SammySammy Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Why do you keep allowing her to do it to you? You're not a victim. Take responsibility and make the changes you need to make to improve your quality of life.
stillafool Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 She hurts you because you let her. Show her you are a strong man and be done with her.
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 Why do you keep allowing her to do it to you? You're not a victim. Take responsibility and make the changes you need to make to improve your quality of life. I have been I started working out again been hanging out with friends on the weekend went golfing a bunch of times..I even tried flirting with girls which was fun but I felt guilty about it I've been closer with my kids again a lot is happening quick and I also feel overwhelmed with it all but I was starting to feel better about myself then saw her Msgs last night in I've been hurting again today cause of it but I will not respond
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 I read parts of your other thread. Let me see if I can piece this together: You & this EX were together for 2.5 years, living together for 2. Your EX-W kept your children away from you because your EX-W didn't like the fact that you were living with this GF. Because your EX-W cheated on you, you were jealous & concerned that your GF would cheat. You also said mean things to your EX GF. Finally your EX-GF woke up, realized nothing was ever going to change & finally decided to do something healthy for herself & get out of her dysfunctional relationship with you. She didn't really do this because she stopped loving you. She did this because it was the intelligent thing to do. She realized you were never going to change & she left. She does dumb things like reach out because she does miss you, but she is not going to get back together with you, because she realizes that your issues -- your jealousy & his Ex-W -- are still there & they will still screw up her relationship with you. Do the woman a favor & leave her be. Also yes you pieced it together well there...however I explained to my exgf that my kids were going to be meeting her very soon I had a long talk with EXW explains how much this girl meant to me and I wanted her to be a part of the kids life and she agreed to it and said the kids can meet her and if they like her they can spend time with her and said she's only looking out for the kids best interest...as for my jealousy I know I ****** up she was the most faithful woman and I always doubted her cause if my past and I'll never make anyone happy or be happy myself till I can get past what someone else did to me but again in life I had to learn the hard way and lost the best thing to ever come into my life
Blanco Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Between this and your other thread, you project the image of someone who is a helpless victim unable to control anything that happens in your life. It seems like perhaps you never fully got over your ex-wife cheating on you and have adopted a mindset where you are a passive participant in your own life. Under that lens, you don't do things; things happen to you. I think instead of looking to reconcile, you should take this time to explore some individual counseling to address all of this. You experienced the ultimate betrayal, and as you've witnessed, not properly dealing with it can negatively impact future relationships.
springy Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 (edited) So you never actually told her you were going nc to heal and to only contact you if she wants to talk reconciliation? If not, I think that is the first step. Someone in this thread gave you a good script. If she continues to pester you at that point block her. Or, if you feel too weak to communicate at all, block her anyway. I'm of the belief that if someone really wants to reconcile they will move mountains to get to you. Meaning, after 2 years she has to at least know who your friends are, where your dad lives (I think you said you were staying there for now?), etc. She can and will find a way. I didn't realize you never told her. This does happen a lot though, the breadcrumbs. She'll survive. She's not a child and it's not your job to comfort her. You did mess up, but she choose to end it so she will have to live with that choice as well. She's only concerned with her own comfort or she would not be contacting you at all, because she knows she's messing with your head. I agree with Blanco. No time like the present to do some self work. Edited June 15, 2017 by springy
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 So you never actually told her you were going nc to heal and to only contact you if she wants to talk reconciliation? If not, I think that is the first step. Someone in this thread gave you a good script. If she continues to pester you at that point block her. Or, if you feel too weak to communicate at all, block her anyway. I'm of the belief that if someone really wants to reconcile they will move mountains to get to you. Meaning, after 2 years she has to at least know who your friends are, where your dad lives (I think you said you were staying there for now?), etc. She can and will find a way. I didn't realize you never told her. This does happen a lot though, the breadcrumbs. She'll survive. She's not a child and it's not your job to comfort her. You did mess up, but she choose to end it so she will have to live with that choice as well. She's only concerned with her own comfort or she would not be contacting you at all, because she knows she's messing with your head. I agree with Blanco. No time like the present to do some self work. Yes I told her I did not want contact so I could start moving on and she agreed to that but still sends the occasional text saying I miss u or what r u up to today? And I agree with you both about the self work I know I need to get past that and this break up has made me realize just how much I need to change.. Yes she knows where my dad lives and she knows all my friends so I guess he would be able to find me if she wanted to.
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 Between this and your other thread, you project the image of someone who is a helpless victim unable to control anything that happens in your life. It seems like perhaps you never fully got over your ex-wife cheating on you and have adopted a mindset where you are a passive participant in your own life. Under that lens, you don't do things; things happen to you. I think instead of looking to reconcile, you should take this time to explore some individual counseling to address all of this. You experienced the ultimate betrayal, and as you've witnessed, not properly dealing with it can negatively impact future relationships. I haven't done anything else to try and reconcile in the past week and a half maybe more..when I was still in contact with her I didn't beg or plead for another chance yes we spent time together and we were talking but I never once brought up getting back together I tried to be there for her to comfort her cause I didn't want her to hurt like I was I honestly just want her happy.. I am over the fact she cheated we split a long time ago been 5 years I'm completely over her and have been for s long time but also your right I guess cause of my jealousy it shows different I just didn't wanna go through that again but instead of her cheating on me she left me instead
Blanco Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I haven't done anything else to try and reconcile in the past week and a half maybe more..when I was still in contact with her I didn't beg or plead for another chance yes we spent time together and we were talking but I never once brought up getting back together I tried to be there for her to comfort her cause I didn't want her to hurt like I was I honestly just want her happy.. That doesn't have anything to do with what I said. I'm talking about your victim mentality where you keep asking "why is she doing this to me?" Take some control of the situation and stop letting her dictate what happens in your own life. I am over the fact she cheated we split a long time ago been 5 years I'm completely over her and have been for s long time but also your right I guess cause of my jealousy it shows different I just didn't wanna go through that again but instead of her cheating on me she left me instead You aren't over it, otherwise you wouldn't have smothered your ex with your insecurities about her remaining faithful to you. You may be over your ex-wife, but you definitely have not processed the betrayal of her infidelity. Otherwise, you wouldn't have let what your ex-wife did influence how you treated your ex-girlfriend.
springy Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Yes I told her I did not want contact so I could start moving on and she agreed to that but still sends the occasional text saying I miss u or what r u up to today? And I agree with you both about the self work I know I need to get past that and this break up has made me realize just how much I need to change.. Yes she knows where my dad lives and she knows all my friends so I guess he would be able to find me if she wanted to. Well if this is the case, block her. She doesn't care if she's hurting you and certainly can't respect your need to heal/get over her. She wants to stay in your head and it's working. She knows that eventually you will crack and answer. It is within your control to put an end to this. Block.
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 16, 2017 Author Posted June 16, 2017 Well if this is the case, block her. She doesn't care if she's hurting you and certainly can't respect your need to heal/get over her. She wants to stay in your head and it's working. She knows that eventually you will crack and answer. It is within your control to put an end to this. Block. If I answered these texts what do you think would come of it
Timpye Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 This thread makes me want to cry. In all seriousness she is just being cruel to you dude. In my opinion you need to be CLEAR. Say message me only if you want to work on a new relationship otherwise don't bother. If she continues you can be a bit more harsh she can't continue to walk the fk right over you.
Blanco Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 So, time to address the elephant in the room: Even if you two reconciled, what have you done to ensure that your jealousy would not again become a factor? Jealousy and the emotions surrounding it are generally deeply-rooted. They aren't just fixed with a flip of a switch. If you two got back together so quickly, I think it's likely that you would be on your best behavior for a while. But at some point, maybe weeks or months down the line, your jealousy and distrust would begin to resurface. Right now, you're so devastated that she's gone that you haven't really set aside any time or energy into addressing and fixing the issues that sent her away in the first place. And that, my friend, is why a lot of reconciliations fail.
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 So a lot of you know my story and I wanna thank everyone for there help and support through this tough time.. It's been a rough break up for me some days I feel better and other times like now I feel really down.the woman I love is gone I don't call her I don't text her she's blocked on all Social media. She stopped texting and calling me Friday I feel like I'm grieving a death.ive never been so hurt or sad in my life.but no matter how much i think about the bad and the hurting she has put me through I can't get my mind of her. I wanna stop loving her I wanna stop missing her but I can't my feelings are still so strong for her, I gave her my heart all my love She will always have my heart and one day I hope I can move on. I want this pain to go away I wanna love myself again, I want to be happy again but it's hard. Not feeling loved by her anymore not having her in my arms holding her at night keeping her safe. I feel rejected and unwanted and alone in this big world now. I miss her and always will Ill never forget about her. I know I'm all over the place with this but my mind won't shut off and I had to let some off this out I don't have any to talk to about this and it makes it so much harder I'm sorry for the thread but I needed to write this out 1
Ronnys93 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 One of the things that I started to do is write in a journal and pretend that I'm addressing text messages or ideas on my mind that I really want to tell them. This helps me because I visualize it as a sent message that I know will not get a reply to but that in my mind they will "see it" it helps me feel like I'm communicating with them instead of moping around with built up questions and ideas in my head. It's okay to mope around a bit and experience your feelings. Don't forget to do other things however. Keep your mind occupied and fill yourself with positive things that you love to do! 2
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It is so painful give someone your heart and have them throw it away like it meant nothing. It is up and down for me as well. It is moment by moment. Just take it one day at a time, keep busy, excercise often and we can get through it. 4
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 One of the things that I started to do is write in a journal and pretend that I'm addressing text messages or ideas on my mind that I really want to tell them. This helps me because I visualize it as a sent message that I know will not get a reply to but that in my mind they will "see it" it helps me feel like I'm communicating with them instead of moping around with built up questions and ideas in my head. It's okay to mope around a bit and experience your feelings. Don't forget to do other things however. Keep your mind occupied and fill yourself with positive things that you love to do! Yes I've been doing that myself also cause I know I can't send it to her I just wish we could talk again
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It is so painful give someone your heart and have them throw it away like it meant nothing. It is up and down for me as well. It is moment by moment. Just take it one day at a time, keep busy, excercise often and we can get through it. I just don't know how someone that says they love you can destroy your heart so much 1
LastAcorn99 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 I’m sorry, friend. I know breakups are never easy. Sending you prayers, asking God to reach down and put His loving arms around you, strengthen you, and show you His best plan for your life. Peace to you, brother! 1
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 I’m sorry, friend. I know breakups are never easy. Sending you prayers, asking God to reach down and put His loving arms around you, strengthen you, and show you His best plan for your life. Peace to you, brother! Thank you so much
Spartakooty Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 Tooooooootally feeling your pain. Really nothing worse in the world then loving someone who does not share the same feelings after what seemed like a good relationship. It really hasn't been long for you. Once your brain starts dealing with the lack of addiction chemicals you will start to feel better. A lot of this really is chemical. However, if it was a good relationship...it would still be. It's the hard truth. It wasn't a good relationship, at least for her. You will be happy again, trust me. I'm 2 months out and it still sucks and doesn't make sense. But it gets easier and you start to feel normal. But we have to accept that it makes sense to the other person, even tho we totally disagree with it. We can't make them make a different decision, that would be odd and forced. Rejection sucks. But think of how many times in life we get rejected. This is just one more time where you get to add another layer of skin and add to your character and wisdom. That sounds trite and it is. But we all have to accept that if someone does not want us, we must let them go. If they can't see the potential, then F*** em.
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 Tooooooootally feeling your pain. Really nothing worse in the world then loving someone who does not share the same feelings after what seemed like a good relationship. It really hasn't been long for you. Once your brain starts dealing with the lack of addiction chemicals you will start to feel better. A lot of this really is chemical. However, if it was a good relationship...it would still be. It's the hard truth. It wasn't a good relationship, at least for her. You will be happy again, trust me. I'm 2 months out and it still sucks and doesn't make sense. But it gets easier and you start to feel normal. But we have to accept that it makes sense to the other person, even tho we totally disagree with it. We can't make them make a different decision, that would be odd and forced. Rejection sucks. But think of how many times in life we get rejected. This is just one more time where you get to add another layer of skin and add to your character and wisdom. That sounds trite and it is. But we all have to accept that if someone does not want us, we must let them go. If they can't see the potential, then F*** em. I feel for you I wish nobody would hurt like this..I'm trying to get to the point to make sense of all of this and everyday that passes tends to get better I'm tr King to let go but it just so hard I just hope this heartache goes away sooner then later
Author Hurtingguy Posted June 21, 2017 Author Posted June 21, 2017 Hi everyone been on this site for a cpl months now and love all the advice so I'm coming back for more. I was just dumped about 4 weeks ago by the girl who I'm still madly in love with.its been tough but everyday get better. So here's where I need advice.. My ex ex ex gf who I wasn't very serious with contacted me 2 weeks ago out of the blue on fb..we haven't spoke in 6 years. She said she wants to try and see if something is still there.. Now my problem is im still so in love with my recent ex that's it's hard for me to even think about going down this path right now..I explained to her everything I'm going through and told her I'm not Over my ex and am not ready for any kind of relationship except for friendship, She is fine with this but still texts me all day bekng so sweet telling me how sweet I am and handsome I am and hope that's one day maybe something can happen with us in the near future. I went and met up with her Saturday to have some drinks later as friends we had fun great night at the end of the night I put her in a cab and paid for to get home. Before she got in the cab tho she hugged me and then amen on for a kiss. Since that night she's Been trying to make more Contact and trying to make more plans for us.. Again o told her I'm not ready for all of this right now,she is an awesome woman we always got along and have lots in common. We're both in our mid 30s now. I don't want to hurt this girl and I don't wanna use her to cover up the pain I'm in now.. What's the best Thing to do here. I know once I'm over my ex one day i may want to pursue more with her as we did have a good relation before but I broke it off cause I was to busy starting my new business then and didn't have time to invest in her. I don't want to hurt her now and push her away again knowing that her and I can have a good relationship any help would be appreciated Thanks
kgcolonel Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Continue to see her as friends...maybe friends with benefits but until you'er emotionally ready, keep telling her that you're not there yet.
Redhead14 Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 She said she wants to try and see if something is still there My ex ex ex gf who I wasn't very serious with -- If you weren't very serious, there wasn't anything there . . . Reaching out to you 6 years after a not very serious relationship, kinda says to me that things have been really, really dry for her for a while. If you're not over your more current ex, you shouldn't really be dating anyway for a while let alone meet up with a desperate woman . . . 3
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