Kitchen Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Sorry this happened. As others have said, everybody has a different type. Having said that I if I saw a woman with all pics of her wearing coats, I'd be curious of her body type as well. It's like those people who put only face pics or wear sunglasses in all their pics. I suggest putting up some pics without the coat that display your full body.
jjgitties Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Dear OP. That guy you met via the app did you a big favor. If he was that much of a rude, lamer without class or manners online; just imagine what he is like IRL. Take it easy and keep looking and never take anything anyone does online to heart. The online sphere is a place where societal rules and laws that govern relations between humans do not apply and people allow themselves to do anything they want because there are no RL consequences. Good luck.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 I fail to see the foul??? Would I do that ?? No...But he asked to see you without the winter coat, you complied, and he didn't see it as something he should pursue...He didn't say you were fat, ugly, whatever...End of story.,,.. I agree that perhaps some thicker skin is needed...I mean, would you have rather he did what a lot of other guys do. feigned interest until you gave it up to him and he disappeared?? TFY 2
Chris2016 Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Man OP, sorry to hear that experience. Why the need for people to say something? "You're not what I'm looking for." "You're not my type." You don't like what you see. Just don't say anything, and move on, ignore. The other person should hopefully get the hint you're not interested. 1
Shining One Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 He asked to see another picture of me. (Strike 1) I said there are perfectly fine photos of me on the app. He said I was wearing a winter coat in that picture. I said "That's me". He said he didn't want to see a nude photo of me, he wanted to see me without the winter coat on. (Strike 2) I said "Alright, I don't have a recent one on my phone but I will take one." So I took an upper body shot of myself and sent it to him. It was not racy in any way, it was just me in shorts, a T shirt and flip flops. He texts back "You're not what I'm looking for." Needless to say, this is another dead end in terms of a means to meet others for the better. If that's not cruel, I don't know what is.I honestly don't see this as cruel. If a woman did this to me, I wouldn't see her as being cruel. She didn't like what she saw and she informed me. It's much better than the hundreds of women who came to the same conclusion and just chose to be silent. As far as the additional pictures, that's been debated ad museum on these forums. Some are for, some are against. It seems to be a reasonable request (to me) if all of your pictures on the site were of you in a winter coat. Everyone is entitled to the their physical requirements. I'm sure you've rejected plenty of men for not meeting yours.
jjgitties Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I fail to see the foul??? Would I do that ?? No...But he asked to see you without the winter coat, you complied, and he didn't see it as something he should pursue...He didn't say you were fat, ugly, whatever...End of story.,,.. I agree that perhaps some thicker skin is needed...I mean, would you have rather he did what a lot of other guys do. feigned interest until you gave it up to him and he disappeared?? TFY I totally disagree with you on that. I think there are more cordial and nicer ways to go about it than "you aren't what I am looking for".
Tressugar Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Okay! Here's one for ya. How should have the guy responded? Should he have pretended, lied or ghosted?
NuevoYorko Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 The bottom line is, you should not have sent the picture. Maybe learn from this that men are going to want to see pictures of you where they can get a look at your body, and either put some pictures like this up, or accept that you might get asked for more or be rejected. Whatever you do, do NOT send more pictures upon request, you are just setting yourself up if you do so. 1
Sara1989 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I fail to see the foul??? Would I do that ?? No...But he asked to see you without the winter coat, you complied, and he didn't see it as something he should pursue...He didn't say you were fat, ugly, whatever...End of story.,,.. I agree that perhaps some thicker skin is needed...I mean, would you have rather he did what a lot of other guys do. feigned interest until you gave it up to him and he disappeared?? TFY I agree! i had a guy do this recently after he asked for another picture. I just thought, oh well I am not his type! NEXT. You need a thick skin in od.
Shining One Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I'm not understanding the need for thick skin for this specific comment. Is "you're not what I'm looking for" more insulting than I'm perceiving it to be? It seems like one of the most generic rejections possible. There was no belittling of the OP at all.
Phoenician Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I am sorry sweet sensitive lady for you being hurt . my advise to you is to avoid the situation in the future , don't send more pics when requested ; instead just update your profile . being in a middle age crisis , and believe getting more mature ; I am not anymore picky about physical shape , because woman is not an object for me ; she can be a venus or a wolf not based on her physical shape , based on her heart shape .
dishwater Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 My self esteem is really being chipped away at these days. I posted about using Bumble the other day for the first time that I met that guy at the other day. I won't hear from him again, I knew by the way he said good-bye. Well today, I was chatting with someone else there and he asked if I wanted to meet him for drinks that day. I said okay. He asked to see another picture of me. (Strike 1) I said there are perfectly fine photos of me on the app. He said I was wearing a winter coat in that picture. I said "That's me". He said he didn't want to see a nude photo of me, he wanted to see me without the winter coat on. (Strike 2) I said "Alright, I don't have a recent one on my phone but I will take one." So I took an upper body shot of myself and sent it to him. It was not racy in any way, it was just me in shorts, a T shirt and flip flops. He texts back "You're not what I'm looking for." Needless to say, this is another dead end in terms of a means to meet others for the better. If that's not cruel, I don't know what is. Actually no picture would be adequate for women--just words really count. Men like a style or type. For instance, my current soon to be ex seems to be Asian doll hooked. I'm not Asian. So don't take it personally. If he rejected you it's someone you wouldn't want to be with anyhow and you were lucky not to have to waste your time.
Miss Peach Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I always make sure I have a few face pics and a few full body pics. If anyone (especially people I haven't met) asks for more then I move one. 1
greymatter Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I don't have any full body photos and it hasn't been an issue so I don't think it's a must. Do what you are comfortable with.
SevenCity Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I'm not understanding the need for thick skin for this specific comment. Is "you're not what I'm looking for" more insulting than I'm perceiving it to be? It seems like one of the most generic rejections possible. There was no belittling of the OP at all. Because women are not used to rejection and do not handle it well at all. Look at posts from women who get one rejection and they are done with ever reaching out to a guy again. I've rejected women for sex and they look like I just killed their puppy. Women are used to guys taking the risk (and rejection) so it goes against their comfort zone. Women call guys who care about weight as shallow, yet I see TONS of profiles from women stating "I'm this tall and wear heals all the time. Please be taller". OP - there are two reasons a guy asks for pics: 1) They find you hot and want to add to the spank bank 2) They cannot tell what your body looks like. It's an easy fix. Put up a full body shot No one says you have to wear a bikini but something that shows your body (and not a black dress on a black background or from 10 miles away). I come across hundreds of profiles that show women hiding behind a tree, holding a kid or dog in front of their torso, or leaning to where they are almost crouched over. They all mean the same thing - they are hiding what they look like from you. I've had a few show up that were larger or older than their pics. What's the point? I'm not going to be attracted to them because I like thin women. Moreover, I don't like dishonesty. The good news is, there are pleanty of men who like larger women. By posting honest pictures you will have guys who like your body type and won't have to face rejection like this. I don't ask for pics - I just move on when it's obvious the girl is trying to hide her body or has face only pics.
CptInsano Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I don't do OLD, but if somebody requests a picture I send a close up of my face, well lit and taken with a decent camera, and unretouched except for white balance, brightness and contrast. Then a picture of a dressed full-body shot. I'm not wearing sunglasses or hats in those pictures, either. It just makes life easier should I finally meet that person.
heavenonearth Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I have been on a lot of first dates in the past year that resulted in no follow-ups, wether on the app, via text, call or in real life. Nothing. Even when the dates went really well, in my opinion, -- nothing. This happens. it sucks, But it happens. And then, once in a while, there is some ray of hope. Until then, try not to focus so much on the bad experiences. They don't mean anything. Not everyone fits. Not everyone is nice. Not everyone is sincere, or looking for what you want. This has nothing to do with who you are. You rock. Peace.
tetrahedral Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Because women are not used to rejection and do not handle it well at all. Look at posts from women who get one rejection and they are done with ever reaching out to a guy again. I've rejected women for sex and they look like I just killed their puppy. Women are used to guys taking the risk (and rejection) so it goes against their comfort zone. Yeah, I think men get more practice handling rejection, and separating it from their self-esteem. OP, one guy didn't wasn't interested in you because of your body. It's no big deal. Now you're free to find one who is.
Miss Peach Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I don't have any full body photos and it hasn't been an issue so I don't think it's a must. Do what you are comfortable with. I didn't initially too but men are pretty visual and I would rather show him what I look like that get me time wasted if he's not attracted to my face or figure. I've found that the most honest of what you look like and what you're about, the better dates I tend to get.
thefooloftheyear Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I tell prospective employees that show me grandiose resumes that it's always best to "under promise and over deliver..." The same could easily be said of this topic... TFY
Maggie4 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 If a professional lingerie model sent a body picture and got the response "not what I'm looking for", I don't think she'd be too upset. That's because her body image has been validated by her profession. But actually the rest of us average gals should all have innate self validation. Afterall, one day we will all wrinkle and sag. How will we see ourselves then? No one can chip away at your self-love.
SevenCity Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I didn't initially too but men are pretty visual and I would rather show him what I look like that get me time wasted if he's not attracted to my face or figure. I've found that the most honest of what you look like and what you're about, the better dates I tend to get. Women are just as visual. I'm sure if a guy showed up 300 lbs and you thought he was 170 you would feel duped as well. I just don't get the point of hiding what your body looks like. It's not like you can keep the lie going once you show up?
greymatter Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I didn't initially too but men are pretty visual and I would rather show him what I look like that get me time wasted if he's not attracted to my face or figure. I've found that the most honest of what you look like and what you're about, the better dates I tend to get. I don't need to do this. I am fit and honest about my body type and haven't had issues around someone thinking I'm "not as described."
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