Straziin Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 (edited) Hey guys I really need some advice right now. Well I'm a 21 male and she's a 24 female. We've been on and off for awhile now. Mostly ending things with me about I swear 10 times. If we get into an argument and she's losing she'll say "I'm done". So I got to apologize and it kills me emotionally the same time. It'll last about a week before we get back together. I mean she done some bad things to me and said some nasty things but I never ended it with her. I'd talk to her about it. This time it's bad. I know this will make me sound like an ******* which I know I am. But when we drank together it ruined us she told me the same. I called her mean words every time she does something that bugs me or flirts with another guy. Did it three times now when I'm blacked out. Told me I treat her like more then gold sober but bad when I'm drunk. She's the same way though. So here's my story. We've been ex's for about 2 months now but we're still "together". Just wants change from me and I'm doing so. I realized I become an ******* whenever I drank. She knows this too I told her I need to change and asked her to change with me to support me. But whenever we drank and went out together she'll do something like let a group of guys buy her drinks all night, act flirty to them. One time I talked to a girl and hugged one. So she went off kissing guys cheeks, holding guys hands, putting her arms around their necks. Etc. To get back at me. She's my ex at this time but we still are together practically. That makes me really jealous I told her that, it messes with my head and makes me insecure and an *******. But she does it to egg me on purpose, to get a reaction from me. Because she knows it's a big issue. So when she does this I can't stop thinking in my head of the worst when I'm drunk, like she's off doing stuff like that. Cause everytime were out lately, she's out to make me mad. Cause we'll get into a fight beforehand. I know her. But she doesn't care. I stopped drinking for awhile now but she started to go hangout with her girlfriend, drinks and such. Cause she thinks I'm lying when I hangout with my friends saying I'm off drinking. Which I definitely am not. So I decided to have a beer or two. Something small nothing crazy. Since I know I turn into an *******. But she always doubted me. Im currently doing everything for our relationship, she doesn't care as much for me anymore. Cause said I'm the bad guy. I'm trying so I mean so hard for her to work on myself, never hangout with my guy friends again, never drink to make her feel happy and to do better for myself. I don't want to lose her. Told me just yesterday she realizes she's being a bad friend, best friend, ex/girlfriend to me. She knows it feels like she doesn't love me anymore, I feel this every day but I still fight for her. She does love me as she says. We talk everyday, hangout a lot, she's been depressed lately and I'm here for her. So on going with having a beer or two. My friend of mine and his girlfriend is friends with her. So they go out to drink at their house. Now he sends me a picture to be an ******* of him her and my ex with another guy. She has her arms around him, all tugged up close and smiling. He sends it to me on purpose. That killed me. Never been that hurt before. Now I start drinking heavily. Told her over text if you're to get guys I misewell get girls . Jokingly. I stopped cause I knew I would be become an *******. My words were always words. But she gave me action. She's out dancing with these guys all night I mean not grinding but dancing. I dropped it and ignored it all. After we all went to my friends place for after drinks and she was there with her girlfriends. Many mean words, she never went that rank to me before. Told her to just leave with this guy and go home, all like "yeah I misewell I don't care anymore or about you anymore". Random girl comes up to me and says hey you look sad want a shot? my ex comes flipping on me saying more and more stuff. Trying to fight her, and my ex never fights. By the end of the night I texted my group chat of all my friends. Which was cowardly of me to do, ******* and immature of me. I know. I'm a very nice guy sober it kills me I said this stuff. I don't deal with her anymore. Can't believe her, if she's out acting trashy. Dumb for me to say. Then I said free nudes. But I clearly didn't send anything, I'm not that rank. Then I went to sleep. Now she found out my friend sent her my messages, says she hates me despises me. Wants to never talk to me again, says you're a little boy haha I can do whatever I want now. Etc.. now I spammed her phone of apologies. As she did to me about realizing she's being a bad girlfriend. The day before. Until she found this out. I did my best apologies. Did what I did, her knowing my jealous issues and egging it on. To hear me out and message me back. She knows what jealously and alcohol does to me. She's suicidal and very lonely lately. Told me she doesn't know how long she got left before she ends it, she tried before not to long ago. I'm scared she might do something bad. But she's not replying to my messages. I need to talk to her. It's only been 8 hours now but I sent her like 13 messages. I mean it's a lot but it's me fighting for her. When she does something wrong I get like 88 messages. What should I do guys? Give her space and time, give up? Or wait it out. I just want her to say a word to me so I know she's okay. I feel like **** for what I did. I want to hear from her, know she's not doing anything dumb. To explain my dumb self, even looking on counselling if I get drunk and my emotions flares up causes me to be verbal abusive. I never been that type of guy before, that's pathetic of me I can't even control my own emotions. But I don't know if it's her doing it to me? I feel like it is, but why would she do that? Egg me on, flare me up. Get me jealous? Thoughts? Thank you guys. Anything will help Edited May 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 The break up make up cycle is dysfunctional. Get off this merry go round permanently. You & this woman don't work. If you think your drinking is a problem & you don't like who you are when you drink. stop drinking. You can only control you. If you think she is suicidal in that she is a present & immediate danger to herself, call the cops. Otherwise her threats are emotional blackmail. If she's your EX let her hate you. Apart how she feels should mean nothing to you. 3
mightycpa Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Dude, you love the drama ladies, don't you? I don't know for sure, but I think that when you start saying mean things when you're drunk, you're just letting out the resentment that you feel inside from when you're sober, but you don't say anything. To me, it sounds like she does little things that bug you, and you hold it in and don't complain. Then it all builds up until you pound down a few Jaegermeisters, and the walls fall down, and out comes all the $#!t you've been dying to say. I'd suggest that you learn how to express your complaints when you're sober, in a way such that women won't feel attacked or that you're whiny. Oh, and ditch this girl. Rear view mirror. She's got the same problem that you do.
Chi townD Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Cut this one loose and start hanging out with other people. people that won't send you pics of your Ex girl with other guys because they think it's funny to get a rise out of you. You need to block her on facebook and unfollow her on all of your social media. If you two are broken up and she despises you, then she has no reason to contact you. If she calls, let it go to voicemail. If she texts ignore it. If she texts she's going to kill herself, call the police or one of her family members. Time to move on dude. 1
Author Straziin Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 Dude, you love the drama ladies, don't you? I don't know for sure, but I think that when you start saying mean things when you're drunk, you're just letting out the resentment that you feel inside from when you're sober, but you don't say anything. To me, it sounds like she does little things that bug you, and you hold it in and don't complain. Then it all builds up until you pound down a few Jaegermeisters, and the walls fall down, and out comes all the $#!t you've been dying to say. I'd suggest that you learn how to express your complaints when you're sober, in a way such that women won't feel attacked or that you're whiny. Oh, and ditch this girl. Rear view mirror. She's got the same problem that you do. That's for the reply and yeah everyone told me she's very dramatic and I should cut her loose. She'll bring anything up whenever we're happy just cause stuff in our relationship. Very very high maintenance. Well sometimes I explain to get those things that bug me but it'll only turn her into getting mad at me, like asking to not let guys get her drinks all night. She'll say I'm controlling. Or ask to hangout in public she'll say no cause we're ex's and doesn't want to be seen with me around. Then causes her to hate me more. It's a headache. Her recent thing is saying she's mentally ill and needs help. Told her to go see counselling but just crosses it off. Hard to get over her when I still love her and knowing she hates my guts sucks. Her ignoring me doesn't help either, there's just so much emotional things I just want to get off my chest but can't it's suffocating me.
preraph Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 The only thing a non-family member should do when someone threatens suicide is call the police on them. If they're messing with you for attention, it puts a stop to that kind of attention blackmail. If they're serious, they get a wellness check. So that's all the options there. Next, you need to get and stay sober but you cannot do it with her around because she's not going to stop and you're making each other miserable. It's unacceptable. I cringe to think if she got pregnant bringing a child into this toxic mix. But you need to get in AA and leave her alone and get away from her because she will always be a trigger and make you want to drink and just hit the reset button on yourself.
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