Heartbroken after 19 years... he moved on already

[HayleyD78]

Hi everyone,

Me and my ex were together for 19 years started dating when I was 19, never married and never had children as we loved our holidays nice clothes cars and our dogs have been our babies,

We have had our ups and downs, and I caught him cheating once last year so sex became an issue as I couldn't stop thinking about him being with another person,

Anyway he lost his sister a few months ago and it has caused a huge impact on his life as his parents who he also lost several years ago he had promised them he would always look after her and his sister was like his little princess.

He told me two weeks ago that he realised life's too short and he has not been happy for some time and doesn't want the relationship anymore, this ripped my heart out as I had no idea,

We were due to go on holiday in two weeks time and I've since discovered he is now seeing someone else who is now taking my place on the holiday, that hurt to know not only are we over but he is already with someone else who is now taken my place on our holiday I'm devastated... how could he be so cruel? We are still in the same house but he stays at hers every night and come back in morning to get showered and go to work, I'm in the process of looking for somewhere to live... any advice on how to get my head round this? Thanks

[elaine567]

He has probably not been happy for years and the affair and his sister dying has put things into perspective for him.

Although the "split" is a recent event to you, he has had loads of time to prepare and I guess this "someone else" has been in the wings for a lot longer than 2 weeks.

 

See a lawyer and find out your rights.

As a cohabitee, you may or may not have much rights depending on where you live, but it is definitely worth investigating.

Who owns the house?

[elaine567]

Sorry I missed that you are in England.

I think you will have some rights, so do not just slink off like a wounded animal, before you explore those rights fully with a lawyer.

 

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

[yeldarbs]

Hi

 

That sounds really bad, I know how it feels when youve committed a large chunk of your life to someone and you expect the same commitment back.

 

I think, its hard to assess honestly what the reasons are behind his actions, but what you wrote, demonstrates to me he has lost respect for you and this alone, should be a wake up call for you, that even if you stayed together, he may do it again, and if you choose to be strong and be apart, you have made the right decision based on what situation you are in.

 

Moving on is not easy, youlll go through a kicking of yourself from time to time, about how he could do that to you, because you value yourself, you understand the hurt from this actions affect you with deep meaning, he does not.

 

I can only say, time will help, you live and learn and there will come and time when you emotionally disconnect and move into new love, or find yourself again in the single domain.

 

Be strong, it took me years to get over a couple of heartless break ups, I have come to realise that finding someone with the same mindset and care is actually extremely hard.