What does he have that I don't?

May 27, 2017

As long as you think its about height, you will be alone.

Relationships are all about how the other person makes you feel. Your friend obviously knows how to treat people, has a fabulous personality, is successful in what he does.

yes, I can only be with people who treat me nice and make me feel good about myself.

May 28, 2017

Taking a wild guess, I think he may have a very attractive face and hair, probably more so than you. Women care more about faces and hair than body, really. They're not like men about that. The women I was friends with didn't even like big muscular guys.

I think this is a factor you may want to consider. I have a 6'4" friend who has been interested in me for a while, and he hates that the guy I'm crazy about is 5'6". He automatically assumes his height and build make him better looking than shortie.

In terms of physical attributes, I'm a face person. My tall friend has a pleasant enough face and many girls do find him attractive, but I'm not attracted to him. He's not my type and it has nothing to do with his height. There are things about his personality and his thought processes that I find unattractive (he's a bit spoiled, judgmental, hypocritical, and really cheap but not a in a creative or fun way when it comes to dates).

On the other hand, I had a roommate whose first requirement for sexual attraction is height. She doesn't care about the face, she "wants a man who can carry her for three miles in the woods if she breaks her leg." So there clearly are women who do care about height as their primary point of physical attraction, but I think in terms of strictly physical attributes alone that the face places a bigger role among many of my female friends. However, the personality is what seals the deal. Someone can be the perfect build or have the perfect face, but if they give off a certain vibe that makes me uncomfortable, I won't find them attractive.

When I heard the kinds of activities that your friend planned for dates, my first thought wasn't that they were inexpensive--it was that they sounded fun. I'd rather be exploring somewhere I've never been before or doing an activity I haven't done than go to a high-priced restaurant or a movie. I bet when he's doing these activities with the ladies, there is plenty of time for good conversation or jokes so they get to know each other better. You don't necessarily get an opportunity to create a similar vibe in the early stages of dating watching a film. Not that a woman doesn't want to be wined and dined, but perhaps consider the fancier, more traditional dating venues for future dates after you are comfortable in her presence.

But what I'm willing to bet is the most likely case in regard to your friend--he likely has good self-esteem. Someone with a healthy sense of self will exude a vibe that makes others feel more comfortable in their presence (and I believe this happens subconsciously, as well, without the other person really even needing to open their mouth). And he's funny, so don't underestimate that charm, either. Start looking at what you have to offer and not where you fall short. Consider putting some time and effort into resolving judgment or negative beliefs that you hold about yourself, especially if you find yourself in relationships where you feel you are begging or overgiving. Usually dynamics played out like that repeatedly in adulthood can come from patterns in childhood and are worth exploring. Good luck!

May 28, 2017

He probably treats women like goddesses in life and in bed. You get a real man who does that and there's nothing finer. The perfect specimen tall guys can be arrogant and unappreciative.

May 28, 2017

The thing your mate has is called charisma.

May 28, 2017

1. Height DOES matter to some women and it is one of the FIRST things that some women look at before even considering dating you. So, don't buy the idea that height does not matter....for some, it does. Many of the more attractive ladies, especially, regard height as a very important attribute.

The OP was saying how even women who say they only want tall men will give this guy a chance. I'd say that their ideas on height are flexible if he has the right personality.

May 28, 2017

l was gonna say before l even got to the part about his personality.

" It's personality "

They love a personality like that

May 28, 2017

Our old extended group when I was younger, the center of it was a guy who was very good looking in the face and hair and really cool and my height, 5'7". He was just cool. He led a band, he made a lot of his own clothes. He really wasn't a player. He was calm and cool and could be really funny and debauched partying. The guys all liked him too. He was just popular and a cool guy. It's something a person can aspire to, but some of that just comes from within and you either have it or you don't.

May 28, 2017

The OP was saying how even women who say they only want tall men will give this guy a chance. I'd say that their ideas on height are flexible if he has the right personality.

Yes. I addressed that.

May 28, 2017

I have a male friend, 5'5, thin legs like chopsticks and no butt, beer belly, shaved head, really big nose, high school graduate, not exactly intelligent, no big money...But he is incredibly comfortable with himself, so natural and confident, easy going, amusing, well in one word charismatic. Women always felt great around him, he had them on a platter. He married this gorgeous woman with phD.

Women like tall guys, but we can easily forget about it if other stuff is good...

May 28, 2017

Ding ding ding ding ding!!!!

Your friend sounds like an awesome guy - funny, charming, and most importantly, happy.

Women, and I would think just people in general, like being around other happy people and people who make them feel good. It sounds like your friend is one of these types of people.

Personality goes a long way. I used to date this model gorgeous guy. He's 6'2, handsome, super fit athletic body. He's really smart, too, with a great job. But I just could not see him as relationship material. He wasn't warm and he rarely made me laugh. He just didn't make me feel happy.

A lot of guys would disagree with this time and time again......guys are clueless/superficial IMO. Women go by their emotions, not by what they see......

May 28, 2017

I have seen the same with women. All the extroverted and easy going ones always have boyfriends even if they are obese or not attractive (though they are not fussy about who they date).

May 28, 2017

I didn't read every page of this thread but I'm going to take one guess...

her?

May 28, 2017

A lot of guys would disagree with this time and time again......guys are clueless/superficial IMO. Women go by their emotions, not by what they see......

smackie9,

You must be speaking for yourself when you think of this in exclusive terms. I have seen and have received a few messages from women who comment about height. I would agree that women are MORE emotional, but there are SOME women out there who's top 1-3 considerations IS height. I don't understand why some ladies refute this? It simply is....

The bold and perhaps more honest ones will tell you straight-up, but other ladies use code like "I like to wear my 4-inch heels", "It's biology(ical)", or, of course, simply not admit that that is the reason.

Edited May 28, 2017 by simpleNfit

May 28, 2017

When we are dating, many people have an "idea" of what they hope to find in a potential partner. This "list" can include many things from the basics "employed, no addictions, doesn't live with his mother, etc..." Other things are also considered as desirable including "hardworking, sense of humor, likes to hike, etc..." Obviously, this "idea" is different for everyone because we all find different things desirable.

Height, may be one of the things that someone finds desirable in a partner. But, this "idea" of your potential mate is only that... A "fantasy" rather than a "reality." No man is going to have everything that a woman finds desirable, which means that the woman has to make a decision about what is most important. Which is why, most women will be flexible about what they want in a partner. For many women, height doesn't matter as much as the fact that he is a good person who makes her feel good when they are together. In that way, women do go by their emotions, without a doubt.

Relationships are about how people feel when they are together - how they feel about themselves, and how they feel about their partner. Not saying that there aren't some deal breakers and these are different for every person. But, with age and life experience, you learn that superficial things like height are less important than many other things when you are looking for a potential partner...

Edited May 28, 2017 by BaileyB

May 28, 2017

First off this guy is not your friend. He was just using you. The clue was when you said how he would go home with the women who first came onto you when you were each other's 'wingmen'. What he was doing was using you as bait, drawing in the targets, the once they were close enough, have his pick to focus his 'personality' on. You were his bait, he was your switch... and he was so smooth at it, he actually got you believing he was 'helping' you out... I bet he didn't even apologize for those times when he went home with the girl, while you went home with only an empty wallet after paying for his drinks... I bet you were not the only besty he was 'helping out', either. With a whole network of friends chosen for whatever particular attributes they had, I'm sure his bed never had time to cool down. You want to know how to fix your problem, well the first thing to do is to recognize the real one. Dump the 'friend'. He never had your back, and learn to work the crowd as a one man act. You know the beer advertisement featuring the 'most interesting man in the world'? Well, there is some truth to it, looked at in moderation. The most interesting man in the world doesn't have a sidekick...

May 29, 2017

First off this guy is not your friend. He was just using you. The clue was when you said how he would go home with the women who first came onto you when you were each other's 'wingmen'. What he was doing was using you as bait, drawing in the targets, the once they were close enough, have his pick to focus his 'personality' on. You were his bait, he was your switch... and he was so smooth at it, he actually got you believing he was 'helping' you out... I bet he didn't even apologize for those times when he went home with the girl, while you went home with only an empty wallet after paying for his drinks... I bet you were not the only besty he was 'helping out', either. With a whole network of friends chosen for whatever particular attributes they had, I'm sure his bed never had time to cool down. You want to know how to fix your problem, well the first thing to do is to recognize the real one. Dump the 'friend'. He never had your back, and learn to work the crowd as a one man act. You know the beer advertisement featuring the 'most interesting man in the world'? Well, there is some truth to it, looked at in moderation. The most interesting man in the world doesn't have a sidekick...

haha ye not a very good wingman supposed to help you get with them not take them for himself lol

May 29, 2017

"I like to wear my 4-inch heels"

Of course, this code could have more than one meaning.

If I was writing that comment, it would be code for "I want a guy who doesn't care when I'm taller than him". It certainly wouldn't mean "don't bother if you're short".

May 29, 2017

I have seen and have received a few messages from women who comment about height. I would agree that women are MORE emotional, but there are SOME women out there who's top 1-3 considerations IS height. I don't understand why some ladies refute this? It simply is....

The bold and perhaps more honest ones will tell you straight-up, but other ladies use code like "I like to wear my 4-inch heels", "It's biology(ical)", or, of course, simply not admit that that is the reason.

Ok but many short women NEED their heels otherwise they often find themselves ignored and shut out of conversations. They want to feel "normal" and big heels do that, so for many short women, heels are not just a fashion accessory, they are a basic part of who they are.

With heels she is of average height, so she then looks for a man who is of at least average height too.

Some shorter men think they can tap in to the petite woman market, "She is short I am short" a match made in heaven BUT with heels in the mix and many short woman not wanting to embrace their short stature, then it may not be a simple fit.

I guess height is not really an issue for most average sized people but for those at either end of the bell curve I guess it takes on a huge significance.

The shorter guy in general may be better finding a woman who is not height obsessed but who may be taller than him, and that may present another issue...

Obviously this shorter guy is not worried about his statuesque model gf being taller than him but some men are.

At 5'8 though, he is not really that "short" in reality. Short compared to the OP yes, but not that far off average really.

May 29, 2017

Of course, this code could have more than one meaning.

If I was writing that comment, it would be code for "I want a guy who doesn't care when I'm taller than him". It certainly wouldn't mean "don't bother if you're short".

I doubt most women are conveying it as you would.

Anyway, it's irrelevant to this post.

May 29, 2017

I had a friend much like you, whom I grew up with.

Constantly jealous, taller and flashed more cash, but couldn't figure out why I was going out often with girls he wanted. He often would even try to sabotage me.

Truth was that he was just incredibly insecure.

The first step for you to not be this way is to genuinely wish your friend the best, and be happy for him.

That alone will improve your vibe. And vibe is literally the most important thing for men to have.

Yours happens to be very resentful, very insecure, and very much a victim mentality. Basically very negative.

It doesn't go over well. Nor should it.

May 29, 2017

^^^^^
Best relationship advice there is. The best thing you can do is to learn how to make people 1. feel good about themselves and 2. feel good in general when they're around you.

Ask yourself this; do you really want to date a woman who is obsessed superficial characteristics like height? I can see a woman wanting to date a fit guy who takes care of himself (i.e. not morbidly obese..). But they're going to have a tough time in the dating world if they're looking for a guy who is 6'+ with a six-pack.. I, personally, am not into heavy set women. I have tried to date a few of them in the past because they were nice gals but I just wasn't physically attracted to them.

I have been shot down by women who didn't like my hair length, my goatee, etc.. etc.. I even had one state that I had "too much muscle" when I'm 5'10'' and tip the scales at between 190lbs... I don't get discouraged because these aren't the things that make for a healthy or fun relationship.

I have told this story before but I have a buddy who is 5'8'' (if he's lucky) and weighs nearly 300lbs. He has dated some beautiful women over the years as he's down-to-earth, fun, charming and easy to be around. I have another friend who is 5'5'', 130lbs and I refer to him as "Golum" as a joke. He has two children with a beautiful, wonderful woman and it's all because he's a very charismatic individual.

Personality goes a long way in the dating world.

May 29, 2017

If you are foolish enough to fall into the trap of comparing your life to other peoples, then you are probably unaware of lots of other things as well.

You need to learn to see inspiration, instead of envy. Comparing your life to others also indicates that the ego is particularly strong and this means your vibe and how you connect with others will suffer.

I don't care how much other people have, because I already have everything I need within (I didn't always feel this way).

When you focus less on the external (what other people have, what they are doing compared to you, or what girl they are with), you focus instead within. Then you do not feel so much resistance. You don't feel the need to ''perform'', you just are. People can take you, or leave you, it doesn't matter.

But when you focus on the external, you want to prove yourself, you want what other people have, you feel envious, inferior, superior, you can't be truly comfortable in your own skin because you are worrying about someone elses.

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What does he have that I don't?

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