Boyfriend or Ex

[Sharah]

Hi there, I am new here and found this site really helpful. I don't know thread should I post this.

I am here now looking for some advice that might help me with my problem.

Its a bit long story i hope you understand it. And sorry for my english coz Im not good at it.

 

Here it is,

I am 23 years old and now in 3 month relationship with my new boyfriend.

Our relationship happened to be unexpected, i mean i wasn't ready for it. I wasn't over with my ex yet.

It just happened that my cousin's family wanted this guy for me, they want this guy to be my boyfriend.

which is now happening. I am currently living with my cousin who happens to be my boss and almost all the decision

including mine must be came from them. In short, they are controlling every decisions of my life.

My current boyfriend took the advantage and started courting me he knew that I have a boyfriend.

Its all my fault I entertained him but in a friendly way, for me its nothing, our conversation is nothing but it freak the hell out of my ex.

 

My ex and I dated for 5 years until my current boyfriend came.

Its a bit long story, before it happened, me and my ex is having trouble with time, we are in a long distance relationship and we only meet once or twice in a month

when he visits me.

He's so sweet, caring, understanding, and he always finding a way just to make it up for me.

He used to call me at night before i went to sleep. He stayed late at night hanging on his phone talking and I am just listening to

him until I got to fall asleep while on the phone.

Our relationship is strong until it came to the point that he became jealous when this GUY(my current boyfriend).

I told him about this and but he doesnt really want me to entertain this guy long ago.

For me it wasn't my intention or should i say It's nothing.

We keeps on arguing with this, its all my fault coz i let this happened.

I made a decision of breaking up with him coz i found our relationship became unhealthy

and we keeps on arguing on the same problem over and over again.

 

I am now dating this guy for 3 months and I admit I am not totally happy with it. My ex still on my mind. 3 weeks ago my ex and I had a conversation. He said he still love me, he missed me and he wants me back. He travelled thousand miles away just to see me and my real family(not my cousin's family). We spent a week in our town together. I was so happy that time, iv longed for it. My current boyfriend keeps calling me but I ignored him.

 

My ex want me back, he still in love with me and so do but I am still in a relationship with my current boyfriend.

Honestly, I don't know what to do.

I love my ex, I am happy when we talk. I spent more time on him talking to the phone compared to my current relationship.

 

My ex said he wants us back, he wants me to breakup my boyfriend and came back to him, I want to but I don't want to hurt my current boyfriend and the people that surrounds us.

 

Guys, sorry for i took it too long. I need your advice. You can yell at me its fine.

I dont know what to do,

Should I stay in this relationship even if its hard for me and forget my Ex

or should I breakup my boyfriend and go back to my Ex who happens to be my happiness?

 

Any words will do. Thank you so much

[springy]

Are you part of a culture where you cannot make your own decisions about who you date?

 

You should break up with the current boyfriend and stay single for awhile. Your previous relationship was unhealthy and that has not changed.

[mightycpa]

What's wrong with seeing both of them?

 

Tell the current boyfriend that you have another boyfriend who lives out of town, and when LDBF comes to see you, his job is to stay away and give you space, and when LDBF calls, he should go into the other room and stay quiet.

 

Then tell the LDBF that you also have a local boyfriend that you will continue to see whenever he's not around, but that you're happy to get his calls and see him from time to time.

 

WIN-WIN-WIN!

[Sharah]

Are you part of a culture where you cannot make your own decisions about who you date?

 

You should break up with the current boyfriend and stay single for awhile. Your previous relationship was unhealthy and that has not changed.

 

Thank you for your reply sir,

I'm not a member of any culture haha, its just that "if you are living in our house, you should follow what we want". I dunno how to say that.

 

I hope its easy as that

Its been 9 months since I broke up with my Ex, everything has changed except for love.

[springy]

Thank you for your reply sir,

I'm not a member of any culture haha, its just that "if you are living in our house, you should follow what we want". I dunno how to say that.

 

I hope its easy as that

Its been 9 months since I broke up with my Ex, everything has changed except for love.

 

So if this is the case, what happens if you go back to your ex? Break up with the guy that you don't really want to be with, but the ex doesn't sound like a good option either. You ended it for the right reasons.

[Sharah]

What's wrong with seeing both of them?

 

Tell the current boyfriend that you have another boyfriend who lives out of town, and when LDBF comes to see you, his job is to stay away and give you space, and when LDBF calls, he should go into the other room and stay quiet.

 

Then tell the LDBF that you also have a local boyfriend that you will continue to see whenever he's not around, but that you're happy to get his calls and see him from time to time.

 

WIN-WIN-WIN!

 

Thank you sir,

My Ex knew that I have a new boyfriend, also my Boyfriend knew that I am still contacting my ex. He wants me to cut this out but i just cant.

[Sharah]

So if this is the case, what happens if you go back to your ex? Break up with the guy that you don't really want to be with, but the ex doesn't sound like a good option either. You ended it for the right reasons.

 

Iv seen his efforts these days(my Ex).

but I told him I cant decide yet, I just cant dump my boyfriend that easy now because of my situation.

I am afraid that my cousin's family will be mad at me, I am afraid that my BF might get hurt. But I am also afraid that time will come my Ex will totally gone.

Oh God

[mightycpa]

Thank you sir,

My Ex knew that I have a new boyfriend, also my Boyfriend knew that I am still contacting my ex. He wants me to cut this out but i just cant.

Then don't. Tell them how it is. If you feel that you really like both of these guys, you'll figure out a few things:

 

1) which one you like the best

2) whether you really like them as much as you think you do

3) how to tell the plain truth to men, and let them deal with the questions about what to do

 

As for the "if you're living in our house" rule, I'd say, yes, that covers things like keeping your room tidy, helping with chores, what hours you can come and go, whether you take your shoes off inside or not, but there is no way that it covers who you date.

[Sharah]

Then don't. Tell them how it is. If you feel that you really like both of these guys, you'll figure out a few things:

 

1) which one you like the best

2) whether you really like them as much as you think you do

3) how to tell the plain truth to men, and let them deal with the questions about what to do

 

As for the "if you're living in our house" rule, I'd say, yes, that covers things like keeping your room tidy, helping with chores, what hours you can come and go, whether you take your shoes off inside or not, but there is no way that it covers who you date.

 

Its all my Ex sir,

all these time spending with my boyfriend all i thought is was Ex, how'd i wish it was him.

I felt the guilt already but I am not really happy with my boyfriend now.

 

About the house rule, you have the point.

Its just that im so weak to fight for my rights

[Sweetfish]

So your ex was right.

 

The new guy was trying to get in your pants and you didnt listen to him. So instead of walking away from the new guy.... you allowed the fuel to be added to the fire allow him to be jealous and to fight giving you a reason to dump him.

 

Now the grass is not greener and didnt value the 5 years in the relationship enough to work it out. You entertain the guy as a friend knowing well he liked you.

 

Either stay in the current relationship or dont be in one at all.

Edited May 30, 2017 by Sweetfish

[Sharah]

So your ex was right.

 

The new guy was trying to get in your pants and you didnt listen to him. So instead of walking away from the new guy.... you allowed the fuel to be added to the fire allow him to be jealous and to fight giving you a reason to dump him.

 

Now the grass is not greener and didnt value the 5 years in the relationship enough to work it out. You entertain the guy as a friend knowing well he liked you.

 

Either stay in the current relationship or dont be in one at all.

 

It's all my fault i let those things happen.

I just want to escape from this, but still i dont know what to do next.

[Altair0770]

Go where your heart desires. You both want each other back romantically. The decision seems obvious.

 

Try to sort your living situation out so you don't have to be controlled. It's your life, not your cousins. Do what YOU desire.

[Sharah]

Go where your heart desires. You both want each other back romantically. The decision seems obvious.

 

Try to sort your living situation out so you don't have to be controlled. It's your life, not your cousins. Do what YOU desire.

 

Thank you sir,

Maybe that's what my heart wants. But there is this guilt inside me

I am now trying to sort things out and hopefully things will be alright

 

Thank you for you response guys!

[preraph]

I agree with the poster who said to break up with the new bf you're not happy with anyway, but not to jump into anything with your ex. Just sit back and see how that goes while still dating other guys.