jjgitties Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 For women, we have a long history of having our beauty valued above our brains. Only 120 years ago, we weren't to have an opinion. Just be pretty and keep house. A homely women could end up being a spinster. 120 years ago? Are you sure about that? I think as recently as the 1950s the "perfect wife" was the one that sat at home and looked after the house. In the era when the economy allowed for one working parent household to support and full family. And while I agree that man can frequently greet each other with "You've porked up since we last met!" I think we may see this starting to change. I'm seeing more and more young men who are developing body image disorders. No true. I have never used the word porked. We do go on and on about how insane some women are. As someone who puts little store into appearance/height/build, I find it a sad indictment on modern society that more men are following women down this dark path. I think perhaps the body image disorders are co-related to the modern woman's conception of what they "should" be expecting for when looking for a mate. They are influences by "selective" mass media and social media. The male has to be tall, have abs, e.t.c. All short, stubby ugly guys need not apply.
telemakus Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 (edited) I don't know. Would you be offended if the guy you were talking to asked if your photos were judiciously taken to take a few pounds off? Edited May 30, 2017 by telemakus
thefooloftheyear Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 For women, we have a long history of having our beauty valued above our brains. Only 120 years ago, we weren't to have an opinion. Just be pretty and keep house. A homely women could end up being a spinster. Even with little girls in the current day, it's so frequent to hear them being complimented on their beauty rather than how clever they are. This kind of role modelling sets a tone for life. I'd like to think this would have changed with feminism, but women's body image seems to be getting worse if anything. And while I agree that man can frequently greet each other with "You've porked up since we last met!" I think we may see this starting to change. I'm seeing more and more young men who are developing body image disorders. As someone who puts little store into appearance/height/build, I find it a sad indictment on modern society that more men are following women down this dark path. I see your point....It was observation rather than opinion...just to be clear.. I guess, though, if you are a woman and want to physically size up a prospect, in terms of specifics as height, BMI, etc, then don't b!tch about it if it gets turned around ....Id say that's only fair... The guys i know that have used OLD all say the same thing...Every woman they met was at least 25 lb heavier than the photos would indicate...Downright fat women were all "curvy" and some even characterized themselves as athletic..Many photos were clearly photoshopped..Some used obviously decades old pics.. Guys do it as well, I am sure....But I saw that guys profile...If anything, I think he used somewhat unflattering pics in the profile.. For guys, its easier for women to size them up...I think anyway...Reason is no makeup, slenderizing undergarments and the like...What you see(providing the photo is current and unaltered) is what you get...I think, anyway...Ladies with experience here, welcome to comment... Anyway....I have no issue with either side being specific about physical characteristics..And dismissing prospects because they don't meet that persons taste or criteria...Just don't be mean or hurtful about it..And its probably not so great if you ask for something you don't bring to the table yourself...The problem, though, is that its probably acceptable for a woman to ask a guy for a shirtless pic(i'd have no problem with that)..but if, say, a guy asked a woman for a current photo in a two piece so he can get a real idea of body type, he'd probably get trashed...Curious what a typical woman would do/react in that case... Eh,,,,I dunno...*shrug* TFY 1
divegrl Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I'm fine with sending bikini pics. It's when men start to ask for multiple bikini/lingerie/bra/panty pics that I start to get annoyed!!!! I'm like, you've seen my body! I'm not your playboy bunny of the month!!! 5
basil67 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Completely agree TFY. Only a couple of days ago there was a female poster complaining that she couldn't find attractive men but in the same paragraph she was worried that no men found her attractive. 1
basil67 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 (edited) 120 years ago? Are you sure about that? I think as recently as the 1950s the "perfect wife" was the one that sat at home and looked after the house. In the era when the economy allowed for one working parent household to support and full family. By the 1950's, there was still an ideal houswife thing, but the advice books no longer told women that they should not have an opinion. And women by this stage were now able get a good education and go to university if they wanted. No true. I have never used the word porked. I'm sure you got the context of what the word conveys. Please show more tolerance to the differences in language across the world. I think perhaps the body image disorders are co-related to the modern woman's conception of what they "should" be expecting for when looking for a mate. They are influences by "selective" mass media and social media. The male has to be tall, have abs, e.t.c. All short, stubby ugly guys need not apply. I think media has a lot to do with it. Same how short, stubby, ugly women need not apply. Edited May 30, 2017 by basil67
joseb Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Agreed with other posters responses, but I am slightly surprised that in this day and age some OLD sites or whatever the OP is using doesn't have this feature. I've yet to find one that doesn't ask height, weight, skin color or hair color. For the better they have yet to ask about our ''other size''. Just had a quick look at the three apps I use, tinder, bumble and pof. Pof was the only one with a height setting. None had a weight setting but pof did have a "body type".
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 Well, I actually think through my OLD profile and choose the kind of pictures that wouldn't leave any questions - you can see my full body in a few different angles and the pics are recent. Have never had complaints and men usually contact me asking for a second date. But they themselves rarely have pictures that represent them well. Not even the face - I went on 5 dates in May in total and none of them looked like I thought they would. I even told one of them "Wow I would never recognize you!" and he then admited "Haha well my pics were kinda old, guess I've changed quite a bit". Wtf? Why not update them so people knew what to expect? Its unnatural enough choosing people on some piece of digital media, at least we could be accurate with our profiles. Going back to the height and build question, I guess what gets me is that I'm completely turned off by the thought of being bigger than my guy. I feel like an amazon woman and I don't want to feel that way - like I'm stronger, more athletic, probably weight more. I want to be weaker and more fragile than him, like he's my protector and not I'm his. Guess it's all in biology.
Chilli Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Funny , l've never really asked just women in general l mean , how they'd feel about him being shorter. A lady l'm sort of in business with , stunning lady, probly 5,8. But when l met her H l was amazed , tiny guy, long scruffy hair, looks like a little beach bum.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Well, I actually think through my OLD profile and choose the kind of pictures that wouldn't leave any questions - you can see my full body in a few different angles and the pics are recent. Have never had complaints and men usually contact me asking for a second date. But they themselves rarely have pictures that represent them well. Not even the face - I went on 5 dates in May in total and none of them looked like I thought they would. I even told one of them "Wow I would never recognize you!" and he then admited "Haha well my pics were kinda old, guess I've changed quite a bit". Wtf? Why not update them so people knew what to expect? Its unnatural enough choosing people on some piece of digital media, at least we could be accurate with our profiles. Going back to the height and build question, I guess what gets me is that I'm completely turned off by the thought of being bigger than my guy. I feel like an amazon woman and I don't want to feel that way - like I'm stronger, more athletic, probably weight more. I want to be weaker and more fragile than him, like he's my protector and not I'm his. Guess it's all in biology. I don't know how old you are, but if you are under 30, I wish you good luck...Most guys under 30 are pretty waify...or they are skinny fat/fat...Ans women have gotten significantly larger...I could see why some women feel the way you do... The mesomorph male seems to be nearing extinction...from what I see anyway... TFY 1
Shining One Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I have no problem with a woman asking me about the physical attributes important to her. I won't be offended and I'll answer her questions. What I do have a problem with is when that same woman is offended when I ask her about physical attributes that are important to me and she chooses not to answer my questions. 1
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 I don't know how old you are, but if you are under 30, I wish you good luck...Most guys under 30 are pretty waify...or they are skinny fat/fat...Ans women have gotten significantly larger...I could see why some women feel the way you do... The mesomorph male seems to be nearing extinction...from what I see anyway... TFY I'm in my late 20's and you're right, most guys of my age are pretty frail. Where I live obesity isn't a problem at all, more like the opposite. Not so long time ago me and my friend went out to a nightclub, something I do very rarely and we wondered why guys look so young. Felt like we were surrounded by 18-years-olds and we particularly chose a club with a certain age limit so that the crowd would be older.
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 I have no problem with a woman asking me about the physical attributes important to her. I won't be offended and I'll answer her questions. What I do have a problem with is when that same woman is offended when I ask her about physical attributes that are important to me and she chooses not to answer my questions. I wouldn't be offended either if I was asked about my height and weight. It's not like I'm wondering about the size of their manhood. It should be normal to have a general idea about the person's shape. But I somehow feel I will be considered impolite.
Andy_K Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 It's 2017, everybody's at the gym these days. Plenty of guys under 30 look far from waify, same way plenty of girls are far from chubby. Just depends where you look. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 But I somehow feel I will be considered impolite. By some. There's a risk in asking, of course. Some will immediately find you 'shallow' or 'judgmental' or some will be okay b/c they are confident with how they look. Why not ask for a full body pic? In any event, if the information you require doesn't exist on some of these sites, be honest and simply ask, but don't have long philosophical, life-introspective discussions first to only reject them b/c they are too short or too thin. Be honest with yourself and them.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 It's 2017, everybody's at the gym these days. Plenty of guys under 30 look far from waify, same way plenty of girls are far from chubby. Just depends where you look. I live in a close suburb of a major metropolitan US city.. In the 80's I belonged to a gym where the average weight of the guys there was probably 190-220...There were VERY few guys in the place that had a below 315 bench or below 405 squat.. Despite some layoffs I got back in serious about 10 years ago..This is supposed to be a lifters gym, btw..Guys now do backflips if they can bench 225.,for a single..,The average weight of the guys there are probably 160-175...There are a large percentage of guys there that weigh under 150...Narrow shoulders, stick legs/calves...Its basically Ectomorph Central.. The weight of the average woman, IIRC, is now 170+...I see more mesomorph females than males at this particular gym.... I hear what the OP is saying quite often from many women.. TFY
Andy_K Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Perhaps that's evidence that a wider range of people are now attending the gym? Smaller guys are trying to build muscle instead of just those more naturally predisposed to it. I have a lot of respect for those willing to put in the grind despite not having advantageous genetics. 2
JuneL Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 If this is what you care, why do you have to give a $hit about what others think? So what if you are immature and shallow?? I personally couldn't care less about a guy's looks, as long as he keeps himself clean and healthy. But to each his own. I respect your rights to be immature and shallow. Is it impolite and shallow to ask about someone's body type online? I usually chat about deeper and more personal things to get to know their mind and soul, but try it as I might, if a guy is too skinny and shorter than me (I'm a tall girl), nothing helps to ignite any attraction. I feel shallow and immature, but it is how it is. How to politely find out about someone's body type and height? Do I just ask straight up (How tall are you? How'd you describe your build?) or go around (Btw, so that you know, I'm [my height]). I don't want to sound obsessed by appearance. I'm not looking for Mr Handsome with a body of a fitness model either. Is it crazy to care about these things? 1
Author Lorenza Posted May 30, 2017 Author Posted May 30, 2017 If this is what you care, why do you have to give a $hit about what others think? So what if you are immature and shallow?? I personally couldn't care less about a guy's looks, as long as he keeps himself clean and healthy. But to each his own. I respect your rights to be immature and shallow. Well I suppose I do give a shyt about what the guys I'm talking to think about me, since I'm trying to find a partner. In general I'm not the person who adopts a "I don't give a f" attitude and I try to think through my words and actions. That's why I'm interested in how to get the desired info politely. Height and body is far from the only things that interests me in men, but the attraction is important as well. 1
telemakus Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 If you're looking for a relationship there's no point in pretending to be something you're not. Any prospective partner should be happy with the fact that you're shallow. 1
jjgitties Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 ...but the attraction is important as well. Well, I guess you know what you want and you know what you must have. So I guess my advice is you need to put that clearly in your dating profile and make sure you attract no guys that think you might be willing to compromise in any way. What you don't want to is waste anyones time b giving them any indication that you are willing to look past whatever they might be missing in your list. Good luck amazon. :-) 1
NuevoYorko Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I have to laugh at the defensiveness of my brahs on here about a woman caring about your height / build. How many threads and posts have I seen on here where a man is outraged by encountering an undisclosed fat woman at a first meeting? We like what we like. 2
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 The OP is not being particularly shallow, not any more shallow than everyone else anyway. She has an excellent reason for not wanting a small, weedy bf. Dating is all about being "shallow". We search for the person who we find attractive and that necessarily involves filtering out those we do not find attractive. 4
JuneL Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Exactly. If a guy is only attracted to someone who looks like a Barbie and who has an IQ of 150+, wouldn't you want him to be upfront instead of leading you on and wasting you more time? I mean, he can't control what he is attracted to, but he can control how much of your time to waste further. If you're looking for a relationship there's no point in pretending to be something you're not. Any prospective partner should be happy with the fact that you're shallow. 1
Recommended Posts