JJ1088 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Previous post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/624405-i-thought-my-crush-showed-interest-i-screwed-up Since the events of the last thread, I have been on a week and a half of no contact. I told her that I would respect her wishes, that I missed her, and I pulled myself off of her social media and regular contact channels. This past week, I will not name the site, she had been a follower and I noticed that she had been viewing my content up to 15x per day. Yesterday, I stopped following her on another website I had forgotten about and today she broke off all followings of me. I have been living my life as usual, but it was strange seeing her finally cut me out after I went no contact and she requested it first. She said she could not maintain a friendship with me, a male, out of respect for her future husband whoever that may be when she finds him. However, she said she would like to keep a limited connection to see where I go in life. I tried to keep one channel always opened if she wanted to reconnect, but I did not expect much. Her friends say that she has been rather dramatic from their limited contact about the whole thing and she has never had a boyfriend and does not have anyone on the horizon. Any thoughts on her behavior? I know I need to ride this out a few more months before I even think of even saying hi to her. Was she following me because of regret, curiosity, or something else? It is wishful thinking on my part that maybe there is still interest, but I hope those thoughts of mine will vanish after a longer period of no contact. From what I know, her only friends are from church and school and they do not see her at all as she is a bit of a homebody. She has no friends back beyond a year ago. I still wonder why she singled out me for removal from her social media when other guys in similar situations with her are still present yet they tell me she does not even socialize. We had a good connection earlier in the year and she wanted me to be her running buddy over the summer, but we know how that panned out. All input is welcome, no matter how brutal. I need to get some strong words, good or bad.
jjgitties Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Ouch. Dear OP. We do lots of silly things when we are young. It's all okay and forgivable as long as you learn from them and don't keep repeating them. I remember when I was young. 20 or 21 or so. I fell head over heels for this girl. It started off as a friendship and I totally misinterpreted everything and I just went nuts over her. It was pathetic! I kept going to all the parties and clubs she would go to. I kept making myself "just happen" to be where she was when she went somewhere. This went on for quite a while. (I have to say, in retrospect, this girl was very polite and well mannered when I think about it). The ultimate was when I would "happen" to be around her place of work around quitting time and offer to drive her home. She finally wound up agreeing to meet me after work one day at a coffee shop and she had a bunch of her co-workers come out with her to chaperone. That's when it finally sunk in .. in my mind I was a young man madly in love .. but in her mind I was a creepy guy. So off I went and licked my wounds and cried in subway cars. But I bounced back and life went on without her. Ahh.. to be young and able to fall in love just like that. What I wouldn't give for it. Good luck.
Altair0770 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 You've been friendzoned. Unfortunately, this happens to a lot of guys. When my ex broke up with me, she used every guy she could as a shoulder to cry on. Not just guys, but a lot of guys were present to cheer her up. I mean, that's what happens when they badly want you as a friend but don't have romantic feelings for you anymore. All those guys don't realize they have zero chance of becoming intimate with her. They are friends. She's also a narc so they are tools to her, but she has no interest and never will. I came back and made my ex so happy, I thought we were reconciling. We would text every night as if we were together, and she instantly went from incredibly depressed to extremely happy because I returned. End result? She started talking to a new guy, and I got rejected when I admitted I wanted to reconcile. Some women, even men, meet a good friend of the opposite sex, and love having that person as a friend, and only as a friend. Her spying on your social media was because she misses you, but only as a friend. You have to make a choice for yourself - be only her friend and be stuck in the friendzone permanently, or continue NC for a very long time. A long time being years from now, when she has given up completely on you coming back to being a friend. Then you bump into her again. May or may not work. I was chasing a girl when I was young in highschool. We flirted, and had feelings for each other, but then she stuck me in the, "You're a brother" zone. After high school we didn't see each other for about 3 years. Eventually we got back into contact, and ended up having sex. Something we both always thought we would do. Unfortunately for her, the morning after she felt awkward because she still thought of me as a brother. Yikes. Eventually we just parted ways. Friends on Facebook and that's it. No relationship ever, just that moment of having sex. I'm sorry to say, once you enter that friendzone you likely aren't ever going to get out. All the NC and stuff is always to heal, but for you that is your only option. Try to make peace with being just her friend. But as long as you have feelings for her, you should stay away. Girls have this thing where they meet someone so wonderful for them, but have no romantic attraction for them, and lean on that person all the time. Be cautious that when you do return, as a friend, you'll be hearing about the boyfriend she does select. You got to let those feelings completely go.
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