Leanne2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 (edited) I met a guy online (he is late 30s-early40s) and he wrote a asking if I was available later that day. It became clear he was visiting so I ignored. He is moving to my city this summer and visits regularly but I declined (again) and said let's meet when you actually move. He was gracious and wished me well. A week goes by and I texted him to ask about something unrelated. He gave honest answers and after a bit he suggested he was in town again and after this many exchanges, we had to meet finally. I accepted, cancelled rescheduled etc but FINALLY met this weekend. SO THE DATE: Venue: SUPER fancy; lasted from evening to 4am (just talking and having a good time), hopped around several bars/etc after. DURING the date: He has a very established career, built companies, and recently sold one, he is extremely well traveled etc, complimented me throughout the entire night, on looks as well as intellect etc and we had really stimulating conversation about the world, politics etc Kept mentioning how glad he was that I finally made it and that he was having a great time. And stressed how he finally met me after overcoming all of my barriers/postponing etc.. Very touchy etc.All good signs. Then as I was waiting for my cab he asked what I was doing and he suggested we do something today (but he was leaving town tonight for a while). Eventually he is moving here now that his work has been sorted. Today, I hear NOTHING from the man. S I texted him around noon saying I had a good time. hear NOTHING from a guy who usually replies in 2 mins, tops. Three hours later, he writes a long message about how he didn't want to disturb me sleeping and that he is the one who should be thankful. Said that he actually caught a flight out of town this morning but as soon as he finds out when he will be back again he would like to meet up and will let me know. From there, I said sure and the conversation pretty much ended. I was left feeling SO confused. Not sure if this is some game he plays with women, or if this is some easy rejection/ghosting strategy. Should I even expect him to reach out again? There was a *ton* of chemistry and he said that he is looking for qualities XYZ which I seemed to have and he was looking for someone to balance him etc blah blah. But I assume maybe he has a way with words as he is very business oriented.If he was genuinely interested, wouldn't he try to continue the conversation? Thoughts? Should I just delete his number at this point Edited May 29, 2017 by Leanne2017
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Is it possible that you texted him while he was on the flight? So, no chance to reply back sooner? Also, his response could have been just that instead of saying that he didn't want to wake you. Wake you from a text message? Also, why not continue to text (or call) him while he is away? Why do you have to wait for him to let you know when he's back in town? 1
Author Leanne2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Author Posted May 29, 2017 Is it possible that you texted him while he was on the flight? So, no chance to reply back sooner? Also, his response could have been just that instead of saying that he didn't want to wake you. Wake you from a text message? Also, why not continue to text (or call) him while he is away? Why do you have to wait for him to let you know when he's back in town? Well because when he set up the date last time (between that and our date day), he didnt really text and I assume he is extremely busy and doesnt do small talk over text. Right. He could have been on the flight except he told me the night before that he was leaving tonight. So maybe he changed his flight last minute? But I am just thinking, this guy is a total catch. Idk why he would be fooling around on some dating site. And if he was really interested wouldnt he attempt to continue the conversation? He promises that he will let me know ASAP when he finds out when he will be back in town. But do I believe it? DOUBTFUL.
Author Leanne2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Author Posted May 29, 2017 But I have absolutely no reason to call him. He had never initiated texts with me unless for meeting for a coffee or brunch (his previous attempts to meet me) and I do not want to call/text unless he reciprocates. Idk... am I wrong to think that this guy is just playing around? I mean Im sure maybe yesterday was just a fun experience for him, nothing more.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Well because when he set up the date last time (between that and our date day), he didnt really text and I assume he is extremely busy and doesnt do small talk over text. Right. He could have been on the flight except he told me the night before that he was leaving tonight. So maybe he changed his flight last minute? But I am just thinking, this guy is a total catch. Idk why he would be fooling around on some dating site. And if he was really interested wouldnt he attempt to continue the conversation? He promises that he will let me know ASAP when he finds out when he will be back in town. But do I believe it? DOUBTFUL. Your intuition is correct.... 1. Any person who is interested would certainly continue the conversation 2. On paper, he may be a total catch, but that doesn't preclude such people from using OLD. Then again, men who cheat also use OLD. I still think his explanation for not texting was weak. 2
basil67 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Given that you've one met him once, I would say that you're over invested at this stage. Treat him like anyone else you date: just keep on living your life and don't put all your eggs in one basket. 5
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Given that you've one met him once, I would say that you're over invested at this stage. Treat him like anyone else you date: just keep on living your life and don't put all your eggs in one basket. Yeah, I agree with this. Don't allow your one meeting cloud your judgment. He was putting his best foot forward and you don't know if all he said was the truth. You now have this image of an awesome, 'total' catch in your head and feeling bad for not having been enough of a priority for him. Wait for him to contact you again in the future, but don't stop dating others. 1
Author Leanne2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Author Posted May 29, 2017 Yes I am still going on other dates, but as far as I know, everything he had said makes sense. Checked his public profiles on google etc and it all checks out. He also showed me his company website last night as well. Idk I wish I could text him first but idk if his last reply was his nice way of fading out. I also think he likes the "chase" in getting the date etc.
coolheadal Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 (edited) Yes I am still going on other dates, but as far as I know, everything he had said makes sense. Checked his public profiles on google etc and it all checks out. He also showed me his company website last night as well. Idk I wish I could text him first but idk if his last reply was his nice way of fading out. I also think he likes the "chase" in getting the date etc. Doesn't it feel like it was too good to be true? Sure he was everything you had hope and more. Everything was good until the date even if it had lasted until 4 am. Now things changed he gone again. But it's good you still going out with other guys. Just no commitments with anyone yet until you ready and found one that can give you 100% attention. You should get some sort of caller ID for your cell phone and check that against his carrier service. Watch for bandwidth.com .CLE those are fake cell numbers they're only use for text only not voice. A lot of these scammers are using this. This guy could be married like the prior LS member suggested. Just don't know who your dealing with online until you know them even a year or 2 and you might not really know them still. Edited May 30, 2017 by coolheadal
act00 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Always be wary of people who don't live in town, and are not established in town. Be wary of those that claim a lot of travel and are largely unavailable. If he actually moves into town, he can contact you. I wouldn't bother with him otherwise at this point. Last minute flight out of town?? There's a lot shady going on here. 3
Author Leanne2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 ***add: can confirm he is single. Also his leaving town is bc of business partners there he told me of several times, the offices are located there. I do not believe he has family or such bc he runs a company and has to visit the local offices regularly***
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 It seems that you have all the bases covered. If so, my personal opinion is that he does not, at this point, find you a big enough priority to maintain contact. For whatever reason, he simply is not in the position to give you more time than you would like. Good luck.
Author Leanne2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 Do you think it's worth initiating contact later in the week just to see how things are? Or dont bother until he reaches out (if and when that ever happens:/)
coolheadal Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Do you think it's worth initiating contact later in the week just to see how things are? Or dont bother until he reaches out (if and when that ever happens:/) Do nothing and go on with your life.. If he's really interested in you then he will make the contact first. Never chase after them makes you look weak to them. Give them a challenge if any? 2
preraph Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Don't chase this guy. There is something suspect in the way he talks, like he may be too smooth and juggles women all the time or whatever. Are you sure he's even single? Anyway, just sit back and relax, see what he ends up doing so that every time you contact you aren't left wondering if he would have initiated or not. 2
mortensorchid Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Remember the 48 Hour Rule no matter what you did/did not do on the date: If you have not heard from him within the first 48 hours after the first get together, 90% of the time you will not hear from him again. He might call / text you a few days or a week later, he might respond to you after you text him, you might even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if he never hears from you again or even say yes to his asking to see you again. Despite all the impressive good time you had with him, he's not that into you. 1
GemmaUK Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 He sounds a bit smooth and maybe a bit over complimentary but aside from that I don't see any red flags at this point. 3 hours isn't a long time to reply yo a text - he was clearly travelling or possibly even arrived and napping from your late night. He was also considerate not o text you before his flight so as not to wake you up. He's also listened to you in that you were previously pretty clear that you were more interested when he was in your area and not so keen when he wasn't so that's most likely why he said he would let you know when he was back in town. Just wait and see if he contacts you and carry on with your life in the meantime. 1
frus69 Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 I find it quite amusing some people here say he isnt worth it, he isnt investing in you, he isnt into you etc...Come on,how invested do you want a guy to be after meeting you ONCE?! And if he is that successful in career he must be very busy and cant reply to your texts every 2 mins. I dont know if he is all legit because I dont have enough info. I also dont see any reg flags really.It's too early to draw any conclusions.
Author Leanne2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Author Posted May 31, 2017 Okkk so...an update. Still nothing from the guy, which I honestly dont expect him to message until he is back (or maybe not, Whatever). But, I did a google search and turns out, he lied about his age to make himself 7-9 years younger. Ironic bc on the date I actually mentioned to him how guys Ive met lied about height or age in the past. He laughed. I believe he is very adept at dating and does this a lot. Who's to say he isn't married or has other things to hide? Done! On to the next!!! 4
frigginlost Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Okkk so...an update. Still nothing from the guy, which I honestly dont expect him to message until he is back (or maybe not, Whatever). But, I did a google search and turns out, he lied about his age to make himself 7-9 years younger. Ironic bc on the date I actually mentioned to him how guys Ive met lied about height or age in the past. He laughed. I believe he is very adept at dating and does this a lot. Who's to say he isn't married or has other things to hide? Done! On to the next!!! Good for you! I wish I had read this thread earlier (I'm a male). He was playing you from the word "go". Ladies, Take note of something here as the red flag was flying high. Guys for the most part when first meeting a woman face to face will have an insecurity in them that is hard-wired in us. That insecurity is not wanting to say or do the wrong thing. Any guy who is constantly complimenting you on your intellect, or your looks, etc is fishing and is a guy that more than likely has had his pole in several lakes... He's a player... 1
Chilli Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 pole in several lakes , that's a goodie. as far as why is someone good looking and all set up on a date site, l never get that view so l'm just wondering. l mean so what , wouldn't we say the same thing about the girls then ? so that'd mean your not gonna find a good looking women on a date site? Always curious about that stuff and attitude. when l was on mine l got that a lot too like wth is he doing on a date site. but it's just life as far as l think about it especially as you get older. we all get busy and lose our social lives in life these days, not getting out enough and things like that, pretty understandable l've always thought. Anyway , sorry he didn't work out. got a feeling it's not over yet though. One thing though , wth does somebody bother going to all that trouble just to have dinner and bar hop with someone they don't even know. ? Wouldn't he just go out or to a bar or something while he was in town. People are fkg weird aren't they. 1
Author Leanne2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Author Posted May 31, 2017 So.... i think it's pretty obvious thar he's not dating material and on top of the lying (his flight leaving early, age etc) he is shady, for sure. But it doesnt change the fact that he has such interesting stories to tell and I woukd be kidding if I said I wouldnt be up for another round of conversation. Do you think he will reach out when he is back in town? Just curious
dishwater Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I met a guy online (he is late 30s-early40s) and he wrote a asking if I was available later that day. It became clear he was visiting so I ignored. He is moving to my city this summer and visits regularly but I declined (again) and said let's meet when you actually move. He was gracious and wished me well. A week goes by and I texted him to ask about something unrelated. He gave honest answers and after a bit he suggested he was in town again and after this many exchanges, we had to meet finally. I accepted, cancelled rescheduled etc but FINALLY met this weekend. SO THE DATE: Venue: SUPER fancy; lasted from evening to 4am (just talking and having a good time), hopped around several bars/etc after. DURING the date: He has a very established career, built companies, and recently sold one, he is extremely well traveled etc, complimented me throughout the entire night, on looks as well as intellect etc and we had really stimulating conversation about the world, politics etc Kept mentioning how glad he was that I finally made it and that he was having a great time. And stressed how he finally met me after overcoming all of my barriers/postponing etc.. Very touchy etc.All good signs. Then as I was waiting for my cab he asked what I was doing and he suggested we do something today (but he was leaving town tonight for a while). Eventually he is moving here now that his work has been sorted. Today, I hear NOTHING from the man. S I texted him around noon saying I had a good time. hear NOTHING from a guy who usually replies in 2 mins, tops. Three hours later, he writes a long message about how he didn't want to disturb me sleeping and that he is the one who should be thankful. Said that he actually caught a flight out of town this morning but as soon as he finds out when he will be back again he would like to meet up and will let me know. From there, I said sure and the conversation pretty much ended. I was left feeling SO confused. Not sure if this is some game he plays with women, or if this is some easy rejection/ghosting strategy. Should I even expect him to reach out again? There was a *ton* of chemistry and he said that he is looking for qualities XYZ which I seemed to have and he was looking for someone to balance him etc blah blah. But I assume maybe he has a way with words as he is very business oriented.If he was genuinely interested, wouldn't he try to continue the conversation? Thoughts? Should I just delete his number at this point Delete...seems like it was all about his needs from your recap. He probably has women in every town he visits he says the same things to. It gets him out of hotels for the night. Guys with tons of chemistry usually do.
frigginlost Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 So.... i think it's pretty obvious thar he's not dating material and on top of the lying (his flight leaving early, age etc) he is shady, for sure. But it doesnt change the fact that he has such interesting stories to tell and I woukd be kidding if I said I wouldnt be up for another round of conversation. Do you think he will reach out when he is back in town? Just curious Jeez... It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
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