hew Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 To sum up my relationship with my boyfriend it was content. He lived in my apartment with me and we got along well for the most part although we had obvious problems. He played a lot of video games and I often times felt neglected. In the start of us dating he didn't have a job while finishing school. I was finishing school and working part time and the whole day I was gone he would play video games. I would come to dirty dishes in the sink and crumbs everywhere. The reason it bothered me was because he had no other responsibilities. I would ask him to make sure he cleans up and stuff before I left for work, and so many times I came home to it always the same. The garbage never changed as well. He would turn around for a minute when I got home to say Hello and ask how my day was. But after that he would just continue on and I would often get angry at him for not cleaning up. It would just naturally start an argument. He would sometimes tell me to go away or be quiet if i came in the room and annoyed him. Sometimes I came to see him just cause I wanted to!!!! Usually other than that I would be in the bedroom doing my own thing and letting him be. Over time it becomes tiring and not as easily to validate. Fast forward to now, I broke up with him. I had just been feeling kind of stuck. Because its hard to let go of someone you love. There was obviously so many good times, and he's a great person. I was talking to a couple friends about it though how I just felt like sometimes I had a son. A 24 year old son who I needed to take care of a lot of the time. Make sure he eats good foods and brushes his teeth. He did find a job in landscaping and made good money. He was better about his hygiene when he has a job, because he wakes up at 6am each day to be at work for 7. He did pack good lunches and stuff like that too. But before that there was so much laziness and it did still cary on even with having a job even though it wasn't as bad at all times. I felt lazy too, I didn't have a partner who wanted to go out and do things on days off. I often time went with a friend to hangout while he played video games at home. If we went for a hike or anything like that its because I initiated it. Anyways, the last two days have been so hard. He moved back to his moms but he came to my apartment to get the last of his stuff and get his pay cheque on the following day. His mom lives an hour away so he had to quite his job here. While he was here for the 36 hours I tried to make the relationship somehow work. I talked about how I love him because I know he's an amazing person and there was a lot of times he was always there for me. He was my best friend. I talked about things I could do to make things better, awknowleged my flaws like being more level headed, not flying off the handle on situations and dealing with my anxtety in more positive ways. But not once could he talk about his. He kept saying how he's a piece of **** and needs to get his **** together etc. Saying he couldn't make it work. He kept getting mad saying video games are his "alone time." meanwhile He had all day while I was at work to be alone. Not once thought "oh my girlfriend is home at 5'oclk maybe ill get off the computer to properly attend to her" or maybe think to prepare dinner for us. Little things. Like I really didn't think that was SO much to ask. He lives with me for free (I live in a condo my family owns.) Thats a separate situation. He was just so down and depressed and cried too. It was weird closure. He was getting moody with me a little and I just ended up telling him how selfish he is. How I'm here trying to make the relationship better all on my own. That if its truly worth the needs to change too. He doesn't believe he's capable of it and is so hard on himself that he just walked away. Its just confusing because he's a lot more closed off than me, so he would hug me tight during the night and say he loves me, but then say he needs time away from me at the same time. Another thing I need to mention. He treats me very similarly to how he treats his mom. His mother is so sweet and loves him dearly. Every time we would visit her she would always have healthy food prepared and asking about his mental and physical health. He would always be frustrated by her for just interfering with his ways of not verbally dealing with things. He would just get annoyed with her and short. I always felt bad cause I can just see that his mom cares for him and only wants the best. She knows how he is. I just mention this because I know they say the way a man treats his mother is how he will probably treat you. And in my case it really does seem true. Anyways, tonight is my first official night alone back to solo me in my apartment. Its sad and I wish he was here but the closure made me realize i deserve so much better. Relationships are about communication and it consists of TWO people working together not just one. Not one person taking care of the other, supporting the other through struggle even though I was hurting about our relationship ending too. I just wonder if he will contact me. Or just isolate himself away completely. I don't want to message him anymore. I need to be strong and just focus on my goals and my success right now. I have a great new school program in september and I had a great job interview that I may get the position for if the universe is on my side!! Its just sad letting go of someone you thought was your person. Someone you cared about and believed in them even when they were at their lower points in life. Im really sorry to make this very long. This is probably the longest post I made on here ever! It was just to rant, and it felt theraputic writing it all out. If theres any advice or comments please do, and I thank you for reading this. Im just trying to be as positive as I can right now even though I feel broken.
Maldives Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 To sum up my relationship with my boyfriend it was content. He lived in my apartment with me and we got along well for the most part although we had obvious problems. He played a lot of video games and I often times felt neglected. In the start of us dating he didn't have a job while finishing school. I was finishing school and working part time and the whole day I was gone he would play video games. I would come to dirty dishes in the sink and crumbs everywhere. The reason it bothered me was because he had no other responsibilities. I would ask him to make sure he cleans up and stuff before I left for work, and so many times I came home to it always the same. The garbage never changed as well. He would turn around for a minute when I got home to say Hello and ask how my day was. But after that he would just continue on and I would often get angry at him for not cleaning up. It would just naturally start an argument. He would sometimes tell me to go away or be quiet if i came in the room and annoyed him. Sometimes I came to see him just cause I wanted to!!!! Usually other than that I would be in the bedroom doing my own thing and letting him be. Over time it becomes tiring and not as easily to validate. Fast forward to now, I broke up with him. I had just been feeling kind of stuck. Because its hard to let go of someone you love. There was obviously so many good times, and he's a great person. I was talking to a couple friends about it though how I just felt like sometimes I had a son. A 24 year old son who I needed to take care of a lot of the time. Make sure he eats good foods and brushes his teeth. He did find a job in landscaping and made good money. He was better about his hygiene when he has a job, because he wakes up at 6am each day to be at work for 7. He did pack good lunches and stuff like that too. But before that there was so much laziness and it did still cary on even with having a job even though it wasn't as bad at all times. I felt lazy too, I didn't have a partner who wanted to go out and do things on days off. I often time went with a friend to hangout while he played video games at home. If we went for a hike or anything like that its because I initiated it. Anyways, the last two days have been so hard. He moved back to his moms but he came to my apartment to get the last of his stuff and get his pay cheque on the following day. His mom lives an hour away so he had to quite his job here. While he was here for the 36 hours I tried to make the relationship somehow work. I talked about how I love him because I know he's an amazing person and there was a lot of times he was always there for me. He was my best friend. I talked about things I could do to make things better, awknowleged my flaws like being more level headed, not flying off the handle on situations and dealing with my anxtety in more positive ways. But not once could he talk about his. He kept saying how he's a piece of **** and needs to get his **** together etc. Saying he couldn't make it work. He kept getting mad saying video games are his "alone time." meanwhile He had all day while I was at work to be alone. Not once thought "oh my girlfriend is home at 5'oclk maybe ill get off the computer to properly attend to her" or maybe think to prepare dinner for us. Little things. Like I really didn't think that was SO much to ask. He lives with me for free (I live in a condo my family owns.) Thats a separate situation. He was just so down and depressed and cried too. It was weird closure. He was getting moody with me a little and I just ended up telling him how selfish he is. How I'm here trying to make the relationship better all on my own. That if its truly worth the needs to change too. He doesn't believe he's capable of it and is so hard on himself that he just walked away. Its just confusing because he's a lot more closed off than me, so he would hug me tight during the night and say he loves me, but then say he needs time away from me at the same time. Another thing I need to mention. He treats me very similarly to how he treats his mom. His mother is so sweet and loves him dearly. Every time we would visit her she would always have healthy food prepared and asking about his mental and physical health. He would always be frustrated by her for just interfering with his ways of not verbally dealing with things. He would just get annoyed with her and short. I always felt bad cause I can just see that his mom cares for him and only wants the best. She knows how he is. I just mention this because I know they say the way a man treats his mother is how he will probably treat you. And in my case it really does seem true. Anyways, tonight is my first official night alone back to solo me in my apartment. Its sad and I wish he was here but the closure made me realize i deserve so much better. Relationships are about communication and it consists of TWO people working together not just one. Not one person taking care of the other, supporting the other through struggle even though I was hurting about our relationship ending too. I just wonder if he will contact me. Or just isolate himself away completely. I don't want to message him anymore. I need to be strong and just focus on my goals and my success right now. I have a great new school program in september and I had a great job interview that I may get the position for if the universe is on my side!! Its just sad letting go of someone you thought was your person. Someone you cared about and believed in them even when they were at their lower points in life. Im really sorry to make this very long. This is probably the longest post I made on here ever! It was just to rant, and it felt theraputic writing it all out. If theres any advice or comments please do, and I thank you for reading this. Im just trying to be as positive as I can right now even though I feel broken. OK so let m3 get this right u broke up wth him in the hope that he will realise his error and come running back begging for forgiveness? If u notice on these forums most or the advice wen someone gets dumped is to go NC. He kind of reminds me of me in my marriage 10 yrs ago the video game part not the laziness tho. She too split it took me 3 mths to realise my ways and come back to her but then she played hard to get and it just made me protect myself from her and shield myself from pain. Breakups aren't the answer sweetie. Because the pain it causes is enough to create new issues. It may take him a long time to wake up and change. It took me only a few mths but by then it was too much game playing on my ex wife's behalf and I met someone else which further complicated things. My advice is 2 fold. If he comes back don't play games and go hot and cold. 2 taking him back can end up being an oxemoron...meaning u took him back wich tells him he did nothing wrong and goes back to his old habits. Wat a dilemma. The only thing I can think of as working is a compromise no need for him to completly give up his video games but meet in the middle wth u a fair compromise but that will also be up to him to realise if the pain of u leaving him is enough to start that change. Good luck
preraph Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 You did the right thing. I know it was hard. Here's what I think. I think one of his problems is that he needs to go live on his own and support himself and build his self-esteem by being self-sufficient and also have to take care of his own apartment, cooking, cleaning, in other words, learn to live without a net. He shouldn't have gone back to his mother's or shouldn't stay there. If he doesn't get away from the two women parenting him, he will never be forced to grow up. I think that's part of the problem. Maybe she didn't really teach him how to be an adult, I don't know. I bet part of you is really relieved it's over and I think you'll be just fine. Good luck.
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