Maggie4 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 You are a young 25 year old girl, in your prime. Why were you available to see him every day of the week? Starting on that Wednesday, you've been available (and waiting on what he decides) for Th F Sat Sun and Mon. Why is that? I don't mean you should "play hard to get" and PRETEND to be unavailable. But rather, you should genuinely have less availability due to a full schedule of being busy with other people. 2
dishwater Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I am somewhat embarrassed to post this, because of how upset I am, and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to be, but here it goes. It's long, and please excuse any formatting, I'm really emotional: To make a long story short , I (25yro F) dated a guy (29yro M)last year and we got along exceptionally well. A month in, we became BF/GF. A month later, he suddenly decided he no longer wanted a committed relationship like I did (citing family issues and our differences in making plans). We broke up, and I took it very hard (the sudden, lack of a clear reason shook my self-esteem deeply; I began wondering if I wasn't good enough for him - I know, how humiliating?). Then, middle of April 2017, he reconnects with me (he adds me on Facebook, makes an Instagram to add me). We meet up, I ask him point-blank what happened and why he's here now. After fielding advice from unbiased 3rd parties, I decided to give it a second chance. We hung out a couple times, with his friends and alone, and he was affectionate/couple-y. This confused me, so on our 3rd date, I asked him what he wanted out of this. He said he wanted to go back to where we were "before"; I asked him to clarify, he asked me what I wanted, I said I wanted nothing serious yet, and he said he was okay with that and we should see where it goes. I agreed, but told him that to avoid what happened last time (which he said he regretted), that he needs to be honest and transparent about us (e.g.: if he doesn't want to see me anymore, tell me. If he wants something or someone different, tell me). He agreed. We've been dating ever since, and we've hung out maybe 1-2x/wk and we text everyday. Like I said, we have an absolute blast together, with his friends/alone, etc., and he often makes comments about how much he enjoys me, and we've agreed to do things in the near future. Although it is difficult, I have been trying to treat him like a new person I'm dating (not dating again). Then last week Sunday, we went to a sporting event. I invited him, and we had a great time. He said if I ever get tickets again, that we should go, that he had a great time, etc. On our way back, he asked me to come back to his apartment, which I declined because I had stuff to do. Then he offered to take something I won at the event and keep it at his apartment in the meantime so I wouldn't have to walk home with it. I thought everything went well with us. We were dating, no pressure, no expectations, it was making its natural course! Then Weds. morning, he asks me to hang out in the evening and watch our show together. I agree. Weds. afternoon comes, and he reschedules for the next day because he has work stuff to prepare for. I'm fine with that. Thursday comes, and he has a terrible day at work. He asks to cancel, we chat a bit about it, then some other stuff, and he thanks me for cheering him up. I'm fine with that too. Friday comes, he texts me asking how my night was going. Saturday comes (I know he has a friend's engagement party), and he (while drunk I believe), asks me to meet them at a bar. I ignore this because it wasn't a real invitation. Sunday comes, he asks me how my night is going and if we can hang out tomorrow (today). I agree. Today is here, I send him a funny tweet, he asks me how my day is, he replies he has work to do. Sensing another cancellation, I say, "that sucks, so I guess I won't see you today?" And he replies, "Maybe later?" That's when I just about lost it (internally). This, to me, is him doing a slow fade; an almost repeat of what happened last year, and that was my biggest fear. And I can't understand why it's happening. I keep thinking in my mind: "What did I do? I've always been nice/kind. There was no pressure! We had fun! I supported him in a friendly, non-invasive way when he had a bad day! He invited me out with friends! He asked me to hang out! Why would he invite me back into his life just to pull the same crap, knowing it wasn't nice?! There are so many other girls to be casual with! He can't be that big of a jerk can he? Or can I be that stupid to give him another chance? Did I delude myself again into thinking he'd actually like me for more than a month this time?" Like I said, I am embarrassed at how vulnerable and insecure this is making me feel, but I had to share it. I've decided to "cancel" (in my mind) all the upcoming "plans" we've made, not ask him to hang out, and not text him. But my stomach and mind are reeling with anxiety. I guess I'm asking: why? Why would he do this again to someone he asked for a second chance with? And what should I do? You are a good girl to hang out with, but not his type hormonal/sexually. Lose him because you are only doing good for his ego, not yours. He's not attracted to you to the same extent you are attracted to him and other women beckon. There's someone out there who will be great for you if you are patient.
kendahke Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 He, while talking about other things, said: "Come to [name of bar]." I replied to a previous statement, but not to the one about the bar because it seemed like a drunken random invitation that had no real meaning or even coherent thought behind it. I have no issue with him drinking, and to be honest, I would never think he would be offended by my ignoring that message; I would be surprised if he even noticed, so I wouldn't think to bring it up. All of the bolded is speculation by you--and speculation isn't based on fact. You don't know for certain if he was 3 sheets to the wind when he sent that. You assumed he was plastered and on that assumption, you made a decision to ignore him. Since you really don't know him well enough, you can't speak to what he is or isn't offended by. You'd have gotten the answers needed to make an informed decision had you responded to the text and asked him his state of sobriety at that moment. You chose not to. All actions have consequences and these are the consequences to you basing your actions on speculation. You're further from where you want to be now. A lot of destruction based on imagination has taken place. 1
Recommended Posts