Grey40 Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 Had this date setup for Saturday since Monday she was going to meet me a restaurant. She texts me this morning (day of date) saying that the location is kind of far from her (it is an hour away for her, but closer to where I live hence why I made the date there). And she asked if I would be ok to change it to somewhere near her and then she asked if I wanted to meet up with her friends later on. How do I interpret this? I agreed to change locations but I chose a different restaurant and said maybe we'll meet up with your friends after. she agreed. I felt like it was a test and maybe I acted weak by being so willing to change the plans last minute but at the same time, it really isn't a big deal to me to go to her. Thoughts? Is she testing me or maybe just avoiding s possible "hey let's go back to my place" scenario? And why does she want me to meet up with her friends on the second date?
smackie9 Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 Here is how it can play out....just do it. Maybe she's calculating a backup plan, or maybe she is the type that needs assurance from her friends. Whatever the case may be, Just suck it up and work with what ya got. Sounds to me she is a nervous nelly and OLD is nerve wracking for her....some people just need a safety net. 2
BaileyB Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 Does it cost you anything to change the location of the dinner... It's not a big deal. Don't sweat the small stuff. Just go with it and see what happens. 1
basil67 Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 Grey, if something as simple as a venue change has you pondering ideas that she's testing you and that you being flexible makes you seem "weak", I suspect you need some time off dating. Your cynicism may become your own worst enemy. The most logical explanation is that she wants to see you and wants to go to the thing her friends are doing. Changing the venue and asking you to come see her friends with her allows her to do both things she wants. If you don't mind driving nearer to her and socialising with her friends, this solution is win/win. 4
Erik30 Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 Usually when I try to set up a date I pick a place that's convenient for the both of us... so I get why she wanted to change the location. I think she's "using" her friends just in case she's not interested anymore after meeting you
Author Grey40 Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 (edited) We'll she wnded the date early when I suggested trying to go another place. Haha her excuse was "I didn't go to the gym today I want to go tomorrow". Wow. Not sure what I did Wrong my this time guess she wasn't that interested to begin with and just wanted a free meal. She seemed into me though. God damnit felt like I just got played like a fiddle She hugged me in the parking lot and said we'll talk again soon to which I just walked away and didn't reply Edited May 28, 2017 by Grey40 1
MidwestUSA Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 We'll she wnded the date early when I suggested trying to go another place. Haha her excuse was "I didn't go to the gym today I want to go tomorrow". Wow. Not sure what I did Wrong my this time guess she wasn't that interested to begin with and just wanted a free meal. She seemed into me though. God damnit felt like I just got played like a fiddle She hugged me in the parking lot and said we'll talk again soon to which I just walked away and didn't reply :eek: Well, I guess you weren't that interested either. No point in further analyzing this one, it's dead. Exactly how long was the date, and what are your expectations for a first date? Do you really expect that someone should drop their other daily routines to extend a date? It's a first meeting, not a life commitment. The word cynical comes to mind. A gentleman wouldn't even ask a woman to drive an hour for a first date, but you copped an attitude when she asked for a little accommodation. 4
Author Grey40 Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 :eek: Well, I guess you weren't that interested either. No point in further analyzing this one, it's dead. Exactly how long was the date, and what are your expectations for a first date? Do you really expect that someone should drop their other daily routines to extend a date? It's a first meeting, not a life commitment. The word cynical comes to mind. A gentleman wouldn't even ask a woman to drive an hour for a first date, but you copped an attitude when she asked for a little accommodation. I texted her about 20 min after I left and told her it was really great seeing her again and hopes she has a good night, so I tried to redeem myself there. This was a second date, and I am extremely interested in this woman. I can't lie and say I wasn't pissed off though. She changed the plans which I was totally cool about and drove 45 min to go to dinner with her, paid for her meal and everything and she gives me a BS excuse why she doesn't want to keep hanging out on a Saturday night. Our first date she also ended early but it was because of work thenext day which is totally understandable..but I just thought if this girl can't hang out with me on a Saturday night then why is she even bothering? It was only 8:45 and she acted like she wanted to just go home.
MidwestUSA Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I texted her about 20 min after I left and told her it was really great seeing her again and hopes she has a good night, so I tried to redeem myself there. This was a second date, and I am extremely interested in this woman. I can't lie and say I wasn't pissed off though. She changed the plans which I was totally cool about and drove 45 min to go to dinner with her, paid for her meal and everything and she gives me a BS excuse why she doesn't want to keep hanging out on a Saturday night. Our first date she also ended early but it was because of work thenext day which is totally understandable..but I just thought if this girl can't hang out with me on a Saturday night then why is she even bothering? It was only 8:45 and she acted like she wanted to just go home. Well, epic fail. On to the next one. I noticed you have a very specific set of expectations for early dating - texting, emojis, times, etc., and that you're prone to over analyzing. Might want to talk to someone about that. Good luck. 3
Tressugar Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 How was it that she wanted a free meal when she paid for her meal? I'm lost on that one.
BaileyB Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I texted her about 20 min after I left and told her it was really great seeing her again and hopes she has a good night, so I tried to redeem myself there. This was a second date, and I am extremely interested in this woman. I can't lie and say I wasn't pissed off though. I just thought if this girl can't hang out with me on a Saturday night then why is she even bothering? It was only 8:45 and she acted like she wanted to just go home. Oh, I'm pretty sure that she knew you were pissed off. When a woman offers you a hug and tells you that she had a good time, you can't just walk away and not say goodbye.... There is no redeeming yourself after that one. It would seem that it is time to move on to the next girl. Maybe, you should approach that date with a little more humility and less cynicism. Good luck. 2
basil67 Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 Sorry it didn't work out for you. Her wanting to leave so quickly and early? My bet isn't that you got played, but that you weren't the company she was hoping for. If you were with someone and her personality really wasn't gelling, would you spend your whole Saturday night with her regardless? Or would you want to get out of there? Personally, I'd do the latter. 1
Tressugar Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 Oh I got it now on the dinner part. She picked up on your attitude and wanted to bounce. Women are intuitive and we sense when someone who has a bad attitude. 1
GemmaUK Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 (edited) Well, looks like there is something about you she didn't like - was this the 28 year old? The original idea from her upon moving the venue was for you to meet with her friends later - maybe she wanted them to check you out, Perhaps something happened on the date that convinced her she didn't need her friends to check you out after all. My first thought though was why pick a place close to you and far for her? The gentlemanly thing would be either a place right in between and the same distance for you both or a place nearer to her. Edited May 28, 2017 by GemmaUK 4
Author Grey40 Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 Well, epic fail. On to the next one. I noticed you have a very specific set of expectations for early dating - texting, emojis, times, etc., and that you're prone to over analyzing. Might want to talk to someone about that. Good luck. So it's really over? Hoping she'll get over that
CC12 Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 So it's really over? Hoping she'll get over that I'm positive that she'll survive without you. 2
GemmaUK Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I'd say it was over before she told you she hadn't been to the gym, the walking away not saying anything was just another confirmation by that stage. What happened up to the point she said she was leaving early?
MidwestUSA Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 So it's really over? Hoping she'll get over that I'm sure she'll be just fine. Or did you mean 'over' something else? 2
CC12 Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I'm sure she'll be just fine. Or did you mean 'over' something else? Yeah, after I hit the "post" button, I wondered if he meant he was hoping that she'll get over his behavior? Maybe she will, OP. But you really acted like an ass by just leaving without saying anything. People have lives outside of the time they spend with you. It was unfair of you to get mad when she did not choose to spend more time with you. Your expectations are too high. Dial it back. 2
Author Grey40 Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 (edited) What happened up to the point she said she was leaving early? That's what I was desperately trying to figure out. This date went so much better than the first one, I had her laughing a lot and she asked me a lot of questions. She did about 70% of the talking which I've always found works the best. She looked fantastic and her friends actually showed up to the date as we were leaving basically so they could meet me and check me out but it was when we were kind of on our way out of the place. I introduced myself to them and everything and they said "ok well leavecyou two alone" We left and I asked her "are you sure you want to go home already?" And she said "yeah I'm sure" In kind of a sarcastic tone. Perhaps her plan the entire time was to cut the date short and hangovut with her friends in the first place. I definitley shouldn't have acted mad or butthurt over it definitley made me look lame. I'm hoping that maybe she'll forgive the behavior because I thought the rest of the date went well. She said she hates dating and going on dates and that the reason why she's single is because she's super incredibly picky. She literally ghosted on a previous guy simply because he ordered a girly alchohlic drink on the first date. I really like her though. The bad news is that she never responded to my "had a really great time seeing you again, have a good night" text--sent it at 930pm it's now 3am. So unfortunetley some of you might be right that she's done for good. Hopefully that's not the case, maybe I'll hear from her tomorrow but if I don't it's definitley probably done. Edited May 28, 2017 by Grey40
smackie9 Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 Oh dude she sounds way too high maintenance.......you dodged a bullet.
GemmaUK Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 She did about 70% of the talking which I've always found works the best. Perhaps she sussed this was an act and you weren't being yourself. I introduced myself to them and everything and they said "ok well leavecyou two alone" Very odd thing to say when someone has just intro'd themselves. Nothing at all was said in between you introducing yourself and them saying they'd leave you two alone? Maybe it was a code phrase they had agreed upon? II definitley shouldn't have acted mad or butthurt over it definitley made me look lame. I'm guessing by saying you acted mad is that you just didn't respond and walked off or was there more to it than just that? It just feels like there's bits missing here.
Author Grey40 Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 Perhaps she sussed this was an act and you weren't being yourself. Very odd thing to say when someone has just intro'd themselves. Nothing at all was said in between you introducing yourself and them saying they'd leave you two alone? Maybe it was a code phrase they had agreed upon? I'm guessing by saying you acted mad is that you just didn't respond and walked off or was there more to it than just that? It just feels like there's bits missing here. I don't think she thought it was an act. I did actively try to talk less but it wasn't like I drastically changed anything. She did say "I feel like I'm doing all the talking" but that didn't seem to bother her too much. Her body language was good arms open, facing me, making eye contact and paying attention attentively when I did talk. As far as the friends they literally said their names and said "we are just out to dinner, we'll leave you two along, just wanted to say hi". All of her freiends are married or in relationships, she's the sole single one and they constantly tell her to stop being so damn picky. I'm hoping maybe the friends think I'm good looking and they'll talk her into seeing me again. Being mad I'm just referring to how I left. We hugged and she said "talk to you soon" and I just turned and started walking like I hadn't heard her. It was just kind of an awkward end because I wanted to hang out more and she didn't and she knew I was probably dissapointed. When I told her we could go to xx in the next town over she was really dismissive and said "eh I really don't want to go there it's kind of far, and what do you want to do?" So I said "something fun, anywhere is cool I'm not too familiar with the area". She said, "there's really not much around here" then she asked where I live again, i told her "near where we weee gonna go originally, I live like 5 minutes from there." She's said, "oh oops" (guess she regretted changing the plans) so I told her "it's ok we don't have to go anywhere else" then we talked for a little bit more and then I said "alright so where can we go..hmm.." and she said "I can't really stay out to late though, then she gave the gym excuse" and that's what pissed me off because it was so clear that it was BS and I felt like she was insulting me.. Maybe we could have stayed at that place longer but we had already paid the check and everything,just seemed to natural to try and move the date to another location.
MidwestUSA Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 We left and I asked her "are you sure you want to go home already?" And she said "yeah I'm sure" In kind of a sarcastic tone. Perhaps her plan the entire time was to cut the date short and hangovut with her friends in the first place. Bingo. I think she had left it open in her mind as to whether you'd be asked to hang with her friends or not, depending on how the date went. It apparently didn't go as well as you thought it had. She gave them a nod indicating she'd meet up with them in a bit, and they replied in code. How much annoyance about the change of venue and distance did you give off during the date? 1
GemmaUK Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I don't think she thought it was an act. I did actively try to talk less but it wasn't like I drastically changed anything. She did say "I feel like I'm doing all the talking" but that didn't seem to bother her too much. Her body language was good arms open, facing me, making eye contact and paying attention attentively when I did talk. As far as the friends they literally said their names and said "we are just out to dinner, we'll leave you two along, just wanted to say hi". All of her freiends are married or in relationships, she's the sole single one and they constantly tell her to stop being so damn picky. I'm hoping maybe the friends think I'm good looking and they'll talk her into seeing me again. Being mad I'm just referring to how I left. We hugged and she said "talk to you soon" and I just turned and started walking like I hadn't heard her. It was just kind of an awkward end because I wanted to hang out more and she didn't and she knew I was probably dissapointed. When I told her we could go to xx in the next town over she was really dismissive and said "eh I really don't want to go there it's kind of far, and what do you want to do?" So I said "something fun, anywhere is cool I'm not too familiar with the area". She said, "there's really not much around here" then she asked where I live again, i told her "near where we weee gonna go originally, I live like 5 minutes from there." She's said, "oh oops" (guess she regretted changing the plans) so I told her "it's ok we don't have to go anywhere else" then we talked for a little bit more and then I said "alright so where can we go..hmm.." and she said "I can't really stay out to late though, then she gave the gym excuse" and that's what pissed me off because it was so clear that it was BS and I felt like she was insulting me.. Maybe we could have stayed at that place longer but we had already paid the check and everything,just seemed to natural to try and move the date to another location. And second Bingo. She told you before the date that she couldn't stay out late but after she found out the meet place was very close to you. She met you anyway - to see if there were any redeeming things probably and at such a late stage saying she didn't want to meet would have appeared more rude but it sounds she felt off about things before she met you last night. 1
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