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Seemingly great date, indicators of interest but got her cheek when kissing?

amazonrambo

By amazonrambo
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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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I went on a first date with this girl last night.

 

In the week leading up to the date, she would text me very detailed responses but would take hours to reply. She told me she's not big on her phone and that she's bad at texting. An example was that I replied back Thursday morning but didn't hear anything back until Friday 11pm where she said she'll see me tomorrow, etc.

 

Anyway we had our date, broke the ice playing mini golf, had a drink at the bar and then went to this nice restaurant.

 

She was so talkative it was hard to get a word in edgeways, but she kept asking me lots of questions and seemed very interested in me. We spoke about careers, funny past dates, our family, etc. She laughed and smiled a lot.

 

As we were walking, she asked me if I wanted a lift home in her car, so we walked and talked. 2-3 times during the walk she whacked my arm to get my attention about some places we were passing.

 

In the car, the joking and talking continued. No awkward silences at all and we pulled up where I lived. At the end I went for the kiss and put my hand on the side of her face, but she turned and gave me her cheek. I still went for her lips but she gave me a peck and pulled away. Anyway I left her car and said I hope she gets home safe.

 

Half an hour later, I texted her that I had a great night and hope she got home safe and replied saying "Thanks for wondering if I got home safe :) Yeah I enjoyed it, thanks for planning it! :) xx".

 

So I said I was going to sleep and made a joke about dreaming of her beating my ass at mini-golf again and she replied within 5 minutes. Her response time was much improved compared to before the date.

 

I plan to ask her out later the next day to see when she is free, I'll get my answer then.. But what do you think?

onehalfmunky Member

onehalfmunky

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Sounds like it could be something. Try for another date!

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I wouldn't want to kiss based on getting on well with someone - this could leave me snogging my best friends. Instead, I need chemistry.

 

Was there chemistry?

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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I wouldn't want to kiss based on getting on well with someone - this could leave me snogging my best friends. Instead, I need chemistry.

 

Was there chemistry?

 

I felt like there was, the banter and communication was back and forth and we clicked, we could hold eye contact without it being awkward but sometimes we didn't stare completely into each others eyes. We were comfy making physical touches with each other. In general I felt it was there as I wouldn't have gone for the kiss if it wasn't.. But I'm worried she might have not felt it hence the cheek turn. She did give me a peck on the lips.

 

Suppose we'll see when i ask her out again and whether she agrees, etc.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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A kiss on he cheek on the first date is totally appropriate.

 

If you enjoyed yourself, and it sounds like you did, as her out again.

 

Good luck.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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Given she says she's a bad texter most of the time, when I reinitiate later today, should I go straight for the kill and ask her out again or build up to it? Usually I'd build up to it after 2 or 3 messages but wondering if it's worth just asking her out again from the go?

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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I don't get the whole "bad texter" thing...

 

I mean, I can appreciate that some people don't want to be tied to their phones, or they would prefer to talk in person or on the telephone...

 

But, if they are interested in someone, I would think that they would do what needs to be done to make something happen.

 

My advice, send her a good morning text and ask how she is doing today. When she responds, tell her that you had a great time on your last date and ask if she is interested in getting together again.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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Does she have a BF already or dating someone else ?

 

IMO, going for the kiss is the only way to go but being given the cheek instead of the lips have a purpose and or reason behind it.

 

Kissing on the lips for a first date isn't going to fast for 2 people that enjoy each others company..

 

I vote for she is dating someone else more seriously...

 

Do you have any friends in common ?

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Some don't dive right in for a kiss on a first or second date....you are still on trial. Ask for another date.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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No way to know until you ask her out again. Some people just may not kiss on the lips on the first date, but it's proper to try as long as she hasn't been shrinking away from your touch all night or acting like she hates you.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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Does she have a BF already or dating someone else ?

 

IMO, going for the kiss is the only way to go but being given the cheek instead of the lips have a purpose and or reason behind it.

 

Kissing on the lips for a first date isn't going to fast for 2 people that enjoy each others company..

 

I vote for she is dating someone else more seriously...

 

Do you have any friends in common ?

 

No friends in common, she moved locally a couple of years ago. I noticed her facebook privacy is completely open too, without being friends on there and nothingg suggests boyfriend. There's a possibility she could be dating someone else, I mean she was on a dating website but she was rarely on it. I'd she her online a few minutes a day when I was using it a lot but she hasn't touched it at all since I got her number last week. She hasn't been online since then.

 

If she was dating someone more seriously, why go on a date with me at all? She was looking forward to it prior to the date and gave me all the signs on it. I'd have thought she'd have given me a kiss and just cut contact, but she replied twice to my texts last night about enjoying the evening.

 

The real answer will be if she accepts date #2. I'll expect rejection but I'll get to the point by asking if she had a great day today and if she's free Thursday at 7pm to go to this escape room. We talked about this escape room on the date, but we didn't mention going together as I find planning future dates is bad etiquette.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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I don't get the whole "bad texter" thing...

 

I mean, I can appreciate that some people don't want to be tied to their phones, or they would prefer to talk in person or on the telephone...

 

But, if they are interested in someone, I would think that they would do what needs to be done to make something happen.

 

My advice, send her a good morning text and ask how she is doing today. When she responds, tell her that you had a great time on your last date and ask if she is interested in getting together again.

 

That's what she claimed when I double texted her earlier in the week and she told me that, but gave me an apology saying she was plannig a holiday with friends and got caught up in it.

 

On the day of our date, I noticed NO signs of her being a bad texter, her responses were around 5-20 minutes.

 

After the date her response to me was 20 minutes, then 5 after that. Compared to the half a day she took before.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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No way to know until you ask her out again. Some people just may not kiss on the lips on the first date, but it's proper to try as long as she hasn't been shrinking away from your touch all night or acting like she hates you.

 

Got positive signs all night. I paid for the mini golf, she paid for drinks and we both went half on the meal. I made an excuse to hold her hand at the table by asking about her rings and she kept whacking me when we were walking when she tried to get my attention about other places, etc. She kept apologising a few times for the wind messing up her hair, she seemed to play with it a fair bit and she always filled any silences with talking too.

 

She offered me a ride home, which suggests a fair amount of trust for a guy she just met

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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She ended up replying at 10am this morning and it was exactly as feared..

 

Her text said "Morning! Sorry for the late reply! Was in town all of yesterday..... I had a really good time on the date but don't think for me it would be anything more than friendship. You're lovely and you're a good looking guy, to be honest you remind me so much of my best lad mate from uni! I'd really it if you wanted to be friends but understand if you don't".

 

I guess because we talked a lot when having a drink and over dinner. We had a laugh and there was some touching, some teasing, etc. I basically did what I usually do with girls which has gotten me relationships in the past so didn't feel I needed to change things, but over dinner I did get the thought to myself "What if she just sees me as a friend?".

 

It's weird because our interaction over dinner was exactly like my first date with my ex, so I thought maybe it could have gone well.

 

We played mini-golf and had a drink, but maybe I'm best avoiding dinner dates as a first date in the future.

 

I mean if I THINK about it, I feel like this is the same situation I was in a couple of months ago with a girl who was the same age 28, had her own car and her own place but told me we're in different stages of our lives and stopped seeing me. Maybe she feels the same, I don't own a car, I still live with parents, I don't go travelling on holidays like she does, I don't go to festivals or gigs like she does. Maybe we were just too different or I wasn't where she wanted me to be, anyway who knows.

 

How should I respond to her text? The rejection hasn't hit me as bad as I thought it would as I was expecting it from the cheek turn. I kind of want to be friends with her as I did enjoy her company, she was great to talk to and for once a girl was really honest about not feeling it rather than stringing me along. I would only consider being friends if I were to hang out with her and people she knows though, as it could lead me to her introducing me to one of her girl mates. Don't worry I know this is dead in the water and I'll be pursuing other girls, but it would be nice to keep her as a friend if it meant she'd want to hang out as friends. Enjoyed talking to her about things and it was only one date, so I have no "feelings" invested in her.

 

She kind of reminds me of a girl best friend I had at college, my only worry is if she gets with a guy down the line, will I feel jealous or will she ditch being friends with me, etc.. I just don't know. I'd only like to be friends if we're actually going to be friends, her company was nice.

Edited by amazonrambo
Maggie4 Established Member

Maggie4

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No... don't do it.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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You don't owe her a text. Move on.

 

I would say you need to get things set in your life before investing your time looking for a relationship. You need to bring things to the table before a woman considers a future with you.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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You don't owe her a text. Move on.

 

I would say you need to get things set in your life before investing your time looking for a relationship. You need to bring things to the table before a woman considers a future with you.

 

Yeah, twice I've been rejected from women three years older than me that have their own place, car, job and everything set. I remember her saying she was at this retail park on our date and I told her I manage a shop there and she asked which one and said she went in there. She didn't seem bad about it.

 

I think it was a combination of that plus not going on holidays, festivals, etc. Maybe my personality didn't appear as outgoing as she wanted, but end of the day I want someone who likes me for me. My focus needs to be on passing my driving test and getting my career sorted. I said I would do that after the girl who rejected me before did that, but I didn't. So I need to get my ass into gear.

 

I've been debating today whether I should be friends with her or not.. as I don't feel attached as I have been with other girls. I would only be friends with her if it meant actually hanging out as friends, because she does remind me of a girl I used to be best friends with and I enjoyed our talking. We also share an interest in photography too and I don't have friends local to me who share that interest. Plus, it could open the door to her introducing me to someone she knows.

 

I might give it a few days to think about it.. I really do respect her honesty and she seems like a girl I'd love to have as a friend. I wouldn't usually do this with girls I've dated, but we only had one date. Who knows, she could even be a friend for life. My social circle isn't exactly big.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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No... don't do it.

 

So, don't be friends with her? If I'd have gone on 4-5 dates and built up a huge attraction for her then I wouldn't, but as it was only one date.. She seems like someone I can talk to on a friendly level and I would consider being friends if she wanted to hangout. If anything, she does remind me of my best friend at college and I miss hanging out with her.

 

At the end of the day, she isn't attracted to me and doesn't see me in that way, right? So at least I gain a friend from it, someone I really got on with and have a common interest with, rather than nothing at all.

Juha Established Member

Juha

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I am saying you are interested in her and I bet her offer of being friends is hollow and you two would not spend time together like "real" friends do.

 

She is being nice. I would wish her the best and tell her if she ever changes her mind to get in touch with you.

 

Then move on and don't contact ever again. I am sure you have plenty of friends and thinking that she will introduce you to her friends to date is folly.

 

Move on man

devilish innocent Established Member

devilish innocent

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I think she would have stated things slightly differently if she didn't think she'd enjoy knowing you as a friend. It really is up to you if you want to try for a friendship or not. You mentioned at one point that you would only be interested if she would introduce you to other girls. That's a potential side benefit of being her friend, but if that's your reason for spending time with her, then she becomes somebody you're using to meet other girls, not spending you're hanging out with because you want to be her friend. Likewise, if you won't be able to accept it when she's dating another guy, then you're not really her friend either. Now, if you really can enjoy her company, just for the sake of enjoying her company, without expecting anything more, that's another story.

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amazonrambo Established Member

amazonrambo

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I think she would have stated things slightly differently if she didn't think she'd enjoy knowing you as a friend. It really is up to you if you want to try for a friendship or not. You mentioned at one point that you would only be interested if she would introduce you to other girls. That's a potential side benefit of being her friend, but if that's your reason for spending time with her, then she becomes somebody you're using to meet other girls, not spending you're hanging out with because you want to be her friend. Likewise, if you won't be able to accept it when she's dating another guy, then you're not really her friend either. Now, if you really can enjoy her company, just for the sake of enjoying her company, without expecting anything more, that's another story.

 

I would honestly enjoy her company and we could both do photography together, her possibly introducing me to other girls is a side benefit. But then I wonder ehat if she dates someone new and I couldn't take it? Although I'd be seeing other girls anyway.

 

Like the poster said above, what if her offering friendship is a hollow offer? And she's just saying it to be nice? I feel like my work schedule dominates my evening/nights anyway and I barely have much time to socialise, let alone squeezing a date in. I'd hate to lose her as a friend but I think it would eat into the time that I could be spending going on dates with other girls who will like me in that way.

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