Ex gf (20) stringing me (23) along. I'm hoping I'm handling it correctly.

[gemini101]

Sup everyone, here's the deal. Girlfriend (20) broke up with me (23) 2.5 months ago. No cheating or betrayal. I just became complacent and took her for granted and stopped acting alpha. I'm in my first year of grad school and just lost focus/interest in the relationship (but I do love her). So spring break came around and she gave me the "time and space" talk, which made me panic and I chased and chased to the point that she eventually broke up w me like a week or two later.

 

I responded "okay np." By this point I'd stopped chasing, had kind of mentally prepared myself for the breakup, and was ready to accept it and implement No Contact to move on (or even possibly get her back).

 

2-3 weeks of NC go by, I was hitting the gym religiously, started seeing a girl I go to school with (along with casual hook ups at the local college bars) and generally feeling good and moving on. Of course, she texts me one night and says "Hey just wanted to say good luck on your finals, I know you'll do well." We texted for a day or two but she dodged my attempt to meet face to face. Sporadic contact continued for about a month (always her initiating, and always about weird unimportant stuff). She asked to be friends at one point and I said "I have no interest in friendship, don't contact me unless you change your mind. Take care, I wish you well." A week went by and she started contacting me again about returning textbooks, her cat needing a vet check up (weird like I said) etc... I only replied once, via email to let her know I would return the books after my finals.

 

She continued to send texts and emails (even though I was flat out ignoring them at this point) so I assumed she'd changed her mind, and I asked if she'd like to go to dinner with me, but she came up with some BS excuse. This was two weeks ago. I replied "okay, my summer job starts next week and I'll be real busy, so have a good summer."

 

No response from her, and I basically couldn't take it anymore, she clearly was just stringing me along (right?) so for the first time I initiated contact and sent a text saying "I've decided to block you on everything and will block your number when I send this. I told you not to contact me unless you changed your mind, yet you've continued to find all kinds of bs reasons to contact me. Ive moved on, and am dating new people. Its time for you to do the same. Your incessant texts, emails, and mixed signals are unwelcome. Goodbye." And I blocked her. 3-4 days later she again(!) sent me an email reminding me to return my textbooks, which obviously I ignored. And so here we are. 10 days since that last text to her, and 6 days since her last email.

 

What do you guys think? Is this the last I've heard from her? My plan is to be NC forever unless she emails me begging to see me lol. For the record we're each other's first loves, been exclusive and committed for 2.5 years, but were together casually for 1.5 ish years before that. We are both home for the summer and live 5 mins away from each other. Thoughts? I'm having trouble moving on because every time she contacts me it gives me a bit of hope and sets me back. Thanks a lot everyone, sorry this is so long.

[Meejustmee]

Ugh!! This is so me and my Ex BF. I am quite a bit older than you, but the same scenario is happening to me. I believe my ex is stringing me along until he finds what he's looking for in another woman. It's the good old catch 22, let me keep her on the back burner in case I don't find someone else. Sorry that you are going through this, but I don't see this working out for myself or for you.

[Marc878]

When you chased you set the tone for how she could treat you. The emails were just breadcrumbs. Unless she gets in contact with the th you and sets up a meet you'll get nothing more.

 

She's playing with you like a cat plays with a mouse. Hence, backing off when you wanted to meet.

 

First loves don't often last move on from this if you're smart

[Marc878]

Have someone take the books back for you or mail them.

 

You need to establish no contact

[Been]

Its simple. She keeps in contact with you to see what your up to and what your doing. You allow this.

When you contact her back this basically tells her your still somewhat at her beckon call if she wants to contact you.

[gemini101]

Right, I agree that they are just breadcrumbs. I've blocked her on everything and am in 2 weeks strict NC. She WILL continue to contact me though, via email or some other BS (hopefully I'll never hear from her again, but I think that's unlikely). I will just ignore everything she says unless it's an unambiguous desire to come over to my place.

 

Hardest part of this is that the relationship lasted for so long and really was a strong healthy relationship for the most part but she's kind of turned the breakup into a dramatic mess, when it didn't need to be. Hurts, because she's intentionally stalling my move-on process.

 

Anymore thoughts from you guys would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

By the way the textbooks are mine, but we shared an amazon prime account so she was reminding me to return MY textbooks back to amazon (which is absurd, I've been in college for 5 years now and know how to return F'ing textbooks... it was just an excuse for her to contact me, i.e. breadcrumbs)

Edited May 31, 2017 by gemini101