admits it was inappropriate, but won't elaborate, or even discuss how he can prevent this from happening again. When I confronted him, (because I'd found thousands of calls and texts going from 5am to 11pm at night every day for months, he was spending time with her and lying to me, etc.), he pretended that he was sorry, he apologized and said it would never happen again, and then he like magic started to be the perfect husband. I thought it was over with them, and even though I had proof there was more to it then he said, I somehow convinced myself that he was in love with me, he'd just been under a lot of stress, he was newly home from back to back deployments and struggling with PTSD, etc. and I didn't want to abandon him when he was going through such an obvious hard time. I believed his behavior, (at that time), to be very out of character. We've been together for 14 years. We have two children, 7 and 14. SO...I was so happy that everything seemed to be getting back to normal. He would tell me I was the best wife and the best thing that had ever happened to him. We had an incredible sex life. There were still issues having to do with his ex wife and legal, custody issues, because they would constantly be back in court fighting over custody, financial issues, etc. and he was not being honest with me about what was really going on. I felt I should know because he'd spend over 80k over 10 years of our combined money for legal expenses, and I personally had taken out loans over 28k (which he still has not paid back, even when we had the money available, but that is another story for another day). The bottom line, was he was unwilling to discuss anything with me, be honest about what he had been going through, or even address the issues that had led up to him feeling bringing a 3rd party into the marriage was a viable solution. I tried every angle to get him to open up, but he just shut off and wouldn't go there at all. He continued to show me an increase in attention, love, and what I believed was true care, concern, and would tell me I had nothing to worry about, and say he wasn't attracted to anyone else, and then he changed it to that none of this even happened. He started to get defensive, angry, and impatient..tell me to "get over it" insist there was nothing to talk about, nothing to worry about, and that I was making an issue about nothing. Since he seemed to be more attentive to the marriage, I started to worry that I had the problem, because I still had that nagging, sick feeling in my gut, but I just pushed it aside. Then I discovered there were multiple "others", women that he was connecting with. He played a victim, told them awful lies about me that I was an abusive spouse, I was cheating, I was into drugs, etc. NONE OF WHICH are even remotely true. He also would tell the women that we were divorced, or that we were about to be divorced. When I found all of this out, I separated. He refused to leave, he got very belligerent, and took my name off of all of the accounts, locked me out of all of our joint money, and eventually filed for divorce, continuing to tell anyone that would listen these lies about me. He neglected to tell anyone the real truth, and it got really bad. I accepted we were going to be divorced,and although I was completely devastated, I felt that if this was how he was going to act,then it needed to be over. He stopped showing any kind of kindness, he got mean, cold, angry, and just turned into a complete stranger. It was traumatizing, to say the least. This was after a very close (I thought), very incredible marriage for many, many years where we were best friends and yes, we had issues, but they were mostly external to US...at least I thought they were, and centered around financial stress and stress related to the nonstop legal issues with his ex. I thought (because I only had his side), that she was just an abusive, vindictive ex that was angry at him and so was trying to get him in the only way still available to him. Now that he has shown me this side of him, I am so confused. I don't know what to believe anymore. We were separated for over a year. During this time, he stopped being mean but still remained kind of distant. He claimed to be wanting to not divorce, and he cancelled the divorce action, and wrote me a beautiful letter, recommitted to the marriage, and wrote a list of all of the promises he would keep that would help to rebuild trust in the marriage. We went to counseling. I had doubts, fears, and didn't feel ready for him to come back, but I went against my gut and doubted my perception of what was happening. I let him move back in. We have been back together for almost 2 years now, and many of the same behaviors are starting to come back. He has been acting very, very emotionally detached. He will not discuss anything with me. I mean that. Literally anything. He seems to have this belief that if we do not act superficial, happy, and surface all the time, then I am being a terrible person, bringing him down because I want to work on the issues in the relationship. He is defensive, he minimizes what he's doing, and will not own his behavior. He blames me or external events for most of the things that he is choosing to do, and claims the situation we are in is some "phenomenon" that he has no clue how we get there. I can clearly see how the patterns of behavior (both of us) are creating the situation we are in. I own my failures, I am motivated to read, go to counseling, learn new ways to communicate, whatever it takes. I am a person who wants to FIX the problem. He seems to want to AVOID anything REAL at all costs. So...my issue now is that I don't feel like we have a relationship anymore. I feel like he has so checked out, and he is so distant, and not willing to even listen to me or treat me with common courtesy much of the time, and we go in cycles where he does this behavior where he will say everything he thinks I want to hear, and go through the "motions" of being so in love with me (just like he did before), but there's no real emotional connection there at all. He's not present in this relationship, he's not there for me in any way, in fact he mocks me if I cry or show any sign of emotion. He claims I am irrational if I feel. He remains flat, unemotional, and like a robot with me. If I don't do the same, he shames me. I've learned to not show my emotions around him, but sometimes I still get upset, I've stopped crying (haven't cried in over a year, even by myself), and feel I'm getting numb inside, too...but here's the thing. Why does it FEEL like he is on purpose train wrecking this relationship. It feels like he wants nothing to do with me at all but on facebook and in public he will go overboard and act like he is madly in love with me. It makes me uncomfortable, because it's not real. All of our friends and relatives post things like he is the most wonderful, romantic, amazing guy...and how lucky I am...and meanwhile, at home, he never touches me, we don't have sex anymore, he's even moved into another bedroom. He's super secretive, he's locked me out of everything (when we used to know everything about each other, there were no secrets, no passwords, we did everything together, and this is just total bullcrap). He also will fight and fight, and just escalate things and keep on going unless I am the one to walk out or stop things and insist he's doing NONE of these things. It is the biggest mind-f*&k and I feel like I'm losing my mind. He just told me the other day that he has some woman on facebook who says they are so close they are "soulmates", but he knew that would probably upset me (since he made a big deal, always, insisting we were soulmates), so he told her that she should say they were "soulfriends" instead. He doesn't see anything wrong with this, after all that we went through, and all the betrayals, the subsequent almost divorce, the counseling, all the fights, etc. about his inappropriate relationships. I just feel like something is terribly wrong here, but he won't admit to anything. When I confront him after he's being just mean, cruel, and disrespectful, he will deny to my face that he even said or did what he just did, and then flip it so it's my fault, and I'm out of line for even accusing him of what he's doing. I don't know what to do at this point. He is killing any feelings I had for him, and I don't feel safe at all. I don't want to be divorced, in fact it makes me feel so sad to even say that...but I don't know what kind of life this is. My gut feeling is that he has decided to stay married to me, (after seeing what the cost of a divorce to him would be), in name only, but has so checked out and disengaged from the marriage. It is impossible to get him to tell the truth about what is going on with him, or to share anything. The only way I find things out is if I go searching. For a long time, I got so scared of what was really going on, and convinced that he was going to pull the rug out again. I started having panic attacks, I've been so depressed. Lately, though, I've started to get angry, and the sadness and LOVE, (very deep love), I had for him is fading. I've been very open and honest with him. He acts like he could care less, and like he's impatient and irritated that he even has to sit there and listen to me. Then other times he will say he completely owns his behavior, and "takes responsibility for all that he has done" ,(he won't specifically address anything, it's general), and say he is 100% committed to the relationship, and then for a week or so he will start bringing me drinks, or asking if I need anything, and on the surface he seems like he is going through the motions, but he won't do anything about the REAL issues between us, and he won't stop undermining and sabotaging the relationship. In the past, he would be very passive-aggressive and bait me into fights, and until I went to counseling I couldn't see how I was such a huge part of that dynamic, and the distancer-pursuer dynamic going on, but I worked very hard to own my own behaviors, and my emotional reactions. I did everything I could to make sure I had soft start-ups, I didn't attack him, I just expressed my feelings and made sure to let him know these were simply my feelings, and I made sure not to attack his character ever, but only address the facts of the behavior I was observing and relate that into how it contradicted what he was saying he wanted. He blamed me for his affair(s), and said that it was my fault since I had shut down sexually, and I owned that i did and explained how hard it was for me to be sexual when we had zero emotional connection, and he was betraying me repeatedly. He insisted that he would open up and talk to me but I needed to be sexual first. He insisted that I needed to trust him and I needed to do all of these things, so for 9 months I set aside everything and just loved him with all of my heart, I did everything he wanted me to do, and it didn't change a thing. Now I am just starting to detach myself. I feel like the divorce is a foregone conclusion, and feel like deep down that's what he wants, he just wants me to pull the trigger, that way he can repeat his victim story to the next woman. He pulled me in when we were dating with stories about how his ex abandoned the marriage, and divorced him, when he was a great father and husband, and I believed him, because he was so amazing to ME, and so loving, kind, giving, etc. The same story was told to the women he met while married to ME, but this time I was the villian. It was the exact same story he used on me when we were dating, which has made me sick inside. I feel like maybe he's lied to me since the very beginning and I've given 15 years to this man, and he's not been honest the entire time. Now he is making unilateral decisions without consideration of my feelings, opinion, and when I get angry, it's like he just tolerates me for the hour or so we have the argument, promises to change it all, and then does nothing or just the bare minimum until I shut up again. He also is being sneaky, and is evasive with me. I am just so sad. I feel like the reconciliation has been a false one, and despite his very convincing displays of love for me, I am just not feeling it. Also, how can you truly love someone, but be so disconnected emotionally from them. He can ignore me literally for the entire day and then go sleep in the other room, then wake up and post some amazing thing on facebook like he's madly in love with me. I don't know, something is just eating me alive and I feel like there's something wrong. Am I going crazy? Do I "just need to get over it" like he tells me? He is also very secretive with his phone and won't go anywhere without it, he will say he's going one place, and then I will find out he was somewhere else, there's nothing concrete that I can point to that proves he's cheating, but I recognize the way he's treating me and it is how he was treating me before when he was actively engaged in an affair. He's so dismissive toward me, also. I have gone back to school full-time, and started to try to get my mind straight that I need to also detach emotionally, because I feel like something is up and I don't want to be traumatized again. Whenever I start to take care of myself and start detaching, and feeling better, he seems to notice this and then is all over me, it's like he wants ME to not go on and have a life with someone who WILL actually love and care about me and be invested in a REAL marriage with me, but he is already checked out and has emotionally divorced me (he denies this, but it's so true). I just don't know what to do or what to think about what is going on. My gut is SCREAMING. Please help....what do you all think is going on?
usernameisvalid Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 I'm no expert - unless you count years with one personally - but it sounds like you've got yourself a narcissist, maybe even a narcissistic sociopath. 2
Davey L Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 It seems to me that the affairs are the least of the problems here. Some women might overlook his infidelities but I'd struggle to see how anyone could overlook the mountain of other things wrong here. 2
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 First...I am very sorry you are here. I want you to reread what you wrote...trying to detach yourself from it. Pretend it is someone elses story...and tell me if you see what I see. You have never had a good marriage. He has never been a good and faithful, supporting husband. He may have had moments...when he could be kind to you...but for the most part he has not only been disrepsectful...he is down right cruel. SO....if you really have never had a great marriage...if you have never really had a close relationship....if he has always held you at a distance and brought others into the relationship.... Why do you care that you are detaching? Maybe deep within yourself...you know you need to do exactly that. Detach...and get the hell out of this toxic relationship. Please tell me one area of your relationship that he has treated you as an equal partner? He has stolen money from...stolen your reputation...stolen your identity....stolen your peace of mind....on and on and on. As a matter of fact...I am actually afraid for you not only emotionally but physically. There is no reconciliation....there isn't even a relationship. He doesn't love you...love is an action...and he treats you like a piece of trash rather than a person he values and admires and respects. Take yourself and your children out of this marriage. This man has had chance after chance to step up to the plate and prove his love for you. It is time for you to love yourself. You are worth more than this. Best of luck to you....take care of yourself and stay safe. 7
Cephalopod Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 I am sorry you have found yourself in the untenable position your WH has put you in. I have nothing to add to what the other posters have said, other than to reiterate that only you can save yourself from this mess. Your WH may be a narcissist or have some kind of PD, or he may not. He may just be a showboating *******. Regardless, you are miserable, and he has shown in both word and deed that he does not consider you or your needs or happiness at all. He is a cheat and liar and a lousy husband, and for these reasons you should file for divorce. As the mother of his children you will have the advantage in court. Frankly, I would gather evidence, hire the meanest shark lawyer you can find and fleece this guy like a sheep that hasn't been shorn in three years. 1
aileD Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 You know you want out. But plan your exit carefully. Don't go u less you're 100% sure. Multiple separations are hard on kids. He does sound narcissistic
elaine567 Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 I don't have much constructive to add, only Get help to harden your resolve RUN far way from him and (((hugs)))
afoolto no end Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Hi there, First of all I want to say how sorry I am that you have been in this life you lived. I want you to think about him actually changing in any real way that would be acceptable to your happiness. I am afraid he simply doesn't care at all if your happy or not....he just doesn't care, it's why he is like he is..... I think he knows it hurts you and he is making sure you feel some kind of punishment for him not being able to have his other life(his life) He plays you and you fall for it........ Get out and make a new life for yourself with someone who will care about you. Forget about what he needs, wants, about his image.........who cares it's not him is it.....it's a lie isn't it...... I think if you keep believing there is some kind of hope he will some how become the man you need him to be for you to be happy. You will always be here telling us the same story as each year passes.... I know it is hard and you also must have a co-dependancy to him somehow. you need to work on......... Plan to get out, but make sure it's you that wins and has the best outcome and the most happiness, he won't change, he knows he can do what he wants and no one will do a thing...... Don't fall for it anymore, save yourself......
pheonixrisen Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Sorry you are going through this I understand the feeling of helplessness ..you don't want a divorce but this person is forcing you with his action in a direction you don't want to go ...hence the panic attacks He was really never going to stop having affairs if he continued to act inappropriately with anything that's moving You don't need to make one big decision today especially if it's overwhelming sometimes baby steps helps too ...detach your self most of the detaching has already been forced on you ...just go along don't fight it start slowly building a life around you that does not involve him ...and slowly start removing your self from his life ...i would def start with joint account...get your own ...and tell him the truth since he is being shady you want to keep track of where your money is going . Let him do his thing he wants to live in a pretend world of being madly in love when in reality he is a cruel mind **ck...let him be you start sorting your self our You have this one life it's better to be alone that to be with someone who make you feel you are alone anyway 1
devilish innocent Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 I cringed a little bit when I got to the part when I read the part that you'd gone to counseling with him. Not because I'm against people going to counseling to try to work things out after infidelity. But because there is a lot more than that going on with him. He would make up lies to people so they will think he's the victim. People like that often be good at saying what needs to be said in therapy in order to twist things around and make you wonder if they're not really as bad as you thought. He manipulated you into staying with him back then, and he is continuing to do it again now. You know what you need to do. Stay firm and strong. Considering he cut you off from your finances in the past, I think you really need to watch out this time. Come up with a plan to get legal counsel, protect your assets, do whatever you need to do to secure yourself. Don't show him what you are doing until you are ready to execute the plan. Most importantly, always stay a step ahead of him. Don't let him continue to play you. Otherwise, you could lose even more years of your life to him. 1
Unforseen Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Also, how can you truly love someone, but be so disconnected emotionally from them. He can ignore me literally for the entire day and then go sleep in the other room, then wake up and post some amazing thing on facebook like he's madly in love with me. I don't know, something is just eating me alive and I feel like there's something wrong. Am I going crazy? Do I "just need to get over it" like he tells me? He is also very secretive with his phone and won't go anywhere without it, he will say he's going one place, and then I will find out he was somewhere else, there's nothing concrete that I can point to that proves he's cheating, but I recognize the way he's treating me and it is how he was treating me before when he was actively engaged in an affair. He's so dismissive toward me, also. You are not going crazy. You have someone trying to drive you there though. You most certainly don't need to just get over his actions and treatment of you. It sounds like you are being strung along for his benifit while he continues to have his adventures and good times. He may make public declarations of his love for you, but his treatment of you is a complete contradiction of his words. I would suggest looking into a process called the 180 if you have not already done so. SurvivingInfidelity.com - Understanding the 180 Not as an attempt to get him to change his ways, as it sounds like you have given him many chances to do so, but to help you continue to detach while helping to support and care for yourself until you get to a point where you can file for divorce if you believe that will be the best option for you. It sounds like you have worries that you will just be another excuse and sob story for him as he continues his antics. Please realize that is not any kind of reflection on you. That attitude of his has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him and how he's broken and damaged. You are the only one that you can help heal right now so please do so. Look into IC and find a therapist that you are comfortable with that can help you work through these damaging issues. It is for your own health. He doesn't need to be involved or have any knowledge of what goes on during those sessions. From how he has been described I can see that potentially becoming an issue for him and a source of anxiety or even fear for you. Be safe and take care. 1
Doublegold Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 (edited) This is frightening. He is gaslighting you and presenting a happy marriage to friends via social media. I agree with MJ--run, run like you are being chased by evil. I'm sorry, but he sounds dangerous. Take care. Edited June 1, 2017 by Doublegold 1
jenkins95 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 (edited) I just wanted to send you a big hug ((((TiredOfLies)))) I've just read your posts and your reply on 1YearDD's thread and it makes me so sad and angry that wonderful people like you get treated so badly. Life just isn't fair sometimes. I just wanted to give you a shred of hope from the WH perspective regarding your H. I cheated on my wonderful wife too, to my shame. In fact, from your writing style, you seem a lot like her. Much of my behaviour post A initially resembles your H. Sure I was sorry, acted humble and answered her questions. But I wasn't "all in". I see it clearly now. While I didn't try to justify my affair, I did display some defiance and tried to rationally explain why I'd done certain things and how aspects of it "just happened", like it was our of my control. I also tried to play it down. I'd say things like "Yes, this sucks, but it's not just me... You only have to look on the internet to see how often this happens." I'd also become frustrated if I was interrogated for "too long". Once I even got angry and smashed up some plates and cups. In short, I was minimising it and spending effort as energy on trying to minimise how bad I looked rather than what my wife truly need. It took me a few months to realise what a jerk I was being. My wife didn't need this, she needed open, honest, naked truth without any edge, angle, rationalisation or spin to it. She didn't need ifs and buts, she needed me to man up and admit that I screwed up royally, was selfish and hurt her in the most cruel way possible and that there were no excuses or minimising of that truth. She needed me to be open, strong and loving, she needed to feel she could talk about it whenever she wanted without fear of me becoming cold or angry. We are there now thank goodness. It took me a few months to get my head out of my a$$, but I'm getting there. My wife knows I appreciate the full depth of what I've done now and that I truly want the marriage to work. She sees it in my eyes, feels it in the kiss I give her when I get home from work and the way I hold her. She knows it in the new openness of my words, my newly found transparency, the several calls and messages we send each other throughout the day. I see the changes in her too. She is still hurt, but the look in her eyes has changed now... for the better. She doesn't look at me as a cheater any more, or eyes me Ruth suspicion - she looks at me with love again (I used to dread coming home from work and seeing "that look"), she doesn't look at me with doubt any more, assessing whether I will become moody or angry if she asks too many questions. She knows she can ask what she wants any time. Basically, we both now know that we are both all in for reconciliation, because it is obvious from our actions, our words, our love, or whole demeanour. There are no more hidden layers, no place we can't go. It feels great, but....... it took months and months to get here. I'm very lucky she didn't give up on me long before. I truly, truly hope that your husband realises, like I eventually did, that he needs to step up and understand what true reconciliation really is. After an A, we (waywards) are truly messed up too, just like the BS is. Of course, it's 100% self inflicted in our case, but still it's true nonetheless and this is why we often don't start doing the right things straight away, even if we really do want to save our marriage. It often takes us a long time to sort out own internal sh** out and accept that we've been truly awful people before we can truly understand what we've done to our spouse and what we need to do to make you feel safe again and that we want this to work and are prepared to do the work. I'm not justifying his behaviour in any way, just trying to put it in context from my own similar experience. If you both truly want this, it can be turned around, but he needs to get his act together... and very soon. I wish you nothing but the best. You truly didn't deserve any of this cr** you've been served, neither did my wife or any BS. Keep posting. We are here for you. You are an amazing person and you will get over this. We can help you! Edited June 1, 2017 by jenkins95 2
snflwrgrl Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I am so sorry you felt like you had to let go of all your friends and I commend you! for finding the courage to reach out. One of the worst things that ever happened to me and one of the most frustrating was being in a marriage with a partner who could wear me down so immensely and twist and turn everything he said in such an exhausting way that I started to doubt what I knew to be true. He was relentless in his efforts. One time we were missing $800 out of our checking account. I had gone through the drive-through at the bank and there was no money to withdraw. I was with a friend and it was humiliating. When I got home I was trying to figure out what happened to the $800 so I called the bank and I was going through all of my checks. Eventually I found a checkbook hidden behind some China high up in a cupboard. There were checks that had been written out totaling a little over $800 and when I confronted him about them he insisted that our kids had put the checkbook up there. Mind you my kids were 2 and 4 1/2. The stories went on for hours. My head was spinning. I thought I was going crazy too. This got to be the norm. He would come to me and tell me he was sorry for not coming home all night or for one of the other things he often did and take me to a lovely dinner and buy me flowers and the next day he wouldn't come home again. It was awful!!! It was confusing. I loved him. We went to counseling together. I wanted to keep my family together. After he left and filed for divorce the final time, I spoke with my pastor and a Christian counselor. They both offered me support and valuable resources. I also attended a divorcecare class that had a divorcecare class for kids. It helped me and my children. I made friends there that had had similar and different experiences but we were all able to go through the healing process together. I also started having panic attacks. I went through an anxiety workbook to learn to recognize them and be able to talk myself down from them. Those were awful too. I sympathize with you and all of your heartache. You will get through this! Five years after my ex had been remarried his wife called me and spoke to me for the very first time with similar stories to tell and wanting to hear mine. Please know I will be praying for you this week. I hope you keep us posted. Big hug! 1
Author TiredofLies888 Posted June 2, 2017 Author Posted June 2, 2017 I have been in tears reading all of your replies...thank you so so very much. You have no idea how much it means to me to have each of your responses validate what I've felt for so long was going on, but have no way to really know if I was losing my mind, or if this was indeed what it's been screaming to my heart that it is. I am still processing each of your replies and taking it all in. He is being extremely attentive today and like I wrote, it's like a sixth sense that he has...whenever my head starts to clear and I start to realize what is really happening, he is back being so loving and it is so confusing. I am going to take some time tonight to read and reread what everyone has written here, and then will try to get back to each of you. I just want to tell all of you how much it means to me that you have taken the time to write such thoughtful answers to my questions. I don't even have words right now to articulate how much this means. Thank you!!!! <3 1
usernameisvalid Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 If you're up for some reading, I'd suggest googling "narcissistic sociopath" in addition to re-reading these responses. It's validating to read not only other people's input but also actual articles describing your experience. It was for me anyway. I hope you find your way out of this.
deadsoul Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Oh OP, I hope you are able to get away from this guy. Think about if your daughter told you this story and what advice you would give her. And also think about your kids seeing his behaviors and hearing his lies. Going back to school is a great idea. You need to focus on you: Getting stronger, believing in yourself and believing you deserve better than him. Because you do. You don't seem crazy to me. But your description of him sure sounds like it. Take care and keep posting.
flowergirl14 Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 I came across this self professed narcissist/sociopath.. hg tudor. I havent read his books but from what you have said your H sounds like this. Your h and your experience seems like it goes above and beyond the norm because there are SO many many facets to your story. Honestly, if he is cheating now or not. Your trust in him as a partner and person has eroded to the point of no return. You know he is fake even when he pretends to be loving. At this point only seek counseling and support for yourself to get out of this relationship.
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