simon_uk Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 So here I am sitting at me desk, have a date tonight, trying to get over the ex and her games and guess what? Yes, I get another text message. It says 'Hi, sorry to bother you but my hotmail isnt working and I dont know how to set it up. My site looks great, thank u. xxx' So wtf do I do, do I help her and look like a wuss or do I ignore her and look bitter and twisted!!! Why the F won't she just leave me alone or say she wants to try again. Whatever!!!! Obviously she didnt delete my number when I told her to after the last message she sent telling me she thinks she still loves me, then retracting it! Simon
westernxer Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 You won't look bitter and twisted if you ignore her. She might think you're a dick, but that's actually a compliment. Hotmail? HAH! How hard could it be? Any kid off the street could help her with this. Next time she'll ask you to paint her nails.
Author simon_uk Posted August 3, 2005 Author Posted August 3, 2005 Yeah! Well maybe its just another ploy to make her presence known or just to see if she still has me on her string????
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 My gut feeling is that the best strategy is to rise above it, in a gracious yet firm way. Don't reply for a day or 2. Say you're glad she's pleased with her site, sorry you didn't have time to help her with the hotmail. This gives you the power, but you're behaving like a polite and reasonable person, not like a jerk. If you want - and as a final twist - you could add some kind of hook. Something which elicits care from her, such as "think of me tomorrow, I've got a big presentation at work'". You get the picture - something which means she is supposed to wish you luck or ask after how it went, but is you being strong and needing support in this, not weak and needy.
westernxer Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 Yeah! Well maybe its just another ploy to make her presence known or just to see if she still has me on her string???? Yep.
chris1063 Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 I'm not so sure about this Simon. As i've stated before I think this girl is realising that she's lost something she maybe shouldn't have. I don't buy into the "keeping you on a string" theory at all on this one. Last time everybody blamed it on her being drunk - doesn't seem like she was this time. I think she's contacting you for a reason. To see how you react. I agree that you should leave it a couple days and then contact her but stay emotionally distant and don't give any indication to how you are feeling. Go on your date by all means but I really feel like this girl still has feelings for you. I still say you need at some point to raise the issue with her and find out where you stand. If you want her back - and I know you do - you might regret not giving it a go. If she says no way you will hurt but you are hurting now not knowing where you stand. Just my thoughts mate but there is a decision for you to make IMO. Keep us posted Chris
sanne Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 wow your ex is really something, so many damn mind games I feel bad for you man. if your getting tired of all this analyzing just be blunt with her. ask her how she really feels about you, if she can't give you a straight answer tell her you can't have anymore contact with you, period. you don't need this in your life, and if she STILL doesn't know what she wants then she's not worth your time in the first place.
upsetnhurt Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 why would Simon need to be blunt with her and ask where he stands.............she is quite capable of knocking on his door if she is in fact interested in rekindling this relationship. She does not want you Simon........stop analyzing her actions.......she enjoys manipulating you and needs a laugh every now and then. I know it hurts bad yet you need to take steps never to speak nor hear from her again. Block her number and tell her point blank to #### off! I bet that would eliminate her from the equation.
sanne Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 that's what I'm saying, ask her what the hell she wants with him and to stop playing games. if she can't give a straight answer kick her to the curb and never talk to her again.
pippen_2k Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 I cant see how you can get any hope out of that text message. It was very simple and had nothing to do with 'getting back together'. You do have the option of blocking her number or getting a new one if you dont wanna hear from her again. In the meantime dont bring up any 'relationship' topics with her. She is the one who screwed things up between you 2, let her be the one to work things out....if that ever happens. If she wants you back im sure she will make it very clear to you.
sundrop Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Simon, Sweet Simon, I would follow Romeos advice send her a quick text back saying thanks, your glad she likes the site, but are unable to help her with her hotmail. (they have a trouble shooting section) But also don't read anything into it. I hate to see you get your hopes up. She probably does still care for you, but right now she hasn't been able to step up to the plate and commit to the relationship again. In the mean time until she is able to, you need to live your life for you. Have fun on your date and don't worry about your ex, she knows how you feel about her. You gave her the ball, the ball is in her court. But dont wait for her to throw it back.
moon Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 This may sound really childish (I am sure it does). But seriously I woulod be just be honest, write this girl back and tell her you're busy tonight because you have a date. And just leave it right there. She sounds likes she's not really coming from a very sincere place anyway. I say either do that or ignore the message. This girl OBVIOUSLY has it coming to her. The quicker you figure that out the better.
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by sundrop She probably does still care for you, but right now she hasn't been able to step up to the plate and commit to the relationship again. Agreed. In the mean time until she is able to, you need to live your life for you. Have fun on your date and don't worry about your ex, she knows how you feel about her. You gave her the ball, the ball is in her court. But dont wait for her to throw it back. Agreed again. Have fun, get on with life. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. But either way, you'll be glad you moved on.
Author simon_uk Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 So I didnt reply to her text from yesterday and I get another one today. It simply says "There is a Sinatra programme on tonight x" Is she just trying to re-establish contact with me? and if so why? Simon
upsetnhurt Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Simon....why again do you want this woman? She is showing herself to be a classless POS.
francis Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 ask her 'what do you want?' put her on the spot, tell her you dont have time for games...you dont want to be her friend so to please respect your space and leave me alone... this will do one of two things... push her to tell you the truth and tell you what she wants or make her back off and leave you alone
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk Is she just trying to re-establish contact with me? Yes. and if so why? Why do you think? OK, Simon. You've said before that you want her back. Maybe this is your chance. Maybe not. Who knows? Whatever, play this cool. Give her one more day, then reply. Don't be too eager, let her do the driving. Your attitude should be "fine if we meet up, fine if we don't". Deliberately take control of your heart - pace yourself and her.
Author simon_uk Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 Thanks Everyone. I really appreciate it! I know I have been around here for longer than a lot of people asking the same old questions and still seeking advice. At the moment I am fighting depression nothing major but depression all the same. this I had before me and the ex broke up maybe contributed i dont know. But the break up didnt help!!! Anyway, I am really working on myself but find it difficult to make decisions and really appreciate other peoples advice on what to do. It is just a pity there are so many conflicting opinions!!! Simon
upsetnhurt Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Simon, I think all the opinions carry the same flavor though.........you have no control over this woman and can't convince her to come back to you. It is all up to her to make a move and then you have the right to say yes or no. Whether you ask her pointedly as to her intentions is totally up to you and how you feel about it. It comes down to you knowing how much crap you are willing to take before you say "it's not worth it". We all want you to get better and be happy with yourself and we realize that this person doesn't deserve all the feelings that you have for her.
RecordProducer Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 If she said she loves you and then retracted it, it means (or that's how it seems to me) that she is not in love with you. It actually depends on who broke up and why. She obviously lied in one of those statements. Sounds like she's pulling your leg. But she might be in love with you and if you want her back, you need to clear things with her. You will either be together again or not or she will need some time to decide. What would you want in an ideal world?
Author simon_uk Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 In an ideal world I would like to be with her! I would like us to sit down and work out our differences which in my opinion were not that big a deal Obviously she felt differently!!!! But I am Cannot or WIll NOT put myself in the firing line again for more hurt, have done that twice now! I think I know what not to say to her, I just dont know what to say to her, if anything. I dont want to look a childish prick by ignoring her completely but I dont want to respond and risk hearing things I dont want to hear. Nor do I want to be her friend, if we are over, then that is it.........over, she is out of my life! I want to respond but dont want to if that makes sense. Soemone asked what makes me think that she wants to get back with you based on thoses messages? Well the answer is nothing makes me think that as I dont think that. I am just interested in what she wants. Simon
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk I am just interested in what she wants. You'll only find this out by opening up and answering. I wouldn't ask her directly btw. This will scare her off IMO. Let her reveal her hand slowly. There's less divergence of opinion than you think though. I agree with other posters that it may not be a good idea to encourage her back. However, I was working within the parameter of your clearly expressed and perfectly understandable wish to have her back if you could.
sundrop Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Simon, She maybe trying to re-establish communication BUT...... You deserve for her to commit to you, you need for her to come out and say she wants to try again. You deserve nothing less. I'm not saying make her suffer or squirm (which she needs too) but I am just saying you deserve more, than her just worming her way back into your life.
Author simon_uk Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 Well I sent a reply I just said "cool! I will make sue I tape it, Thanks" give her the impression I am taping it as I going out, keeping busy! that was three hours ago, no response!! I agree she needs to be specific if she wants me.
chris1063 Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 See what happens over the weekend. You already know my take on all this but if she comes back again with something else that seems like unimportant i'd say you need to make a move to find out what's going on and whether she wants to talk things through. How was the date BTW ?
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