cdion26 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Ive been in a relationship for the past 8 yrs. My gf and I have3 kids (2 are from her previous marriage) and so far its been good. We've had our ups and downs but we have managed for the most part. I have always felt that (even though I love her) she doesn't stimulate my brain. It is hard to engage in interesting conversations and topics that challenge me. Also, our mindset is somehow opposite in terms of goals and the future. We had convos and, after a while, she decided to just follow my lead. A few months ago, I went on a business trip and met a gal that seemed funny, smart and charismatic. Lets call her "Jane" The whole group went out for drinks and we flirted throughout the entire night. We got to hang out during our business trip and was able to get to know more about her. She is married and apparently lives a decent life. Upon returning to my office, we texted a few times and engaged in small talk. A few days ago, I had dinner with another friend that happens to work in the same office as "Jane". After dinner, I decided to text "Jane" to see what she was doing. She happened to be in another business trip so we texted back and forth for a couple of hours. We exchange compliments and engaged into more personal conversations. (She called me charmer, attractive, etc. I corresponded her compliments as well). Long story short, I cannot get her out of my head. I know it may sound idiotic but if I was to describe the perfectly imperfect woman, that would be her. I am also stunned to know that someone that suddenly came into my life is wrecking so much havoc. Is my current relationship getting to a breaking point? This is not the first time I thought about ending it, except that this time there is a woman involved. Comments, thoughts, advise, etc. are welcome. Thank you!
FoundLove Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I wouldn't go there if I were you. She's married and you are in a committed relationship with a woman who has your child. Take it from someone who's been there, it's just not worth all the heartbreak this will cause. 7
dichotomy Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 (edited) If your current wife is reasonably kind, respectful, helpful, and your sex life is semi decent - count yourself very lucky. Intellectual, engaging or other wise more compatible conversation with another can be found outside of an affair - by getting involved in some clubs, social/political groups, or perhaps volunteering, or even taking some courses at a local college. only thing that raises a flag is "Goals for the future". How is your wife limiting you achieving your life goals ? or is it more she is passively following you? Edited May 30, 2017 by dichotomy 4
reboot Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Do you really expect people here to say "go for it"? You're a grown up, you know it isn't right. 3
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Don't destroy your marriage and hurt your wife and children for another woman - who is married and unavailable. Have an affair with this woman and it won't end well for you. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I don't think you are married. You said GF & that you have 3 kids -- I'm assuming 2 from her previous relationship & 1 shared child. That is still a significant commitment. Talking to Jane is a slippery slope. Are you willing to give up everything -- stability, your kids' stability, any relationship with the non-bio kids, etc. for a chance at some kind of conversation ? Ask yourself the classic Ann Landers Q about your present relationship -- Are you better off with her or without her? Act accordingly. 2
dichotomy Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Ask yourself the classic Ann Landers Q about your present relationship -- Are you better off with her or without her? Act accordingly. The key question and answer to many posts here. Double Like.
mikeylo Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Have a heart to heart chat with your gf and see what she says. I mean, really? 1
springy Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 She is a married woman who you have flirted with by text off and on a bit over the past few months. What exactly do you expect to come of this?? 1
preraph Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Marriage counseling might get communication going again. As for mental stimulation, if your wife doesn't do it for you, that's what your male friends are for.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 You're already engaging in the beginnings of an emotional affair. You know that's a slippery slope. Delete this Jane's number. Just don't go there. She is married and is probably just bored, like you. Yeah, you're an exciting distraction right now, but more than likely she is going to stay married. Most do. As for yourself, you're not married but you're still in a very committed relationship. Imagine your girlfriend's face if she read the messages exchanged between you and Jane. Having been on the other side of infidelity, I can tell you that you have no idea the devastation you're going to cause. What is it that keeps you in your relationship, beyond a sense of duty to your girlfriend and the children?
MJJean Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 You aren't married, so tell your gf it's over, get a place of your own, tell Jane that you'll be waiting for her divorce filing and then get visitation and child support set up while you wait. Or delete her number. 1
IndigoNight Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 You may think "Jane" is imperfectly perfect, but you don't really know her, do you? It takes much longer than a couple of flirtatious days to get to know someone. You are feeling flattered by her compliments, and excited because she stimulates your "mind". It sounds like you are bored in your current relationship, and "Jane" is giving you the exciting distraction you felt you were missing. Look up "How do affairs start" and you will find yourself well on the way. If you aren't happy in your marriage, respect your partner enough to be a man and tell her the truth and either end it, or work on fixing it. Cheating on her makes you look bad, and puts her through emotional pain she doesn't deserve.
lucy_in_disguise Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Please don't cheat. Nothing good will come out of it. Given Jane is married, the chance of a relationship working out is about 0%. But having an affair will hurt all the people you love. What kind of example do you want to set for your kid? If you are unhappy, figure out why that is and what you want to do about it. You say you have been with your gf for 8 years.... Why no marriage? Besides the intellectual issue you cited, are there other problems in the relationship? It's easy to think the grass is greener when you've been together a long time and are in a rut... You need to figure out if your gf truly can't make you happy or you're just bored.
Cephalopod Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Do you want to be responsible for potentially breaking up another family?
Jersey born raised Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 The only thing that matters is she is married. You could be completely single and this still would be an adulterous relationship. So the question is am I a person who will or has been an an adulterer. Your GF/significant other/baby mommy etc, relationship is a seperate issue. Learn to be an adult, learn to communicate, learn to work though problems in a relationship or get out. 1
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