Why is this breakup so much harder than my divorce

[Meejustmee]

Ugh! It has been two months already, and I just can't seem to get past this. I know everyone goes through this, but why does it seem so much harder than my divorce?! My ex husband moved out 6 years ago, leaving myself and my children one month after my mother died of cancer. I handled things better then than I am handling this break current break up.

 

He and I were together for 4 years. He was the only man I dated and became exclusive with. The first 3 weeks I did okay...is cry and be so so upset but I dealt with it. Now almost one month and a half later and I am a mess. I have lost about 10 pounds, I can't eat, I cry all the time. I miss him so much!! It's so heart breaking. I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night. I try and keep myself busy, but having lost my job 10 months ago and not finding one yet makes me think about him all of the time. I will go a full week without talking or communicating in any way with him and then he reaches out. This past weekend he went out and must have been drinking and he text me to tell me that he still misses me and that he still 'S me. Now we are both in our 40's so why is this so hard? I handled break ups better when I was in my 20's.

Please if anybody has any advise that you can pass on.

 

And I know to keep myself busy but I am the only single one out of all of my friends and they just are too busy to keep me entertained.

 

Please someone help!! I'm dying over here! Ugh

[Blanco]

What was your post-divorce healing process like? Did you take proper time to examine what happened, do some self-exploration, and all that?

 

I've heard that for some people, the end of the first serious relationship after a divorce can feel even worse than the divorce. This is attributed to the person having not fully healed from their divorce. And so, when the post-divorce relationship ends, the person suddenly has to deal with both that breakup and perhaps some unresolved emotional issues stemming from the divorce.

[Meejustmee]

I met my recent ex bf almost one year after my ex husband left. I had major trust issues because of my ex husbands infidelity, and abandonment issues because he left me at the worst time of my life ( with losing my mom) I did go to counseling and thought that I was magically better. I was not!! I met him andwas totally swept off of my feet and fell madly in love. I know now that I wasn't ready, but knowing this now isn't helping my present state of mind and dealing with yet another loss. I am just so beside myself and I am so tired of feeling like this. I know in my heart that he is just stringing me along until he finds someone else and yet I still turn to mush and believe his lies. I get so excited and believe it or not; I still get butterflies when I receive any form of communication from him. I haven't written my dear John letter five times already tonight, but I don't send it to him. Ugh! I'm seriously becoming so emotionally exhausted and beat up over this. I just don't know what to do. My daughter is graduating high school this June, I have gone through the whole senior prom thing, my birthday and the holidays with nothing but a great big fake smile...I'm just so so tired now!! I need advise on how to cope bc I am not doing so hot with it right now.

[Blanco]

I'm sorry you're hurting right now. Four years is a long time to be with someone, so that relationship ending would be enough alone to create some real heartache.

 

My armchair opinion, though, is that your grief is compounded by your admitted unresolved issues created by your marriage.

 

I would take this as an opportunity to revisit individual counseling so that you can not only work through what you're feeling about this breakup, but also finally resolve the conflicts created from the marriage.