Why do girls match guys on Tinder with no intention of replying to their messages?

[xxgreen20]

I have been a (frustrated) Tinder user for about a month now and am overall very unhappy with the app. Whenever I get matches, which is only maybe once every two weeks, they are either overweight and unattractive or promiscuous. I tend to like these girls by accident. One of my matches also had a boyfriend already, and the other just never replied. I am only 19, but am on Tinder for a girlfriend and not for the same reasons as most teenagers, so you can imagine my frustration. Last night, I finally matched with a beautiful girl who lived nearby and looked very down to earth and sweet. She was the best match I've had on the app, but since I was really busy yesterday and today, I didn't get a chance to message her until this afternoon. I messaged her with a non-generic, "Awesome profile picture! I love Florida." She seemed like the type of girl who would respond, but my friends even told me that if she hasn't responded by now, almost 5 hours later, she never will. Do you think I blew it by not messaging her until today? I simply was nonstop busy yesterday and most of today, but I did not want her to think I am not interested or that she is a last resort. I actually couldn't wait to message her today. I know there is a slight chance she'll reply, but do you think I am overthinking this or did waiting really kill me here? And why do girls on Tinder do this? I really feel like deleting the app.

Edited May 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[Gr8fuln2020]

Are you contacting girls from another state?

[Shanex]

Some people have been in relationships even though using what many call Tinder a hookup app. The same people that say this app should be burned by its own icon.

 

I never used it. But the paradigm remain the same as many different sites. Girls your age get plenty of matches and messages and yours get buried into deep water.

 

Sorry if you want something long-term even though you're a young fella you could try ok cupid or plenty of fish, they also work, and are also free.

[xxgreen20]

Are you contacting girls from another state?

 

Nope, she's from the same state. Her college is a few hours away from mine, but I don't understand why she didn't respond. I just got a notification now and ran to get my phone, but it turns out it was just an update, not a message.

[preraph]

Maybe she liked you by accident. Your attitude toward women is self-defeating, calling them fat and the S word, when you don't know anything about them.

[frus69]

Why do guys not reply after they match girls? same reason.

 

She is a stranger, she can be flaky as a bowl of cornflakes. You overthink too much. Move on to the next!

[xxgreen20]

Why do guys not reply after they match girls? same reason.

 

She is a stranger, she can be flaky as a bowl of cornflakes. You overthink too much. Move on to the next!

 

I try not to overthink, but I feel like me being busy is no excuse. I feel like if I would've messaged her instantly, I would have a date set up.

[AnxiousGirl]

She's a stranger. How can you tell from a picture and a quick blurb if she's sweet or down to earth? You think she puts up pictures because she want to look bitchy and unapproachable? No. You're getting caught up in an illusion based on words typed into a phone and pictures pulled from what she feels are the best-looking parts of her life. Stop romanticizing over a stranger, stop assuming, and stop shaming females. Maybe you'll have better luck if you change your perspective and not act as though girls should respond to you.

 

Maybe she's busy, or barely on Tinder, or with friends, or on a date, or with family, or taking a nap, volunteering, on a plane, hiking. Who knows. Get a grip.

[devilish innocent]

You didn't text her immediately because she was still just a stranger, and you have a life. Maybe the reason she's not responding immediately is because she has a life too? If she's really so conceited that she thinks a guy has to drop everything he's doing right away just because her on-line profile is that awesome, why do you want to date her anyway?

[coolheadal]

I try not to overthink, but I feel like me being busy is no excuse. I feel like if I would've messaged her instantly, I would have a date set up.

 

Whatever you was doing you didn't act quick enough for her. You got understand these women get a lot of guys contacting them. You had your chance and you blew-it. Now you have to wait it out for the next woman. I don't use Tinder or Bubble because so not right not right on those apps then the scammers are on them too. Why not try OKC and see how you do?

[rushed]

Girls your age get plenty of matches and messages and yours get buried into deep water.

 

This. I don't think it was your waiting to message her. If she's as beautiful as you say she is then she has probably already gotten a ton of matches of messages. And your "Awesome profile picture! I love Florida." *non-generic* message is pretty generic. When I was on Tinder I didn't reply to a lot of messages. Not because I wasn't attracted to the guy, but because it became too overwhelming at times with way too many messages. Still, it's only been 5 hours. I'd hold out hope for another day.

[d0nnivain]

Get off Tinder & go to an event at your college. College is the original & best dating "app" ever. Take advantage of it.

 

 

Tinder isn't for a GF. It's for instant gratification. The lady in Q wanted a guy in that moment, not days later.

[grays]

I sometimes reply several days later for various reasons. Most of the time when i open the app im just bored and mindlessly swiping. I try not to swipe on someone I wouldnt actually want to meet, but sometimes Ill get a "hey" from them and maybe notice the age difference is too much or im just feeling really busy bc now its three days later and stuff has come up.

[preraph]

Maybe like what seems like half the people online, she's just doing it for an ego boost to see how many and what guys think she's cute. But if she is that cute, she's bound to have a busy real life.

[starrynight4321]

A lot of people who use Tinder just like to swipe endlessly for the joy and ego boost that comes with getting matched up with someone. Like most OLD, it's not reality. I wouldn't take it personally.

[coolheadal]

Tinder is not for a life partner, it's for causal sex, causal hook-ups and that's it.. Like Buddy, Yo-Cutie, MeetMe an etc.. apps. I don't use them because I will not find the woman I am looking for. I am not looking for Friends. I got to many of those and what do I get out of that. I have to be their Crying Shoulder Therapist..

[Tribble]

I generally disagree Tinder is just a hook-up app, although your age (and presumably the age of girls you're looking for) may change that. It used to be this way but I know many people on Tinder looking for relationships and people who have met on Tinder and are now in LTR. I would suggest you put what you're looking for in your bio if you haven't already.

 

However, you need to change your attitude. You're very disparaging to most of the women you've matched with. Now you have one you like, you're putting her on this pedestal for some reason. All you know about her is a couple of pictures and possibly a brief description. You're very defeatist. If you'd done this, it would have been a sure thing, you'd have a date. Not so. No-one really cares how quickly you message. People have lives. She probably has a life. I often won't answer straight away because I'm doing stuff. You don't even have a rapport yet. This is as low investment as you get. Most of these interactions never make it offline. Sadly, it is a numbers game.

 

You seem very desperate for this one girl. I really, really understand that, but try to chill out, it's not the end of the world.

[basil67]

You say she lives nearby. But you also say she's at college a few hours away.

 

If she lives on campus, it stands to reason she wouldn't want a boyfriend who's a few hours away.

[Kamille]

Take the match as a compliment. That doesn't preclude you from accepting that she didn't put her life on hold when she swiped right on your profile.

 

So many things can explain the lack of response: she met someone else, something happened in her real life, she matched with too many people. The bottom line: that's on-line dating. Just keep at it and something good will come up again.

 

More importantly: stop swiping right on girls you don't find attractive!

[joseb]

If I wrote a thread for every tinder match I get that never relies, I'd be a very busy man. I consider it a pleasant surprise if they do reply.

 

On the other hand, 5 hours is nothing. I've had girls reply 5 days later and ended up meeting up.

 

You need to relax about the whole thing and stop taking it so seriously.

[smackie9]

OLD is not a magic bullet to get you dates....if you can't get dates irl, OLD won't help you much either. Confidence, and good social skills is all you need to cold approach a nice girl in public, like at a concert, party, event, beach, wherever.

 

If they are not biting on line, then change up your profile and get better photos.

[kendahke]

I have been a (frustrated) Tinder user for about a month now and am overall very unhappy with the app. Whenever I get matches, which is only maybe once every two weeks, they are either overweight and unattractive or promiscuous. I tend to like these girls by accident. One of my matches also had a boyfriend already, and the other just never replied. I am only 19, but am on Tinder for a girlfriend and not for the same reasons as most teenagers, so you can imagine my frustration. Last night, I finally matched with a beautiful girl who lived nearby and looked very down to earth and sweet. She was the best match I've had on the app, but since I was really busy yesterday and today, I didn't get a chance to message her until this afternoon. I messaged her with a non-generic, "Awesome profile picture! I love Florida." She seemed like the type of girl who would respond, but my friends even told me that if she hasn't responded by now, almost 5 hours later, she never will. Do you think I blew it by not messaging her until today? I simply was nonstop busy yesterday and most of today, but I did not want her to think I am not interested or that she is a last resort. I actually couldn't wait to message her today. I know there is a slight chance she'll reply, but do you think I am overthinking this or did waiting really kill me here? And why do girls on Tinder do this? I really feel like deleting the app.

 

To answer the question of your thread: because they don't have to if they don't want to. That really is the plain simple answer. Chances are, she's inundated with messages from other guys just like you. In that respect you are not unique.

 

Why she doesn't respond could be it's a fake account with stolen pictures looking for older guys to scam

 

If this isn't a fake account, then she probably doesn't respond because she's not interested; that she's done that in the past and the guy went mental on her, so she chooses to not even respond in the hopes you get the message and don't need it spelled out.

 

Just like you take a pass on some girls and have the right to do so, well, so do the women you match on these apps. Everyone is entitled to their preferences. We all get to choose who we are attracted to, not just guys. You may not be their preference and that is their right.

 

I think you're overthinking all of this. Whether you messaged her yesterday, today or a week from today, it wouldn't have made a difference because neither of you knows how long the other has been on the site..

 

Delete the app and just stick to meeting women IRL.

[frus69]

Whatever you was doing you didn't act quick enough for her. You got understand these women get a lot of guys contacting them. You had your chance and you blew-it. ?

Are you serious? I seriously don't get why people think girls on Tinder get 100 message every day. Who gets attracted to 100 guys everyday anyway? Unless she's a scam,in which case it's not your fault she doesnt reply!

I swipe right on maximum 5 guys everyday, I get maximum 5 messages. To say "they get bombed by other guys they dont have time for you" is simply ridiculous.

Tinder is not for a life partner, it's for causal sex, causal hook-ups and that's it.. Like Buddy, Yo-Cutie, MeetMe an etc.. apps. I don't use them because I will not find the woman I am looking for. I am not looking for Friends. I got to many of those and what do I get out of that. I have to be their Crying Shoulder Therapist..

You sound so bitter. I know plenty people who found their partner on Tinder. myself included. Just because you failed, you blame everything else

Edited May 30, 2017 by frus69

[greymatter]

I've said this again and again but Tinder is not a hookup app anymore. Sure, some people use it for that just like some use OKC for that. My last relationship that was 14 months long and ended recently, started with a Tinder match. Have had two nice recent dates with men I met on Tinder. It bugs me that people keep spreading misinformation about Tinder.

 

Your mileage may vary, of course.

[Miss Spider]

accidental swipe

changed her mind

just wants attention/see how attractive she is

nervous/shy

doesn't know what to say

etc