Lorenza Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Is it impolite and shallow to ask about someone's body type online? I usually chat about deeper and more personal things to get to know their mind and soul, but try it as I might, if a guy is too skinny and shorter than me (I'm a tall girl), nothing helps to ignite any attraction. I feel shallow and immature, but it is how it is. How to politely find out about someone's body type and height? Do I just ask straight up (How tall are you? How'd you describe your build?) or go around (Btw, so that you know, I'm [my height]). I don't want to sound obsessed by appearance. I'm not looking for Mr Handsome with a body of a fitness model either. Is it crazy to care about these things?
Dis Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Is it impolite and shallow to ask about someone's body type online? I usually chat about deeper and more personal things to get to know their mind and soul, but try it as I might, if a guy is too skinny and shorter than me (I'm a tall girl), nothing helps to ignite any attraction. I feel shallow and immature, but it is how it is. How to politely find out about someone's body type and height? Do I just ask straight up (How tall are you? How'd you describe your build?) or go around (Btw, so that you know, I'm [my height]). I don't want to sound obsessed by appearance. I'm not looking for Mr Handsome with a body of a fitness model either. Is it crazy to care about these things? No its not crazy at all! We like what we like. Despite how superficial it sounds...we cant help what were attracted to Ya this isnt an easy one...asking a guy this type of thing On the dating sites you're on...can you get an idea from their pics? I know a lot of the sites I was on asked about body type and had it listed on profiles If not...then chat for awhile. Not days but dont rush it either. Maybe until you get a good rapport going. This could be a good thing so you can focus on his personality without getting too carried away with looks. You could always casually volunteer your info first if you can find a way to fit it into the convo. I think the guy would feel more comfortable that way Good luck!
Author Lorenza Posted May 29, 2017 Author Posted May 29, 2017 No its not crazy at all! We like what we like. Despite how superficial it sounds...we cant help what were attracted to Ya this isnt an easy one...asking a guy this type of thing On the dating sites you're on...can you get an idea from their pics? I know a lot of the sites I was on asked about body type and had it listed on profiles If not...then chat for awhile. Not days but dont rush it either. Maybe until you get a good rapport going. This could be a good thing so you can focus on his personality without getting too carried away with looks. You could always casually volunteer your info first if you can find a way to fit it into the convo. I think the guy would feel more comfortable that way Good luck! The site I'm on doesn't let anyone provide that info unfortunately and I'm apparently pretty bad at estimating that kind of things from their pictures, my 3 latest dates were completely different than what I expected. Thought they all looked like they had more meat in their pics, they turned to be pretty skinny. I also thought I'll volunteer that info or maybe I should ask them to name 5 things they find important appearance wise and name mine when it's my turn? Maybe that won't rude
smackie9 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Try a different dating site that lets you include things like height/body type preference, etc. 4
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 (edited) Is it impolite and shallow to ask about someone's body type online? I usually chat about deeper and more personal things to get to know their mind and soul, but try it as I might, if a guy is too skinny and shorter than me (I'm a tall girl), nothing helps to ignite any attraction. I feel shallow and immature, but it is how it is. How to politely find out about someone's body type and height? Do I just ask straight up (How tall are you? How'd you describe your build?) or go around (Btw, so that you know, I'm [my height]). I don't want to sound obsessed by appearance. I'm not looking for Mr Handsome with a body of a fitness model either. Is it crazy to care about these things? You can typically tell if a guy is short (5'7" or shorter) or tall (6'0" or taller) from his pictures. I'm really short and you can definitely tell from the pics even without anything next to me for perspective. IMO, if you are going to use height as a screen, then don't think of it as shallow. When you say something like "I'm shallow and immature, but I can't help it", it doesn't sound good. Stick with your guns. Thought they all looked like they had more meat in their pics, they turned to be pretty skinny. If you screen guys to this extent physically, then you're probably not doing yourself any favors in terms of finding a personality match, but it's your life ... your choice. Everybody lives life the way they want and has their priorities. Some people won't date their whole lives. In terms of the question ... just ask. You'll get some blowback from some guys who are offended that women care about height. Deal with it. Or use Match.com. Edited May 29, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember
Author Lorenza Posted May 29, 2017 Author Posted May 29, 2017 You can typically tell if a guy is short (5'7" or shorter) or tall (6'0" or taller) from his pictures. I'm really short and you can definitely tell from the pics even without anything next to me for perspective. If you screen guys to this extent physically, then you're probably not doing yourself any favors in terms of finding a personality match, but it's your life ... your choice. Everybody lives life the way they want. Some people won't date their whole lives. How do you mean "to this extent"? I'm just saying they didn't look to be that skinny in their pictures, but when I met them they were almost slighter than me in their build. It's hard to tell.
Author Lorenza Posted May 29, 2017 Author Posted May 29, 2017 Try a different dating site that lets you include things like height/body type preference, etc. The one I'm one is the only one that includes foreigners and not only the local men, would be hard to find so many interesting people on others. Guess every site has its drawbacks
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 (edited) How do you mean "to this extent"? I'm just saying they didn't look to be that skinny in their pictures, but when I met them they were almost slighter than me in their build. It's hard to tell. Well, if you want me to be perfectly honest, the height thing every woman cares about. Maybe not ALL, but 98% or so. But discriminating a guy based on his muscularity between pics and real life, that might be considered a bit picky even by most women's standards. And I NEVER give women the benefit of the doubt. But hey like I said, your life. That one, I'm not sure how you would ask about. Even if you asked, they could say they were 'athletic', and they could show up and be skinnier/chubbier than you prefer. Edited May 29, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember
Chilli Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 (edited) That was one of the maddest things about date sites. Natures way is obviously seeing the damn person in RL first , that's where it all starts, that's the very first thing. Yet on a date site that can take days or wks if you let it, crazy business, totally reverse to nature. l always looked for that stuff in their write up, first thing. My site had height and body and weight things and hair and eyes, if you wanted to fill them out, and pics. But it was still hopeless because the girls often only had 5 or 10 pics of their damn face, often 5 or 10 yr old ones, oh and their dog. And when you started talking they'd often stall you with a decent pic where you could actually see all of them. And they'd lie about their weight. l found looks and any attraction the one biggest ridiculous hurdle on the date site, hopeless. Never met one in person l would even be meeting in RL in that way, because l wouldn't of even been attracted in the first place. It was hopeless. Edited May 29, 2017 by Chilli
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Wowsa! Love it! A woman who ADMITS that height matters! There are members on LS who would like you to believe that WOMEN (it seemed like all) do not care about height and it's overwhelming a simple emotional thing...ya, right. Thank you for being honest. No, it does't hurt, for your sake to ask. It would be unfair for you to show interest, set a date and only to reject him b/c he wasn't tall enough for you. You should put your height requirements in your profile to be honest. I've seen some ladies do just that. Having traveled and lived in many parts of the world, I am convinced that this love with height is a cultural/societal thing, not biological or natural. I truly believe that many women are self-conscience about dating something that doesn't meet their height requirement. SELF-conscience...they are afraid of what others would think of them if they are not dating someone taller. You're only shallow if you try to suggest that height doesn't matter and you ridicule someone of an attribute they have no control over or to suggest that there is something inferior about having such an attribute.
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Having traveled and lived in many parts of the world, I am convinced that this love with height is a cultural/societal thing, not biological or natural. I truly believe that many women are self-conscience about dating something that doesn't meet their height requirement. SELF-conscience...they are afraid of what others would think of them if they are not dating someone taller. So, how does it work though? If women see a mugshot of a guy and he's handsome. Oh man, he's hot ... and he turns out to be short, do they lose ALL physical attraction? Because if I see a mugshot of a cute woman and she happens to be really tall, I might be self-conscious to be with her in public, but I'd still want to screw her brains out behind closed doors. So that'd be tricky. Or maybe it's more like a woman with a pretty face and she gained 100 pounds and is now obese. That would turn off the switch off completely for a lot of guys.
basil67 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Yes, it is shallow and will sound shallow. But it's also your prerogative to choose what you want. 3
Shanex Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Agreed with other posters responses, but I am slightly surprised that in this day and age some OLD sites or whatever the OP is using doesn't have this feature. I've yet to find one that doesn't ask height, weight, skin color or hair color. For the better they have yet to ask about our ''other size''. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 From what I have seen/heard. a huge double standard exists... But I guess its no different than what goes on in real life...Tell a woman she's gained weight or is fat and she'll either fall apart emotionally or rip you a new one...Tell a guy and he'll agree and say he needs to cut down on the beer and pizza and get back to the gym... So I guess its oK for women but really not for guys to ask?? I am not in the game, but would have zero problems...In fact, If someone asked, Id offer to send a selfie in my undies, and ask that she do the same...Only fair, right?? TFY 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Is it impolite and shallow to ask about someone's body type online? I usually chat about deeper and more personal things to get to know their mind and soul, but try it as I might, if a guy is too skinny and shorter than me (I'm a tall girl), nothing helps to ignite any attraction. I feel shallow and immature, but it is how it is. So, how does it work though? If women see a mugshot of a guy and he's handsome. Oh man, he's hot ... and he turns out to be short, do they lose ALL physical attraction? Read the OP's original post. She cannot feel any attraction if the guy is too thin or short despite a deeper connection otherwise. I believe her inability to feel attraction is one of self-conscience. There is nothing inherently disadvantageous to dating someone thinner or shorter, especially if you have other commonalities, but she consciously is unable to commit. So, for her, the answer is YES. Because if I see a mugshot of a cute woman and she happens to be really tall, I might be self-conscious to be with her in public, but I'd still want to screw her brains out behind closed doors. Men are less concerned about height. Far less. So that'd be tricky. Or maybe it's more like a woman with a pretty face and she gained 100 pounds and is now obese. That would turn off the switch off completely for a lot of guys. For many men, yes. I answered with in the quote. For most honest people, it simply comes down to what attracts them. Not always fair or reasonable.
preraph Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 If they're not using representative photos, they're just going to lie about height and weight too.
planb1973 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 I'm going to chime in here as a tall skinny guy. At 6'2" and 160 lbs I might get the height part but fail in the skinny part. Is it shallow to dismiss me based on the fact that I am skinny, yes. Is it immature, no. Though I am muscular due to my profession I am very thin, was teased relentlessly about it growing up, and self contentious about it. So down to the nitty gritty about body types. I personally am not attracted to skinny. Having sex with a woman who is skinny is just uncomfortable. There is nothing to grab on to and there is too much bone on bone to have a really fantastic sexual experience. Even thin me does not take offence to your unattraction to skinny guys. It is what it is, so don't worry about it. Just the other night I was with a woman who I have been sexual with for a while and the topic of body type was brought up. She is 5' tall 115 Lbs, a tinny little thing, and she poked fun at my thin legs, which happen to be smaller than hers. So I asked if she was attracted to thin guys, to which she replied, no... But we happen to have great sexual chemistry and well she thinks I'm one hell of a man so she just looks past the skinny legs because for what I lack in body I make up for in many other ways. To answer your question about how to ask about body type and height while online, just ask, you haven't met them yet, if they get all offended thats their problem, and if they show up on a date and you realized they were not truthful about their body well then you know that about their personality, take the free drink and on to the next.
basil67 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 From what I have seen/heard. a huge double standard exists... But I guess its no different than what goes on in real life...Tell a woman she's gained weight or is fat and she'll either fall apart emotionally or rip you a new one...Tell a guy and he'll agree and say he needs to cut down on the beer and pizza and get back to the gym... For women, we have a long history of having our beauty valued above our brains. Only 120 years ago, we weren't to have an opinion. Just be pretty and keep house. A homely women could end up being a spinster. Even with little girls in the current day, it's so frequent to hear them being complimented on their beauty rather than how clever they are. This kind of role modelling sets a tone for life. I'd like to think this would have changed with feminism, but women's body image seems to be getting worse if anything. And while I agree that man can frequently greet each other with "You've porked up since we last met!" I think we may see this starting to change. I'm seeing more and more young men who are developing body image disorders. As someone who puts little store into appearance/height/build, I find it a sad indictment on modern society that more men are following women down this dark path. 3
Bastile Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 For women, we have a long history of having our beauty valued above our brains. Only 120 years ago, we weren't to have an opinion. Just be pretty and keep house. A homely women could end up being a spinster. Even with little girls in the current day, it's so frequent to hear them being complimented on their beauty rather than how clever they are. This kind of role modelling sets a tone for life. I'd like to think this would have changed with feminism, but women's body image seems to be getting worse if anything. And while I agree that man can frequently greet each other with "You've porked up since we last met!" I think we may see this starting to change. I'm seeing more and more young men who are developing body image disorders. As someone who puts little store into appearance/height/build, I find it a sad indictment on modern society that more men are following women down this dark path. The dark path seems to lead to obesity, if anything. There is no anorexia epidemic. There is an obesity one. Concerning asking about height, most guys will add an inch or two. That's what I did. Subtract at least one inch from whatever they say.
coolheadal Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 The one I'm one is the only one that includes foreigners and not only the local men, would be hard to find so many interesting people on others. Guess every site has its drawbacks They are never going to tell you the truth about themselves so even if you say could you reach something that was taller than me in my kitchen? If we were in a tight hole in the ground could you get me out first or would it be a tight spot for you to be in. Stuff like that you can say to them making it sound like you were trying to see if they guy had a huge gut or if they were really shorter than you.
WaitingForBardot Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I just don't get this idea that being attracted to certain things is more or less shallow than being attracted to other things. Like the idea that finding someone attractive for their intellect or personality or ?? is somehow less shallow than finding them attractive for their looks. I like what I like and expect most others do as well. Given you have no other mechanism on this particular dating site, I say just come right out and ask; I wouldn't be offended. And there's certainly no need to apologize...
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 Just be warned. As you should know, some WILL BE OFFENDED and let you know in the most unsavory way. OP, since height and body type are so important, your first two questions should be about them. Again, not decent of you to find out what a great person he is only for him to be rejected b/c he's not quite tall enough or possess a physique you accept. No? 1
jjgitties Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I feel shallow and immature, but it is how it is. I guess less shallow than me asking upon first chat bust/bra size, weight, body fat ration, and the ever popular butt size. ;-)
jay1983 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 I was about ask the OP how would she feel if he asked her what size she wore or how much she weighed. I 1
basil67 Posted May 30, 2017 Posted May 30, 2017 The dark path seems to lead to obesity, if anything. There is no anorexia epidemic. There is an obesity one. Concerning asking about height, most guys will add an inch or two. That's what I did. Subtract at least one inch from whatever they say. I didn't suggest that there is an anorexia epidemic. I was discussing body image issues in a generic sense. Yes, anorexia does fall into this category, but it doesn't always go this far. From my observation of younger people, body image issues seem far more prevalent than when I was that age. (30 years prior). I can think of a handful of hot young men who's mirrors don't reflect the truth. And even more so, I'm hearing of it in young women - friends of my daughter. Some of them do have eating disorders. My daughter knows more year 12 people who have an eating disorder than who are obese. Of course, socio economics must be factored into this. I agree that obesity is a real issue in today's society. However, it's my belief that obesity is a result of lifestyle, genetics, mental health, city planning, western diet and medications. I don't think it stems from body image issues.
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