She wants to change the date location

May 28, 2017

And second Bingo.
She told you before the date that she couldn't stay out late but after she found out the meet place was very close to you.

She met you anyway - to see if there were any redeeming things probably and at such a late stage saying she didn't want to meet would have appeared more rude but it sounds she felt off about things before she met you last night.

And that 'oh, oops' moment? She didn't regret changing the plans. She realized the depth of selfishness of a guy who wanted her to drive an hour so he'd only have to drive five minutes.

May 28, 2017

Bingo.

I think she had left it open in her mind as to whether you'd be asked to hang with her friends or not, depending on how the date went. It apparently didn't go as well as you thought it had.

She gave them a nod indicating she'd meet up with them in a bit, and they replied in code.

How much annoyance about the change of venue and distance did you give off during the date?

There was definitley code. Her friends ordered her a drink and had a waiter bring it to our table during the date I guess to let her know they were there. And then she told me the story of why they sent that specific drink over and if was about that guy she ghosted who ordered the girly drink and now it's become an inside joke. Maybe she wanted to me to say "hey why don't we hang with your friends?" I Feel like that'd be something she would offer.

I gave no indication about being mad about the change of venue at all, I was fully accommodating I felt and I don't even Bring up that fact that she changed it until we started talking about where else to go. It's like her friends were at the date the entire time watching us and stuff..weird. She event brought up the fact that she "feels like her friends are watching" and lo and behold they send the drink.

I should have just agreed to hang out with her friends from the beginning when she sent me that text In the morning--but I didn't want her to put me in a friend zone and thought a second date is way too soon to be mingling friend groups.

May 28, 2017

And second Bingo.
She told you before the date that she couldn't stay out late but after she found out the meet place was very close to you.

She met you anyway - to see if there were any redeeming things probably and at such a late stage saying she didn't want to meet would have appeared more rude but it sounds she felt off about things before she met you last night.

She never said she couldn't stay out late before the dats

May 28, 2017

And that 'oh, oops' moment? She didn't regret changing the plans. She realized the depth of selfishness of a guy who wanted her to drive an hour so he'd only have to drive five minutes.

Precisely!

And also the thought that as the OP mentioned she may have figured he intended to try to invite her back to his place.

OP, you knew the answer to this right off the bat.

Also, women don't get a guy to meet their friends to see if he is good looking enough - they either do that because they've got close enough to want to integrate you into their life more, check out your personality or so that she has a safe back up plan.

You were somewhere in the latter two but I would say the third option once she found out how close the initial venue was.

Try to be a gentleman next time, we appreciate that, be more considerate for her than for yourself - much like you would if you took your grandma, mother or sister out for a day for instance.

May 28, 2017

Precisely!
And also the thought that as the OP mentioned she may have figured he intended to try to invite her back to his place.

OP, you knew the answer to this right off the bat.

Also, women don't get a guy to meet their friends to see if he is good looking enough - they either do that because they've got close enough to want to integrate you into their life more, check out your personality or so that she has a safe back up plan.
You were somewhere in the latter two but I would say the third option once she found out how close the initial venue was.

Try to be a gentleman next time, we appreciate that, be more considerate for her than for yourself - much like you would if you took your grandma, mother or sister out for a day for instance.

And second Bingo.
She told you before the date that she couldn't stay out late but after she found out the meet place was very close to you.

She met you anyway - to see if there were any redeeming things probably and at such a late stage saying she didn't want to meet would have appeared more rude but it sounds she felt off about things before she met you last night.

She never said she couldn't stay out late before the date.

And that doesn't make sense. If she wasn't interested at all she wouldn't have met me at all she easily could have bailed on the date. Remember when I asked her out for the second date I originally offered to give her a ride which she declined and when she said it was far I said no problem I can change the location and come to you. I don't see how that's selfish at all. (Referring to Midwest). That's not what the oh oops moment was. If I was that selfish I wouldn't have agreed to her terms

May 28, 2017

then she asked where I live again, i told her "near where we weee gonna go originally, I live like 5 minutes from there." She's said, "oh oops" (guess she regretted changing the plans) so I told her "it's ok we don't have to go anywhere else" then we talked for a little bit more and then I said "alright so where can we go..hmm.." and she said "I can't really stay out to late though, then she gave the gym excuse" and that's what pissed me off because it was so clear that it was BS and I felt like she was insulting me.. Maybe we could have stayed at that place longer but we had already paid the check and everything,just seemed to natural to try and move the date to another location.

If you say she told you on the date about the gym then the bolded part doesn't make any sense - you hadn't met when you were having the above conversation as you were both saying 'where can we go' future tense.

May 28, 2017

If you say she told you on the date about the gym then the bolded part doesn't make any sense - you hadn't met when you were having the above conversation as you were both saying 'where can we go' future tense.

Everything I posted happened tonight during the date. Everything was said tonight none of this is predate

May 28, 2017

Precisely!
And also the thought that as the OP mentioned she may have figured he intended to try to invite her back to his place.

This is what I'm worried about the most. She might think my intention is just to sleep with her or something. During the date she said I have to go to the bathroom, don't rufee my drink while I'm gone" but she said it in a flirtatious manner.

Is there anyway to rectify this situation? Should I wait for her to come to me? Should I reach out to her in a few days and see if she respond positively? Or should I just move on because I messed up again?

May 28, 2017

Everything I posted happened tonight during the date. Everything was said tonight none of this is predate

OK, so when you were having that conversation were you trying to persuade her not to meet her friends (which is the thing you knew beforehand was happening) and that you were trying to get her to go elsewhere after dinner and away from her friends?

It can be pretty awkward to back out of a date right before it happens - but if as you say this conversation took place while you were there then yep - still the same, that is what did it.

May 28, 2017

OK, so when you were having that conversation were you trying to persuade her not to meet her friends (which is the thing you knew beforehand was happening) and that you were trying to get her to go elsewhere after dinner and away from her friends?

It can be pretty awkward to back out of a date right before it happens - but if as you say this conversation took place while you were there then yep - still the same, that is what did it.

Earlier in the day she texted me about the location change and asked if I would be interested in going with her friends to this hibachi place instead because they were getting together. I replied to that text saying "yeah no problem we can change location how about we go to xxx" which is basically right across the street from where her friends were planning to go.

When we got to the date I said "wow didn't realize your friends are going to that place right across the street" she said "oh I don't know if they're even going out or meeting up anymore they had mentioned it at brunch earlier today but who knows" so it sounded to me like there were no set plans to meet up.

When she said she had to go the bathroom and of course brought her phone and probably texted her friends to come. And the drinkshowed up right after that.

I don't know what I could have said to turn her off, I did tell her a story of how I burned my arm like 10 years ago, and got mildly graphic with the description but I doubt that's it. That being said, the fact that she admitted to being very very picky means that literally any one little thing I did or said could have put me under

May 28, 2017

Did she go to the toilet before she found out how close you lived to the original venue?

May 28, 2017

Did she go to the toilet before she found out how close you lived to the original venue?

Yup that was before any mention of where I live. I mean I get no points at all for be willing change the location and come closer to her? Doesn't that say that I'm actually interested in her? She knows I live like 40 min from where we met up tonight so if I just wanted to bring her back to my place why would I have wasted my time going up thefr

Edited May 28, 2017 by Grey40

May 28, 2017

Then something else turned her off prior to that.

She did know her friends were about - she just wasn't willing to spend the entire evening with you.

They were her back up and or safety plan.

May 28, 2017

She just texted me this morning

"Hey I'm really sorry about my friends. Idk why they were being so weird, was not expecting that. I feel really bad. I'm sure now I'll be on the weird date list."

May 28, 2017

Any thoughts? Told her it didn't bother me at all and that I had a good time and would definitley want to see her again

May 28, 2017

I think that you need to settle down and stop overanalyzing every. little. thing. If you enjoy her company, ask her out again. Do something fun together. Just go along with it and see how things go...

Be kind to her and have fun!

May 28, 2017

She just texted me this morning

"Hey I'm really sorry about my friends. Idk why they were being so weird, was not expecting that. I feel really bad. I'm sure now I'll be on the weird date list."

What interesting story going on here.. You tolerated her bringing her friends along with you two Are you on date or just hanging out as buddies. I would never show-up with her friends and you don't even know what the heck she's pulling over you. She texting in your presents this is not a date. Your paying for her meals and drinks. Would you pay for all her friends drinks. Your suppose to be the leader she's calling all the shots. When she said she really didn't like dates, then you should have walk out. Your not on date your on her grounds her rules her objective. When you go are you seating next to her or she is surrounded by her friends your left to the edge of the seats. You are driving over 45 mins each way that comes out to 90 mins drive. Is she living up to your dreams or is just costing you a lot of you money and gas.

Edited May 28, 2017 by coolheadal

May 28, 2017

Well another one bites the dust. She just sent me the "you're a really cool guy but honestly I'm just not feeling the chemistry" text. Man second girl that has said that to me. I guarantee her changing plans was a test that I failed. Or, she just had low interest to begin with before the second date even happened.

May 28, 2017

Well another one bites the dust. She just sent me the "you're a really cool guy but honestly I'm just not feeling the chemistry" text. Man second girl that has said that to me. I guarantee her changing plans was a test that I failed. Or, she just had low interest to begin with before the second date even happened.

Sucker punch she did to you sorry about that guy.. She was never interested, just hanging out with you as friend. You need to be more confident and be a leader. Never agree to allow the friends to join you on a date. Date is for you and her not a Group Date is what you ended up on but not even that close to a date. Do not allow this to happen again. Watch out for clues when the girl is acting flaky...

May 28, 2017

Sucker punch she did to you sorry about that guy.. She was never interested, just hanging out with you as friend. You need to be more confident and be a leader. Never agree to allow the friends to join you on a date. Date is for you and her not a Group Date is what you ended up on but not even that close to a date. Do not allow this to happen again. Watch out for clues when the girl is acting flaky...

It wasn't a group date, I told her it was just gonna be us two and it was until the very end. But I agree that she had only mild interest. The fact that I had to wonder whether the first date went well should have been a clue. Well you love an learn and now I know to be a little more selective

May 28, 2017

It wasn't a group date, I told her it was just gonna be us two and it was until the very end. But I agree that she had only mild interest. The fact that I had to wonder whether the first date went well should have been a clue. Well you love an learn and now I know to be a little more selective

Your dating or seeing the wrong type of women, and your going out of your way to give into their terms of the date. Your in control seat not them. Doesn't matter how many woman tell you the same thing you need to learn why and what they're objective is? First date should not be expensive, you and her could go dutch depending on her interest level. She whips out that cell phone and text in your presence then that's not a date!

Her friends shouldn't have shown up but that was the game plan you fell for it hook-line-sinker.. You had not choice but to go along with it. Then you said we'll all have to pay for own drinks an meal then. Because your not on a date.

May 28, 2017

Well another one bites the dust. She just sent me the "you're a really cool guy but honestly I'm just not feeling the chemistry" text. Man second girl that has said that to me. I guarantee her changing plans was a test that I failed. Or, she just had low interest to begin with before the second date even happened.

I'm not really sure you "failed the test" per se, I just think she wasn't that into you and was on the fence about going on a second date all along. A girl that is really into you will not be changing plans and suggesting having her friends come along to your dates in the first place.

Looks like there is a lot of analyzing and second-guessing your every move on this thread. I do think you were piled on a bit here in a way that wasn't constructive. Look, when a woman is really interested in a guy, she really will give him the benefit of the doubt. So you can stop analyzing so much.

A long time ago when I was broke, I once had a girl pick ME up and buy ME dinner for the 3rd date. We then went back to my place and made out. When a woman is attracted to you, it is easy!

What did you originally have planned for the second date? And where did you meet for the first date--near her or halfway between the two of you. ETA I read the opening thread again…next time come up w something more creative than a restaurant. It costs a lot of money and it is hard to spark up chemistry where you are sitting across the table from someone else. It is also what she did for most of her other failed dates, which makes it harder for you to stand out in a good way.

Edited May 28, 2017 by Imajerk17

May 29, 2017

OP, read what the jerk above has to say, and take it to heart.

Also, if you're worried about giving women the impression you want a date close to home, so you can take them back to your place, then break that habit!

Best of luck to you.

May 29, 2017

You do seem to analyze your dates a lot. I am starting to wonder if the women get a sense of this at some point. That your "eagerness" (for lack of a better word) starts to show. We all do this on occasion, but you seem to do this with every single woman. Not everything needs to be so calculated and complicated.

And I often get men throwing out the "do you ever get out my way" or "if you ever make it my way" line. Not even offering to meet me half way, despite us living in a large metro area with many location options. It is a huge turnoff to me and I read that they are barely interested in making any effort and all about keeping things casual.

May 29, 2017

To be honest, it sounds like you dodged a bullet.

It seems pretty obvious that the reason she wanted to change venue at the last minute was because she wanted to hang out with her friends, who coincidentally just happened to hanging out across the road (yeah right!).

I highly doubt there was any type of "test" going on. It sounds like she lost interest before the date, but instead of cancelling, or at the very least pay for herself, she takes advantage of the situation, and takes the opportunity to show off in front of friends.

To add insult to injury she messages you to "apologize for her friends" which almost seems like an invitation for you to respond. Only then does she let you know she isn't interested.

Trust me, this says a lot more about her than it does about you.

I wouldn't even bother with a response to her last text either.

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She wants to change the date location

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