its all makes sense, how can i explain it to my ex when he wont even talk to me

[mercedesgirl]

Hi, haven't posted in ages on here, but Im back again! My relationship over the last 6 years has been very up and down and lots of things in my own personal life have been very difficult (eldest son diagnosed with brain tumor). Anyways, I have suffered with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember and it has now taken my relationship.

 

I have been looking into everything on the internet about causes of depression and I found out yesterday about the link between the contraceptive pill and depression. I looked into it more and I believe that my anxiety and depression have been caused by taking these pills for over thirty years! apart from a short time when I had my three boys, and this made me realise that those times were the best that I can remember, healthwise both mentally and emotionally. Being pregnant, the birth and the months after I was my happiest. Of course during the time leading up to the pregnancy, thro the pregnancy and months after, I wasnt on the pill!

 

Ok, where am I going with this. My ex boyfriend has put up with all my anxieties since we met but a couple of weekends ago, he'd had enough of my mood swings, depression, anxiety (which I can fully understand, I get fed up with it myself!), The issue is that now I have realised what has been causing it and I will be going to my GP to say Im stopping taking it etc. I want to be able to tell my ex boyfriend all this, but I dont think we will want to even talk to me let alone take it on board, that its not me but the medication that caused me to mess everything up.

 

Your thoughts please, thanks

[Daisydooks]

I was on the pill for many years. It had its benefits. I came off birth control to conceive about 6 years ago and it's been great too though. I don't see myself back on birth control ever again, because children are welcome. ☺ I will never go on it again, but thats because I'm open to as many children as time allows at this point in my life

 

People who are meant to be will be. If he dumped you after all these years, I don't know what the outcome will be but I hope you find happiness. It may be too late. Do you have a history of breaking up or is this the first break up? Sorry I haven't read more of your story

[PegNosePete]

The issue is that now I have realised what has been causing it and I will be going to my GP to say Im stopping taking it etc. I want to be able to tell my ex boyfriend all this

Don't tell him what you want to do or are going to do. Talk to your GP, stop the pill, and see if you get better. Then think about talking to your ex and what to tell him.

 

"I have solved my problem! I am much happier now!" is a much better thing to say than "I am going to think about talking to someone about how to solve my problem".

 

Is this exBF the father of your kids?

[mrs rubble]

Read up about PMDD, I have this and it's awful. Maybe you have it too?

I found my moods were most stable when I was on Depo.

[mercedesgirl]

@daisydooks - the relationship has had its ups and downs, mainly because my ex shut down all emotions because he suffered trauma many years ago and his way of dealing with it was to shut it all out, so me being a very emotional person was very difficult for him because he wasnt in control of that. As soon as I got emotional about something he would distance himself. But as time goes on now I am realising that he had a problem with my feelings, yet my feelings were perfectly normal for the situation at the time.

 

@PegNosePete - I like your comment "I have solved my problem! I am much happier now!" because Im sure he would say 'you will never change... if I talk to him atm. Whereas in time, I can be confident to say that I have. He is not the father of my sons.

 

@ Mrs rubble - I am in my 50's so dont think that PMDD is an issue.

 

 

As an update, I have started 2 months of talking therapy to be able to get myself back on track after so many years of anxiety/depression, and I must say that the first session, although it was a very emotional session, it made me think about how my ex had behaved towards me regarding my issues, when he was in fact not dealing with his own issues and I can focus on the fact that my behavior was perfectly normal for the situation (as I said previous), the fact that I had a life changing issue, anyone would have reacted in the same way.

 

I am feeling so much better since stopping the pill too, I haven't felt anxious or had any really bad negative thoughts.

 

Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate them.

[SevenCity]

Often once the damage is done it can't be undone. Stop the pill and get better for you and then reach out to him after time has passed and emotions have cooled down.

 

As a woman you have a much better chance of reconciliation. Look at how many guys changed after a breakup and the low success rate of getting their girl back. It's much higher for women.