on ex girlfriend situation

[italian3]

Good day people. It's my first time doing this but I need advise on my situation. Let me give you some background into my situation. Last year she and I met on the weirdest of ways. After saving her life we started knowing each other better and went out on casual dates. I confessed her my love for her and she felt the same way but was indecisive because of past experiences with her ex boyfriend, who was verbally abusive. He cheated on her with her friends,etc. Little by little I got her to lower her guard and let me in her life> After that she confessed to me that I was the only guy she had truly fell in love with. We texted each other or chatted through Facebook when we didn't see each other. I omitted a lot of how we met and how was our daily relationship dynamic cause its very cheesy and I want to get the point across. I met her family, a little brother and her mother. As time went on we grew closer and closer to the point were they all considered me the fourth member of her family. But as we got into the fith month of our bf/gf relationship, I started arguing with her. The reason wasn't she did anything wrong, I simply felt the sudden anger. It wasn't only her but in college and many other environments, I started lashing out against anyone for no reason. As the days passed I felt more depression and anxiety. Then one day during last December, her , her brother and me went to the movies. That day we had argued during the morning and I felt angry then sad then angry all day but I had told them that I would go, so I wasn't going to break my word. After the movies I started talking nonsense against them when it wasn't there fault. She was heartbroken and both were very sad. I didn't realize what I had done until it was too late. She asked me for space and after a month I saw her again in college and she broke up with me. Her family avoided me and passed me by without ever so much looking at me. We stayed friends and I tried talking to her but she seemed to be avoiding me also but was less than know. We talked, then we would argue. I got to a point where I felt like something was wrong with me. After about march , I decided to go NC so I could have some time off and as well as to protect her from my anger. During the time that we broke up, she started feeling colder towards me and stopped having the initiative of writing me and her messages got shorter and shorter. It was very weird because she had never being like that even when we were getting to know each other. During that time I went through multiple check ups, I was diagnosed bipolar. It felt like a bucket of cold water on me cause no one I knew was bipolar. When I felt I was ready to talked to her, I tried to reestablish contact with her but she didn't reply to me and I let the days go by. I wrote her a text after a week and a whatsapp message to no avail. She left me on read in whatsapp. Then after a couple of weeks my birthday came around and she wrote to me. Some days passed and and she wrote to me about some money that she owed me and wanted to sent it to me by electronic transfer. The weird thing is that for that, she had the information, cause we had our accounts together. Then she asked me what was my cellphone number, but she knew it cause I hadn't changed it. I wrote her saying thanks for the wishes and didn't write her again. Before I went NC, she was cold but at least she replied on a daily basis. It was during that time that she confessed to me that they were scared of talking to me cause they feared that I might hurt them again. If I had only knew that I was bipolar, I would have told her. She believes I acted like that cause I wanted to, but I swear I can't control it. I'm now on therapy to control this but I'm a long way from controlling it. In a couple of weeks I'm leaving college and my country to start on a new work. Honestly, I still have my feelings untouched for her as we were very close, but I don't want her to suffer by my side. I don't want her or anyone to suffer cause of my actions. I would like to say goodbye to her before I leave forever, but I don't know whats wrong. It seems that going NC made her resent me more. The weird part of the last time we chatted, she was writing like a normal person would but was dodgy I would like to know if some females could shed some light into my situation. Could she be angry at me? Anyway it seems like she will never talked to me again. p.s. she was always a very undeceive girl with many doubts and put a lot of emotional barriers even when we were getting to know each other. Also do you think I should tell her I'm leaving

[Straziin]

I think she's just scared man. She had a rough past relationship with her other ex boyfriend. Needs to me alone at the moment, NC was the way to go and she's not angry at you anymore. Just guarded. If anything you can fight for her, she needs to see your change is for the better. That you're not the same guy anymore. If you know she's not currently seeing anyone, just ask her to talk. Be mature about it, don't push anything but leave it open to her. Don't bring up your old arguments. If nothing works, move on man. There's many girls out there, if she's not mature enough to take bipolar seriously she never was in love with you. Since that's a serious disorder.

[italian3]

I have recently realized what being bipolar is. I had never known anyone like this and no one that I knew had it. After a couple of check ups my doctor traced it to my father who showed some signs but wasn't like me. I'm still learning on the go on how to cope with this cause it affects my everyday to a point where I have a hard time doing everyday stuff. If I had known this prior to meeting her, I would have never gotten close to her. And because I still care for her and want to protect her, I went NC. Funny stuff, she and I had a very direct way of talking, so if something bother the other she or I would ask the question without any excuses. So I asked her if she was seeing anyone, and what I got was the verbal bitch slap of a lifetime, where she basically said and I quote "You're a jackass and a idiot cause you think I would forget you so easily and quickly. I can't believe you asked that." And after that I got nuclear heat, cause she thought I had insinuated she was a whore. Then after getting that verbal bitch slap is when she started acting very cold and distant. Honestly right now, I'm not thinking about getting back together cause I don't want her or anyone to suffer because of this disorder. So right now, I'm focusing my strength on controlling it and being able to be as functional as I was a long time ago. Cause I have being having the symptoms for a long time, its just that it wasn't something that I thought I would have and assumed it was something else. People also assumed I was being rebellious among other stuff. Apparently if I do stuff, I piss her off and if I don't I piss her off. Also, she is known to be a very stubborn women and wants to win every argument all the time.

Edited May 30, 2017 by italian3