A nightmare!

[Waitingwaitingonyou]

Well I will just start saying that I met my ex 4 years ago in the united states. She is Norwegian. I am American. After two years in the states I moved to Norway for her. After two years in Norway she goes on a weekend trip. Doesnt tell me where she is at or nothing. When she comes back she tells me that she has met the man of her dreams and kicks me to the curb. I think this thing has been going on for months between her and this guy. It has been two days since it has been really over between us. The first day was probably the worst day of my life. Today it is a little better. The funny thing is that it doesnt really seems like she cares about me after a 4 year long relationship. She pretty much said that she fell out of love with me and now she is with this new guy. I mean that is the worst thing that she doesnt have any respect for me. But I mean I think I understand what I have to do. I have moved out all of my stuff from her house and I live in an apartment now. I have a job here in Norway and I have decided to stay here for a year and work. I think it would be alot better for me to get over her here instead of moving to the states at once. Do you think this is a good idea? I mean should I stick to the NC thing? If she calls should I pick up? I told her during our breakup that she had some problems that she needs to deal with and I dont want to be with a person that is going to lie to me. Yeah I miss her. No doubt about that but I mean this relationship could have been a habitual relationship. Where I felt so comfortable around her, I can live without here I know that but I mean. It is very tough for me that she is probably messing around with another guy. What do you think about the NC thing? If she sends me txt or calls should I anwser????? I am thinking not but I mean you guys give me some ideas!!! I know that she probably wont come back ever but I mean that is because I am a negative thinking. What I really want is for her to regret what she did to me down the road. I really hope for that!

[Outcast]

Just go NC and forget about her. She may regret what she did or she may not but there's no way you can make her do so. Go on and make a great life for yourself and forget about her.

[totallyconfused]

i think it was a good thing u moved out asap. u are on the right track in getting YOUR life together WITHOUT her.

 

I can completely relate to you as I just got out of a 4 year relationship 2 weeks ago. He tried to tell me he wanted to take a break when I found out he had been cheating on me for the past month. It does hurt, but you to realize that our exes just are NOT the right ones for us. You and I are kinda alike in that I felt I stayed with him out habitually, b/c it was comfortable, but deep down we knew they werent the right ones.

 

I want my x to come groveling back and beg just so I can kick him down too. It is crazy to see our exes "moving on" so quickly, but they arent really moving on. i think alot of it stems from the excitement in cheating. now that she isnt cheating anymore, the excitement wears down, and their SO will have to excite them, which i highly doubt they will. when people jump from one relationship to the next that quickly, they will CONSTANTLY compare them to you - saying oh this was better, i wish he wudnt do that, etc. i jumped from 1 relationship before and thats all i did until i realized i cud not replace that person. This is exactly what are exes are going thru believe me they will come back. but we gotta be strong and not take their crap.

 

No contact - no phone, email, txt is the best thing to do for the next month or so. NC will drive them crazy bc then they start to think - whats going on? if we keep calling them, they'll go on a power trip and ego boost, so feck em.

 

meanwhile keep yourself super busy. i took up some exercising class for only 2 weeks but that really helped. go out with friends as much as you can. do something different. you'll need alot of changes of scenery. strike up a conversation with that cute girl from work (like i did!) lol your single so take full advantage of it!!! dont forget to make yourself look hot everywhere you and you'll feel loads better. if she calls, DO NOT answer. infact delete her # from your phone. the exes will regret everything once u take away everywhere they had - which is you. i bet in less than 2 months, our exes are gonna beg us back, either way who cares! because cheaters will stay cheaters. and who wants a cheater?? what goes around, comes right back around twice as worse! God will take care of that for sure.

 

also pray to God, he's never failed me.

[flsgirl]

I'm sorry this happened to you. That's an awful thing for someone to do someone who has flown across the world to be with them. It seems as if you are completely in control with the situation (props to that, most people are insane). Moving out was definitely the best thing you could have done. What you need right now is a strong support system. That's essential in getting over someone. I hope you have lots of friends and / or family in Norway (hopefully people that aren't associated with her too).

 

Remember that the break up with you hasn't hit her yet. That probably won't happen until this relationship she's in now busts up (that will probably happen sooner rather than later). She's fixated on someone else right now. Hopefully by the time she realizes what she's lost you'll be over her. I'd bet my money on that she will call you and try to get you back. I hope you realize that you're better than that and deserve to be with someone who will love you unconditionally.

 

As for the contacting her, don't do it. Even the smallest amount of contact will set you back significantly. Don't answer her when she contacts you. I know that's easier said than done. You need to worry about YOU! Delete her e-mails and her phone number. As awful as this is to say, I basically pretend the person is dead so I don't get the expectation of waiting for the phone to ring or wondering what the other is doing. I know, it's horrible, but it's how I cope with it.

 

The best advice I can give is : don't have any amount of contact with her, keep busy and have a lot of friends around. It will take time but eventually the pain will ease up after a while.

 

Goodluck and keep us updated.

[Beachgrl486]

I personally do not think I would stay there. I mean you moved there to be with her and now I do not see any reason to stay unless you really just want to...I would definetly stick to NC and if you are the best way to do that is moving back to the US. I bet she would be sooo shocked if you did that. If you decide to stay there keep NC no matter what. What she did to you is so wrong. It is heartless. Just remember what goes around comes around. You seem to be handeling it pretty well...Keep it up.

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Have been at work all of the day today. Have thought about her alot but I do not have the urge to call her because I do not have anything to say to her. What am I going to SAY? I am not that low to beg and cry. I am going out tomorrow night. I am a little excited. Thanks for all of the replies and it is really helping me talking to all of you.

Here is what gets me though - I have done so much for her. I have learned a language. Move to a new country. I did everything. She pretty much just threw me out for this new guy. I mean this new guy is just like her. They are workout junkies and they like to do sporty activities. They will make a good couple. He broke up with his girlfriend for her and she broke up with me for him. The day i moved out he stayed the night at her house. That is what gets me the most. She doesnt have no respect for me. I am myself and will always be myself. I am going to prove to her that I am strong and dont need her in this world even when i am so far away from my home country.

3 days with NC and counting. If she calls me and sends messages I am not going to anwser them....if she wants to see me or talk to me she is going to have to go out of her way. knock on my door. and maybe I will open it. I put in too much time and energy for her to treat me like this. I deserve better than a cheater and lier.

I have lots of friends here and they are helping...it is good with friends who are girls because they think it is so wrong.... She will get hers one day. Im not going to be there to clean it up this time.

[watingwaitingonyou]

well another day and I have used the NC. I dont feel like it is working but it is a little too early to tell. I have lots of friends I am going to be going out tomorrow. Everything is going to be fine.

 

What really gets me is this - The day after we break up she has that new guy sleep in her house. Jee I wonder what went on there. That is really bad. I dont think I would ever do that to someone. The hardest part about everything is that I am so far away from my family and everything.

 

My ex is a outdoor freak she likes to rock climb, kayakk, do lots of outdoor things. The new guy is also an outdoor freak. So I dont think she is going to be calling me anytime soon. She has probably forgot about me. I just want her to come crawling back and me say no. I want to see that look on that face. I did everything for that girl. I want her to be just as hurt as I was. I am going to contiune the NC. Until she calls or sends a message. If she wants to talk to me she has to go out of her way to do it. Come to my door and maybe I will anwser.

 

NC is the only way to go. I would like to thank everyone for your replys I will keep you updated on everything. I am hurt but I am going to stay in control. My life is not that bad. I have my health and people in my family are doing great. I have a job and money and a nice apartment. What more can I need. Dont need a woman to make me happy.

 

Time to have fun. LIve a little bit. I came to norway for a girl but now i am here to have fun. This is going to be a years long vacation.

 

Thanks again everyone

[Americaninnorway]

NC for 3 days and counting. Still havent heard anything from her but she is still with this guy like every single day. He is staying with her already and she is staying there. What a joke she is. I dont like that. 4 years and no respect for me. NOT GOOD. I am doing good. I am going out with friends alot and enjoying myself here. IF i go home I go home. I dont really care about that. I just hope that she comes crawling back and then I will be like NOPE see ya. I am not going to call her or anything no messages. She is going to have to hunt me down in order to talk to me. I dont want anyone that is going to do that to me. You have to be strong inside and outside. IT is going to be hard but no contact is the only way. Not caring is pretty hurtful and I am just doing it for me. Now i am going to be as selfish as her. Care about just me right now. and my friends. You have to be hard in order to win the game. I will win this and she will be more hurt than I am. NC is the only way people. Trust me.

 

Thanks to everyone for helping me. I will talk to you all later. I will keep you informed. Continue with your helpful hints.

 

THe American in Norway

[pippen_2k]

DUDE! Full props for actin the way you are!

 

I dont think I know anyone who hasnt begged and acted like a desperate just days after the breakup!

 

Your the Man, and the Obi One of NC!

 

Keep it up!

[seattlelawgl]

I totally commend you for your strength! I was dumped two and a half weeks ago by my boyfriend of a year and a half. He cried, asked me what happened to us and then said he was through. The thing is, nothing had changed in our relationship that I knew of, it was news to me. Anyway, my point is, as we travel along this road of recovery, we will feel strong and we will feel weak and the difference in those feelings could literally be one moment to the next. My bad weekend was last weekend. Because I, like you, know that I can make it without him but I was just so sad/angry/hurt that he just treated me as if I didn't exist for all that time (let alone was his girlfriend or best friend).

 

This is the first time I've posted, but I have spent the last two and a half weeks on here getting inspiration to keep my dignity, follow through with NC and feel some support. Feel fabulous when you feel strong, and when you feel weak, that's ok too, just come back to the forum and stay strong, you're doing awesome.

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Day 4 - Well tonight i went to work and after work I went out. Still another day with NC. I dont think I will ever hear from my ex. I really dont think she cares after the last four years that we spent together. Tonight was pretty cool. I went out and the funny thing was after the bar closed three girls came to my apartment to watch a movie and cook a pizza. I think that is wild. I am still sticking to the NC. I dont care if it takes a year before she contacts me. I am a hard nosed son of a b%¤#. If she doesnt ever call me then I know that it would never work out because if someone can not pick up the phone to ask another person how they are doing then I really dont want to be with that person. I actually did meet a girl tonight. Nice and good looking. She was so nice. Seemed like a sweet girl. But it is really too early for me to get into a relationship. I am stil hurt and I know that anything that is begining right now wont really work out and I need to be fair to that person. Well I just wanted to say. The NC is not really working it has been 4 days and I have not heard anything. But oh well I guess. She is with that new guy and she probably isnt even thinking about me. But well some people are cold hearted and I guess she is very cold hearted. Thanks for the messages everyone.

 

American in Norway

[waitingwaitingonyou]

NEED ADVICE FAST!

 

Well here we are at the begining of day 5. I have not made any contact and we just broke up on sunday. I think that maybe this is a good thing. But I dont really know what she is thinking. As you know my girlfriend has found a new guy that is almost the exact person as she is. There is some questions that I do need anwsered.

1. Why wont she call me? We were together for 4 years. Best friends, spent everyday together! I dont understand I never did anything to hurt her. What is her problem?

2. How long should I wait before I am should take contact?

3. Does a realtationship really work out if both of the people are exactly alike? I mean these two are probably meant for one another. They do the same things. They like to be out in the nature and he has lots of money and materialitic things.

 

I am hurting inside but I really dont want to show it her. I want her to think that I am perfectly fine.

 

What happens if this relationship with her and her new man doesnt work. What is going to happen then. Personally I am getting a little worried. I know she cheated on me but we have so much history together. Maybe it just wasnt meant to be.

 

HELP

 

American in Norway

[altrocker151]

I just wanted to tell you that you rock for handling this with the utmost strength and courage.

[dr strangelove]

Hi

 

NC can sometimes take a while. Sometimes they never call. Sometimes it takes a few days sometimes a few weeks sometimes months.

 

Usually its when you have a fight and you break up that they call pretty quickly.

In your case she has someone else. Thats a really tough break man.

Knock on wood I havent had someone break up with me to go with someone else I dont know how that feels, its usually cause I push them away or we have a big fight.

 

You know that girl from the other day? Its time to ask her out on a date. You could even tell her what happened, you might get a hug out of it.

 

Anyways

Thats what I did, every time I had a break up with my ex I didnt think id see her again I mean I hoped.. but I went off and found new women.

 

But remember mine is from a fight, not from finding someone else. Actually

to be truthful there was a few times she told me she found someone else, I just wished her luck with that guy... sometimes it was a lie, sometimes she just wasnt that into them in the first place.

 

In the meantime, try to let her go, give someone new a chance. Improve yourself etc.. there is a slim chance it may not work out with this guy who knows..

 

hope that helps

[AMERICAN IN NORWAY]

Wow it has now been 8 days of no contact with her. I am getting over her faster and faster each day. Having things to do. Starting to eat better. I am hoping the 8 days turn into weeks and months and then a year. I will get over her sooner or later and find the right girl. I know it. My new job starts soon. I am looking forward to it. I really am. Well Everyone thanks for the advice... 8 days and counting. We broke up sunday and i havent talked her since monday. GOOD TIMES....hehehehehe

 

 

American in Norway

[Baz]

A in N,

 

Firstly, you have been shat on from a great height.

 

Secondly, What you have done to date is absolutely spot on. Well done.

 

Thirdly, Do not, and I repeat do not contact her. Your objective now is to show the world and her that you have become detached from her and the relationship. Remember, she ended it and so in real terms only she can make moves to start it again but I promise you, if it happens it will not be any time soon. So, take your time, pick yourself up, dust your self down and show her in your actions not your words that you have dealt with it in a mature dignified way and that you can move on "apparently" unaffected. This will in time say more than any direct contact with her. I promise you that. Let her go and do what ever she wants to do.

 

Fourthly, my story is very similar to yours except my ex is Swedish and I didn't move there, thank God. I was about to move when it all went off. I think there is some whacky nordic thing going on there with some of those girls so hear this - you are not alone and this isn't about you.

 

Fithly! - Stay there and enjoy your new life there. It is your home, you have a job, you have friends and above all else there are multitudes of fantastic look women up there that Im sure can put a smile on your face. If you give up everything right now and move back that will really knock you so do not do that.

 

I agree, follow up on the cutey you met a few days ago and work on creating a really healthy friendship. Nothing more.

 

Lastly, if you know of any single, blonde, athletic ladies please send them over to London, I'm very keen!!!

 

If you need to chat, im here.

 

Cheers.

[waitingwaitingon you]

Well everything has been going well. It has been 10 days of NC. I am starting to get over her. I havent talked to her in forever it seems like but my life is going to move on and I will heal.

 

Today I heard that my phone beeped. It was a message from her. The message stated:

I got a letter in the mail for you. It was the school and they said you have a class at the theater at 830 on friday, I will deliever it to you when I come into town. I am hoping your doing good.

 

What the heck does that mean: I am hoping your doing good. That was kinduv a slap in the face if you ask me. I did not send her a message back. I am not going to. If she wants to talk to me she can come and go up my stairs to talk to me. I am using the NC to heal my body not to get her back.

 

There is a part of me deep down that wants to use the NC to make her realize what she is missing. But I am sure that she is not thinking of me that much anymore. She is having a gay ol time with this new guy. I am sure they are together. I just know they are. The biggest problem I have is she said I hope you are doing good. She didnt ask me how I was doing but she said I hope you are. I do not quite understand why she wouldnt ask me a question but instead write a statement. Personally friends is out the door with this one. I moved to a different country for her and pretty much uprooted my whole life for her and she throws me to the curb. I am not going to be her friend. I am going to go out and meet new people. The worst thing you can do in a relationship is sit in all the time. YOu need to get out and enjoy life. Love life to the fullest. Just because your not with your love doesnt mean you cant be happy. People die, people get sick, people are evil...but life goes on. All of you keep your chin up. The grass is not always greener on the other side. When you get over the hump you notice that there is no grass. It is just a swamp. Once you get stuck in that swamp there is no turning back. CHIN up! smile and love life to the fullest.

 

American in Norway

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Hey buddy. Thanks for the message. yeah i know what you mean man. I gave her everything she wanted. Honestly Baz, I do not need this girl in this country. I am a teacher, I speak the language fluently, I have money, and I have a nice apartment. I do not need her to be happy. I think it is more the other way around. She has found a guy that is exactly like her. He is an outdoorsman. Likes to go on long trips in the mountains, rock climbing, rafting and all that other stuff. That is one of the main reasons she broke up with me I think, and the other being that she likes this guy.

 

You are exactly right. I am going to be the bigger man about this. I am not going to show any weaknesses. I am a very strong person. I enjoy life to the fullest. It will be a slap in the face when she sees how good I am doing without her. That will probably hurt her the most. Right now I am just having fun and enjoying life. Most of all I am trying to meet new people. That is always FUN!!! Thanks again BAZ.... Keep your Suggestions and positive things coming.

 

Another thing. Since the breakup I have not begged once. I have not even called her. Wouldnt you think she would be thinking what I am doing? How does she even know that I am still here. HEHEHE. Keep your head up too BAZ. There are plenty of girls out there. My dad always told me. Women are a little bit like rabbits. You shake a bush and one comes runnning out. (SORRY LADIES BUT IT IS A LITTLE BIT TRUE) hehehe.

 

American in Norway

[Baz]

Good lad. Chin up.

 

One other thing....

 

You are going to have your ups and downs so just accept that. You are on a long and difficult journey but always remember your cup is half full not half empty. In other words think positively.

 

Do not analyse her words. I do this and it drives me nuts. She may well have written "yours sincerely"!!!! It means the same ok.

 

The quicker you can get your life together the greater the message you send to her and the world. Get fit, new clothes, new wig and a new chick. Nice.

 

Thank god you weren't married with kids!!!!

 

Tip - everytime you find yourself analysing her and the situation say to yourself "F*ck Off" and pinch yourself!!!

 

(if only i would listen to my own words - I would be feeling great by now!)

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Hey baz. Whats up. Well let me tell you about my night.

 

Had a party to go to. It at was at her neighbors house. I saw that her car wasnt there. She is always home. I know for a fact that she is staying with that guy. That is bull ****. 10 days and now she is already in love with this guy. I feel so mistreated and used. I am up thinking about it and the party was not any fun cuz I thought about it the whole night. Went home early from the party. I know she is with this guy. For a fact. She never did drop off the letter to my apartment. She didnt even care to drop it off. I am getting tierd of her. I want to move away to go home but I dont think that is the right thing to do. I have to get over it here. I just need to keep my chin up and enjoy life. Right now I feel as if I am alone in the world and no one wants me. I mean i am a good looking guy but I have no self esteem now. Just kinduv going with the flow. Dont know what to do or act. Im not a mess but I mean. I just want to get on my life and never see that bitch again. Dropped me for some new guy. That is not good things.

 

American in Norway

[Baz]

Ok, what you are feeling is perfectly natural so just accept it. Let it wash over you. Take your time to grieve, you cant and will not just be able to turn your emotions off like that. Please accept what has happened and begin to implement mind mechanisms that will allow you to slowly regain your self esteem and confidence.

 

Do not do stupid things like go to parties next door to where she lives. Do not expose yourself to anything that she is part of or influences. Stay away from anything that is to do with your ex. The moment you are in her zone again your emotions will tumble and fall.

 

You must accept that right now you do not exist as far as she is concerned. She has moved on in the most dispicable, immature, evil way possible. Why worry after this bitch. She is now showing her true colours. SHe is dangerous, evil and has absolutely no empathy at all. Get her out of your life and start building a new life that will offer up a true love. SOmeone who you know will commit to you in a loving way and that you can love back.

 

Forget this other bitch she is poison. If she ever had the gall to come back you must, i repeat must be healed and moved on so you can easily tell her to f*ck off. A leopard never chages its spots.

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Thanks Baz. I know I was thinking about not going but all my friends made me go. I should have never went. She didnt see me thank god. And I was only there about an hour. She has not delieved the letter yet to me. I do not know why but it is a little strange. She might not have been home to get the letter, and her parents opeend it for her, and told her to call me and tell me about it.

 

I am analyasing everything way too much baz. I just need to sit down and say listen here man. Get this chick out of your mind. She is poison. She hurts me everyday and doesnt even care about me at all. Today I told myself I AM DONE. I am not talking about it no more. I am going to talk about my life and what is going on with me.

 

IM done thinking about her and talking about her baz. Dont need that lying bitch. Im DONE. I cant dwell on the past. But her past will come around and bite her in the ass sooner or later. Hopefully later. Well Baz keep them coming you have really helped me out. 11 days NC now. I think that is a huge step for me. 11 days from the day she broke up with me. I dont even know what I would say if she calls me. I wouldnt blow up or anything but I dont have anything to say to her. I dont think that I ever will.

 

American in Norway

[Baz]

Stop thinking about what will or wont happen to her. Stop it!

 

I know this is early days and that these are the hardest and darkest days but I promise you if you can get through this phase, enlightenment will hit you slap bang in the mush much quicker. You are on a journey now that although tough will move you away from your old life to a new more fullfilling phase. You are on a steep learning curve. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. Survival will come by building on the positives in your present life, not dwelling on the negatives of your past.

 

Dont dwell on her at all. What she has done, where she is, why she did what she did, who she is with, what will become of her - these are all totally unanswerable quetions so stop asking yourself these questions.

 

Go back and read what I have said to you on previous posts. Read and understand. If you dont understand read until you do. When you feel like crap tomorrow (because you will) read it all again. I speak from experience. My issue now is that my ex keeps sending me rogue text messages asking how I am and signing off with a "hug". I have not got a clue what the f*ck that means so I am trying to find answers to help me cope. I do know though that it is because I have kept away from her for 8 months. She is mad and a pain in the arse but I am fond of her still. That doesn't mean I want to launch back into anything but one thing is for sure - I have the power.

 

Keep doing what you are doing and I promise you that slowly but surely as you re-invent yourself your power level will increase and you will come out of it a stronger better man.

 

Show those frigging Vikings that what you are made of man!

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Thanks Baz. Sometimes I feel like I do not have any power what so ever. I mean. I have had NC for 11 days now and counting. My teaching job starts tomorrow (friday) I have a class that I have to go to. I think it will be really good to start a new job and get on with my life. I am going to enjoy this new job and try to make new friendships with people that I have never met before.

 

As for my power level. Since I have not talked to her in 11 days I feel like I have a power level of 1 (on a 1-10 scale). So I feel like the ball is in her court and that I am just sitting back wishing and waiting. I mean I realize what she did to me was wrong. But I mean, a part of me deep down hopes that she thinks that she has made a big mistake. But who knows. I am tierd of asking myself the same questions. Where is she? Why isnt she calling? and so on. I just need to get on with my life and enjoy myself more as a person. I need to step it up to a newer level. Stop talking about her and dwelling on the past.

 

I look back and realize all of the things that I did for her she probably didnt deserve them. I did everything for her. You name it. I am in no way contacting her until she contacts me. If she wants to talk to me she can walk up my steps and bang on my door cuz maybe I will anwser it. But who knows maybe I wont. Keep them coming BAZ. You are helping me. I read this everyday. I go through and I read it just because I need to know if I am getting any better. No contact is the only way to go to get over your love of your life.

 

Your heart will heal too baz. Keep thinking that. I know you can do it. Keep your chin up and your head high and good things will happen. Good things happen to good people. I believe in that dearly. Keep the messages coming baz. Thanks again.

 

American in Norway

[Baz]

Remember that NC is about you healing not about getting them back. I cant and wont give you answers to your questions but what I will tell you is that this women is not who you think she is. The women you thought you loved didn't exist, she was a fraud. Check out "Narcisisstic Persoanlity Dissorder". Im not saying she has it but there will be some detail to help you undersatnd that people are not quite what they appear. You and I could be "codependant". Look that up too and try and understand who you are and why you are what you are. It can get deep and may not be relevant but it will certainly make you think about why you are who you are.

 

It's late go to bed!