Vincentstreet Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I am new to this site (can explain why I am here another time) Pls forgive the rant (and explicit wording) but I feel I must make this comment. I don't mean to put anyone down or pass judgement but this is probably the most frustrating forum EVER! I have read so many sad stories of pain and dishonor it has made me "extremely" disheartened. Why are there just so many women cheating these days? have the roles reversed? is empowerment having a negative effect on the old school ideals? (not that a cheating man is any better) Sincerely I had these thoughts...: I had to shutdown so many threads reading about how indecisive some men can be when their wives do the dirty (now I look at this from a man's perspective so I apologize to the women out there who have been likewise deceived). I know kids could be involved etc etc... but just how can you sit back and allow yourselves to be steamrolled like I read here. how can you possible touch your them after who knows where their lips have been? or what insanely outrageous sexual acts she performed with someone else knowing fully well that women generally feel liberated (sexually) during an affair? Why don't your stand your ground? one could look past a ONS or drunken mistake.. but continued devious behavior and you even consider looking past that? I have so many questions... I will tell my story here later but these are the thoughts I am wrestling with. can any MEN pls respond and tell me what I am missing. I seriously want to understand why I am rooting for you as I read your stories and hoping you would grow a pair.. and yet almost unsympathetic when you even consider R? 4
stillafool Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I am not a man but I do agree that women cheating on their husbands seems to be an epidemic these days. It's not just the stories you read on LS I see this in real life as well. I would say these men love their wives very much and don't want to lose them, the families they've built. They basically take their cheating wives back for the same reason women take back their cheating husbands. 1
Overtaxed Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 I am new to this site (can explain why I am here another time) Pls forgive the rant (and explicit wording) but I feel I must make this comment. I don't mean to put anyone down or pass judgement but this is probably the most frustrating forum EVER! I have read so many sad stories of pain and dishonor it has made me "extremely" disheartened. Why are there just so many women cheating these days? have the roles reversed? is empowerment having a negative effect on the old school ideals? (not that a cheating man is any better) Sincerely I had these thoughts...: I had to shutdown so many threads reading about how indecisive some men can be when their wives do the dirty (now I look at this from a man's perspective so I apologize to the women out there who have been likewise deceived). I know kids could be involved etc etc... but just how can you sit back and allow yourselves to be steamrolled like I read here. how can you possible touch your them after who knows where their lips have been? or what insanely outrageous sexual acts she performed with someone else knowing fully well that women generally feel liberated (sexually) during an affair? Why don't your stand your ground? one could look past a ONS or drunken mistake.. but continued devious behavior and you even consider looking past that? I have so many questions... I will tell my story here later but these are the thoughts I am wrestling with. can any MEN pls respond and tell me what I am missing. I seriously want to understand why I am rooting for you as I read your stories and hoping you would grow a pair.. and yet almost unsympathetic when you even consider R? Oh man, and I just got off the ban list for commenting on something very similar to this. Oh well, here goes nothing. Why are so many more women cheating today? I think there are several reasons, work outside the home, an expectation that a M is going to be all sunshine and roses, and an unrealistic expectation of men in general. Sadly, women usually get the short end of the stick from an A, they get into them typically for emotional reasons, and the words that they get from their AP typically care very little/no real meaning behind them. In short, they get played, and wind up with a devastated husband or divorced without much to show for it on the other end. An A is a terrible decision for anyone, but it's even worse for women because their reasons for entering into an A aren't typically something you're actually going to get from the A. You want to have more sex, well then, an A is almost certainly going to provide that. Kinky sex? Yup, you'll probably get that too. On demand sex? Pretty good chance you'll get that as well. Do those look like things that women typically want though? In most cases, the answer is "no". What women typically want is a man to love them. A man to cherish them. A man to help make their dreams come true. A man to have children with. And, sadly, while you might get "talk" of those things, it's VERY unlikely you'll actually get any of that out of an A; you'll get sex, for sure. But real emotions? Unclouded by the affair fog? Not at all likely. And, if by some miracle, you do "win" the man and his undivided attention and marry him, you're going to start marriage from perhaps the weakest possible position with a 90% chance of winding up divorced. So, no, I don't think that women get what they want from most A's, in fact, I think most are horrible damaged by the experience of seeing men use them as sexual toys and discard them like trash when it's over and their wives demand they return home. But, that wasn't your question. Your question seemed to be "why are more women doing it". Well, for this, I'll draw a final analogy. Imagine if your a man who's independently wealthy and fantastically good looking and works as a bouncer in a brothel. Imagine how the women there would react to you. Imagine how easy it would be to have NSA sex with these women with them hoping the entire time that you'd "save" them and their distorted moral base devalues sex to the point of having almost no value. Are you imagining that? Because, in fact, that's reality for most women today. They are the bouncer in the brothel with 100's of men they meet every single day that would, within 10 minutes of "hello" be in bed with them if they asked (or simply made it known that it was available). Sex is simply something that's available to women every second they could possibly want it, it's a commodity to men, but it's not to women. The access to new/strange/different sex that's available to most women today is simply beyond that which any man who's not incredibly rich/famous/good looking will ever experience. If you'd like a good laugh, watch Entourage and see what sex is like for the main character. That's the reality for a lot of women today, it's always on offer, and the access to it means that a lot of women will eventually succumb to the temptation. Same reason you don't hang out in bars if you have a drinking problem. Except that the "bar" here is the world, and every man they meet is handing them a shot of booze. Frankly, IMHO, it's amazing that it's not more common than it is. I know the stats are something like 50-75% of marriages experience I at some point, in my experience, it's close to 100%. Sad state of affairs (pun intended). 3
Overtaxed Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 I am not a man but I do agree that women cheating on their husbands seems to be an epidemic these days. It's not just the stories you read on LS I see this in real life as well. I would say these men love their wives very much and don't want to lose them, the families they've built. They basically take their cheating wives back for the same reason women take back their cheating husbands. I think it's more "love" that gets men to take women back. Women taking men back is often love, but can also be things like "for the kids" or financial reasons. I know, as a BH, my reason for attempting R is 100% my feelings for her, and 0% "society encourages it" (I could care less), "financial" (I'll make more), "kids" (don't have any), "sex" (can get it elsewhere) or anything else that people may attribute to men as a compelling reason to take back a WW. I also grew up with a mindset that people are untrustworthy, and A's happen, so I went into marriage expecting that something like this could happen.
Superchicken Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Oh man, and I just got off the ban list for commenting on something very similar to this. Oh well, here goes nothing. . Don't worry too much, this chicken got plucked for a couple of weeks too. Well worth it though, as I really laid into the person.. However, back to topic. Everyone is different, and everyone has a different view on what is forgivable, and what is not. To many, its not the act of having sex that kills it for them, as if it was just that, then there would be nearly Zero marriages, as the pool of virgins, would be very small indeed. Its the betrayal, and the freakin lies !. Its this that is the killer, and once this trust is broken, to most, its a one way road to divorce after.. To also be thought a fool by your spouse and their sex partner, and then finally by yourself is a very painful, and hard to recover from patch in your life. Who gives two piddly craps how many guys/women the partners have had. Its how they acted within the relationships. Were they unfeeling, selfish, greedy, and what ever else makes some one a bad person, then this alone must be your first criticism. Me myself, I would dump them if there was a Physical Affair (Due to Selfish, uncaring actions). An emotional one, is repairable, as I believe there was something that maybe I missed, or she is needing that, in her life has changed, or expanded and that I didn't contribute to those needs. But geeez, that's a fine line though.. All you can do is give the betrayed the tools, and your suggestions. How they act on it is solely their decision. But, I agree, there's so many that just hang on to the last threads.. Men feel that they wont get, or find it hard to get another women, at their age. Then to start over again a new relationship. Further, be away from their kids and life style. Women, and I speculate here, so please correct me, but, I believe that they feel that they lose the man they fell in love with, and to find someone again, that they were once, so comfortable with, sharing everything, like highs, lows, kids, including "MORNING BREATH" Puuuhhhh.. Lets see you do that with a new love !. If it not for my sins, I would cast the first stone. Then the second, third, and so forth.. But, I have a bunch of stones building up in my yard everyday.. Ted. 1
Hecan Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 "Why are there just so many women cheating these days? have the roles reversed? is empowerment having a negative effect on the old school ideals? (not that a cheating man is any better)" Not trying to be a smarta$$ but in the past don't you reckon men have been cheating with WOMEN ( at least a higher percentage of the time then cheating with another man ) so somehow I'm not sure women are cheating more.... 2
HereNorThere Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 "Why are there just so many women cheating these days? have the roles reversed? is empowerment having a negative effect on the old school ideals? (not that a cheating man is any better)" Not trying to be a smarta$$ but in the past don't you reckon men have been cheating with WOMEN ( at least a higher percentage of the time then cheating with another man ) so somehow I'm not sure women are cheating more.... The whole "these men/women have to be cheating with someone" narrative doesn't work because you're dismissing or discounting a simple fact of the male gender. We do not mate at equal rates, AT ALL. It's a touchy, even risky subject, but there's a lot of "forever alone" guys out there. Men are required to be hunters and not all guys can hunt. If you can't, you most likely starve. Sure, a less attractive woman will be hunted less, but the onus isn't on her to go out find someone. She may have to lower her standards, but some dude will eventually come along. The same cannot be said about a huge portion of men. The thing is, OP hasn't provided us with any data that women are cheating more. He also hasn't stated that statistically men cheat more than women. Women may be catching up but I'd like to see evidence. I'm part of the last generation born before the Internet was popular and widely available and guess what? People were still cheating just as much then as they are now. The Internet just made them more likely to get caught. 2
MuddyFootprints Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 My husband grew a pair. I put them in my purse for safekeeping. he chained me to the kitchen sink though, so we both win. 4
mercy Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 ..hoping you would grow a pair.. That would depend on your definition of what a 'man' is. Someone kind, loving and forgiving, frustrates you? Reconciliation is a gift you neither earn nor deserve. That's what a gift is. Why get yourself all worked up about what someone chooses to do in their marriage? God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. Karl Paul Reinhold Neibuhr 2
mightycpa Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Who cares why? What is important is that they do, and that men seek to forgive it. Chalk it up to the emasculation of the male sex, or to women catching up. Either way, it is what it is. I'd like to think if I caught my wife cheating, I wouldn't think twice about breaking it off amicably. We live a lot longer than we used to, and we're not polyamorous, so, really, what do you expect from people? 60 years of fidelity? 50? 40? fewer? I don't know. Seems like a lot to ask of someone. I guess the back end (splitting up) has stayed a lt less modern than the cheating part.
Superchicken Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 "Why are there just so many women cheating these days? have the roles reversed? is empowerment having a negative effect on the old school ideals? (not that a cheating man is any better)" Not trying to be a smarta$$ but in the past don't you reckon men have been cheating with WOMEN ( at least a higher percentage of the time then cheating with another man ) so somehow I'm not sure women are cheating more.... I believe there are as many if not MORE women cheating now, and have always been. The problem is, we men get sloppy to easy, and don't think our spouses will get smart enough to do the math and find out we are cheating. But, women, are extremely cunning, there is though that goes into this. Of course, there are some that are sloppy, and get caught. But the majority of women are "Physicists" in an elementary Maths class of nincompoops. But every now and then, they put the "x" in the wrong place, and the equation doesn't add up to Zero.. Its the ahaaa moment.. Ted 1
Unforseen Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 That makes sense. There's only so much blood to go around. If it's all rushing to an organ other than the brain little details like checking for lipstick smears or remembering to delete text messages gets kinda difficult. If you take the typical view that most women are in for the emotional connection then it makes sense that there's more of that happening. With the shear number of ways to secretly communicate with another person a woman does not even have to be paticularly cunning to carry on with an EA while her BH is sitting in the same room. Another factor might be a general increase in selfishness and entitlement. The thought that one deserve or is entitled to the happiness that is desired but without requiring the hard work and risk required to actually achieve it. As the grooming goes, women are able to get the attention, or sense of emotional intimacy, or boost to their self esteem with minimal effort as the OM ravished them with compliments and understanding. As for the indecisiveness of a BS that also makes a lot of sense. I think a typical BH, upon finding out he is a BS, will have such a raging roller coaster ride of often conflicting feelings and emotions that he won't know what the hell to do. The most important and meaningful relationship of his life (apart from his dog of course) has just been proven to be a lie and source of immense pain. Between the pain, anger, loss of self worth, shame, guilt, betrayal and loss, he's also trying to figure out if he still loves his WW. Can he get over what she did? Is the potential reward of R enough to be worth the risk and heartache of everything he will have to suffer in order to be even able to offer R? Most of the snap decisions that the betrayal was too much and that go right to divorce probably don't end up on this forum. So most of what you see here are those that are so overwhelmed and desperate for answers that they stumble across this forum. 1
ahmed8xm Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 You are right Female infidelity is on its peak Feminism ??? Women empowerment ??? I think real cause is lack of morals and knowledge Because adultery is no more shame in west and america And Lack of knowledge means people do not know what marriage is its not just about love its about commitment Marriage is not a long term relationship It is A Life time relationship The truth is you will lose physical attraction after 2 or 3 years of marriage When you live with someone for a long time There will be good time and bad times Its the reality of marriage Marriage is not fantasy its just like the Life Yes in our lives we are not sad everytime And we are not happy everytime its the phases Happy phase and unhappy phase So happy marriage and unhappy marriages do not exist There are happy and unhappy times in a marriage But the problems of human beings is they remember only bad times Yes when they marry there is a good time and tey are happy And then there is a bad time and selfish people blame their partner of these bad times and when the bad phase is over they are happy but again when good phase is over and the bad phase starts they again blame their partner they dont remember the good tume only bad And then they think their partner will never change they think he will change for sometime(good phase) and then he will become the same(bad phase) So they cheat and then they blame their bs If you want to know how cheaters especially women feel about their cheating read other women forum I have read many stories of cheating wives Believe me i dont think any one of them is 100% remorseful The remorseful cheaters also have some excuses Do you agree?
Overtaxed Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 The whole "these men/women have to be cheating with someone" narrative doesn't work because you're dismissing or discounting a simple fact of the male gender. We do not mate at equal rates, AT ALL. It's a touchy, even risky subject, but there's a lot of "forever alone" guys out there. Men are required to be hunters and not all guys can hunt. If you can't, you most likely starve. Sure, a less attractive woman will be hunted less, but the onus isn't on her to go out find someone. She may have to lower her standards, but some dude will eventually come along. The same cannot be said about a huge portion of men. The thing is, OP hasn't provided us with any data that women are cheating more. He also hasn't stated that statistically men cheat more than women. Women may be catching up but I'd like to see evidence. I'm part of the last generation born before the Internet was popular and widely available and guess what? People were still cheating just as much then as they are now. The Internet just made them more likely to get caught. This is very true. There's an axiom on the "player" boards that says basically, the top 10% of men get 90% of the women. This is, in some ways, true. There are a lot of men out there that get no, or almost no sex. There are a few men out there who get a tremendous amount of sex from one or many women. To be a man is to live at the extremes, yes, almost every person on the top 1000 list of richest people is a man. However, something like 90% of the homeless are men. The vast majority of high income people are men. However, the vast majority of "awful" jobs are also done by men (awful being jobs that pay poorly with bad working conditions). Men are much more likely to have extremely high IQs. They are also much more likely to have very low IQs. Men live in the extremes in both directions. It's always been that way, probably always will be. So, yeah, in the "old days" very high "worth" men had a lot of affairs. It was something reserved for those who'd reached the "top of the heap" (ie, Don Draper - Mad Men). But now, the equation has changed, and women are acting in similar ways except that, for obvious reasons, you don't have to be a "top of the heap" woman to have an AP on the side. Most women are very unwilling to enter A's, many (not most, not all, but a lot) of men are happy to have a "girl on the side" for additional sex. You don't have to be a supermodel to be an AP as a woman. Not that you do as a man either, but it would be really odd for a woman to have an A with a homeless man. A rich man having an affair with a woman on welfare? Not at all "eyebrow raising" as long as she's moderately (or even passably) attractive. Simply put, as I stated in this thread awhile ago, it comes down to access. Women probably know 10 people who'd like to sleep with them and with a phone call would be in bed with them today if they so desired. Unless you're a "top of the heap" man, that's not at all the case for men. Women have FAR more opportunity to cheat than all but the richest, most handsome and most famous men, and, even then, it's debatable. A really attractive woman could probably get more sexual partners in a day than even a rock star could without much difficulty. There was a dumb video out there trying to disprove my point that circulated awhile ago; a study designed to show that "it's not that easy" for women. Really annoyed me, because it showed a completely incorrect result (IMHO). Anyway, it was a video of an attractive girl approaching guys and asking "Would you like to come sleep with me". Of course, most guys (all, maybe) said "No" and the gist was "Guys aren't that different than girls" when it comes to selecting sexual partners. That's not at all the right conclusion. What is the right conclusion is that a woman you don't know walking up to you in broad daylight and asking with 10 seconds of meeting you if you'd like to sleep with her is so far against social norms that people can't accept it. Is it a joke? Is this a prostitute/sting? Am I being recorded (yes, you are)? If this study was repeated and the woman introduced herself, said "I just saw you across the way and thought you were cute. I was heading to library to study and then to grab something to eat, would you you like to join me" with the obvious implication that sex was on offer, I'm pretty sure the results of this study would be flipped from a 0% "success rate" to 100%. Yes, it really is that easy for women, and a woman with good looks and even a modicum of decorum knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that she could sleep with most people she meets within minutes if she wanted to. You don't ask "Wanna f**k" though, which, in this study, was basically the message. 1
Author Vincentstreet Posted June 3, 2017 Author Posted June 3, 2017 (edited) That would depend on your definition of what a 'man' is. Someone kind, loving and forgiving, frustrates you? Reconciliation is a gift you neither earn nor deserve. That's what a gift is. Why get yourself all worked up about what someone chooses to do in their marriage? God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. I think you and I may have a different understanding to the concept of Forgiveness. To me forgiveness does not necessarily mean R. It does however mean that I am to let go of all bitterness and let the WS have the life she had chosen when she went astray. Lets face it... calculated cheating, continuous lies... are not mistakes, devious plans are not spontaneous... they all consider the thought of getting caught.. but do it nevertheless. because for the duration of that period all reality is lost and all that matters is themselves.. (I guess even kids dont get spared here) Letting them live the choices they make is merely receiving the forgiveness they need and liberating for the BS. So in short.. I forgive you but I am free of you. I don't have anything against a man wanting to get back with his wayward wife. What frustrates me is the spineless, whipped, "please take me back" attitude of men who have been played so deviously. I am angry for them... do I have a right to be... probably not... but I am anyway. Edited June 3, 2017 by Vincentstreet 2
mercy Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 "please take me back" attitude of men who have been played so deviously. I am angry for them... do I have a right to be... probably not... but I am anyway. So its the bro code! I have some of the same thoughts as you, so, we're not too much off in thinking. So, Vincent, what's your story? Did you toss her out? Which side of the coin are you?
GoldenR Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 I agree with a lot of what you said, which is why when I see a thread whose OP is obviously a weak man playing the pick me dance, I pretty much just stay out of it. 2
Just a Guy Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 Hi Folks, I guess Vincent has posed two questions here. The first is "Why are so many more women cheating at present as compared to previously"? and the second is "Why are so many men weak and prepared to reconcile with their WWs' even though they have behaved so atrociously during their affairs with them and done things with their APs' that are disgusting and revolting for the BS"? If I got that right then before proceeding let's define the word 'Cheating' in the context of infidelity. A cheating woman would have to be someone in a committed relationship such as a wife or a GF or Fiancee. A single woman having an affair with a MM is not cheating although she is an accessory to it. Also a married woman who has sex with men other than her husband but within his knowledge and with his consent and possible encouragement, is not cheating. She is what is termed a Hot wife. Couples who are swingers do not cheat on each other and neither do those who have an agreed upon open marriage. If that is established then what is being referred to here as cheating women are all those women who are in committed relationships but have affairs or sleep with men other than their partners. The question of why so many women seem to be cheating now as compared to earlier is the result of many different factors. The most important in my opinion is the changed socioeconomic environment that exists today. There are many many more women in the workplace now than ever before. Women have to juggle with their traditional roles of homemakers and professionals in the work place. This puts a tremendous strain on them especially if they do not get support at home from their husbands. This could lead to emotional detachment from her husband. In such a situation if there is a male colleague at work who extends this emotional support she will likely have an EA leading to a PA and before she knows it she is having an affair. Another factor leading to affairs is the very liberal attitude towards sex in the contemporary social environment. Most people, men and women are not virgins any longer when they marry. For people who have had a number of sexual experiences before marriage, married life can become stale and boring and with the added pressures of having to bring up children, life can seem to suck. In some cases both men and women think back to their single days when the used to enjoy unencumbered sex and after a while a longing for those good old days rises within them. Since it was so easy to have good enjoyable sex then, they get tempted to have that kind of freedom again and often enough cave in. Opportunity is another factor. Opportunities are many more these days for working women especially if they travel often. A quick hook up for an ONS is easy and there is no mess. As long as there is no emotional attachment and they do not intend meeting their ONS partner again they are in no danger of getting caught. This can be repeated successfully over any number of times if they follow the simple rule of not getting emotionally attached. I guess one can think of many other reasons as to why more women are cheating. Some of these have already been enumerated before. I think one important reason is that people are hooked on to the materialistic band wagon and most everything is measured by a materialistic standard. This means that people are more selfish, have less empathy, communicate poorly and create shells around themselves. The capacity to share or feel the pain of someone as close as your spouse is not really there. Love also, is easily replaced by infatuation, which is a hormonal high and dies out after some time. Love, that is true love is a structure built one brick at a time and most people are in toouch of a hurry to be building this structure. Their so called love collapses like a house of cards when put under stress and affairs ate the result. I guess I could go on but others may be better equipped to carry on this discussion. As far as what Vincent said about men being weak and reconciling with their WWs'. I agree with him to the extent that some of these men are emasculated and hence their reaction. However, there are cases where a WW merits the gift of reconciliation and there are cases where they don't. It is these cases that I think Vincent has in mind. If a WW is really remorseful and is prepared to put in the hard work to help her husband heal from the hurt and pain she has inflicted on him then yes reconciliation is a gift which should be given to her. However if she is not remorseful and is not putting in the hard work necessary then she does not deserve to be handed this gift on a plate. Warm wishes. 2
Author Vincentstreet Posted June 4, 2017 Author Posted June 4, 2017 (edited) Its not really a "bro" code... some women are in the same predicament as well So did I toss her out? Sure.... after discovering the true magnitude of the deception. How could I keep my self-respect knowing I was no.2... I was and still am a very confident guy, so it shocked me at first. Western culture seems to have evolved (not sure if that is what one should call it.. perhaps more like de-volved) into a culture of acceptance... anything goes as long as no one gets hurt kinda attitude. I am an old fashioned guy. Nobody feeds me poison and then wipes my face afterwards... well not when I know what it is I have been eating! I cannot imagine life that some have chosen.. ie to R and always be on the lookout. No way I would settle for second best (or be someones) Some man and women choose to R. Some circumstances might warrant such... but to me very few do deserve it. To consider the injustice some have been on the receiving end of ... and yet consider R... I speak of men because I can relate. Sure there are also women who need a wake up call as well. I wont comment on that because I cant see it as they see it. Edited June 4, 2017 by Vincentstreet 3
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 I also beleive in past generations....infidelity was not discussed as it is today. If a spouse cheated...they most likely remained together and told no one. Even when i had my affair...there was no internet...no cell phones....and we told very few people. Are more women having affairs today than in the past? I imagine they are...and the reasons justaguy gave likely do contribute to that.... but have the numbers increased drastically? I simply do not know...because if my parents cheated...I have no idea....If my in laws cheated..I also have no idea.... A generation past believed strongly in secrets. You did not tell IGA that you bought bread at Kroger...you did not disclose your salary...people had no need to know your business.... We live in a different world than our parents did. People travel all over the world...in many ways the world has become smaller...everyone knows everybody elses business and has an opinion. In a way...this new world we live in...makes it easier to cheat...but it also makes it easier to find out how to overcome infidelity. 1
MidnightBlue1980 Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 Sadly, women usually get the short end of the stick from an A, they get into them typically for emotional reasons, and the words that they get from their AP typically care very little/no real meaning behind them. In short, they get played, and wind up with a devastated husband or divorced without much to show for it on the other end. An A is a terrible decision for anyone, but it's even worse for women because their reasons for entering into an A aren't typically something you're actually going to get from the A. You want to have more sex, well then, an A is almost certainly going to provide that. Kinky sex? Yup, you'll probably get that too. On demand sex? Pretty good chance you'll get that as well. Do those look like things that women typically want though? In most cases, the answer is "no". What women typically want is a man to love them. A man to cherish them. A man to help make their dreams come true. A man to have children with. And, sadly, while you might get "talk" of those things, it's VERY unlikely you'll actually get any of that out of an A; you'll get sex, for sure. But real emotions? Unclouded by the affair fog? Not at all likely. And, if by some miracle, you do "win" the man and his undivided attention and marry him, you're going to start marriage from perhaps the weakest possible position with a 90% chance of winding up divorced. So, no, I don't think that women get what they want from most A's, in fact, I think most are horrible damaged by the experience of seeing men use them as sexual toys and discard them like trash when it's over and their wives demand they return home. . This ^^ Overtaxed has it right on the money. 2
Imajerk17 Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 (edited) The whole "these men/women have to be cheating with someone" narrative doesn't work because you're dismissing or discounting a simple fact of the male gender. We do not mate at equal rates, AT ALL. It's a touchy, even risky subject, but there's a lot of "forever alone" guys out there. Men are required to be hunters and not all guys can hunt. If you can't, you most likely starve. Sure, a less attractive woman will be hunted less, but the onus isn't on her to go out find someone. She may have to lower her standards, but some dude will eventually come along. The same cannot be said about a huge portion of men. The thing is, OP hasn't provided us with any data that women are cheating more. He also hasn't stated that statistically men cheat more than women. Women may be catching up but I'd like to see evidence. I'm part of the last generation born before the Internet was popular and widely available and guess what? People were still cheating just as much then as they are now. The Internet just made them more likely to get caught. Good post. This is what I think is happening. MOST women are emotionally involved with one man (if she is in a relationship and is faithful) or two men (if she is cheating). The reason why this doesn't mean that the same can be said for men is that (I suspect anyway) there are a lot of men out there who are involved with a PLURAL of women. As in the man is in a relationship and is cheating but with more than one woman besides his primary relationship, OR he is single and is hooking up with several women. As there are about an equal number of heterosexual men and women, the math would balance out by a larger number of "Forever Alone" guys than FA women. i.e., it may go something like this: Say Chad, Jason, and Timmy are stuck on an island w Jessica, Jennifer, and Sarah. Then likely all 3 women are having sex and maybe each w only one person, but it's going like this: Jessica and Jennifer are having sex w Chad, and Sarah and Jason are in a relationship, while poor Timmy isn't getting w anyone. I think anyway, I don't have data to back it up. But it does make a lot sense...as you (HereNorThere) said, getting dates and sex does tend to be something that not every guy can do. So those who can, have the whole buffet laid out for them and many really keep going up for extra helpings LOL. So to get back On-Topic, maybe more women are in extramarital affairs (or maybe not), but the women who ARE in one, are cheating w ONLY one person. The men who are in extramarital affairs however, may be more likely to be cheating with MORE THAN one, making up the difference. Edited June 4, 2017 by Imajerk17 1
stillafool Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 The question of why so many women seem to be cheating now as compared to earlier is the result of many different factors. The most important in my opinion is the changed socioeconomic environment that exists today. There are many many more women in the workplace now than ever before. Women have to juggle with their traditional roles of homemakers and professionals in the work place. This puts a tremendous strain on them especially if they do not get support at home from their husbands. This could lead to emotional detachment from her husband. In such a situation if there is a male colleague at work who extends this emotional support she will likely have an EA leading to a PA and before she knows it she is having an affair. Another factor leading to affairs is the very liberal attitude towards sex in the contemporary social environment. Most people, men and women are not virgins any longer when they marry. For people who have had a number of sexual experiences before marriage, married life can become stale and boring and with the added pressures of having to bring up children, life can seem to suck. In some cases both men and women think back to their single days when the used to enjoy unencumbered sex and after a while a longing for those good old days rises within them. Since it was so easy to have good enjoyable sex then, they get tempted to have that kind of freedom again and often enough cave in. Opportunity is another factor. Opportunities are many more these days for working women especially if they travel often. A quick hook up for an ONS is easy and there is no mess. As long as there is no emotional attachment and they do not intend meeting their ONS partner again they are in no danger of getting caught. This can be repeated successfully over any number of times if they follow the simple rule of not getting emotionally attached. I guess one can think of many other reasons as to why more women are cheating. Some of these have already been enumerated before. I think one important reason is that people are hooked on to the materialistic band wagon and most everything is measured by a materialistic standard. This means that people are more selfish, have less empathy, communicate poorly and create shells around themselves. The capacity to share or feel the pain of someone as close as your spouse is not really there. Love also, is easily replaced by infatuation, which is a hormonal high and dies out after some time. Love, that is true love is a structure built one brick at a time and most people are in toouch of a hurry to be building this structure. Their so called love collapses like a house of cards when put under stress and affairs ate the result. I guess I could go on but others may be better equipped to carry on this discussion. It seems from reading here on LS that SAHMs are cheating just as much as career women. How does one explain that?
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 i was a sahm that went back to school is it being more exposed? I think so...
MuddyFootprints Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 SAHM. I started daydreaming about life out there and fantasized about having career. I dug myself a pit of envy for women who seemed to have it all. I began developing a divorce ideation long before my affair. I stopped nurturing my own yard. And while I would have denied that I was actively looking, truth be told, I was ripe and ready. I was angry, I was resentful, I didn't care anymore. How we made it back from that? That man of mine has balls of steel. 2
Recommended Posts