iphica Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 My ex-boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He said that it was due to the distance (we're about 2 hours drive away from each other) and us being at different "life stages". The conversation was fairly short, but he did say I could email him. At the time I said that I felt no contact would be best, but now I'm not so sure. I feel like I still don't understand exactly why he wanted to end things, as distance could be overcome and "life stages" is vague. We've had NC for the last 2 weeks but I am tempted to email him to ask what he meant... we broke up fairly amicably but I don't know if it would just hurt more if he ended up not responding?? I don't want to be clingy but I'm struggling to find closure
Zahara Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 My ex-boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He said that it was due to the distance (we're about 2 hours drive away from each other) and us being at different "life stages". The conversation was fairly short, but he did say I could email him. At the time I said that I felt no contact would be best, but now I'm not so sure. I feel like I still don't understand exactly why he wanted to end things, as distance could be overcome and "life stages" is vague. We've had NC for the last 2 weeks but I am tempted to email him to ask what he meant... we broke up fairly amicably but I don't know if it would just hurt more if he ended up not responding?? I don't want to be clingy but I'm struggling to find closure Closure is you accepting that he does not want the relationship anymore. That is your closure. It's not about answers because no matter what he tells you, it won't change the situation. And even if he gave you answers, it may not necessarily be the truth or even worse, cause you to have more unanswered questions. He noted distance and life stages. Those are his reasons and his reasons don't necessarily need to make sense to you. Stop projecting what you believe onto him and what you believe is workable for you. Also, you're in the denial stage. Work through those emotions on your own rather than seeking what hurts you. 2
springy Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 For him distance was not something that could be overcome, and life stages...well, it seems he has made his choice. I don't think hashing it out further would benefit you. He doesn't want to continue the relationship. That really is the bottom line, and closure if you will choose to accept it. Sorry.
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 He gave you two reasons: distance & life stages. That is more then most people get. E-mailing him won't get you the answers you seek because it's unlikely that he does not have any words to enlighten you. It's over. You can't change that. Talking to him will make you feel worse, not better. 1
mightycpa Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 You should be satisfied with "distance" as an explanation. It's a reasonable one. He wants to touch his girlfriend regularly, as opposed to imagine doing it. How could that be overcome? I take it he was unwilling to move to you. Did you offer to move there? If so, did he say yes? You don't even need to get to life stages to get the closure you seek. What you've done is the same thing you'll do if you send that email and you get a thoughtful response. You will evaluate his reasons, find them wanting, and you'll not accept the validity of his decision, offering solutions to the problems he didn't solve correctly in your mind. That's not closure. That's bargaining.
Author iphica Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 Thank you all for the responses... it's not what I wanted to hear, but it's what I needed to hear. I know in my heart I am just seeking contact because of how much I miss him. I just wish that acceptance stage would come sooner rather than later 2
1fish2fish Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 It will come in time. It sucks, I know, but please, please don't reach out asking for closure or understanding. My ex and I never officially broke up - he got angry and rather than talking things out, he changed his profile pic on facebook from a pic of us to one of his dog. That was nearly 7 weeks ago and there's been no contact since. My "closure" had to come from within, and it was HARD! Still is on some days, but it passes quickly now. Going NC from the beginning, blocking him on social media, and deleting all of his friends was key. I took control and closed the door permanently on my own. I'm sorry you're hurting, but there is *some* comfort in an actual breakup rather than a complete disappearance. At least from my perspective. (((Hugs!)))
BC1980 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I feel like I still don't understand exactly why he wanted to end things, as distance could be overcome and "life stages" is vague. Exactly. "Life stages" is bull and basically just translates to mean he's just not that into you. It's akin to saying "We're not compatible" or "I just don't see a future" or "I'm really busy with work/family/bettering myself, so I can't devote time to a relationship." All of that is nonsense, and asking to explain what he meant will be an exercise in futility. The distance thing is actually a concrete reason that does legitimately lead to breakups. Long distance relationships are tough to maintain, so that is probably a legit reason. So in the end, you are left with a reason that might be legit and a vague reason that is nonsense. Asking him to explain things won't help. More than likely, you will be left even more confused. Save 1
BC1980 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Thank you all for the responses... it's not what I wanted to hear, but it's what I needed to hear. I know in my heart I am just seeking contact because of how much I miss him. I just wish that acceptance stage would come sooner rather than later You're exactly right. It's just an excuse to contact him. We've all been there and tried to rationalize why we need to contact an ex. When you breakup with someone, the last thing you want is to have to explain yourself at length, so he probably won't even entertain a conversation anyway. I think this is just a situation where he realized his feelings weren't strong enough to continue. 6 months-1 year is about the time people decide if they want to breakup or make a longer commitment, so it makes sense. Save 1
preraph Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 All you will get out of forcing him to tell you more reasons he broke up is more humiliation. No good has ever come from forcing the issue. He's not going to magically have a light bulb go off and turn it around and think he loves you. He gave you two perfectly good reasons and they're probably the least hurtful of the bunch. So leave it alone. 1
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