What does he have that I don't?

May 27, 2017

So this is a little embarrassing to ask, but I'm trying to find out what is so special about my friend as to why he's more successful in life and more successful with women.

I'm 6'4, fairly tall guy. I've done sports when I was younger, and I currently stay fit. My best friend is only 5'8 and I've known him since we were little kids. He usually lifts with me.

Anyways, ever since middle school, he's had it good with girls. At first we were about the same when it comes to that, despite me being 5'7 and him being 5'0, but when high school hit, forget it! I was in sports, while he wasn't (we did have a weight class together). He was always the short guy, and in High School averaged around 5'3-5'7 while I was 5'11-6'3.

Despite me initially getting more looks, he actually got the hottest girls! He was always the funny guy, making everyone laugh, very outgoing, and even though I was popular and got a few cuties in my day, for whatever reason, the girls gravitated towards him. Even the girls who usually would say "I only date guys 6'0+" would give this guy a chance!

Even after high school, during our early college years, this guy knew how to work them, and different girls who initially showed interest in me, would leave with him when we used to wing man each other at the bars and clubs and he wouldn't even have to buy them a drink.

Well we're both around 28 now, and even though I have no issue picking up chicks at the bars and clubs, this guy throughout the years developed relationships with women that I was very envious about! When it came to various relationships I had, everything tended to gravitate toward the women, and with him, everything was more balanced or gravitated towards him! There were various exes that I had to fight to get back, where if we got back it was contingent on her choice to get back with me, but with my friend, almost all of his relationships, the girls would fight to keep him! I just can't believe it.

Anyways he's involved in a long term relationship with a woman who could easily be a super model, though with shapelier legs and a nicer a**, who's taller than him, she's 5'11, who is very successful in life, has a Master's Degree, already has land bought and paid for that will be their new home, and she's investing so much into him so he could finish up his degree (she's paying for his school so he doesn't have to work and go full time). She has looks that could easily attract very successful older men and celebrities, yet she chose him! They're even getting married soon and as a wedding gift to him, she got him a Dodge Ram 2500!

I'm just looking at my life, and wondering what the hell happened? He's finishing up his career, got a Super beautiful faithful woman, future new home, and here I am, stuck with easy women at the bar, unappreciative relationships that don't last long, living at an apartment complex, and a college drop out. I'm just getting depressed thinking about his successes and my shortcomings despite the fact that I'm taller than he is.

Do you guys have any advice how I could possibly do things better and as to why he gets women like this while I get trash?

Edited May 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs and language ~T

May 27, 2017

It all boils down to personality.

YOU are concentrating on height, but these women do not see height as a deal breaker. I know the internet is full of short guys moaning but iRL most women are not that concerned about height as you have found out.

Your friend is fun and outgoing and no doubt exudes a joie de vivre that most people are highly attracted to.

btw why did you drop out of college?

May 27, 2017

Everything that you focused on in your post is superficial - height, appearance, job, house, car, etc...

Women are drawn to men who are fun to be with, and who make them feel good. It's about charisma, personality, sense of humor, kindness, sense of adventure, easy going nature, etc...

That's what gets the girls - everytime. Not, who is the taller man.

May 27, 2017

...Lack of obsession over height, maybe?

May 27, 2017

OP: I'm pretty sure you have it figured out...

May 27, 2017

What the others said already.

It seems that too many guys think that looks, height, and money are what attracts women but these things do not. In fact, they only seem to matter on the Internet--both guys whining on forums such as these about how (they think) their height is holding them back, and also (to be fair) women putting these requirements into their OLD profile because that is what they THINK they want (when in reality it hardly matters).

Anyway, your friend's charisma is what is making him the most handsome man in the room.

May 27, 2017

I don't consider myself a boring person. Maybe you guys are right. It's just I see so many shorter men complaining, but my friend who is a shorter man, isn't. I think I'm used to seeing the stereotypical shortie complaining and is why I appeal to the height.

It's just I see so many girls online who say they want this or that, and here I am, a guy in that "supposedly perfect height range" and I'm not as successful, and it seems if I want a woman in the long run, for a relationship, I have to invest money in dates, whereas my friend doesn't.

He could go on a small picnic where both bring food, or one example he's told me is he's done those GPS treasure hunts, or hike to some location where there's a lot of scenery, go on camping trips etc and it seems the girls he's with, especially his fiance, has more fun with him doing those things that require little to no money than the girls with me who I take out to fancy restaurants, to the movies, or races.

Even when it comes to as I said picking up girls at the bar, I have to "buy them drinks" in order to talk and take them home whereas when he used to go with me, just say some crap to make them laugh and within an hour or less be taking them home without forking money over and I don't know how he does it.

I dropped out because the job I'm at that pays good required too much of my time

Edited May 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs~T

May 27, 2017

You can suggest for a first date hiking (where there are a decent number of people around--safety!) or something creative and inexpensive for your first and subsequent dates too. In fact, if you did this instead of a fancy restaurant your success w women would likely *improve*.

I don't think many women really want to go to a stuffy expensive place for a first date w a guy they hardly know OP

May 27, 2017

I have to invest money in dates, whereas my friend doesn't. He could go on a small picnic where both bring food, or one example he's told me is he's done those GPS treasure hunts, or hike to some location where there's a lot of scenery, go on camping trips etc and it seems the girls he's with, especially his fiance, has more fun with him doing those things that require little to no money than the girls with me who I take out to fancy restaurants, to the movies, etc...

Even when it comes to as I said picking up girls at the bar, I have to "buy them drinks" in order to talk and take them home whereas when he used to go with me, just say some crap to make them laugh and within an hour or less be taking them home without forking money over and I don't know how he does it.

The only time looks, height, or money really matter is when a man doesn't have them - unemployed, homeless, poor hygiene, etc... Otherwise, there is a lot of possibility with the right guy.

OP, I sense a bit too much focus in the superficial and a sense of entitlement. And perhaps, you need to chose better women. Many women, will be way more impressed with a sincere effort - ie. a guy who plans picnic and a hike than a guy who throws his money around in a fancy dinner. Especially, on a first date.

Edited May 27, 2017 by BaileyB

May 27, 2017

For starters do yourself a favor and don't compare yourself to anyone. Every person in this world had unique qualities.

Ive learned to accept my life for what I have, and focus on that. I do my best to try and improve a little bit everyday and treat people how I want to be treated. Ive learned the decisions I have made in my life have brought me to this point in life and focusing on what I have, is what I accept as happiness.

I work a blue collar trade with most my friends working white collar jobs making over 6 figures but I work to never feel inferior because I don't believe it to be true

The result is a vibe of confidence and the appearance that I have my ****e together. I find that because of this I'm easy to talk to and meet lots of great people.

let that superficial crap go and enjoy life. The gals will come.

May 27, 2017

As long as you think its about height, you will be alone.

Relationships are all about how the other person makes you feel. Your friend obviously knows how to treat people, has a fabulous personality, is successful in what he does.

Did you real "height" anywhere in that?

May 27, 2017

More than likely he has extreme sex appeal. Like you said he knows how to work women. It's a combination of things that do not include height or muscles.

May 27, 2017

Meant to say "read" not "real".

May 27, 2017

Does he have an a lot more attractive face than you?

May 27, 2017

As long as you think its about height, you will be alone.

Relationships are all about how the other person makes you feel. Your friend obviously knows how to treat people, has a fabulous personality, is successful in what he does.

Did you real "height" anywhere in that?

^^^^^

Best relationship advice there is. The best thing you can do is to learn how to make people 1. feel good about themselves and 2. feel good in general when they're around you.

May 27, 2017

The guy has a great personality. He knows how to work it. You state in your post, he makes people laugh and is enjoyable to be around. You seem to think height is the determining factor, but personality is what gets the brownie points, and is also what makes women stick, long term.

At 6'4", you are towering and intimidating. You need to make extra efforts to be a gentle giant.

Women may gravitate in your direction because you're tall and handsome, but looks are shallow. Do you offer substance beyond your appearance? These women you gravitate towards, and gravitate towards you, seem shallow. Your friend, who really isn't that short, has compensated for his lack of height with what seems like a really great personality and someone who is just enjoyable to be around. I don't mean to say that you aren't a man who has some substance and personality, but when you rely on looks alone, you don't have to really develop interpersonal skills.

You carry your own burden. As I said, your sheer size is intimidating, and you have to develop interpersonal skills that create the aura of a gentle giant, not scary, and compensate in a different way than your friend. You may not be the outgoing extrovert like your friend, and you may never land yourself a top model with legs that never end, but you are going to land yourself the perfect woman some day, and you'll never have to worry about your woman wearing heels.

May 27, 2017

So this is a little embarrassing to ask, but I'm trying to find out what is so special about my friend as to why he's more successful in life and more successful with women. I'm 6'4, fairly tall guy. I've done sports when I was younger, and I currently stay fit. My best friend is only 5'8 and I've known him since we were little kids. He usually lifts with me. Anyways, ever since middle school, he's had it good with girls. At first we were about the same when it comes to that, despite me being 5'7 and him being 5'0, but when high school hit, forget it! I was in sports, while he wasn't (we did have a weight class together). He was always the short guy, and in High School averaged around 5'3-5'7 while I was 5'11-6'3. Despite me initially getting more looks, he actually got the hottest girls! He was always the funny guy, making everyone laugh, very outgoing, and even though I was popular and got a few cuties in my day, for whatever reason, the girls gravitated towards him. Even the girls who usually would say "I only date guys 6'0+" would give this guy a chance! Even after high school, during our early college years, this guy knew how to work them, and different girls who initially showed interest in me, would leave with him when we used to wing man each other at the bars and clubs and he wouldn't even have to buy them a drink. Well we're both around 28 now, and even though I have no issue picking up chicks at the bars and clubs, this guy throughout the years developed relationships with women that I was very envious about! When it came to various relationships I had, everything tended to gravitate toward the women, and with him, everything was more balanced or gravitated towards him! There were various exes that I had to fight to get back, where if we got back it was contingent on her choice to get back with me, but with my friend, almost all of his relationships, the girls would fight to keep him! I just can't believe it. Anyways he's involved in a long term relationship with a woman who could easily be a super model, though with shapelier legs and a nicer a**, who's taller than him, she's 5'11, who is very successful in life, has a Master's Degree, already has land bought and paid for that will be their new home, and she's investing so much into him so he could finish up his degree (she's paying for his school so he doesn't have to work and go full time). She has looks that could easily attract very successful older men and celebrities, yet she chose him! They're even getting married soon and as a wedding gift to him, she got him a Dodge Ram 2500! I'm just looking at my life, and wondering what the hell happened? He's finishing up his career, got a Super beautiful faithful woman, future new home, and here I am, stuck with easy sluts at the bar, unappreciative relationships that don't last long, living at an apartment complex, and a college drop out. I'm just getting depressed thinking about his successes and my shortcomings despite the fact that I'm taller than he is. Do you guys have any advice how I could possibly do things better and as to why he gets women like this while I get trash?

See bolded above. You actually have the answer right in front of you. He has more/better personality. Period. Develop yours, in your way. Height is not the only requirement. It might give you an edge. Maybe he had to develop a good personality since he wasn't just focused on what he had to offer superficially. When a girl is considering who she wants to be with for longer term, she wants some depth. A lot of times "can he keep me entertained and mentally engaged" which he has proven he can. If you don't want to be with trashy girls you pick up at bars then don't do that. Seems like a weird double standard that you said that anyway: after all, they are the girls that have shown an interest in you and you DO hook up with them. You want better, than BE better because that sounds judge-y. If you want a better quality girl, then offer better quality yourself and hold out til you get it. Just speaking realistically, if you hook up with so many trashy girls (your words, not mine), eventually other girls who notice that who might want to date you, don't want anything to do with you--whereas your friend will have girls waiting in line because of his previous track record. I also second whoever said he might have a much better looking face (sorry but it is a thought that you haven't seemed to consider). Point is that there are many factors that play into the equation. The most obvious in your comparison with him is that his personality stands out and that 10 plus years of success with women has probably given him confidence with women that you don't have since you find yourself "lacking" so much so that you put down the women that HAVE chosen you.

I wish you luck and introspect to figure this out. Good luck

May 27, 2017

Provided the OP's post is an honest one, I will dive in.

1. Height DOES matter to some women and it is one of the FIRST things that some women look at before even considering dating you. So, don't buy the idea that height does not matter....for some, it does. Many of the more attractive ladies, especially, regard height as a very important attribute.

2. If your post is of an actual event, it would appear that the other posters are correct. That guy simply is more charismatic OR much better looking.

You already have an advantage over many men by virtue of your height. Work on our personality, keep yourself fit and your crap together.

May 27, 2017

It's just I see so many shorter men complaining, but my friend who is a shorter man, isn't.

Ding ding ding ding ding!!!!

Your friend sounds like an awesome guy - funny, charming, and most importantly, happy.

Women, and I would think just people in general, like being around other happy people and people who make them feel good. It sounds like your friend is one of these types of people.

Personality goes a long way. I used to date this model gorgeous guy. He's 6'2, handsome, super fit athletic body. He's really smart, too, with a great job. But I just could not see him as relationship material. He wasn't warm and he rarely made me laugh. He just didn't make me feel happy.

May 27, 2017

You already have an advantage over many men by virtue of your height. Work on our personality, keep yourself fit and your crap together.

Ok, but at 6'4 maybe he is just too tall for many average sized women, unless he lives somewhere where there are a lot of taller guys like the Netherlands maybe.

May 27, 2017

Ok, but at 6'4 maybe he is just too tall for many average sized women, unless he lives somewhere where there are a lot of taller guys like the Netherlands maybe.

Of course. I have seen a lot of profiles and many lady prefer men 6'0+. Even the ladies who are barely 5'0. Many ladies will and DO look at a man's height. I have only seen 1-2 profiles where a lady specified the maximum height. The reality is, the taller the better for many, if not most, women. It is rare for women to even mention that height is not important, though clearly, it happens.

I'm only 5'6 and will not complain about my dating success. I've met quite a few lovely ladies, but there are some who will right out ridicule you for your height.

Sorry, went off on a tangent. Yes, some may find 6'4 too tall.

May 27, 2017

If he was always so successful and you weren't to your own satisfaction, then why have you not changed your MO to be more like him?

Why are you investing large sums of money on no doubt superficial girls who do not appreciate you?

Why can't you organise picnics, treasure hunts and hikes and filter out some of those trashy types who obviously are only out for what they can get?

Why do you keep doing the stuff that doesn't work for you?

AND it is costing you an arm and a leg in the process?

May 27, 2017

More than likely he has extreme sex appeal. Like you said he knows how to work women. It's a combination of things that do not include height or muscles.

My guess is that OP's friend is more successful because he doesn't try to "work" women. He is probably sincere, thoughtful, sexy, kind, authentic, has a great personality, and people naturally gravitate toward him. Women are very savvy and have no wish to be "worked," manipulated, gamed, etc. At least I don't and I can spot that kind of crap from a mile away.

I like really tall men, and am not tall myself, but am okay with men who are not tall as well. WHO a man is, is so much more important to me than looks. Who a man is can make him very appealing on many levels, regardless of looks.

May 27, 2017

I've always been very attracted to funny, outgoing guys, but I've never had any particular interest in tall guys.

I also am financially supporting my husband while he's finishing his schooling. That's because I wasn't looking for a guy to provide me with money. All I wanted, besides somebody who was respectful, was somebody that I could be best friends with, and I found that in him.

As others have pointed out, I think you might be focusing too much on the superficial things. Some people are drawn in by those things, but they're not a good basis for a lasting relationship.

May 27, 2017

Taking a wild guess, I think he may have a very attractive face and hair, probably more so than you. Women care more about faces and hair than body, really. They're not like men about that. The women I was friends with didn't even like big muscular guys.

But other than that, he's got the confidence and personality to entertain people and make them want to be around him. We can't all have that.

I hope all the short guys who have written on here over the years about how impossible it is for them to get women read this.

Be grateful for who you are and the women you get. The fact you called the women you attract trash says a WHOLE lot about your lack of respect for women, and you can't expect to do well with women if you don't even like them and respect them. I mean, really, trash? I think your entitlement has made you bitter. Guys who genuinely love women are guys who attract women, not guys who think of them as trash if they're not a supermodel. I seriously doubt you have the confidence to be able to date a model who's got men after her all the time.

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What does he have that I don't?

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