JuneJulySeptember Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 If you're looking for a relationship there's no point in pretending to be something you're not. I agree with this. I think OP should put it in her profile. She should say that she does not want men below a certain height and body type/weight (though like I said, every guy thinks he's athletic). If you want something in life, own it. If you want to be rich and are willing to work a job you hate to get money, then own that. Don't be ashamed to say you are after money. If you don't care about looks or money as much, then own that. Life is short. Find out what kind of person you want to be and own it. And you will find somebody closer to your match.
salparadise Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I have to laugh at the defensiveness of my brahs on here about a woman caring about your height / build. How many threads and posts have I seen on here where a man is outraged by encountering an undisclosed fat woman at a first meeting? We like what we like. Yup, it's the one realm where discrimination is exactly the point. I'll admit that I sort of resent people who are too outwardly superficial, but do you really want to be with them if they're not attracted to you? The thing is, if a person is overly superficial, they're not as likely to find a great personality match, and if they're overly picky in both areas, they're likely to be eternally single. And even if they find that "perfect person," we all know they're not going to be perfect, not for long anyway. They're just making life more difficult for themselves. That being said, yesterday I got a new "like" on okc. She's a 99% match, and above 90 in every category. Her interests are similar, she's super smart and educated. Everything about her profile is exactly what I'd hope for in a prospective partner... except, she's fat. We're not talking about a few extra, or curvy. Fat-fat. Dammit. I was tempted to send her a message and tell her how much alignment I feel there is, but I realized that if I do that she'll think I'm interested and I'll just end up having to tell her why I can't do it, or lie about it to spare her feelings. I wonder if she'd be interested in losing about 150 lbs. Sorry. /rant.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I think most guys should be pretty thankful that a good majority of women find physical attractiveness in men that I'd never see if I were a woman, that's for sure... The same can't be said for guys...they all want shapely and fit women, yet they must not own a mirror or have a warped idea of what they think they deserve - considering what they bring to the table... TFY 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 The same can't be said for guys...they all want shapely and fit women, yet they must not own a mirror or have a warped idea of what they think they deserve - considering what they bring to the table... TFY I haven't seen that at all. Most guys are horny bastards who walk into a bar and want to have sex with the majority of women in there, if not all. I definitely fall under that camp as well.
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 If you're looking for a relationship there's no point in pretending to be something you're not. Any prospective partner should be happy with the fact that you're shallow. I'm not shallow to the point of only caring about appearance, personality and hobbies matters a lot to me too. But I agree, I owe it to my future partner to handpick him as the best. Myself, I wouldn't feel satisfied if my boyfriend admited he had no criteria for physical features when he picked me. I want to be chosen because he thought I match his preference. Btw interesting how people got slightly defensive How many guys approach a girl simply because they think she's beautiful? I have a fully developed profile with my interests listed, expressing my artistic inclinations and specific tastes, but guess how many approach me with compliments for my pictures and without even reading my text? 90%.
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 I think most guys should be pretty thankful that a good majority of women find physical attractiveness in men that I'd never see if I were a woman, that's for sure... The same can't be said for guys...they all want shapely and fit women, yet they must not own a mirror or have a warped idea of what they think they deserve - considering what they bring to the table... TFY Oh, that's on point for Scandinavian men. Can't count how many times I saw average at best guys write things like "If we match, you are a 10!" on Tinder
SwordofFlame Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Just directly ask him how tall he is. Nothing wrong with that. It will save you time instead of going on a first date only to discover that he's too short for you. Just don't be upset if he follows up and asks you, "how much do you weigh?" I would probably say that after answering how tall I am.
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 Just directly ask him how tall he is. Nothing wrong with that. It will save you time instead of going on a first date only to discover that he's too short for you. Just don't be upset if he follows up and asks you, "how much do you weigh?" I would probably say that after answering how tall I am. Oh I don't mind that question
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Oh, that's on point for Scandinavian men. Can't count how many times I saw average at best guys write things like "If we match, you are a 10!" on Tinder That's their right though. You pointing out that it's illogical for them to go after 10s is the same as people criticizing you for your wants.
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 That's their right though. You pointing out that it's illogical for them to go after 10s is the same as people criticizing you for your wants. I'm stating a fact average guys go for 10's here where I live.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I have to laugh at the defensiveness of my brahs on here about a woman caring about your height / build. How many threads and posts have I seen on here where a man is outraged by encountering an undisclosed fat woman at a first meeting? We like what we like. I find all this humorous as well. I don't understand why the OP persists in this discussion when it is clear she knows what she will do as per her original post. The discussion should be over. Nothing she reveals is new to the discussion. In fact, if there is no way of knowing by pic or by profile, simply ask and be done with it. Not certain what the quandry was in the first place. I must say, after thinking it over, I believe her preference is just fine. She likes what she likes, but her approach is TACKY and she wonders if some guys will think her rude for asking for height or weight???? What? Of course some will take offense. There are too many ladies, etc. who make the claim that woman are more interested in substance than height, etc. We have here, the OP, where that is simply NOT TRUE. She says so and makes claims that it is biology. I suspect it is more of a self-conscience awareness than biology. I don't doubt or question her 'preference', just her approach. I mean she could be having a wonderful conversation with a guy and find out that he is like her in so many ways and suddenly, whamo, she meets and discovers that he's an inch or two too short or 5 or 10 lbs too light. Gone. Yes, humorous. The OP should have revealed less of her intentions and this discussion could have been much less controversial, winded. Here's something else. I do not date women who are not fit or athletic. Why? Because it goes to lifestyle. I am active and athletic and I want to be with a woman who shares such a lifestle. It takes work. We, for the most part have control over and dictate how we treat our bodies. There's nothing you can do about your height. It's not a lifestyle. Not something you can change and certain you do not have control of the outcome. There's the HUGE difference between the two for me. These discussions are old, but I must admit, I was most surprised at the OP's confusion as to how to answer her own question. Come right out and ask...provide language that indicates that you are looking for someone fit...put it in your profile. Why didn't she think of these OBVIOUS things? Did she start the thread to help ease her own guilt? Hmmm....
Bastile Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I didn't suggest that there is an anorexia epidemic. I was discussing body image issues in a generic sense. Yes, anorexia does fall into this category, but it doesn't always go this far. From my observation of younger people, body image issues seem far more prevalent than when I was that age. (30 years prior). I can think of a handful of hot young men who's mirrors don't reflect the truth. And even more so, I'm hearing of it in young women - friends of my daughter. Some of them do have eating disorders. My daughter knows more year 12 people who have an eating disorder than who are obese. Of course, socio economics must be factored into this. I agree that obesity is a real issue in today's society. However, it's my belief that obesity is a result of lifestyle, genetics, mental health, city planning, western diet and medications. I don't think it stems from body image issues. "Hot people" can be some of the most insecure about how they look. I was as a kid. And no amount of validation from others was going to fix it. I think it's a normal part of growing up. I've grown far more comfortable in my own skin as I've gotten a bit older. I don't think pathologizing it would have helped. I think that would have led to me chasing my own tail even further. Rather to understand that we all feel this way to some extent, and that it's to be accepted would have been beneficial, imo. Just be warned. As you should know, some WILL BE OFFENDED and let you know in the most unsavory way. OP, since height and body type are so important, your first two questions should be about them. Again, not decent of you to find out what a great person he is only for him to be rejected b/c he's not quite tall enough or possess a physique you accept. No? I agree with the first paragraph, but disagree with the second. Thinking about it, I didn't take the women that asked about things such as height early on in conversations very seriously. To me, it gave me the impression that they were filtering heavily. And that is a turn off. Which sometimes lead to me losing some interest. Such as: Her: How tall are you? Me: Standing up, or lying down? Then the attitude, along with my rough profile, gave a few the impression that I was a “F boy”. But people sometimes don't understand that we bring certain things out of each other through our own behaviours. Heavy filtering from her end, lead to me being a jerk. I can honestly say that I never asked a woman how much she weighed. Just basic social intelligence. It's a case of getting clever understanding how people use photographs, and sussing out people through that. If you are going to ask details like height, I would suggest doing so after he starts seeing you as more of a person, rather than just a picture on his phone. Otherwise, understand that a behaviour of heavily filtering guys might bring out the worst in people. Same as if I asked every woman online “how much do you weigh?”. What kind of person am I going to attract with this attitude? Think about what you are actually filtering for.... I'm fine with sending bikini pics. It's when men start to ask for multiple bikini/lingerie/bra/panty pics that I start to get annoyed!!!! I'm like, you've seen my body! I'm not your playboy bunny of the month!!!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I'm fine with sending bikini pics. It's when men start to ask for multiple bikini/lingerie/bra/panty pics that I start to get annoyed!!!! I'm like, you've seen my body! I'm not your playboy bunny of the month!!! Many of us are appreciative of the profile that shows at least one RECENT bikini shot. It and the athletic outdoor pic really says a lot. I often steer away from the profiles where every pic is provocative or bikin-laden. I conjures up ideas of high-maintenance, narcissistic, perhaps exhibitionist (not in a sexual way). A classy, business attire alongside is nice.
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 @simpleNfit I think I can start a thread on a forum if I want to talk about something. Just in the same way I can still appear on my own thread and write comments even if you think I'm not adding anything substantial. My intentions were to find out if people think that it's best to ask straight out or if that's rude. And no, I don't feel any underlying guilt about it I'm more worried about not wasting more of anyone's time, since my last few dates felt like exactly that. And once again, I'm on a public forum and can start a discussion even if I can figure out my own answer as well after a time. If these kind of discussions are old for you just skip it Sure you can't do anything about your height. But some girls can't do anything about being far from what's considered beautiful. Yet somehow most men wouldn't think twice about approaching a girl with a beautiful symmetric face instead. My point is that it's funny how we all have to pretend that we don't care about the looks at all.
Shining One Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I wouldn't be offended either if I was asked about my height and weight. It's not like I'm wondering about the size of their manhood. It should be normal to have a general idea about the person's shape. But I somehow feel I will be considered impolite.Some will consider it impolite and others won't care. It's a risk we take. When it comes to physical questions, I let the women lead since they tend to be more easily offended than me. If she asks about my height and weight, I'm allowed to ask about her weight and figure. If she asks about my manhood (I've had this happen), I can ask about her breast size and whether or not she can pass the pencil test (she took offense to this).
CptInsano Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 It's not that we don't care about the looks at all, but most people I know are not as specific. For example, I have a friend who had that thing for Asian women with large breasts. Now, that set him up for a long search, but he found and married one. Would I say it's a little on the weird side? Yeah, probably. But his choice was his, just like yours is yours. The same goes of course for the men you deem less attractive that message you.
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 It's not that we don't care about the looks at all, but most people I know are not as specific. For example, I have a friend who had that thing for Asian women with large breasts. Now, that set him up for a long search, but he found and married one. Would I say it's a little on the weird side? Yeah, probably. But his choice was his, just like yours is yours. The same goes of course for the men you deem less attractive that message you. What's so specific about wanting a guy who isn't maller than me? Wouldn't say it's as specific as an Asian woman with big breasts. Now if I said I'm looking for a broad shouldered blond guy with long hair it would be specific
CptInsano Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 What's so specific about wanting a guy who isn't maller than me? Wouldn't say it's as specific as an Asian woman with big breasts. Now if I said I'm looking for a broad shouldered blond guy with long hair it would be specific You don't have to justify anything. I believe you are looking for a tall foreign guy, and that's fine. Just make sure to make that clear in your profile, and the rest of the world will neither applaud nor fault you for it. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 @simpleNfit I think I can start a thread on a forum if I want to talk about something. Just in the same way I can still appear on my own thread and write comments even if you think I'm not adding anything substantial. My intentions were to find out if people think that it's best to ask straight out or if that's rude. And no, I don't feel any underlying guilt about it I'm more worried about not wasting more of anyone's time, since my last few dates felt like exactly that. And once again, I'm on a public forum and can start a discussion even if I can figure out my own answer as well after a time. If these kind of discussions are old for you just skip it Sure you can't do anything about your height. But some girls can't do anything about being far from what's considered beautiful. Yet somehow most men wouldn't think twice about approaching a girl with a beautiful symmetric face instead. My point is that it's funny how we all have to pretend that we don't care about the looks at all. Lorenza. All of my posts are clear. You have your preferences, but you need to make them clear before someone begins to think there's a connection only to be dashed b/c they are not tall enough for you. I think it tacky to come right out and ask AFTER you've started any meaningful conversation knowing that all that will be moot based on whether he is tall or fit enough for you. Like I said from the START, this should be among the very first things you bring up. Hey, I don't have a problem you dating taller men. I just hope your approach honest and up-front. But what do you care what I think?
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I find it beyond unbelievable that there's dating websites out there that don't make men list their height. That's like the #2 dating requirement for women ... barely behind straight/gay. I mean, seriously what were those people thinking.
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 Lorenza. All of my posts are clear. You have your preferences, but you need to make them clear before someone begins to think there's a connection only to be dashed b/c they are not tall enough for you. I think it tacky to come right out and ask AFTER you've started any meaningful conversation knowing that all that will be moot based on whether he is tall or fit enough for you. Like I said from the START, this should be among the very first things you bring up. Hey, I don't have a problem you dating taller men. I just hope your approach honest and up-front. But what do you care what I think? Lol, of course I care what you think, that's why I made this topic Also I didn't dismiss any advice. I don't want to waste time either and chats or dates that lead nowhere doesn't interest me and from now on I'm planning to be upfront (especially after those failed dates). I think I'm gonna go with simply putting up this info on my profile - only tall, broad shouldered long haired individuals with thick calves and a Scottish accent. Just kidding. 1
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 I find it beyond unbelievable that there's dating websites out there that don't make men list their height. That's like the #2 dating requirement for women ... barely behind straight/gay. I mean, seriously what were those people thinking. Well for example Tinder doesn't have it and it's a legit dating app here where I am. An expat dating site also doesn't have it since it follows Tinder format. Im on some sites that do include this info but not everyone fills it in.
harrybrown Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I hope you continue to be upfront and honest. Tell the short guys like me (5'7") that we do not have a chance so save you time. Honesty is a good trait.
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Well for example Tinder doesn't have it and it's a legit dating app here where I am. An expat dating site also doesn't have it since it follows Tinder format. Im on some sites that do include this info but not everyone fills it in. Now that I think more about it, you should just use those other sites. When I was on Match.com, I didn't even bother to email women when I was out of their height range. I think I did maybe 5 times or less. Never a response ... predictably. Drama = gone. Unless you like the drama. As far as the build thing, you're on your own.
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 Now that I think more about it, you should just use those other sites. When I was on Match.com, I didn't even bother to email women when I was out of their height range. I think I did maybe 5 times or less. Never a response ... predictably. Drama = gone. Unless you like the drama. As far as the build thing, you're on your own. Those other sites are 99% local men though. I'm more into foreigners like myself I guess I just have to specify my preferences in my profile and hope it will be read since my elaborate text doesn't always get enough attention. Oh and there is no drama, not sure what gives that impression. I'm merely here for advice which I got plenty of, by now
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