Two-faced Christian Men

[ChattyKat]

I had been dating this guy for a year. For awhile, we had fallen to temptation of seeing each other naked and making out. Now he claims to be "getting right with God" again and not wanting to make out anymore with me. Although, there was no actual fornication. He still technically a virgin and wants to wait until marriage. And blames me for his "sin" of us getting naked together.

 

So I asked him how is it different from him talking about porn, talking dirty about women and flirting with them, making sex jokes etc. I said that was a "sin" as well. Sexual sin to be more specific. It's lust after another woman. And quoted a few Bible verses. His response that we'd talk about it later. Few of his close male friends does it as well. I think their "dirty talk" about women and porn is their way of coping from a lack of sex.

 

He knows I'm feeling hurt about this whole thing and knows that we need to resist temptation.

[BaileyB]

I would have no patience for this man.

 

I have friends who waited until marriage for penetration, but literally did everything else while they were dating. I don't understand it at all. To me, it is self-righteous and hypocritical.

 

Do you really want to date a man who blames you for his "sins." There are so many better men out there...

[salparadise]

What's your perspective on the matter... do you wish to continue making out and seeing each other naked, or are you only concerned about his hypocrisy due to secondary transgressions, i.e., thoughts of sex, porn, etc.?

 

People who subscribe to puritanical views are in a no-win situation. We are biologically determined as sexual creatures. It's a fundamental human need, as much a breathing. Trying to deny that in the name of a fundamentalist doctrine is bound to result in shame, dissonance and ongoing inner conflict. Failure is certain.

 

If you're not so constrained in that manner... date Presbyterians.

[Gr8fuln2020]

...his hypocrisy due to secondary transgressions, i.e., thoughts of sex, porn, etc.?

 

If you are a 'christian' there is NO such thing as a 'secondary' transgression. Christ makes it clear that all sins are equivalent. Tough for the 'christian' to live by that. So, they simply are not able to and to many of them, choose not to.

 

I stay away from religious people when dating. I mean, people who claim a faith. Hypocrisy is as old as religion itself.

[smackie9]

dump, and reset for the next guy. Sorry but any guy that can't take responsibility for his own actions is a tool, and will be trouble down the road. Him blaming you says "jerk" to me. What a hypocrite. Kick him to the curb before he brainwashes you any further.

 

 

IMO he ain't no Christian.

[kendahke]

I had been dating this guy for a year. For awhile, we had fallen to temptation of seeing each other naked and making out. Now he claims to be "getting right with God" again and not wanting to make out anymore with me. Although, there was no actual fornication. He still technically a virgin and wants to wait until marriage. And blames me for his "sin" of us getting naked together.

 

So I asked him how is it different from him talking about porn, talking dirty about women and flirting with them, making sex jokes etc. I said that was a "sin" as well. Sexual sin to be more specific. It's lust after another woman. And quoted a few Bible verses. His response that we'd talk about it later. Few of his close male friends does it as well. I think their "dirty talk" about women and porn is their way of coping from a lack of sex.

 

He knows I'm feeling hurt about this whole thing and knows that we need to resist temptation.

 

Honey, Eve was framed. Weak minded men blame women for what they willingly engage in... and a man who doesn't take responsibility for his actions is a man you need to avoid.

 

One of my friends is religious and waited until marriage to marry his ex wife, who was also a virgin. Guess what? She cheated on him. She contracted herpes and tried to say he gave it to her, but she was the only woman he'd ever had sex with. He says he watches porn, too, so so much for all that religious BS.

 

Stop taking your clothes off with him and keep your hands and mouths off of each other's bodies if you want to curb temptation.

[salparadise]

If you are a 'christian' there is NO such thing as a 'secondary' transgression. Christ makes it clear that all sins are equivalent. Tough for the 'christian' to live by that. So, they simply are not able to and to many of them, choose not to.

 

I stay away from religious people when dating. I mean, people who claim a faith. Hypocrisy is as old as religion itself.

 

Yea yea, i know some view it as such but it's impossible. For example, everyone lies, even if little white lies intended to spare feelings or as social lubricant. How can one possibly see that as being the same as stealing, adultery or murder?

 

I was raised in a conservative Christian church, but even there the standards weren't impossible and they didn't try to make everyone ashamed of being human. The emphasis was "doing unto others," kindness and forgiveness.

 

I had a relationship with a religious woman a few years ago. She was/is a really sweet person. She was raised in California and quite progressive, however, she had converted to Eastern Orthodoxy ten years prior to us meeting. I didn't know until I had already ridden a motorcycle 500 miles to meet her. Even then it wasn't apparent that religion was going to become an issue. But of course it did.

 

It turned out that our chemistry was off the charts and we were having sex a few hours after meeting. She was quite uninhibited and erotic for the first couple of months. It wasn't her first rodeo. Then one day she asked, "what do you think about people who abstain until marriage... I have a friend who is dating a man, and they're waiting." I told her that it would not be for me. She agreed and said she realized that you can't put the genie back in the bottle.

 

Then about a month later she called and said she had decided to "remain chaste" until marriage. I said, well ok. It's been nice knowing you. She thought I was sufficiently hooked and would go along with it. Nope. So she prayed and God told her it would be ok since we loved each other and were serious. So we were back to schtupping regularly and all was good for 6-8 months until she tried again. Nope.

 

What was happening was that she'd go to confession and tell the priest. He'd shame her, do absolution, and she'd promise to fornicate no more. You should've seen how that priest scowled at me when I went to services! We were together well over a year before distance and religious differences made it too difficult to sustain. Abstinence wasn't her personal belief, they imposed it upon her. I'm sure it was difficult for her.

 

There are many Christian denominations that don't expect the impossible. There is a church near me that is known as the most liberal in the area where they welcome everyone wholeheartedly, LBGT, etc. They treat it as a personal choice and none of anyone else's business. Presbyterians (USA) are pretty liberal in that respect as well.

 

Most people who identify as Christian don't subscribe to total abstinence. If you notice on dating sites (okc), many will identify as Christian, say it's important the them, and when you look at how they answer the questions it's apparent that they aren't expecting to wait until marriage.

 

People should simply choose a denomination that suits their values rather than trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole! Unless shame is your thing I guess.

[mightycpa]

I had been dating this guy for a year. For awhile, we had fallen to temptation of seeing each other naked and making out. Now he claims to be "getting right with God" again and not wanting to make out anymore with me. Although, there was no actual fornication. He still technically a virgin and wants to wait until marriage. And blames me for his "sin" of us getting naked together.

 

So I asked him how is it different from him talking about porn, talking dirty about women and flirting with them, making sex jokes etc. I said that was a "sin" as well. Sexual sin to be more specific. It's lust after another woman. And quoted a few Bible verses. His response that we'd talk about it later. Few of his close male friends does it as well. I think their "dirty talk" about women and porn is their way of coping from a lack of sex.

 

He knows I'm feeling hurt about this whole thing and knows that we need to resist temptation.

What you should really tell him is that when you get back down to basics, that's why people married very young. There was no great buildup until civilization came along, and women became chattel to be bartered for political purposes or wealth. Before that, two people basically promised themselves to each other, then had sex. Poof! Married! The only problem is that now, you'll live for another 50 - 70 years or more, and that's a damn long time.

 

I'm not sure where making out is forbidden. I'm almost certain it's just sex, but I suppose making out can lead to that.

 

It's very unfair of him to blame you for what you've done so far... unless you did this to him unwillingly.

 

Not sure what to tell you. Marry young, I guess.

[ChattyKat]

I would have no patience for this man.

 

I have friends who waited until marriage for penetration, but literally did everything else while they were dating. I don't understand it at all. To me, it is self-righteous and hypocritical.

 

Do you really want to date a man who blames you for his "sins." There are so many better men out there...

 

I knew a young, beautiful woman who she and her ex-husband had waited to marriage. He cheated on her several months after the wedding. I felt horrible for her since she seemed like a sweet woman. I don't get it either. Sex shouldn't be treated like a prize and marriage is seen as the "finish line" to finally have sex.

 

What's your perspective on the matter... do you wish to continue making out and seeing each other naked, or are you only concerned about his hypocrisy due to secondary transgressions, i.e., thoughts of sex, porn, etc.?

 

People who subscribe to puritanical views are in a no-win situation. We are biologically determined as sexual creatures. It's a fundamental human need, as much a breathing. Trying to deny that in the name of a fundamentalist doctrine is bound to result in shame, dissonance and ongoing inner conflict. Failure is certain.

 

If you're not so constrained in that manner... date Presbyterians.

 

I agree, it's human nature to be sexual with the person of interest in a relationship. It was his decision for us not to get naked anymore. I'm upset by his attitude thinking he can pick & choose what "sins" is acceptable.

 

If you are a 'christian' there is NO such thing as a 'secondary' transgression. Christ makes it clear that all sins are equivalent. Tough for the 'christian' to live by that. So, they simply are not able to and to many of them, choose not to.

 

I stay away from religious people when dating. I mean, people who claim a faith. Hypocrisy is as old as religion itself.

 

You're right, that is what my Pastor preaches, all sins are viwed on the same level

[Gaeta]

Did you put a gun against his head and had him undress in front of you and make out? NO. So you are not responsible for his 'sin'.

 

Your boyfriend is a hypocrite. We are 100% responsible of our actions. You need to find a mature boyfriend that understands that principal.