A nightmare!

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Hey whats up baz. Just woke up. Getting ready to go to work. I keep telling myself this morning that It is not my fault this happened. It is hers. She is the one that did this to me. I guess what is meant to be is meant to be. Well she has been staying with this guy now for the past 5 days. I am sure she is going to move in with him soon. She is like that. I dont know why I am thinking about this. OK I WILL STOP. Other than that man. These feelings come back. It doesnt seem like they ever will go away. 12 days of NC and counting. I think that is good what I am doing with the NC. Trying to let my heart heal and stuff. And yes no contact is alot better than talking to someone all the time. Especially when they dont care about you anymore. Well I got to go eat some breakfast. have a good one baz. See ya.

 

American IN norway

[Baz]

Keep smiling!

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Well at the teachers meeting she was there. She didnt even say hi to me. I saw her but I made no verbal contact whatso ever. Was this a good idea. I mean I do not think the NC is broken but obviously we saw each other for the first time in 12 days. I mean is this right? I have butterflys in my stomach. Is she feeling the same way. She is with a new guy and she has stayed with him the last 5 nights at his house. I am not about to make any verbal contact with her. If she wants to talk to me she can come and talk to me. I dont want to deal with it at all anymore. Im done with her. I keep telling myself that. Did I handle it ok BAZ?? I dont want her back. I know that now. But i mean what are these feelings that I am feeling? Are they just old memories?

 

Did i break the NC just by going to my teaching meeting. She teaches at a diferent school but it was like all of the teachers in the whole community were there. This will be the last time I see her for a long time I think. I am glad. Tell me what you think

 

American in NOrway

[Baz]

You did absolutely the right thing. She knew you were there. She knows she has shat on you. She wanted to get out of there asap.

 

In future if she ever appears in fornt of you when you dont expect it just act with the utmost dignity. Be polite, charming but totally aloof. You must never show feelings or let her know what you are doing. In essence you become mysterious and completely in control.

 

Im afraid you must understand that she has gone for the forseeable future. Who knows what the future holds but you must focus on your own future. You will go on to a better life and become a better person and she will too. your paths crossed but you were on two completely different roads.

 

Always grieve in private. If you need to talk go and find a close friend to talk it through with you. If that doesn't help you as much as it needs to go and get some therapy. That will really help you especially someone like a life therapist. They will teach you to focus on you and how best to deal with your emotions and way of thinking during this tough time.

 

You did well today.

[JS17]

American in Norway

You sound like everyone else that has been left by their S.O. for someone else. She's not going to contact you for anything other than technical things like getting your mail and such. She's moved on long before you knew the relationship was over. You're best to deal with this and move on, she's never coming back.

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Well baz when i went back to the meeting she came down and sit by me and gave me my mail.

 

Conversation:

 

She asked me how i was doing I said good. I asked her how she was and she said good. She has been with that guy since friday of last week. Hanging out with him everyday. I understand that they are going to be together so I am just going to be moving on. It doesnt really bother me anymore. Yeah it hurts but I have to move on sooner or later. I asked her if she had any plans this weekend and she said that she did with some friends. I said that I was going on a trip with some buddies. I do not ever plan on contacting her again. It is now over. We will never be together again. I now realize that. It was good closure talking to her, and finding out that she was happy. Looks like my days were numbered with her. Time to move on. I am actually glad I talked to her. Now I can start over and heal myself now. School starts on Monday so it is going to be good to get on with my life. Who knows I might even meet someone new. Well baz tell me what you think. Am i on the right track.

 

If she wants to contact me she can call me and see how I am doing but by no means am I going to call her. It has now opened my eyes. I am glad I realize this now.

 

American in Norway

[Baz]

You did well old boy. Well done. She came to you which is important and you now have closure which is very important for your own sanity. Without formal closure your mind would have driven you insane. My ex has never had the maturity to formally approach me and close things. Instead she has been pushing me away and pulling me back for 8 months and it has absolutely destroyed me. I have been very naive, wanting to believe that her sporadic contacts were genuine but alas they were not. She does have many personal issues and her eratic behaviour underlines that. Even now I know she will be back in contact at some point with more nonsence except this time I have at last wised up to what is going on. You must not allow yourself to get into the same situation. She has without doubt treated you very badly, nothing excuses that but now you know where you stand, you can move on much quicker.

 

You will meet the girl of your dreams, I promise you that. And that someone will give you everything that your ex gave you but much much more. When you do eventually meet that person enlightenment will hit you right between the eyes and you will understand that all this has been for a reason. What ever will be will be.

 

Your actions now will show the world exactly the type of person you are. By picking yourself up, dusting yourself down and fixing a smile on your face you will be telling the world that you are strong, independant, mature and dependable. In short you have been the perfect gentleman and are a perfect catch.

 

For me I doubt that I will ever give 100% in a relationship again. I think that I need to change from a doting puppy dog to more of an aloof cat. Never again will I be so emotionally dependant on anyone. I need to learn to keep something back for me, for my own self preservation. I would recomend that to anyone. I would never endorse being selfish but the world unfortunatley is a selfish place and in order to survive you have to build boundaries that protect you.

 

Life is odd!

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Cant get her out of my mind. I never call her or even talk to her. She sends me messages when she drops off my mail. I dont send anything back. I can tell that I am out of her mind and that she never thinks about me. I know that she is guilty cuz she took me here and then broke up with me for someone else. Need true help. My heart still hurts. I feel as if I can never love again. Maybe I can not. Who knows. I miss her with all my heart. I gave her everything. But it seems that it wasnt enough. I know I need to move on and I will it just takes time. time heals the heart. It has been two weeks since it has been over. I know I am getting better everyday but at times I miss her so much. I think about her and even when I am with friends I am thinking about her. It doesnt help. I thought she was the one for me. I know I have not wasted the last 4 years. I have learned alot about myself and I have enjoyed everyday of my life with her. Now I just need to find myself as an individual and see what I want to do. I want lots of things in life. I try to be an overachiever. I love working hard and doing things that I want. I will try to keep overachieving and one day someone will see me as a great person and hopefully want to be with me. I know it is not going to be anytime soon. But over time things will get better. I keep telling myself that.

 

American in Norway

[Baz]

Recovery will be long. There will be peaks and troughs. You will get there but just except that it is going to take time.

 

There is no quick fix it, no solution that will ease your pain. The only thing that will help you recover the quickest is by planning for the future. A new future. It may be too early for that because 2 weeks is not long. Just take your time.

 

You are not the first or the last.

 

You know, my ex has messed me around big time. I have been a fool. I had even quit my well paid high powered job and was about to move there and then she dropped the bombshell. I have been out of love and work for a year now. It has been tough. Im now selling my home as well. The three most important things in life have now gone. No job, no home and no love. That is tough to except but do you know what, I know that I am moving forwards!! I can feel that it is the right thing to do. It has taken me a year to realise what I now need to do. You dont have those issues. You still have a great job, a home and every opportunity of finding new love when you are ready. Think positively about the future, there is so much to happy about. But give yourself time. You must grieve too.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by Waitingwaitingonyou

Well I will just start saying that I met my ex 4 years ago in the united states. She is Norwegian. I am American. After two years in the states I moved to Norway for her. After two years in Norway she goes on a weekend trip. Doesnt tell me where she is at or nothing. When she comes back she tells me that she has met the man of her dreams and kicks me to the curb. I think this thing has been going on for months between her and this guy. It has been two days since it has been really over between us. The first day was probably the worst day of my life. Today it is a little better. The funny thing is that it doesnt really seems like she cares about me after a 4 year long relationship. She pretty much said that she fell out of love with me and now she is with this new guy. I mean that is the worst thing that she doesnt have any respect for me. But I mean I think I understand what I have to do. I have moved out all of my stuff from her house and I live in an apartment now. I have a job here in Norway and I have decided to stay here for a year and work. I think it would be alot better for me to get over her here instead of moving to the states at once. Do you think this is a good idea? I mean should I stick to the NC thing? If she calls should I pick up? I told her during our breakup that she had some problems that she needs to deal with and I dont want to be with a person that is going to lie to me. Yeah I miss her. No doubt about that but I mean this relationship could have been a habitual relationship. Where I felt so comfortable around her, I can live without here I know that but I mean. It is very tough for me that she is probably messing around with another guy. What do you think about the NC thing? If she sends me txt or calls should I anwser????? I am thinking not but I mean you guys give me some ideas!!! I know that she probably wont come back ever but I mean that is because I am a negative thinking. What I really want is for her to regret what she did to me down the road. I really hope for that!

 

I'd suggest NC (no don't answer her calls or text messages) and moving back to the states (I think moving would make it much easier, you're staying because part of you hopes she will want you back). And yes I think she was cheating on you with the guy. She didn't just meet him out of thin air.

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Hey man thanks for the post. But I do not agree with you about moving. Even if she came crawling back to me I would not take her back. I am staying here because I have a good job and it is my home. I am going to show her that I can do this without her and I do not need her anymore. Yeah I miss her. But if I missed her so much I could not live without her I would be contacting her everyday just to hear her voice. I am not doing that. As you can see. I am moving on each day gets better. I think that she has been cheating on me for a while too. This just makes her look that much more worse. I am a man of pride and I am not going to let her get me down. I am a very strong person and I can do anything. After living here one year when I go home. I will be able to accomplish anything I want. this is just a little hump in the road. Ill get over it with time. I know I will. People tell me I deserve better. I know I do. Why would I ever want someone that would do that to me. It just doesnt make sense. I am going to stick to the NC. It has been 2 weeks since the breakup and I have only talked to her one day in those two weeks, and it was her that initiated it. Wasnt me. Well Just wanted to say thanks for everyones opinions. I appreciate them. I will keep you informed about what is going on with me. Not HER! Have a good one!

 

American in Norway

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Hey everyone. Started my new job today. I am really busy at school. Working hard on planning for this year. IT is pretty hecktick but I think everything is going to work out great. I still miss my ex dearly but I mean. I have not called her or sent a message to her since the breakup. I am not going to. I need time to heal and move on. I feel like I am moving on. I have been working out alot and really trying to be myself around new people. I am not going to jump into any new relationships now but hopefully when i begin to feel confident about myself I will be able to start one. Thanks for all the great advice. Everyone! I really appreciate everyone helping me. I know I am a long way from home but everyone here has made me feel right at home. Again I would just like to say thanks. Your encouragement has meant the world to me. Keep it coming too. I love reading this thread and people giving encouragement. This place has almost been like a little family for me. You have helped me dearly.

 

Again. I do not think my ex will ever call me. It has been over two weeks now and she hasnt called or sent a message or anything. I guess now I realize that the four years I spent with her actually meant nothing to her. But that is ok. It is better that I find out now then 10 years down the road right. Thank god I wasnt married or had kids with her. That would have been a mess. Well everyone I am moving forward. Slowly but sureley. The day will come when I will be totatlly over her. I know it.

 

American in Norway

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Hey everyone well I just want to give you a little update and you can tell me how I am doing. As you read I dated my ex for 4 years and she went off with another guy. Well It has been 18 days since we broke up. I have not called, sent messages, emails, or any forms of contact that were initiated by me. I WILL NOT EITHER.

People who are reading this and have the same problem as me. TRUST ME. You do not want to talk to them on the phone, send messages or even see them. Why? Well because if you do that then you will be starting all over.

 

Some other things that have helped the most.

1. Count your blessings: Well the other day I was watching TV. Have you ever seen those ads about feeding the children in Africa. Well I was sitting in my living room and I saw one of those ads on TV. I sat there and thought to myself. "There is a kid in africa that probably wont live to see his next birthday and I am all upset over a broken heart". People are not meant to be so selfish. So dont be. I realized I have so much. Why would I want to let someone bring me down for something that I have worked so hard to get.

 

2. Family: I live so far from home but I have had so much contact with people from home. Through the internet and over the phone. We didnt always talk about what was happening but they really helped me when it mattered most. Stick to your family they love you!

 

3. Keep Busy: I repeat! I repeat! Do not sit inside and act like a big slob all day. The first 7 days of the break up I ran about 10 kilometers every day. After you are done working out. You feel so relieved. Stay on the right track. But do it for you. Do not start to work out for someone else. DO IT FOR YOURSELF!

 

4. Friends: Find support. You dont have to talk to them about your problems but I mean you can at least hang out with them and things. Watch movies, go bowling, go fishing, workout, lift weights, go on trips, there are so many things to do. Personally I do not drink but I went out to the bars a couple of times with some friends. I didnt drink but I just hung out with friends. It was fun and I was out of the house.

 

5. Put time into your WORK: Maybe I am lucky because I just started a new job. I started 12 days after we broke up. This is what has probably helped me the most. I am so busy at my new job and I dont have time to think about things (Im a teacher). If you dont have a new job then put time into your work. Dont slack off and act like a bum.

 

6. NO CONTACT: Now for you people who use no contact to get them back....I understand but that is not the actual reason that you are going to use no contact. Use no contact to set a wall (Barracade) between you and your ex. You need this barracade for a while. Maybe even the rest of your life. This will help you heal. There are many positive things to NO CONTACT. 1. You heal faster. 2. You move on without backtracking. 3. It makes it seem like you dont care anymore. 4. The ex might be wondering whta your doing. 5. It could even bring you too back together because she might realize what she is missing. THE FIRST TWO ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. The other three are just formalities. Remember use no contact as a form of HEALING. I repeat. Do not bug your ex. That will just push them to the moon. Step back. And ask yourself. What is in the best intrest for me? If they call you down the road and say they want to be friends. You decide. But for me. I will never be friends with my ex.

 

7. Take your time: I dont care if you are 18, 25, 29, 36, 55 years old. Take your time. Life is supposed to be enjoyed. Personally, I am 25 years of age and I know that my life is not so desperate that I need someone right now. I have many of years at the HELM. Step back. And think. "Wow, I have many years to do this, 4 years of my life is nothing if I am going to live til I am 85." Do not stress. Just sit back collect your thoughts and go with the flow. And let the good times roll.

 

8. Be the good guy: When you are with friends, at the mall, grocery store. You need to be happy. Do not look depressed or like a bum that has just gotten a dollar. Smile. Be happy. Why? That is the last thing that your ex is wanting to hear. If you are not happy then fake it. But dont overdo it! Do not be that psycho boyfriend that stalks and drives by her house when she is home. DONT DO IT. If you want her to get a restraining order then just ask her. Then you have to do NO CONTACT without any option.

 

9. Music: yes I said music. Music is the number one thing in our life that can change a mood at the drop of a hat. Have you ever been in your car after a bad day and your favorite song came on. What did you do? Ill tell you what you did. You began to dance, sing, and act like a totall fool. Now. If you are going to play music after you break up. DO NOT PLAY ENYA or SLOW JAMS. Play something a little relevant. Examples: Alanis - You outta know, Linkin Park - NUMB, Justin Timberlake - CRY ME A RIVER. etc. DO it and see how it makes you feel. Trust me. It will make you feel alot better.

 

10. Now its your turn: Put yourself FIRST. I mean it. Do things for you now. Now you dont have to put anyone else before you. Care for you and only you. Do it everyday. Set goals. Make a schedule. Do things for you now.

 

 

NOW PEOPLE: I dont know if I am a freak of nature but I have used these nine things so far and I have come a long way. But I think the best one of these is going to be the no contact rule. Do it for you. NOT FOR HER. Its been 18 days for me see how long I have come. And it can not get any worse. JUST BETTER. So remember that you are in control here. It is your life and not theres. Remember stay positive. Its not the end of the world. If you need me I am here. Anytime you want to talk.

 

Love you for YOU

 

American in Norway

[Sal Paradise]

Good to see you're doing so well. Also good to see someone who actually sticks to NC. Many fail dozens of times before they realize it only works if you do it 100% (in most cases anyways). The problem is everyone thinks their relationship is different, and that they were closer than all the other couples this happened too. Which of course is natural way to feel. But the truth is your relationship is only special because its YOUR relationship. Take comfort in the fact that others have been thru the same problems and have got past it. Learn from their and your mistakes.

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Well it has been 23 days since we broke up and I am still going no contact. Personally I am doing well. I can't believe how well I am doing. Moving on and just going with the flow. The biggest thing is that I have been really busy at my job and that is probably why I am not thinking about things too much. I am just getting on with my life. If she ever wants to talk to me or anything she knows where I live. She drops off my mail everynow and then but I never see her. She sends me a message saying that YOUR MAIL IS IN YOR MAILBOX. I never send anything back. So personally it is a good thing. Well guys stick to the NC and you will heal. NC is not about getting them back. Its about you...and you getting over your ex. Trust me. Its the only way.