What is happening with this guy and I? I'm feeling heartbroken and foolish

May 29, 2017

I am somewhat embarrassed to post this, because of how upset I am, and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to be, but here it goes. It's long, and please excuse any formatting, I'm really emotional:

To make a long story short , I (25yro F) dated a guy (29yro M)last year and we got along exceptionally well. A month in, we became BF/GF. A month later, he suddenly decided he no longer wanted a committed relationship like I did (citing family issues and our differences in making plans). We broke up, and I took it very hard (the sudden, lack of a clear reason shook my self-esteem deeply; I began wondering if I wasn't good enough for him - I know, how humiliating?). Then, middle of April 2017, he reconnects with me (he adds me on Facebook, makes an Instagram to add me). We meet up, I ask him point-blank what happened and why he's here now. After fielding advice from unbiased 3rd parties, I decided to give it a second chance.

We hung out a couple times, with his friends and alone, and he was affectionate/couple-y. This confused me, so on our 3rd date, I asked him what he wanted out of this. He said he wanted to go back to where we were "before"; I asked him to clarify, he asked me what I wanted, I said I wanted nothing serious yet, and he said he was okay with that and we should see where it goes. I agreed, but told him that to avoid what happened last time (which he said he regretted), that he needs to be honest and transparent about us (e.g.: if he doesn't want to see me anymore, tell me. If he wants something or someone different, tell me). He agreed. We've been dating ever since, and we've hung out maybe 1-2x/wk and we text everyday. Like I said, we have an absolute blast together, with his friends/alone, etc., and he often makes comments about how much he enjoys me, and we've agreed to do things in the near future. Although it is difficult, I have been trying to treat him like a new person I'm dating (not dating again).

Then last week Sunday, we went to a sporting event. I invited him, and we had a great time. He said if I ever get tickets again, that we should go, that he had a great time, etc. On our way back, he asked me to come back to his apartment, which I declined because I had stuff to do. Then he offered to take something I won at the event and keep it at his apartment in the meantime so I wouldn't have to walk home with it. I thought everything went well with us. We were dating, no pressure, no expectations, it was making its natural course!

Then Weds. morning, he asks me to hang out in the evening and watch our show together. I agree. Weds. afternoon comes, and he reschedules for the next day because he has work stuff to prepare for. I'm fine with that. Thursday comes, and he has a terrible day at work. He asks to cancel, we chat a bit about it, then some other stuff, and he thanks me for cheering him up. I'm fine with that too. Friday comes, he texts me asking how my night was going. Saturday comes (I know he has a friend's engagement party), and he (while drunk I believe), asks me to meet them at a bar. I ignore this because it wasn't a real invitation. Sunday comes, he asks me how my night is going and if we can hang out tomorrow (today). I agree. Today is here, I send him a funny tweet, he asks me how my day is, he replies he has work to do. Sensing another cancellation, I say, "that sucks, so I guess I won't see you today?" And he replies, "Maybe later?"

That's when I just about lost it (internally). This, to me, is him doing a slow fade; an almost repeat of what happened last year, and that was my biggest fear. And I can't understand why it's happening. I keep thinking in my mind: "What did I do? I've always been nice/kind. There was no pressure! We had fun! I supported him in a friendly, non-invasive way when he had a bad day! He invited me out with friends! He asked me to hang out! Why would he invite me back into his life just to pull the same crap, knowing it wasn't nice?! There are so many other girls to be casual with! He can't be that big of a jerk can he? Or can I be that stupid to give him another chance? Did I delude myself again into thinking he'd actually like me for more than a month this time?"

Like I said, I am embarrassed at how vulnerable and insecure this is making me feel, but I had to share it. I've decided to "cancel" (in my mind) all the upcoming "plans" we've made, not ask him to hang out, and not text him. But my stomach and mind are reeling with anxiety. I guess I'm asking: why? Why would he do this again to someone he asked for a second chance with? And what should I do?

May 29, 2017

Ummmm you told him flat out you didn't want something serious yet am I right? So that is what he is doing....dating you casually, going with the flow, etc.

I think you are having sabotaging hallucinations because I don't see anything suspect in his behavior at all.

Just asking but do you have an anxiety disorder? or struggle with depression? Are you like this with most of your relationships?

May 29, 2017

Ummmm you told him flat out you didn't want something serious yet am I right? So that is what he is doing....dating you casually, going with the flow, etc.

I think you are having sabotaging hallucinations because I don't see anything suspect in his behavior at all.

Just asking but do you have an anxiety disorder? or struggle with depression? Are you like this with most of your relationships?

I did tell him that, you're right. But you see it as him going with the flow, abs I see it as simply being uninterested, which is different. The contrast between his behavior earlier in the month and now, as well as just no initation to schedule another date, is what makes me see it that way. And considering how we ended the last time, I would want him to just say, "Hey, I'm not interested!" However, that's how I see it, and I am very much in need of perspective. So I'd love to hear yours.

Which brings me to my next point and your question - anxiety, yes. Depression, not sure. Most relationships...? Some. My anxiety is not diagnosed, but it has become apparent over the last year, and it is something I have been trying to work on, and I am looking for a CBT therapist. I am glad that you asked.

May 29, 2017

One possibility is that he hasn't had much luck dating since breaking up with you, so he decided to go back to you because he knew you really liked him.

I'm not sure if giving this guy another chance was the right thing for you though. It seems to have (understandably) triggered some anxiety and trust issues.

For what it is worth, I think you have been handling the situation well. You aren't settling for the minimum and chasing him. I think it is very clear that your actions are telling him that if he wants to be with you then he has to make the effort.

Approaching it cautiously was the most sensible thing to do. At the moment you're in the process of finding out what he is made of and if he is genuine about wanting to be with you.

I suspect you will have your answer soon enough, and you will know what to do. However, if this feels like it is taking to much of a toll on you then you should probably take matters into your own hands and finish with him.

Do what feels right for you.

May 29, 2017

I just want to say that it's a mistake to try and treat him as a 'new boyfriend'. This is a second chance boyfriend and it's foolish to try and ignore all that happened previously.

May 29, 2017

One possibility is that he hasn't had much luck dating since breaking up with you, so he decided to go back to you because he knew you really liked him.

I'm not sure if giving this guy another chance was the right thing for you though. It seems to have (understandably) triggered some anxiety and trust issues.

For what it is worth, I think you have been handling the situation well. You aren't settling for the minimum and chasing him. I think it is very clear that your actions are telling him that if he wants to be with you then he has to make the effort.

Approaching it cautiously was the most sensible thing to do. At the moment you're in the process of finding out what he is made of and if he is genuine about wanting to be with you.

I suspect you will have your answer soon enough, and you will know what to do. However, if this feels like it is taking to much of a toll on you then you should probably take matters into your own hands and finish with him.

Do what feels right for you.

Thanks for your answer. Giving a second chance was something I debated for a while, and it seemed like a good idea. Of course, now it doesn't. Someone suggested I move on from this cancelled date from days ago, and suggest a concrete date and see what transpires. I think a direct approach might work, but I also can't shake the idea that he should do the asking, since he cancelled last. What do you think about that approach? I ask because I can't tell what feels right for me. And why does he keep asking and cancelling, anyway?

May 29, 2017

I just want to say that it's a mistake to try and treat him as a 'new boyfriend'. This is a second chance boyfriend and it's foolish to try and ignore all that happened previously.

What I meant by that was that we are starting over in terms of dates. So I basically considered meeting up again a 1st date. I also used it as an opportunity to get to know him better and see if he was what I am looking for.

May 29, 2017

You stated that you aren't looking for anything serious...but it seems you are. It seems you want him to be your one and only, but not really. You need to figure out what you want. I don't blame him for moving on, since you don't seem to be on the same plane.

You need to decide if you want casual or serious. If you choose "casual," you're going to get that level of commitment from your guy that has been exhibited thus far. If you change your mind and decide you want something serious with your guy, but he only wants casual, same loss.

You need to pick one. It seems you're saying "out loud," you only want casual, but internally, you want serious and long-term. Or maybe you don't want long term but it hurts that he sees other people and doesn't see YOU as long term...which is what you defined...and you're hurt and lost even though this is what you have defined for the relationship.

Figure out what you want.

May 30, 2017

I did tell him that, you're right. But you see it as him going with the flow, abs I see it as simply being uninterested, which is different. The contrast between his behavior earlier in the month and now, as well as just no initation to schedule another date, is what makes me see it that way. And considering how we ended the last time, I would want him to just say, "Hey, I'm not interested!" However, that's how I see it, and I am very much in need of perspective. So I'd love to hear yours.

Which brings me to my next point and your question - anxiety, yes. Depression, not sure. Most relationships...? Some. My anxiety is not diagnosed, but it has become apparent over the last year, and it is something I have been trying to work on, and I am looking for a CBT therapist. I am glad that you asked.

I'm giving you an objective point of view, he isn't pulling your chain/leading you on, but you are not acting all that great towards him....he asked you to join him and his friends then you ignored him. How would you see it if he ignored your invitation to join your friends? You need to be rude to get back at him because it wasn't done your way? Get your head out of your butt. Things come up, work gets busy, people have to cancel...it's LIFE. You take such an offense needlessly. He did suggest an alternative and meet up later, but OH NO that isn't good enough for you...oh my god he must be screwing you over again!....seriously?

It's very possible he has picked up on your paranoia/mistrust and it's pushing him back a bit....maybe you need to be on your best behavior before this blows up in your face.

May 30, 2017

I'm giving you an objective point of view, he isn't pulling your chain/leading you on, but you are not acting all that great towards him....he asked you to join him and his friends then you ignored him. How would you see it if he ignored your invitation to join your friends? You need to be rude to get back at him because it wasn't done your way? Get your head out of your butt. Things come up, work gets busy, people have to cancel...it's LIFE. You take such an offense needlessly. He did suggest an alternative and meet up later, but OH NO that isn't good enough for you...oh my god he must be screwing you over again!....seriously?

It's very possible he has picked up on your paranoia/mistrust and it's pushing him back a bit....maybe you need to be on your best behavior before this blows up in your face.

To clarify he and his friends get drunk a lot, and since I knew that there was an engagement party, I ignored the message because it seemed like a drunken/not totally serious invitation to a party that I technically wasn't invited to. I didn't do it to be spiteful or mean-spirited; I saw it as a half-hearted/not totally aware invitation to a friend event that I didn't want to crash. Also, by the time I got ready and arrived, they might have drunkenly headed elsewhere. I am not in the business of tit for tat or being spiteful, to be clear. Also, when did he suggest an alternative to meet later? If you're talking about when he asked to meet me today, I agreed.

May 30, 2017

Put it & him out of your mind. He's equivocal at best. If he makes a real effort, fine but until he does, exercise any other options you have.

May 30, 2017

Put it & him out of your mind. He's equivocal at best. If he makes a real effort, fine but until he does, exercise any other options you have.

Easier said than done. I will repeat this to myself in hopes I can change my thinking!

May 30, 2017

You stated that you aren't looking for anything serious...but it seems you are. It seems you want him to be your one and only, but not really. You need to figure out what you want. I don't blame him for moving on, since you don't seem to be on the same plane.

You need to decide if you want casual or serious. If you choose "casual," you're going to get that level of commitment from your guy that has been exhibited thus far. If you change your mind and decide you want something serious with your guy, but he only wants casual, same loss.

You need to pick one. It seems you're saying "out loud," you only want casual, but internally, you want serious and long-term. Or maybe you don't want long term but it hurts that he sees other people and doesn't see YOU as long term...which is what you defined...and you're hurt and lost even though this is what you have defined for the relationship.

Figure out what you want.

I want to find someone to go slowly with. Ideally, date people, find someone I like, then pursue a slow relationship with that person. My history with this guy has made me skew my boundaries, which is my fault.

May 30, 2017

1. When a guy/girl (anyone you're dating) does this THING where they date you for a while, and then bail (it really doesn't matter what the reason is at the end of the day) and then they inevitably come back (this almost always happens), in 99.9% of cases, you should NOT pursue the relationship. In almost all cases, and definitely in your case - you're dealing with someone who is:

1) indecisive about how they feel about you

2) emotionally unavailable (hot and cold, wants a relationship but doesn't, wants to sleep around but doesn't, wants you to be available but doesn't want to be available to you, etc)

3) not really sure what they want (relationship? FWB?)

4) wishy washy as a person

5) all of the above

In all of these scenarios, said person will waste your time, you will overanalyze, overthink, and invest incredibly more into the person than they are investing in you. It's a lose-lose situation. If they were right for you the first time, they never would have left. That was the first mistake.

Second, and more importantly - DO NOT LIE about what you want to a man! DO NOT DO IT. I don't care what any guides or coaches tell you. I'm not saying that you should tell the guy on a first date that you want to get married in 3 months. But don't say you want something casual if you don't. You know why? You end up in a situation like the one you've found yourself in. The tactful way to express what you want is to say something like, "Well, I'm interested in being in a serious relationship eventually, but of course it takes some time to get to know people and figure out if they're right for me." Boom. You established your standard, and you're NOT being pushy about it. Don't change your standards for the fleeting possibility that you'll fulfill whatever hope the man/woman you're dating wants to hear. If it scares them off that you know what you want, then they aren't the right person for you anyways. You waste less time, you win.

Also, he's a) being wishy washy - which was a characteristic of his that he showed you much earlier on and b) being super casual about flaking on you, rescheduling, and squeezing you in when he feels like it - and giving you exactly what you told him you wanted (but you both knew that was a lie), and exactly what he told you HE wanted.

You need to stop giving this guy your precious time, he's gleefully wasting it.

May 30, 2017

I have to wonder when a person uses the word "hateful" in their title to describe how they are feeling. If you didn't want anything serious with him, I don't think you would be feeling such strong emotions over something that is not serious. You told him you don't want anything serious...."yet". Okay.

Do you suppose he just took you at your word?

So he cancelled a few times on hanging out with you because of work. But since you said you didn't want anything serious he may have thought that would be no big deal and it wouldn't upset you. It's quite possible he really was bogged down with work. You've made no promises to him and he made no promises to you. That should not inspire hate. You both agreed you'd "see how it goes". Okay. This is how it's going so far.

He texted you and you ignored him. Why? Because he cancelled on you and you were feeling sore about it? Or, is it because he was out drinking with friends? He could see you as playing games too if you ignore his text.

As far as being transparent: Go ahead and be the bigger person here and lead off with being more transparent yourself. If you have a problem with his drinking for example. If you don't like his drinking I think you should be honest about it. And you don't have to be mean about it...be assertive.... use "I" type language. "The reason I ignored your text the other night is because I knew you were out drinking with your friends and it just kind of turned me off. That's the way I honestly feel about it and if that's going to be a problem maybe you won't want to date me anymore." I mean, it DID kind of turn you off, didn't it? But, hatred?

May 30, 2017

I have to wonder when a person uses the word "hateful" in their title to describe how they are feeling. If you didn't want anything serious with him, I don't think you would be feeling such strong emotions over something that is not serious. You told him you don't want anything serious...."yet". Okay.

Do you suppose he just took you at your word?

So he cancelled a few times on hanging out with you because of work. But since you said you didn't want anything serious he may have thought that would be no big deal and it wouldn't upset you. It's quite possible he really was bogged down with work. You've made no promises to him and he made no promises to you. That should not inspire hate. You both agreed you'd "see how it goes". Okay. This is how it's going so far.

He texted you and you ignored him. Why? Because he cancelled on you and you were feeling sore about it? Or, is it because he was out drinking with friends? He could see you as playing games too if you ignore his text.

As far as being transparent: Go ahead and be the bigger person here and lead off with being more transparent yourself. If you have a problem with his drinking for example. If you don't like his drinking I think you should be honest about it. And you don't have to be mean about it...be assertive.... use "I" type language. "The reason I ignored your text the other night is because I knew you were out drinking with your friends and it just kind of turned me off. That's the way I honestly feel about it and if that's going to be a problem maybe you won't want to date me anymore." I mean, it DID kind of turn you off, didn't it? But, hatred?

He, while talking about other things, said: "Come to [name of bar]." I replied to a previous statement, but not to the one about the bar because it seemed like a drunken random invitation that had no real meaning or even coherent thought behind it. I have no issue with him drinking, and to be honest, I would never think he would be offended by my ignoring that message; I would be surprised if he even noticed, so I wouldn't think to bring it up.

May 30, 2017

1. When a guy/girl (anyone you're dating) does this THING where they date you for a while, and then bail (it really doesn't matter what the reason is at the end of the day) and then they inevitably come back (this almost always happens), in 99.9% of cases, you should NOT pursue the relationship. In almost all cases, and definitely in your case - you're dealing with someone who is:

1) indecisive about how they feel about you
2) emotionally unavailable (hot and cold, wants a relationship but doesn't, wants to sleep around but doesn't, wants you to be available but doesn't want to be available to you, etc)
3) not really sure what they want (relationship? FWB?)
4) wishy washy as a person
5) all of the above

In all of these scenarios, said person will waste your time, you will overanalyze, overthink, and invest incredibly more into the person than they are investing in you. It's a lose-lose situation. If they were right for you the first time, they never would have left. That was the first mistake.

Second, and more importantly - DO NOT LIE about what you want to a man! DO NOT DO IT. I don't care what any guides or coaches tell you. I'm not saying that you should tell the guy on a first date that you want to get married in 3 months. But don't say you want something casual if you don't. You know why? You end up in a situation like the one you've found yourself in. The tactful way to express what you want is to say something like, "Well, I'm interested in being in a serious relationship eventually, but of course it takes some time to get to know people and figure out if they're right for me." Boom. You established your standard, and you're NOT being pushy about it. Don't change your standards for the fleeting possibility that you'll fulfill whatever hope the man/woman you're dating wants to hear. If it scares them off that you know what you want, then they aren't the right person for you anyways. You waste less time, you win.

Also, he's a) being wishy washy - which was a characteristic of his that he showed you much earlier on and b) being super casual about flaking on you, rescheduling, and squeezing you in when he feels like it - and giving you exactly what you told him you wanted (but you both knew that was a lie), and exactly what he told you HE wanted.

You need to stop giving this guy your precious time, he's gleefully wasting it.

I truthfully did not think I was lying at the time about not wanting something serious, and I don't think I am now either. His poor planning is a character trait I knew about, understood, and considered if I could deal with a second time. Perhaps that is what I lied about - that I could deal with it this characteristic of his, when I really can't. I also think his indecisiveness is what's creating an issue for me. It baffles my mind, really, that in a span of a week, it seems like his interest had done a 180.

May 30, 2017

I truthfully did not think I was lying at the time about not wanting something serious, and I don't think I am now either. His poor planning is a character trait I knew about, understood, and considered if I could deal with a second time. Perhaps that is what I lied about - that I could deal with it this characteristic of his, when I really can't. I also think his indecisiveness is what's creating an issue for me. It baffles my mind, really, that in a span of a week, it seems like his interest had done a 180.

What I'm saying is that all your posts indicate that you want a relationship but you verbally say you want something casual. So the question is really- what do you want? Almost every poster here agrees that you're saying you want someting casual when it really seems like you want a relationship. You're proceeding as if you have expectation of this man that would come with a dating situation that you hope would lead to a relationship.

If you really do want someting casual then that's really exactly what you're getting. His interest hasn't done a 180 - you've established that you want someting casual on both ends and he's proceeding as such. He'll text you when he wants and see you when it's most convenient for him. If you're available at the time then great, he'll see you and maybe get some actions as well. If you're not available, oh well. He's not going to be bothered. Maybe he'll just text another girl in his phone for that evening.

There won't be consistency or progress because, like you both said, you want to keep it casual. He's not going to feel any obligation to make concrete plans in advance or to really respect your time or consider what you want on a deeper levels. That's what keeping it casual entails.

May 30, 2017

I'm sorry you are feeling heartbroken, foolish. As to feeling hateful: that's totally on you. As I said in my other post, what he has "done", which isn't much is not really enough to inspire hate. "See how it goes" ....well, it just goes and life happens and people get bogged down with work ,etc and invite you to do things last minute which may seem like an afterthought at times and you end up feeling slighted...but if you TRULY want casual, none this would bother you so much. And don't back pedal now and say you're not bothered and stuff because your title says it all. He's tried to respect your wish for casual. He hasn't done a "180"... Perhaps you're reading into his various behaviors too much...perhaps you need to adopt a casual mindset about dating him...you're emotions are way too intense for someone who doesn't want to get serious.

May 30, 2017

1. When a guy/girl (anyone you're dating) does this THING where they date you for a while, and then bail (it really doesn't matter what the reason is at the end of the day) and then they inevitably come back (this almost always happens), in 99.9% of cases, you should NOT pursue the relationship. In almost all cases, and definitely in your case - you're dealing with someone who is:

1) indecisive about how they feel about you
2) emotionally unavailable (hot and cold, wants a relationship but doesn't, wants to sleep around but doesn't, wants you to be available but doesn't want to be available to you, etc)
3) not really sure what they want (relationship? FWB?)
4) wishy washy as a person
5) all of the above

In all of these scenarios, said person will waste your time, you will overanalyze, overthink, and invest incredibly more into the person than they are investing in you. It's a lose-lose situation. If they were right for you the first time, they never would have left. That was the first mistake.

Second, and more importantly - DO NOT LIE about what you want to a man! DO NOT DO IT. I don't care what any guides or coaches tell you. I'm not saying that you should tell the guy on a first date that you want to get married in 3 months. But don't say you want something casual if you don't. You know why? You end up in a situation like the one you've found yourself in. The tactful way to express what you want is to say something like, "Well, I'm interested in being in a serious relationship eventually, but of course it takes some time to get to know people and figure out if they're right for me." Boom. You established your standard, and you're NOT being pushy about it. Don't change your standards for the fleeting possibility that you'll fulfill whatever hope the man/woman you're dating wants to hear. If it scares them off that you know what you want, then they aren't the right person for you anyways. You waste less time, you win.

Also, he's a) being wishy washy - which was a characteristic of his that he showed you much earlier on and b) being super casual about flaking on you, rescheduling, and squeezing you in when he feels like it - and giving you exactly what you told him you wanted (but you both knew that was a lie), and exactly what he told you HE wanted.

You need to stop giving this guy your precious time, he's gleefully wasting it.

What I'm saying is that all your posts indicate that you want a relationship but you verbally say you want something casual. So the question is really- what do you want? Almost every poster here agrees that you're saying you want someting casual when it really seems like you want a relationship. You're proceeding as if you have expectation of this man that would come with a dating situation that you hope would lead to a relationship.

If you really do want someting casual then that's really exactly what you're getting. His interest hasn't done a 180 - you've established that you want someting casual on both ends and he's proceeding as such. He'll text you when he wants and see you when it's most convenient for him. If you're available at the time then great, he'll see you and maybe get some actions as well. If you're not available, oh well. He's not going to be bothered. Maybe he'll just text another girl in his phone for that evening.

There won't be consistency or progress because, like you both said, you want to keep it casual. He's not going to feel any obligation to make concrete plans in advance or to really respect your time or consider what you want on a deeper levels. That's what keeping it casual entails.

After some unpacking, I realize that I wanted to be casual with the intention of going "slowly". These are not the same thing, I realized. I did not set my boundaries correctly.

May 30, 2017

I'm sorry you are feeling heartbroken, foolish. As to feeling hateful: that's totally on you. As I said in my other post, what he has "done", which isn't much is not really enough to inspire hate. "See how it goes" ....well, it just goes and life happens and people get bogged down with work ,etc and invite you to do things last minute which may seem like an afterthought at times and you end up feeling slighted...but if you TRULY want casual, none this would bother you so much. And don't back pedal now and say you're not bothered and stuff because your title says it all. He's tried to respect your wish for casual. He hasn't done a "180"... Perhaps you're reading into his various behaviors too much...perhaps you need to adopt a casual mindset about dating him...you're emotions are way too intense for someone who doesn't want to get serious.

When I said "hateful", I mean towards myself, in an incredulous/how can you be that stupid kind of way. But you are right. I have casually dated in the past, but I approached this in a way that set me up: I said I wanted to date casually, because I wanted to take it slowly enough to see if I could pursue something serious. That is not casual dating; what you and others have described, is. I did not adopt a truly casual mindset, as much as I labeled it as such. That was my mistake. I'm now tasking myself with: 1) determining what it is that I really want in the long-run 2) determining if I can continue with him in general.

May 30, 2017

He, while talking about other things, said: "Come to [name of bar]." I replied to a previous statement, but not to the one about the bar because it seemed like a drunken random invitation that had no real meaning or even coherent thought behind it. I have no issue with him drinking, and to be honest, I would never think he would be offended by my ignoring that message; I would be surprised if he even noticed, so I wouldn't think to bring it up.

I think this was an error on your part. You could have just as easily said something like

Because you've been drinking and I'll never catch up, I'm going to pass. But thanks for inviting me.

Not responding, or not addressing a direct question, especially over text, does nothing but put questions into somebody's mind.

May 30, 2017

I think this was an error on your part. You could have just as easily said something like

Not responding, or not addressing a direct question, especially over text, does nothing but put questions into somebody's mind.

I completely agree.

Declining the invitation would have perfectly reasonable. Ignoring it completely was just rude.

May 30, 2017

I think this was an error on your part. You could have just as easily said something like

Not responding, or not addressing a direct question, especially over text, does nothing but put questions into somebody's mind.

Ahh, I really did not think he'd care at all, considering his personality. But to assume is to you-know-what, and it doesn't matter if he would care or not, really. I would not have liked if someone did that to me.

May 31, 2017

AnxiousGirl. I am sorry you feel hateful toward yourself. You've done absolutely nothing that warrants hating yourself. I think maybe you hate how you FEEL, more than anything. Maybe you feel confused and actually WANT something you don't feel at peace with wanting. Maybe you were scared of how you might feel which is why you told him you didn't want to get serious yet and take things slow. Well, from what I can tell he is taking things slow and not "locking" you into anything. But, you don't like THAT either. I don't know what the answer is for you except I know you've done nothing to hate yourself for...It is what it is. HATE is not the answer. You need to somehow get that off your default setting and I think you'll feel better.

Maybe this is a 'CARRY-OVER' from your previous go-round of dating him. Resentment perhaps for how you ended up feeling from that time. He 'faded' on you, right? Well, sweetheart if you were as indecisive then as you seem to be now, can you blame the guy? But, come on, he obviously has feelings for you or he wouldn't be interested at ALL.

You say you don't think he would even CARE if you ignore his texts? How could you possibly know that? Maybe he's playing it cool with you because HE doesn't want to get in too deep with you either....maybe he senses your indecisiveness...maybe he's got your number in that regard. But if he didn't want to date you and had no feelings for you and wasn't attracted to you none of this would be happening (again?).

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What is happening with this guy and I? I'm feeling heartbroken and foolish

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