mon. Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Hi y'all! I have a question about love/romantic feelings "waiting" within... I met this guy and there was a great connection between us. We remained friends but things developed into us having feelings for each other and communicating those feelings, but no dating was initiated, as we talked a lot and decided some things needed to change/ needed to be "fixed" prior to that. We decided this would be done us being apart, almost as if we were on NC. To really get things done without feelings getting in the way, I guess. I fear "losing" him in this process, but I'm convinced this sort of NC is necessary. I'm very much willing to wait, but of course I assume we both could start seeing other people and forget each other... you know, things that can happen when you're far from someone. I don't know how long this "fixing" process could take, could be years, I guess (not going into many details on what needs to be fixed and why, it's not relevant). So, can love wait dormant? Cannot tell you for sure it's love yet, but it could grow to be... Have you ever met a super special person and then reconnected after years because you knew he/she was the one? Is there such a thing as "if you love someone, let them go... if they comeback, they've always been yours bla bla bla"? Thanks
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I'm not sure what has to be fixed & why it can't be fixed while you are together unless one of you has to get a divorce. It's unfair to expect people to wait indefinitely.
Author mon. Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 It's not a divorce. But let's say it is, as it really isn't relevant, as we've both agreed upon the "terms". The "terms" are not the problem... my question is just based on my anxiety... will we be able to wait and reignite things in the future? and I include myself in it... I'd love to wait for him and am willing to it, but I can't predict the future... What I envisage is us getting together a couple of years from now and sort of getting to know each other again and feeling connected as greatly as we did in the first time - this time having "all" issues fixed (new ones will come, but then we'll be able to fight them together). I really want that. And I could say he wants it too... I'm just afraid of the part time and distance can play. I emailed him a latin quote that says "time is the best ruler over all things" "Tempus est optimus judex rerum omnium"...
preraph Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Depends on what has to be fixed. If it's mental issues, that can take years or never happen. If it's addiction, that can take years or never happen, plus who you are if you are successful changes because an addict has a lot of maturing to do to catch up once they're not stunted by substances, alcohol or drugs. They're not stable for years after cleaning up and they change. If it's already has a partner, if they don't want you bad enough to leave now, they're unlikely to in the future and in fact are more likely, once they do leave the partner, to want to date around rather than run to someone else and get tied down again. If it's a child that needs to grow up and leave the house before you can be together, I guess if that all goes as planned, it might work but then it's not as if the child is gone out of your life forever. So if there's a low tolerance, it would still be an issue at times. If it's long distance, chances are they'll just meet someone nearby or hopefully you will. There are lots of people you can love but not be able to live with for a huge variety of reasons. My advice is get on with your life.
Author mon. Posted May 31, 2017 Author Posted May 31, 2017 I'm fine with waiting for now... Let's see what comes out of it. If it slowly fades, at least any pain that may come will fade too, I guess.
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 I'm sorry but I just don't understand. Why would you put your life on hold for years? That seems crazy to me. It also never works out. I think you will end up resenting the time you wasted sitting around waiting. You said it yourself, you fear losing him. That is a well founded fear. Love needs to be nurtured to grow. Come up with a better plan. Not to be nosy but if you could give more specifics -- is somebody going to jail, is that what needs to be "fixed"? -- we may be able to help you devise an alternate plan
Author mon. Posted June 1, 2017 Author Posted June 1, 2017 Hahaha no, no jail involved Nor drugs, mental issues or crazy stuff, thankfully hehe It's not something very common, not insane though... Sorry for not sharing any details, it's just that I know very very few people could relate to it so it's almost irrelevant. Thanks though We're still talking things through... we might end up wanting to break things off for good, it would be the most reasonable way to go. Let's see... [sigh]
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