DecentGuy85 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Hi New to this. Thought I would ask for advice. Me and my ex broke up nearly a year ago. I am struggling to move on and find a new relationship. My ex moved onto someone so easily but I can't. We went through a bad patch and were working on things or so I thought. During the bad patch they met someone else and were seeing us both for 4 months behind my back. They ended it formally with me with a ' sorry card' and put them and new partner as their FB pic within days. It was gutting. We were together 4.5 years. I have also found out since that my ex also met up with the ex before me from time to time. I was promised and assured they never spoke and cheated on me with them once or twice. I was told very regularly I was ' love of their life'. I felt same way. I was considering marriage. They had funny way of showing I was love of their life. The person has since moved onto someone else again. Good riddance I say and I never want to see them again. I just can't seem to move on, I have tried to date but no one ever makes the mark. Minute I see any ambiguity or something that makes me wonder, I shut off and just end things. A few potentially good people I have let go but I just I just push them away. I got into a very bad place before with what happened to me. A lot of folk I have been told like me but I have just closed myself off and it's not productive. I don't know what to do to fix this.
Pumpingiron34 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 join the club on how horrible this **** is my man. It gets better you wont care as much but you will. im year out of a 5 year relationship and i still care and have moments of worthlessness but other than that im pretty much fine. just gotta ride the jail cell of love out until your free and it ***in sucks but, you'll make it just like me dude.
Bromeo Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Hi New to this. Thought I would ask for advice. Me and my ex broke up nearly a year ago. I am struggling to move on and find a new relationship. My ex moved onto someone so easily but I can't. We went through a bad patch and were working on things or so I thought. During the bad patch they met someone else and were seeing us both for 4 months behind my back. They ended it formally with me with a ' sorry card' and put them and new partner as their FB pic within days. It was gutting. We were together 4.5 years. I have also found out since that my ex also met up with the ex before me from time to time. I was promised and assured they never spoke and cheated on me with them once or twice. I was told very regularly I was ' love of their life'. I felt same way. I was considering marriage. They had funny way of showing I was love of their life. The person has since moved onto someone else again. Good riddance I say and I never want to see them again. I just can't seem to move on, I have tried to date but no one ever makes the mark. Minute I see any ambiguity or something that makes me wonder, I shut off and just end things. A few potentially good people I have let go but I just I just push them away. I got into a very bad place before with what happened to me. A lot of folk I have been told like me but I have just closed myself off and it's not productive. I don't know what to do to fix this. My brother, I am sorry you went through this. I usually try and give balanced, empathetic advice. Your situation touched a nerve with me. Simply put, some people, men and women suck. Mine exchanged messages with her ex long into our relationship, received pictures of shirtless men, etc and frequently blamed me for cheating. Within weeks of breaking up, she was seeing someone but was sending me love songs and quotes. Best part is, just like the meme, she would drive me to point of insanity, and then cry victim and disappear. Read my thread for how crazy I allowed my life to be for about 18 months. I'm going to hit you with some smarts that worked for me. I read, watched, and received as much knowledge, advice, and education about relationships and breakups that I could handle. The highlight reel is: 1. Remember every single that wench did to hurt you, and hold it tight for awhile. This will assist in taking her off the pedestal. I used to hold onto smoking cigars on the deck, now I remember her making fun of me when I told her I loved her. Get bitter about her, but don't stay that way. 2. Long distance running helped overpower the emotions for awhile until they simmered down. For me, around 7 miles did the trick. 3. Vent as much as you need to, to the right people. It's like a release valve, and you'll know who has your back, and is willing to listen. For me, it was surprising who would lend a caring ear. 4. Understand that emotions don't operate like logic, there will be days of ups and downs, but these will gradually diminish. 5. I might get flamed, but I say date. Be realistic in your expectations, but the newness and distraction will give a nice counterpoint to your ex. Who knows. While I still occasionally think about booger face, I have dated some amazing women. 6. This one is situation specific. I had to move 800 miles away to convalesce back home. I don't look for her car, miss her at my house, or drive past the places we hung out any longer. Been the best thing I ever did. 7. Actively practice letting go. Since I've gotten better at this, I've been surprised at the people that have come into my life. It truly is the key. I'll let the rest of the posters talk about how she already had him, no social media, get a counselor, etc. And truly, some women have a hole inside of them that can't be filled, which is why they monkey branch from dude to dude. To summarize, some women leave marks on us that take a very long time to heal. My ex is taking longer than my marriage did. I understand that, and I'm being patient. 1
Pumpingiron34 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I honestly just wanna come bro hold you BC I can feel your pain. My witch pulled such similar **** man. They really don't understand the damage it does to you. It's so ****in selfish I really hope they burn in hell. Especially since you were with her 4.5 years, ugh what a whore. Don't even going looking for answers or telling her off and **** it's all a waste. These chicks I swear are wired the same man. If you do decide to go down the road of telling her and her boyfriend there **** and what not/ begging for her back. Be ready to be told the most mean nasty stuff you have ever heard any one say to you. I to went back for a couple of face punches man and let's just say the **** she said just played in my head on repeat for like a solid year. Just leaves you wondering how you Layed in bed next to a monster all this time. Like I said I'm a year away from it and consider my self over it as in I'd never take her back or that hope is gone but, let's just say i kissed the most beautiful girl last weekend wasted at a club and almost broke down BC it felt so good for once in such a long time I felt alive again. Prolly blew it with her bc I had us getting married right after. My point being its gunna hurt for a long time but you will make it.
Maldives Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Hi New to this. Thought I would ask for advice. Me and my ex broke up nearly a year ago. I am struggling to move on and find a new relationship. My ex moved onto someone so easily but I can't. We went through a bad patch and were working on things or so I thought. During the bad patch they met someone else and were seeing us both for 4 months behind my back. They ended it formally with me with a ' sorry card' and put them and new partner as their FB pic within days. It was gutting. We were together 4.5 years. I have also found out since that my ex also met up with the ex before me from time to time. I was promised and assured they never spoke and cheated on me with them once or twice. I was told very regularly I was ' love of their life'. I felt same way. I was considering marriage. They had funny way of showing I was love of their life. The person has since moved onto someone else again. Good riddance I say and I never want to see them again. I just can't seem to move on, I have tried to date but no one ever makes the mark. Minute I see any ambiguity or something that makes me wonder, I shut off and just end things. A few potentially good people I have let go but I just I just push them away. I got into a very bad place before with what happened to me. A lot of folk I have been told like me but I have just closed myself off and it's not productive. I don't know what to do to fix this. I can relate just u dont sound ready yet and ur not from the sounds of it emotionally ready. Meaning ur not fully emotionally present for a new partner so u can't be ready. Meaning just stay single for now till ur fully healed. She may have moved on faster bUT it's not about who gets there 1st it's about finding the right fit for u and from the sounds of ur ex she isn't having much luck either. Personally I find the right one turns up every 3 yrs or so or that cld be just the time its taken me to heal. If u do try fake it till u make it and don't talk about ur ex wth ur new partner don't sabotage the new one because of the old one
Superchicken Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Nice guys (And Gals) always feel the pain of loss. Lets face it, if someone could just move on, then they weren't in love with you. You, however, and like many others like yourself (Me included) fall into the nice people category. So we feel this pain of loss. Only way forward, is to have no contact with your ex, and accept that they she was not for you, and that it would have been worse if you had continued the relationship, and then hit the rocks, especially with kids.. Some do realize what they had, and then seek them back to restart what they cut short. If and when this ever happens in the future, you need to make sure you go into it with full knowledge and experience it may or may not be another mistake. Ted. 1
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