Girlfriend thinks im boring

[SethDamien]

During the first few months of our relationship, we were so spontaneous, vibrant, full of laughter, and romance. It was really some of the best moments of my life so far.

Fast forward 8 months later, everything seemed to turn 180. Whenever we make plans to go out, we cant seem to make up our minds and end up arguing a lot. When we go out on a date, we're just so quiet and end up making small talk like how delicious the food is, or talk about the weather, and some occasional conversations like 'hows your family?', etc.

We only meet 1-2 times a week, but we've already run out of topics to discuss. We don't have much in common but i don't see that as a reason why we cant love each other.

 

One day, she finally told me she was bored (with me). Because of this, I've become more conscious of my actions. I keep on thinking what to say or what to do whenever i'm with her... I keep on looking for ways to make myself interesting. The more i think about it, the more I've become conscious, thus our dates have become even more painfully dull. I can't make up my mind, and i'm always conscious whenever i'm with her. I don't understand where my anxiety and agitation came from.

 

She finally told me i look shallow, that i cant do anything without being guided, and that i always appear conscious of my actions. I never told her the reason why i became like this and frankly, i don't know how it began.

[Kamille]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't help but think that this relationship is damaging to your self-esteem.

 

The root of the issue is this:

 

We don't have much in common

 

The thing is, couples can thrive without a lot in common (he plays music and I read cooking books) if they share the same sense of humour, enjoy each other's conversation, are intellectually and emotionally compatible. It doesn't sound like you have that.

 

You say you used to laugh a lot. Why has that gone out the window?

[Minneloa]

Wait, didn't you break up?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/624253-me-gf-break-update-we-broke-up

[Els]

Sounds like a base incompatibility was discovered after the honeymoon phase wore off (which is when they are most likely to be found). Sorry to hear that, but you two were probably just not right for each other. Perhaps it was for the best?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Sounds like a base incompatibility was discovered after the honeymoon phase wore off (which is when they are most likely to be found). Sorry to hear that, but you two were probably just not right for each other. Perhaps it was for the best?

 

Yes, so much can and is overlooked during the honeymoon phase. It's all exciting and new, but when routine settles in, you discover you don't have much in common after all. That will kill any relationship.

 

The whole notion of "opposites attract" is so interesting in this respect. Too many people believe this and eventually find out that early attraction does not translate to long term relationship. At first, it's mostly eye-candy and emotions over-taking you.....then reality sets in.

 

The hard work is using the common interests and building from them. Making them a 'routine' part of your relationship to keep it fulfilling and renewed.

Edited May 28, 2017 by simpleNfit

[preraph]

To be interesting you have to do interesting things and be expanding your interests, keep up with the news, have topics you are interested enough in to read books about them, take up new hobbies, do volunteer work somewhere, challenge yourself. What are you going to have to talk about either of you if you are doing the same stuff every day?

[smackie9]

You can't force yourself to be more appealing when it's the end of the honeymoon/infatuation period. Sometimes the attraction runs it's course and it dies off.

 

I agree if you don't have a lot in common interest and hobby wise, there is nothing that is going to hold this relaitonship together.

 

Maybe it would be better if you two stop spending so much time together and go do your own thing. Then regroup and do things with other couples, and trying things out of your comfort zone. Now if that doesn't work, you need to cut the cord on this one.

[coolheadal]

During the first few months of our relationship, we were so spontaneous, vibrant, full of laughter, and romance. It was really some of the best moments of my life so far.

Fast forward 8 months later, everything seemed to turn 180. Whenever we make plans to go out, we cant seem to make up our minds and end up arguing a lot. When we go out on a date, we're just so quiet and end up making small talk like how delicious the food is, or talk about the weather, and some occasional conversations like 'hows your family?', etc.

We only meet 1-2 times a week, but we've already run out of topics to discuss. We don't have much in common but i don't see that as a reason why we cant love each other.

 

One day, she finally told me she was bored (with me). Because of this, I've become more conscious of my actions. I keep on thinking what to say or what to do whenever i'm with her... I keep on looking for ways to make myself interesting. The more i think about it, the more I've become conscious, thus our dates have become even more painfully dull. I can't make up my mind, and i'm always conscious whenever i'm with her. I don't understand where my anxiety and agitation came from.

 

She finally told me i look shallow, that i cant do anything without being guided, and that i always appear conscious of my actions. I never told her the reason why i became like this and frankly, i don't know how it began.

 

Total train wreck here with chaos thrown into the mix. You two lost interest and you should have bald out when you could have. Don't you see all of this could have been avoided and you just let it go because you just tolerate it to the point for her to say your boring. That's end of that, leave don't look back don't try to change things you can't. She might have found someone else before she told you, that you are boring..

[Grumpybutfun]

If a lady found me boring, I would take her at her word, and find a woman who thought I was amazing. Don't settle for someone who needs you to entertain them because they are nurtured on a world of instant gratification.

You deserve better,

Grumps

[basil67]

If a lady found me boring, I would take her at her word, and find a woman who thought I was amazing. Don't settle for someone who needs you to entertain them because they are nurtured on a world of instant gratification.

You deserve better,

Grumps

 

This ^

 

Being told that you're boring is grounds for breaking up.