max3732 Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 This week I'm going out to lunch and for a walk with this girl that I had gone out with once before, but who moved away. I actually asked for advice on asking her out here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/602974-how-date-girl-tennis-clinic-update-how-do-you-make-1st-romantic-move She's back in town for a little bit and I don't know if she's planning on visiting back here every few months or what her future plans are, but she's back for at least a week and I was happy she said she'd go out with me again. I was actually impressed with her last time and really like her. The last time I kissed a girl was several years ago and in my last dates (with other girls) things didn't go well enough to try and go for a kiss. With her, how awkward would it be if I go to kiss her and she pulls away? She keeps in touch with the pro as well as several mutual friends and talks to them quite frequently. Would it be embarrassing to go to the next tennis clinic and hear from the pro "I hear you tried to kiss Sarah (not her real name) last week"? If she's not even sure about where she's going to live and is not going to be where I am is there even any point?
greymatter Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 If the date goes well and she seems really into you, you could, when you hug goodbye, ask her if you can kiss her. Asking is nice. I wouldn't if she doesn't seem attracted. Good luck and enjoy the date!
Fresnite Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 I've asked about this before, actually it was the reason i think i signed up here lol. But They told me it depends on the age and situation. Apparently because I'm young Its ok to ask but if you're over 25 years old you should just go for it. Women think about kidding too and she will show you signs, like at the end just go for it bro, don't hesitate or let your nervousness show, just do it! Like Shia Lebouf and Nike I've read too elsewhere that it could be tactful to do it during a date like if your walking some place or you know having a moment together. Not at dinner though since your bodies are positioned awkward and plus everyone is around. Its said doing it this way takes the pressure off both of you at the end.
preraph Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 I recommend you ask her on an evening dinner date, something that is clearly a date and not just hanging out as friends, and see if she accepts. Then act likea gentleman on the date, pulling out chair, etc. So she knows this is a date. AT the end of the date, drop her off and go in for a quick mouth kiss. If she dodges it, she's not into you. 3
Versacehottie Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I think it's better if you DON'T ask if you can kiss her. Usually that kills the moment and says you have her on a pedestal or are insecure about where you stand with her. You SHOULD pay extreme attention to how the night is going. Presume you are on a date and treat it as such. Pay attention to her non-verbal cues and take the baby steps (physically) to give your own and see how she responds. Like if you let your hand linger a bit longer when you guide her some direction or have a playful gesture with her. I think a big hug & kiss on cheek is nice way to START a date--you already know each other and haven't seen each other for a while, right? Whatever you do, use confidence. I think it is better to go at a slower pace then act unconfident about what you are doing and "allowed" to do. Importantly, stop worrying about what the mutual friends will think, hear about etc. Presume whatever aftermath there will be will be good! Such as maybe the thing you will need to worry about is: how long to keep it a secret that you are dating before you tell mutual friends. If she is a cool girl, she will not be trying to make you look stupid whether or not she is interested in you. She said yes to the date so presume she is interested!! Remember to take all the baby in between steps physically (hold hands, put your arm around her, guide her on small on her back, etc) so that you can see if she feels similarly and is ready for a kiss. Definitely flirt and be charismatic so that she is interested in kissing you. Pay attention to her & ask questions. Have a flow to your conversations and playfulness. You may think the baby steps are silly but if you don't do them you can be blowing it by presuming mutual interest and readiness. And to her it can feel like she is being jumped on. That's why the energy, physicality and momentum of the date are important. Also you can't be so in a hurry to get the "kiss" and evidence of where you stand with her. I know plenty of people where that didn't happen on first date and things worked out. You have to get the chemistry of the date right and the timing of the kiss will take care of itself. Good luck 3
hercules22 Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 asking makes things awkward better off going for the kiss 2
greymatter Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I still don't agree that asking is not okay or kills the moment, but that's just me!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I still don't agree that asking is not okay or kills the moment, but that's just me! I typically ask. It never seems to kill the moment...anyway... Good luck.
Author max3732 Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 I typically ask. It never seems to kill the moment...anyway... Good luck. Funny that you posted that. I'm actually a huge Disney fan and have a lot of the songs from the movies in the car. Would it be too obvious if I happened to put that song on when I'm dropping her off?
Author max3732 Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 I think it's better if you DON'T ask if you can kiss her. Usually that kills the moment and says you have her on a pedestal or are insecure about where you stand with her. You SHOULD pay extreme attention to how the night is going. Presume you are on a date and treat it as such. Pay attention to her non-verbal cues and take the baby steps (physically) to give your own and see how she responds. Like if you let your hand linger a bit longer when you guide her some direction or have a playful gesture with her. I think a big hug & kiss on cheek is nice way to START a date--you already know each other and haven't seen each other for a while, right? Whatever you do, use confidence. I think it is better to go at a slower pace then act unconfident about what you are doing and "allowed" to do. Importantly, stop worrying about what the mutual friends will think, hear about etc. Presume whatever aftermath there will be will be good! Such as maybe the thing you will need to worry about is: how long to keep it a secret that you are dating before you tell mutual friends. If she is a cool girl, she will not be trying to make you look stupid whether or not she is interested in you. She said yes to the date so presume she is interested!! Remember to take all the baby in between steps physically (hold hands, put your arm around her, guide her on small on her back, etc) so that you can see if she feels similarly and is ready for a kiss. Definitely flirt and be charismatic so that she is interested in kissing you. Pay attention to her & ask questions. Have a flow to your conversations and playfulness. You may think the baby steps are silly but if you don't do them you can be blowing it by presuming mutual interest and readiness. And to her it can feel like she is being jumped on. That's why the energy, physicality and momentum of the date are important. Also you can't be so in a hurry to get the "kiss" and evidence of where you stand with her. I know plenty of people where that didn't happen on first date and things worked out. You have to get the chemistry of the date right and the timing of the kiss will take care of itself. Good luck I'm just an extremely cautious person and trying to get into a romantic relationship and actually initiate a first kiss is extremely difficult for me. In fact I've never done it in my life (other than kiss the girl on the cheek). With my only real long term relationship she initiated the first kiss (after that I knew it was OK so I initiated kisses all the time). There was someone I went out with 3 times before at night and I think she thought I didn't like her because I never went for the kiss. It just feels very emotionally charged and I have this fear of losing the friendship and embarrassment with all our mutual friends if I try and kiss her if she doesn't want me to do it.
Versacehottie Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I'm just an extremely cautious person and trying to get into a romantic relationship and actually initiate a first kiss is extremely difficult for me. In fact I've never done it in my life (other than kiss the girl on the cheek). With my only real long term relationship she initiated the first kiss (after that I knew it was OK so I initiated kisses all the time). There was someone I went out with 3 times before at night and I think she thought I didn't like her because I never went for the kiss. It just feels very emotionally charged and I have this fear of losing the friendship and embarrassment with all our mutual friends if I try and kiss her if she doesn't want me to do it. your worry, caution and fear is going to stop you from getting what you want. Pure and simple. You can explain it away and have somewhat valid reasons but wouldn't your time be better spent trying to figure out how you are going to actually do it? Worry is wasted time. You are not going to be on a friend date with her, you are going to be on a date-date with her. That's why you do all the stuff ON the date, her feedback to your non-verbal clues and flirting will either give you the green light to move forward. Since you are cautious, you may miss the signs, also not good for a successful date. Stop being scared
preraph Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I typically ask. It never seems to kill the moment...anyway... Good luck. i think it's embarrassing to be asked. It makes me feel like he's asking me to beg him to kiss me or something. Can I kiss you? I feel like saying "I don't know. Can you?" 1
greymatter Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I typically ask. It never seems to kill the moment...anyway... I asked if I could kiss my date at the end of our lunch, last weekend, after he'd walked me to my car. He turned toward me and slowly gathered me up in his arms and gave me a long kiss that I will surely never forget. If I had surprised him and not asked, I would have wondered afterwards if it was okay and if he wanted it. Because I asked, and he took me into his arms and gave me an amazing kiss, there was no doubt in my mind afterward that it was mutual.
LivingWaterPlease Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 max, most people I know love to kiss because it feels great so she's probably going to want to kiss you. Another poster said to work up to it and I agree! Hand holding, touching small of back, etc. Another thing you can do at the end of the date is to take your finger and put it under her chin while the two of you are facing each other and standing close. When you do this your eyes will lock probably. When this happens just smile a little while looking into her eyes and tell her she's beautiful (if you think she is, lol!). Once you do this she is set for the kiss! You can move slowly in toward her for the kiss and if she should turn away just take your hand and brush her cheek lightly reassuring her softly, "It's OK, it's been a lovely evening, personal compliment (whatever)," Then hug her softly, not tightly. That way the moment isn't awkward, you're in control and shows you're still confident! If you take the first few steps, though, she'll probably kiss you. My experience has been when a man and woman are facing each other looking into each other's eyes, the kiss just automatically happens. If she'll face you standing close to you, looking into your eyes she'll most likely kiss you.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 Funny that you posted that. I'm actually a huge Disney fan and have a lot of the songs from the movies in the car. Would it be too obvious if I happened to put that song on when I'm dropping her off? I'm a huge Disney dad myself! Took my kids to Disney 12x in less than recent 2-years! But ACK, no, that would be a tacky, no?
LargoLagg Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 (edited) Sometimes, I feel like God talks to me through coincidences about the things that really matter to me. This is one of them. I was just thinking about my Sarah from tennis recently. It's the third time in the past three days that something has caught my attention because it was so timely and unusual. Multiple coincidences have a way of doing that, you know? Anyway, I wanted to kiss my Sarah after our first non-tennis date was over but I didn't do it. I wasn't confident enough, and I had other boundaries to consider. Nevertheless, I was kicking myself all the way home, thinking You are an idiot! You should have walked her to her door, told her what a great time you had, told her how beautiful she looked tonight and asked if you could see her again. Then you should have KISSED HER! Idiot! That was your moment, and now it is gone, and she's wondering why you didn't kiss her! Idiot! I hate you sometimes! Sad, but 100% true. I did kiss my Sarah on our next two dates, and she kissed me back. It didn't work out in the end, but I'm glad I went for it, and for the record, I still think I'm an idiot for having missed my moment. You rarely regret what you do, even if it doesn't turn out well. You do regret what you were too timid to do. Your worst regrets are the ones that changed the course of events because you didn't act. You really don't know if you should kiss your "Sarah" or not, but if the moment makes itself known, you should absolutely go for it. A lingering peck will be enough. It doesn't have to be much... it just has to be heartfelt. Edited May 28, 2017 by LargoLagg
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 i think it's embarrassing to be asked. It makes me feel like he's asking me to beg him to kiss me or something. Can I kiss you? I feel like saying "I don't know. Can you?" I tend to be attentive to people's space not jump the gun. I ask b/c I don't want any doubts. A yes is a yes, but if you just jump in, not always certain if it was desired. I know when to ask and when to simply walk away. Asking hasn't failed me yet.
Author max3732 Posted May 29, 2017 Author Posted May 29, 2017 Sometimes, I feel like God talks to me through coincidences about the things that really matter to me. This is one of them. I was just thinking about my Sarah from tennis recently. It's the third time in the past three days that something has caught my attention because it was so timely and unusual. Multiple coincidences have a way of doing that, you know? Anyway, I wanted to kiss my Sarah after our first non-tennis date was over but I didn't do it. I wasn't confident enough, and I had other boundaries to consider. Nevertheless, I was kicking myself all the way home, thinking Sad, but 100% true. I did kiss my Sarah on our next two dates, and she kissed me back. It didn't work out in the end, but I'm glad I went for it, and for the record, I still think I'm an idiot for having missed my moment. You rarely regret what you do, even if it doesn't turn out well. You do regret what you were too timid to do. Your worst regrets are the ones that changed the course of events because you didn't act. You really don't know if you should kiss your "Sarah" or not, but if the moment makes itself known, you should absolutely go for it. A lingering peck will be enough. It doesn't have to be much... it just has to be heartfelt. Sorry about your "Sarah", but glad you at least had the courage to go for it. I've got the dinner all planned so I'll see how things go
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