Desperately Seeking a Sex Life

[shavedbibottom]

I'm married and my sex life, or more correctly the lack of one, has gone on for so long that I have literally come to a place where I am questioning things about what causes this.

 

I'll honest and upfront... I am not your cup of tea. I almost 100% certain that nobody reading this will identify at all with my sexual and gender issues, but I really believe that if you start from a place where it is assumed that my wife hasn't changed her mind about how she feels about how I look. I've lost 70 lbs. since our wedding day, and look as good as I ever did body wise, so if anything I look better than I did then.

 

We haven't had a normal sex life for years, I've lost count on how many, and have hit a place where I am being driven to the never ending questioning of whether or not she is lying when she says she finds me attractive. I am pretty kinky and do enjoy things that most would consider unconventional (to put it nicely), and have a penis that you'd need a tape measure to determine if it qualifies as a micro penis. It doesn't, but if you need a tape measure, I'

m guessing that it is a distinction that little to nothing; translation... most would see it and see "wow, that is small!"/

 

So between being a kinky gender bending bi bottom with a 2" penis (flaccid, erections are about 4.5" on my best days), and being married to someone who has lost all interest in sex, my self esteem is rock bottom. It's even more difficult to be bisexual, as the degree to which I like women over all of the above is an uncomfortable question whenever I am dumb enough to ask it again. I am the most monogamous human being you know on planet Earth, so it is settled and no issue at all. It doesn't matter if it is with another tranny, a man or a woman, when you are bi most folks can't comprehend that regardless of which flavor chosen it is a choice that is no different than a heterosexual nuclear family. Anyhow, I am always assured that her lack of desire isn't any of that, but as you might suspect it doesn't mean that I've ruled it out. It's very haunting to be honest, and especially when you come with a wider aperture for what you find attractive.

 

My question to all of you is "What would you do to fix this?"

 

Rule out it being me, but understand that I haven't ruled me being an issue, out. I'm asking you all to rule out my gender and sexual preferences, so the discussion will center on restoring intimacy. Think of it beng no different than you picking a partner and getting married... Do you have marriage problems because you find other men/women attractive? If you need clarification just let me know.

 

Well I'm pretty certain I'm in for either rough responses or none at all, but I don't care; I want to deal with this, and have to deal with it. If you've gone through something similar... I'm all about listening to others who've been there, done that.

 

Thanks and I look forward to your responses!!!

[Gemma1]

I'm asking you all to rule out my gender and sexual preferences, so the discussion will center on restoring intimacy.

This will be very difficult, as you have included literally no information on the state of your relationship other than your gender and sexual preferences. I'd be happy to help if I could!

[aileD]

^^^^. What she said

 

You basically said

 

"Please give me advice but don't use any of the other details I gave you while forming your opinion"

[Mumbles]

Informative post and good back story which would help us responders if you just gave us a bit more on what your perception of the actual problem is.

 

I'm taking away this:

 

"Do you have marriage problems because you find other men/women attractive?"

 

But I might be wrong in singling this out (let me know).

 

If this is the nub of your concern, that your partner may not be having sex with you because they are attracted to someone else I'd say this is pretty unlikely ... unless she is engaged in some sort of ongoing passionate and sexual affair.

 

I understand what you are trying to convey insofar as recommending to us that we ignore your kinks, lumps and bumps. Thats fine, to a degree, and whilst I largely agree that its probable most of that shouldn't and doesn't matter, there are likely to be nuances that are directly related to your story.

 

- Does your wife fully share your kinks? Or is she the 'straight man' to your comedian?

 

- How long have you been married?

 

- Was there a gradual decline in sexual activity or did it just fall off a cliff?

 

 

As many here on LS, I have some experience with a sexless marriage, though mine was white bread, straight laced, impossibly boring suburban style, so might not have any relevance to your situation.

[Davey L]

You discuss your penis size but I rather doubt that that is the issue here, at 4.5" it's below average but not tiny. Ladies on here may correct me if I'm wrong but I would have thought that 4.5" was sufficient for you both to enjoy it.

[Els]

Perhaps people could help more if you would provide more information about your R. As it stands most of your OP is about your penis and gender preferences, and little else, so it's difficult for anyone to provide advice that doesn't include it...