Still love my ex but and can't work out if I was to blame for the end

[Aurorakl]

Hi everyone, this is my first post.

 

So about half a year ago me and my ex broke up after a relationship ship that lasted just less than a year. After the breakup I was devastated and felt like the best thing in life was taken from me and i would never find anyone better. After a couple of months I started to feel better and more positive but now I am starting to miss him like crazy and have so much regret. I'm plagued with 'what ifs'. After we broke up I told him I didnt want to hear from him again (I was angry and had no intention of wanting to be friends) and I haven't heard from him again.

 

Our relationship was great in the first few months and we were so happy. Then I realised hospital best friend was a girl and I was convinced she was in love with him. She was upset to hear he had a girlfriend. (Apparently she was just worried they would drift apart) but she seemed so clingy and they saw and spoke to eachother as often as I did with him. They also spent alone time together. I just wasn't comfortable with it at all especially as I have been messed around in the past by exs and their 'friends'. There were even 'jokes' between his friends that this girl loved him. Hebdidnt see it and said they are like brother and sister. He tried convincing me they were just friends but it all still bothered me and we would argue alot until he broke up with me.

 

He said the arguments caused him to lose some feelings for me and he didn't want a relationship with someone many arguments 'over nothing'. He said i was creating problems out of nothing and there friendship wasn't a problem, I was making it a problem.

 

After a few weeks he said he said he missed me and realised he could have done more to make me feel better about things and we got back together. It was nice for a fee weeks but then I got over emotional one day and started doubting whether this was the right choice as I didn't know whether I wanted to be with someone that wasn't sure it they loved me anymore. After this argument he became distant for a while and then broke up with me again.

 

This was the main issue in our relationship but we had a few other arguments which I can see now we're partly my fault for taking things too personally and to heart too much.

 

I was just wondering what your thoughts were on this. It would be interesting to know so so going forward I can learn to be a better partner and make better decisions.

[preraph]

Yes, his best friend is in love with him if she got upset he had a girlfriend. She would like to take him away. I guess if he wanted her, he has already had her, and he probably has slept with her at least and may do so on occasion if she is going along with a friends with benefits type arrangement still hoping he'll fall for her, which he would have already if he was going to.

 

The problem is since it's obvious she wants him, it's not right for him to socialize with her and talk to her when he's got a girlfriend. No one in their right mind would trust that situation. It's too convenient for him. He is the one who needs boundaries. If she is hung up on him, he should have gone no contact a long time ago anyway for HER own good so she'd move on.

 

So regardless the other issues whatever they were, I think you should let him go. I don't know how many girlfriends he will have to lose before he realizes his friendship with a woman crushing on him is going to prevent him from having a lasting relationship -- and that's assuming he even wants a lasting relationship.

 

Find someone who has boundaries.

[Aurorakl]

Thanks for your thoughts.

Does anyone else agree or disagree with this?

[Maldives]

Yes I agree wth Prepath...

 

Don't settle for less don't reward his bad choices

[basil67]

I was going to say that your gut feeling was correct. But this is a whole lot more than gut feeling - you saw it and his friends saw it. Perhaps if she'd loved him from a distance, things may have been OK, but she was pretty much his other girlfriend.

 

If it should happen again in a future relationship, don't hang around arguing. Just trust your gut and your knowledge and get yourself out before you get too hurt.