mortensorchid Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 My self esteem is really being chipped away at these days. I posted about using Bumble the other day for the first time that I met that guy at the other day. I won't hear from him again, I knew by the way he said good-bye. Well today, I was chatting with someone else there and he asked if I wanted to meet him for drinks that day. I said okay. He asked to see another picture of me. (Strike 1) I said there are perfectly fine photos of me on the app. He said I was wearing a winter coat in that picture. I said "That's me". He said he didn't want to see a nude photo of me, he wanted to see me without the winter coat on. (Strike 2) I said "Alright, I don't have a recent one on my phone but I will take one." So I took an upper body shot of myself and sent it to him. It was not racy in any way, it was just me in shorts, a T shirt and flip flops. He texts back "You're not what I'm looking for." Needless to say, this is another dead end in terms of a means to meet others for the better. If that's not cruel, I don't know what is. 2
Springsummer Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I can't believe human can be so cruel... Now, I feel so much better just decided not to think about this opposite sex thing. and just concentrate on living my own life. 2
coolheadal Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 My self esteem is really being chipped away at these days. I posted about using Bumble the other day for the first time that I met that guy at the other day. I won't hear from him again, I knew by the way he said good-bye. Well today, I was chatting with someone else there and he asked if I wanted to meet him for drinks that day. I said okay. He asked to see another picture of me. (Strike 1) I said there are perfectly fine photos of me on the app. He said I was wearing a winter coat in that picture. I said "That's me". He said he didn't want to see a nude photo of me, he wanted to see me without the winter coat on. (Strike 2) I said "Alright, I don't have a recent one on my phone but I will take one." So I took an upper body shot of myself and sent it to him. It was not racy in any way, it was just me in shorts, a T shirt and flip flops. He texts back "You're not what I'm looking for." Needless to say, this is another dead end in terms of a means to meet others for the better. If that's not cruel, I don't know what is. Shouldn't send any more pictures to guys like that, they're only about appearances and he was being judgmental.. 3
hippychick3 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Wow, what a jerk! Anyone who would react that way is too shallow and rude to lose any sleep over. No matter how we look, there will always be someone who doesn't think we are their type. But, for every one of those people, there is someone out there who thinks we are just right. I went on a date once with a guy who told me ahead of time that he was very picky and liked very thin women. I am in shape and at a good weight but do not consider myself "very thin." He didn't ask for a second date, and I'm pretty sure that was the reason why. My current bf thought I was perfect. I gained about 15 pounds after we met, and he was happy with me even at that weight. I have since lost that weight, and he misses certain "body parts" that have shrunk as a result. lol. The point is, everyone's tastes are different. Find someone who loves your body how it is now. 3
coolheadal Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 We are not all meant to be together not all are going to be into each other as we hope. Just have to move on and forget those you are not into you as much. Find those that are into you.. 3
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Be nicer to yourself. This guy was not worth your time. Try meeting people IRL. It's a much kinder place than OLD. 2
telemakus Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Well there's a girl who has posted a thread who essentially wants to do the same thing so both men and women can be equally crappy about this. Think yourself lucky, I don't even get responses in the first place online - my self-esteem has been ground to dust by OLD. It could be worse. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 Be nicer to yourself. This guy was not worth your time. Try meeting people IRL. It's a much kinder place than OLD. Agreed he was not worth my time. I can understand someone wanting to do it being that so many lie about themselves online. Some guys have told me they met women who are/were huge when they actually met face to face. They either posted old photos of themselves when they were thinner or they used a friend's photo. They immediately walked out on it. As they should, because someone who does that is not honest about themselves or other things. Embarrassing? Sure it is, but ... It's what it is. IRL? I try, but ... Doesn't seem to happen. I try to get involved with a lot of things in life but I don't seem to attract people. It may be the classic "the ones I want don't want me and vice versa", but ... LIke I said, it's what it is.
CoolJoe Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I said "Alright, I don't have a recent one on my phone but I will take one." So I took an upper body shot of myself and sent it to him. It was not racy in any way, it was just me in shorts, a T shirt and flip flops. He texts back "You're not what I'm looking for." His loss. I love a woman in shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops. It's a classic "girl next door" look! Dating can be very hard, especially OLD. Just keep doing you. 1
GemmaUK Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 To be honest, any guy who asks for more pics when I have a profile up with several recent and accurate pics isn't going to get anywhere with me just by asking the question. I've never sent any more pics and just let the conversation drop. 5
Kamille Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Am I understanding that your only pics were ones of you with a winter jacket on? I am not taking his side, but if that is the case, update your pictures. It'll make your dating life so much easier. A wise friend once told me: if a guy likes short big-breasted blondes, there's just nothing I can do to attract them as a tall brunette. Preferences are just that, preferences. This guy was a jerk in the way he went about it but don't take it personally. 7
CptInsano Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 IRL? I try, but ... Doesn't seem to happen. I try to get involved with a lot of things in life but I don't seem to attract people. It may be the classic "the ones I want don't want me and vice versa", but ... LIke I said, it's what it is. I would keep on trying, because this doesn't go away through OLD. As soon as you meet you will experience the same dilemma again. I know that I can grow fond of people, but that hardly works for me online.
Lilyana76 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Don't feel bad, I had one I met through OLD that asked me for money before we even met. I'm a single mom of 3... not happening pal. Most men on OLD are like this, want more pictures ect. I tell them skip the pictures and meet me. Its better in person. If they still beg for pictures I start ignoring them. I don't have time or energy to sit and play the "send pictures" game. I don't need to be in some guys spank bank because I sent him a bunch of random photos that he begged for. Gross... If the next one does this to you, tell him no, meet me in person and we'll go from there. Otherwise take your picture begging elsewhere. 1
Andy_K Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Physique matters. What would you have him do? You were wearing a winter coat so he had no idea about your body proportions. It's no different to if a guy is wearing a hat in every picture and you want to know what his hair looks like (or if he has any). Attraction isn't a choice, and nobody can help their preferences. Not everyone is going to be a match, but that does not mean either party is unattractive to others out there. 5
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I don't have time or energy to sit and play the "send pictures" game. I don't need to be in some guys spank bank because I sent him a bunch of random photos that he begged for. Gross... Don't feel bad. He didn't need to meet you, he got exactly what he wanted.
xxoo Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Well today, I was chatting with someone else there and he asked if I wanted to meet him for drinks that day. I said okay. He asked to see another picture of me. (Strike 1) I said there are perfectly fine photos of me on the app. He said I was wearing a winter coat in that picture. I said "That's me". He said he didn't want to see a nude photo of me, he wanted to see me without the winter coat on. (Strike 2) I said "Alright, I don't have a recent one on my phone but I will take one." So I took an upper body shot of myself and sent it to him. It was not racy in any way, it was just me in shorts, a T shirt and flip flops. He texts back "You're not what I'm looking for." Needless to say, this is another dead end in terms of a means to meet others for the better. If that's not cruel, I don't know what is. Did you want to send the picture? It sounds like no. And most people would find it odd/rude to ask for another picture after asking you out. The conversation that followed just increased the odd/rude factor. So my question of you is, why did you send the pic? Why did you continue the conversation? Recognize when someone is pushing. Push back. Hold your ground. Don't budge your boundaries. If you don't want to send a stranger another pic, don't! What's he going to do, revoke his date invitation? Perfect. Sayonara. He's a problem you no longer have. 8
Redhead14 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 My self esteem is really being chipped away at these days. I posted about using Bumble the other day for the first time that I met that guy at the other day. I won't hear from him again, I knew by the way he said good-bye. Well today, I was chatting with someone else there and he asked if I wanted to meet him for drinks that day. I said okay. He asked to see another picture of me. (Strike 1) I said there are perfectly fine photos of me on the app. He said I was wearing a winter coat in that picture. I said "That's me". He said he didn't want to see a nude photo of me, he wanted to see me without the winter coat on. (Strike 2) I said "Alright, I don't have a recent one on my phone but I will take one." So I took an upper body shot of myself and sent it to him. It was not racy in any way, it was just me in shorts, a T shirt and flip flops. He texts back "You're not what I'm looking for." Needless to say, this is another dead end in terms of a means to meet others for the better. If that's not cruel, I don't know what is. He likes what he likes and you like what you like, yes? I don't take that kind of thing personally. It is what it is. He didn't say you were unattractive or critical in any way, he just has his preferences, that's all. We gotta get thicker skin 3
Gaeta Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I am sorry you came across an idiot with no manners. Once I was chatting with this guy, we were organizing a meeting when he asked me my real name. I said Gaeta. He replied...OH that's a weird name, sorry I think I will cancel our meeting I really don't see myself dating a woman named Gaeta! Those men are strangers, nobodies. Their opinion of us do not matter, remember that. 4
morrowrd Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I hate to tell you, online dating can be a game of patience. When some guy is obsessed over seeing pictures, or wants more, that's a black flag. Rule of thumb when that happens, disappear like mist. I used online dating and know there is a norm, a system, and a culture. The culture is the biggest part - you chit chat, you exchange numbers and text, you meet and date intensely if there's chemistry, and three months or so later it's over. That's the pattern. I recommend online dating 100%. It's worth it - it's a learning experience. You get better the more you date. You learn from mistakes, you learn from successes...the goal is to find the right person. In the end, the hot girl who I worked with had a crush on me for years. So while I recommend online dating, pay attention as well to your social circle. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Agreed he was not worth my time. I can understand someone wanting to do it being that so many lie about themselves online. Some guys have told me they met women who are/were huge when they actually met face to face. They either posted old photos of themselves when they were thinner or they used a friend's photo. They immediately walked out on it. As they should, because someone who does that is not honest about themselves or other things. Embarrassing? Sure it is, but ... It's what it is. IRL? I try, but ... Doesn't seem to happen. I try to get involved with a lot of things in life but I don't seem to attract people. It may be the classic "the ones I want don't want me and vice versa", but ... LIke I said, it's what it is. Sheesh. There's another thread talking about body preference. If I were sarcastic, I would simply say that this guy has his own preferences and that's that. He wanted a clearer picture of you. No harm, I would say. The other thread is by a female who is likely going to do the same thing as this guy did. He would have rejected you IRL as well. Let's be honest, one of the fundamental differences between IRL and OLD is that you get to see the real deal in person as opposed to from a pic first. The other difference, of course, is that it is easier and quicker to weed out those you are less inclined to date considering you have many more at your fingertips online. If there is no full body picture, I typically ask for one. Sometimes there is compliance, others, not. It is only fair to have a CLEAR, full-body pic and determine from there if you are willing to take the chance to communicate.
basil67 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Physique matters. What would you have him do? It's not about what he should have done instead. It's about her not missing red flags and opening herself up to a guy who's clearly big on appearance. It's absolutely one person's prerogative to ask for more pictures. And it's absolutely the prerogative of the other person to judge that person as shallow and ignore the request. If I was perfectly fit and toned, I would not have responded to that request because I think it reflects poorly on him. 1
Kamille Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 (edited) It's absolutely one person's prerogative to ask for more pictures. And it's absolutely the prerogative of the other person to judge that person as shallow and ignore the request. If I was perfectly fit and toned, I would not have responded to that request because I think it reflects poorly on him. Am going to use this to drive a point home - hope you don't mind: Who says he was looking for perfectly fit and tone? We don't know what his preferences are . Maybe he likes his women with some meat on their bones and Mortensorchid doesn't have any. No one is physically attractive to everyone. All the more reason not to take his actions personally. Edited May 30, 2017 by Kamille 1
basil67 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Am going to use this to drive a point home - hope you don't mind: Who says he was looking for perfectly fit and tone? We don't know what his preferences are . Maybe he likes his women with some meat on their bones and Mortensorchid doesn't have any. No one is physically attractive to everyone. All the more reason not to take his actions personally. It's kind of a moot point because no matter what my size, I would have walked away at his request.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 It's kind of a moot point because no matter what my size, I would have walked away at his request. This. When asked for additional pics, I just blocked and deleted the guy.
Whodatdog Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 You missed your chance. You should have texted back that he obviously wasnt what YOU were looking for either. Dont feel bad. Feel bad for the girl that is what he is looking for. 2
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