still in love but broken up

[Hurtingguy]

Ok I'm new hear so I'm not sure what o expect

 

My gf I guess ex gf now have been together for 2.5 years and lived together for 2 years. From what I thought we had a very good relationship by that I mean lots of love and emotions involved..I know we have had output problems me being jealous I would sometimes say mean things in the heat of the moment.

 

So we took a break in early April which lasted till the end of April she went to Cuba for a week and decided she wanted to keep our relationship going.

So I thought everything was going good the 3 weeks or so until Monday night I get a text from her saying she can't be with me anymore.my heart shattered..

She told me she needs space and time but doesn't know if we will ever be together agin

 

We have talked via text msg everyday since then she went to her parents I'm still in our house..so she tells me she can't get past some of the things I said or did..yesterday we where suppose to go on a romantic getaway for the night and she ended up going alone to relax which was ok with me I guess. This morning she tells me she's coming over to pick up the dog before she heads back to her parents...so she got here started crying which made me cry saying she's still very much in love with me and misses but feels that she's making the right decision cause she's not happy right now and she feels it's making her bitchy towards me.she stayed about an hour and just layer in my arms crying kissing me telling me she loves me and how sorry she is for hurting me like this.

 

Both of us do not wanna go NC cause we do love and care about each other and wanna stay in each other's lives. She ask d me if I could leave the house tomorrow night so she can come home and relax and sleep in bed. No problem by me I told her j would need to come back Sunday night and she is fine with that.

 

I don't know what to think or what to do I know I don't wanna lose her but I think she is gone this time. I've been in tears all week no appetite can't sleep and just feeling lonely and missing her deeply.

 

And thoughts

[preraph]

How about trying counseling? Unmerited jealousy is your insecurity and it will mess up every relationship you have. Maybe it's time to get some help and understand where it comes from and learn to do better about it. I can tell there's love there.

Tell her you'll use this time alone to see if therapy will help.

 

Also, just making sure: You're not just doing it when drinking are you? If so, go to AA.

[Hurtingguy]

How about trying counseling? Unmerited jealousy is your insecurity and it will mess up every relationship you have. Maybe it's time to get some help and understand where it comes from and learn to do better about it. I can tell there's love there.

Tell her you'll use this time alone to see if therapy will help.

 

Also, just making sure: You're not just doing it when drinking are you? If so, go to AA.

 

No. I don't drink

[hew]

Hey hey!

 

Im sorry to hear all this. Sounds Kind of similar to my situation but in a totally different way. Its similar in the sense that we love each other but feel we can't be together. It hurts soooo much.

 

Jealousy is a problem with a lot of relationships and it's just something that needs to be seriously worked on for relationships to last in the long run.

 

Just be careful because keeping contact can just keep re opening the wound in the long run. I understand it's really hard but you have to be honest with yourself when its all said an done. Its hard when the person who's your everything doesnt think they can be with your anymore. I promise time heals though. Im telling myself this right now too. You're not alone.

 

Just have to find positive ways to cope. So I'm glad you came here I wish you all the best with your healing journey and whichever way it works out for you I wish you all the best!!!

[Maldives]

How about trying counseling? Unmerited jealousy is your insecurity and it will mess up every relationship you have. Maybe it's time to get some help and understand where it comes from and learn to do better about it. I can tell there's love there.

Tell her you'll use this time alone to see if therapy will help.

 

Also, just making sure: You're not just doing it when drinking are you? If so, go to AA.

 

 

Prepath is on the money

[Hurtingguy]

So my Gf broke up with me Monday saying she's still in love with me but has to leave as this is the right decision for her..

We both have been madly in love but there was some bumps in the road.

(Me) jealousy,always wanting her to gang out with me (her) wanting to go out with her friends so it created some tension.

 

She came back home yesterday to pick up some things and our dog.( we have lived together for 2 years now) we talked cried kissed and hugged and then she left saying "sorry it has to be this way I don't wanna hurt you but I have to look out for myself"...

 

We have texted each other and called since she left and still talk a bit even tho she asked for space. She is coming home today but wants me to leave so she can be at home and relax.

 

She said she can't get over the past right now and doesn't know if we will ever be together again but at this time she doesn't think of t will happen.

 

I know everyone is gonna say NC,let her go,don't chase give her space and I get all of that. I know I need to work on myself as well..

 

My question is there any hope of getting her back or do I just give up completely and move on even tho I'm not ready to yet.

 

I've never been this hurt even when my ex wife and I broke up I didn't feel this down..just need some thoughts from anyone out there thanks

[SkunkSmile]

Give her more time as she asked you very directly.

 

In meantime improve yourself.

 

I would get back to her in a month asking for new start, and in meanwhile do 15 days no contact.

 

It seems to me that she needs some reorganization of things in her head. In meanwhile you need to show to yourself and in some manner to her that you are not old self by being needy etc.

 

It's pretty straightforward, this situation of yours.

[Hurtingguy]

Give her more time as she asked you very directly.

 

In meantime improve yourself.

 

I would get back to her in a month asking for new start, and in meanwhile do 15 days no contact.

 

It seems to me that she needs some reorganization of things in her head. In meanwhile you need to show to yourself and in some manner to her that you are not old self by being needy etc.

 

It's pretty straightforward, this situation of yours.

 

Ok thanks for the reply I will try and take your advice I hope it works out in get timber back or at least me moving on

[springy]

You live together? How is that gonna work with her wanting space? You can't leave every time she wants to be alone. She moving out?

[Hurtingguy]

You live together? How is that gonna work with her wanting space? You can't leave every time she wants to be alone. She moving out?

I know it's a really hard situation...and we haven't really decided who's moving out its kinda been back and forth I stay then she stays it's driving me nuts

[Hurtingguy]

So today my ex came to our house..we spent some time together snuggled a bit had a few bugs and kisses and she assured me she still loves me but it's too hard for her to see me still cause it hurts...I didn't really show any emotion I told her I loved her but didn't cry and say I want her back kept it simple.

 

She still thinks she's making the right decision but I can see how much she hurts.

Her face looks sad she looks down but is still gong in with her everyday life.

She said she thinks about me all the time and she staying away from me cause we're broken up.

 

I don't know what to do I told her if she wants to talk she can call me or text me.i won't hold my breathe tho.

It's so hard going nc with her cause we're so used to talking all day and seeing each other everyday..l

 

I feel so confused and I'm not sure what to do to try and get her to want me back..

 

ADVICE?

[Hurtingguy]

Give her more time as she asked you very directly.

 

In meantime improve yourself.

 

I would get back to her in a month asking for new start, and in meanwhile do 15 days no contact.

 

It seems to me that she needs some reorganization of things in her head. In meanwhile you need to show to yourself and in some manner to her that you are not old self by being needy etc.

 

It's pretty straightforward, this situation of yours.

 

What do u mean by its prett straight forward

[springy]

So today my ex came to our house..we spent some time together snuggled a bit had a few bugs and kisses and she assured me she still loves me but it's too hard for her to see me still cause it hurts...I didn't really show any emotion I told her I loved her but didn't cry and say I want her back kept it simple.

 

She still thinks she's making the right decision but I can see how much she hurts.

Her face looks sad she looks down but is still gong in with her everyday life.

She said she thinks about me all the time and she staying away from me cause we're broken up.

 

I don't know what to do I told her if she wants to talk she can call me or text me.i won't hold my breathe tho.

It's so hard going nc with her cause we're so used to talking all day and seeing each other everyday..l

 

I feel so confused and I'm not sure what to do to try and get her to want me back..

 

ADVICE?

 

No more cuddly kissy huggy time. Dude..

 

Read up on the 180 and implement immediately. It will go against everything you are feeling right now but you've got to toughen up (to her face at least!). No more asking for another chance, pleading, hanging out on the couch. Start living like she's already gone. Start working out, going out with friends, taking care of yourself, etc.

 

The puppy dog act won't work. The long drawn out relationship talks won't work. The I love you's won't work. Flowers, candy, candlelit dinners, gifts...won't work. 180. All the way. Start making plans to move out. This will throw her off. In the process your confidence starts to build and you start feeling better. It's a win for you. Start now.

[Hurtingguy]

No more cuddly kissy huggy time. Dude..

 

Read up on the 180 and implement immediately. It will go against everything you are feeling right now but you've got to toughen up (to her face at least!). No more asking for another chance, pleading, hanging out on the couch. Start living like she's already gone. Start working out, going out with friends, taking care of yourself, etc.

 

The puppy dog act won't work. The long drawn out relationship talks won't work. The I love you's won't work. Flowers, candy, candlelit dinners, gifts...won't work. 180. All the way. Start making plans to move out. This will throw her off. In the process your confidence starts to build and you start feeling better. It's a win for you. Start now.

I have t be asking for another chance or begging.. I just don't like sent her sooo sad I know I shouldn't care but it's hard...I have left and gone to my dads planning on staying here a while I think...I have started to feel a bit better and starting to accept this break up I just don't wanna give up but I understand I need to..

[springy]

Well it sounds like you are doing the right things then. Glad you have somewhere else to go. Don't worry about her looking sad. This was her choice. She will be okay just like you will be okay.

[Hurtingguy]

Well it sounds like you are doing the right things then. Glad you have somewhere else to go. Don't worry about her looking sad. This was her choice. She will be okay just like you will be okay.

 

I know we will both be ok I just feel like she really doesn't want this but at the same time she does I think she's confused and hurting a lot..

 

I try staying nc today but she keeps texting me asking me things she's know ps I need to answer for her (I guess these are breadcrumbs)

 

I'm gonna try and stop all communication but it just seems s hard to do after telling each other every thing over the past 3 years

[Hurtingguy]

Hey hey!

 

Im sorry to hear all this. Sounds Kind of similar to my situation but in a totally different way. Its similar in the sense that we love each other but feel we can't be together. It hurts soooo much.

 

Jealousy is a problem with a lot of relationships and it's just something that needs to be seriously worked on for relationships to last in the long run.

 

Just be careful because keeping contact can just keep re opening the wound in the long run. I understand it's really hard but you have to be honest with yourself when its all said an done. Its hard when the person who's your everything doesnt think they can be with your anymore. I promise time heals though. Im telling myself this right now too. You're not alone.

 

 

Just have to find positive ways to cope. So I'm glad you came here I wish you all the best with your healing journey and whichever way it works out for you I wish you all the best!!!

 

I'm sorry you are also going through this such a hard time..

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone and I love how caring everybody on here is I appreciate all the advice from everyone

[springy]

It is difficult but eventually you will realize that staying in contact can really keep you from moving forward. Since you have an apartment together you may have to communicate, but I would keep it strictly about tying up loose ends with the apartment.

[Marc878]

Don't project your feelings of love onto her. She wouldn't be dumping you if she felt the same way you feel for her.

 

She told you and shown you she's moving on but you just don't want to believe it.

 

When someone dumps you the best thing you can do is walk away. You can't make anyone do anything but you need to control yourself.

 

I doubt you'll listen most don't. Advice is no good if you don't use it.

 

Until you do you will languish in this limbo you're now in.

 

Don't rule out another guy in the picture that's usually what drives this.

[Marc878]

I know we will both be ok I just feel like she really doesn't want this but at the same time she does I think she's confused and hurting a lot..

 

I try staying nc today but she keeps texting me asking me things she's know ps I need to answer for her (I guess these are breadcrumbs)

 

I'm gonna try and stop all communication but it just seems s hard to do after telling each other every thing over the past 3 years

 

You control your phone and yourself she doesn't

[Hurtingguy]

Don't project your feelings of love onto her. She wouldn't be dumping you if she felt the same way you feel for her.

 

She told you and shown you she's moving on but you just don't want to believe it.

 

When someone dumps you the best thing you can do is walk away. You can't make anyone do anything but you need to control yourself.

 

I doubt you'll listen most don't. Advice is no good if you don't use it.

 

Until you do you will languish in this limbo you're now in.

 

Don't rule out another guy in the picture that's usually what drives this.

But that a the thing she hasn't showed me she's moving on everyday it seems ,Ike she's getting closer to me again in small ways...I will listen I'm just trying to get as much feedback as possible...I have decided to go nc from here on she hurt me she broke it off if she wants me back she needs to work for it.

I'm just trying to stay with my family now to get through this hard time...and I feel like everyone who helps me on here is like family as well.

 

I know for a fact 100% there is no new guy...

[Hurtingguy]

You control your phone and yourself she doesn't

 

Your absolutely right....nc from here on out...if she wants me she can fight for me time for her to start missing me and seeing what she lost

[ExpatInItaly]

But that a the thing she hasn't showed me she's moving on everyday it seems ,Ike she's getting closer to me again in small ways...I will listen I'm just trying to get as much feedback as possible...I have decided to go nc from here on she hurt me she broke it off if she wants me back she needs to work for it.

I'm just trying to stay with my family now to get through this hard time...and I feel like everyone who helps me on here is like family as well.

 

I know for a fact 100% there is no new guy...

 

Says everyone. She of course might not have her eye on someone else, but unless you are by her side 24-7 and monitoring all her contacts and communications through her phone and her social media, you don't know that for a fact. Nobody ever does.

 

In any case, No Contact will help you to emotionally untangle yourself from her. It's a great tool to begin to learn to live a new life without her. You will need time to adjust to this. It will seem strange not having her as your sidekick, but all of us who've been on the receiving end of a break-up have managed to come out on the other side - and you will too. The important thing is not to read into insignificant behaviour from the ex.

[Hurtingguy]

Ok so if you where to look at my previous posts you will know my situation..

I'll explain it quicky tho...ex and I together 2.5 years living together for 2

 

She ended it with me for good about a week and a half ago..said there are things she can't get past like man things u said and my jealousy problem..

 

So found out Sunday she went on a date that her fiends set her up on I called her out she said it was a big mistake and felt so guilty and hurt..

 

We spent all day and nigh together Monday had a great day we also cried together cuddled kissed hugged told each other how much we love each other held each other all night (no sex) and then Monday morning I took my clothes and came to my dads..

We agreed to keep contact with each other..

 

She's been texting me back and forth all day since I left and calling at night and talking for about an hour or so everytime..

 

She wants to hang out one day this weekend if she doesn't go away to her gf house who lives a few hours away and she said even if she god she wants to hang out on Sunday.

 

What's going on here everyone?

 

What's going on in her head?

 

I would still get back with her is that possible here?

[Sparta]

OP what don't you get stay the F away from her you caught her going out with another Man either way he's not chasing her she's going want him and planted seeds for a relationship. you come off as very pathetic and weak, because you crumble at any contact she gives (breadcrumbs) every time you engage with her, and her eyes you become even more pathetic and extremely weak which is a complete turn off to any woman. Look she's telling you she's going to go to her friends (hello the other man) most likely to sleep with him to consummate the relationship with him... are you that clueless.? "but she still wants to hang out Sunday" that means if it doesn't work out with plan A man... who she really wants to be with her new lover.! she has you as her back up plan you are nothing but plan B to her now wow..! she does not like you or respect you at all. Another words this relationship is over with please be advised it over.! the sooner realize and understand and concede that this is your reality and Face this situation and go complete NC Real NC with her you're you will continue to backslide showing this woman that does not have your best interest at hand. You will continue to appear pathetic and weak and she will know that she made the right decision by moving on. She truly does not care about you I don't care what she says to you.!!!