zanim Posted May 26, 2017 Posted May 26, 2017 Long story short I broke up with my ex just over a year ago. We were together for 2 and a half years. The break up was not an impulsive decision (we had broken up earlier in the relationship too) and I had thought about it carefully before going through with it. The first 8/9 months I refused to think about the relationship with my ex and bottled up all my emotions until I met someone else. I am currently in a very happy long distance relationship but 2 months into the new relationship I started thinking about my ex obsessively and I was ruminating and reminiscing a lot. It has calmed down but my mind is still stuck on her and it is starting to annoy me and stress me out dearly. This has been going on for about 4 months now and it is like her name is just there stuck in my head. However, I refuse to let it affect my daily life and my relationship with my SO. I am trying my very best not to think about her and try to keep myself distracted but it is very difficult. I sometimes have this sudden feeling out of nowhere that I made a mistake (by breaking up with her) and it scares me but when I calm down and think about it I know that this is not the case. I don't miss my ex much and neither do I love her (having a very understanding SO helps). I know this may sound like a small problem but it isn't and it is really starting to stress me out. All I want is for my ex to be out of my head and stop entering my thoughts every single day. I want to detach myself from her. I just want to let go now.. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
preraph Posted May 26, 2017 Posted May 26, 2017 It's a little bit PTSD like. You need to stop it before it gets worse. The longer you let the obsessive thinking go on, the more of a rut your brain and all your associations get in. So glad you have some other romantic interest, but you need to start planning activities as least twice a week where you go out and make new memories and don't talk about the ex and just have fun with friends or family or by yourself. Again, don't talk about the ex at these times. They need to be a distraction and fresh new memories unassociated with her. It's the only way I know to crowd out the old is let the new in asap. but if it's getting worse instead of better, go see a doctor about maybe trying some antidepressants.
Maldives Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 (edited) Long story short I broke up with my ex just over a year ago. We were together for 2 and a half years. The break up was not an impulsive decision (we had broken up earlier in the relationship too) and I had thought about it carefully before going through with it. The first 8/9 months I refused to think about the relationship with my ex and bottled up all my emotions until I met someone else. I am currently in a very happy long distance relationship but 2 months into the new relationship I started thinking about my ex obsessively and I was ruminating and reminiscing a lot. It has calmed down but my mind is still stuck on her and it is starting to annoy me and stress me out dearly. This has been going on for about 4 months now and it is like her name is just there stuck in my head. However, I refuse to let it affect my daily life and my relationship with my SO. I am trying my very best not to think about her and try to keep myself distracted but it is very difficult. I sometimes have this sudden feeling out of nowhere that I made a mistake (by breaking up with her) and it scares me but when I calm down and think about it I know that this is not the case. I don't miss my ex much and neither do I love her (having a very understanding SO helps). I know this may sound like a small problem but it isn't and it is really starting to stress me out. All I want is for my ex to be out of my head and stop entering my thoughts every single day. I want to detach myself from her. I just want to let go now.. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. U mentioned for the 1st 8 mths u **bottled up** the emotions has that maybe got something to do wth her entering ur thoughts? I think that's possibly a strong possibility. U might just need to go thru the motions and let these thoughts surface u can't just bottle up and forget something I believe and this is coming from my own personal experience from my ex marriage that broke down I did the same thing but it caught up wth me and needed to grieve the loss. It then took yrs to finally get her out of my head. I don't believe we ever get people out of our heads just the emotional intensity reduces. My advice is gonna be the opposite and let ureself feel this until it subsides naturally and not try to medicate and forget and possibly further excasibterting the emotions in the future.. create new memories but I wouldn't discuss this wth ur new woman no way as I've done that and sabotaged the new relationship wich was great and had a lot of potential then wen she left I was double in pain. Be smart about it and talk it wth friends who u can really trust and maybe see a councillor to help wth processing the emotions but the worst thing u can do is try and deny how ur feeling. Those feelings are surfacing for a reason and u need to learn from it and discover the lesson in this. Don't bury it dude. Peace out Edited May 27, 2017 by Goodguy05
Aurorakl Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 What is it exactly that is on your mind? What your ex could be up to now? The good times? The bad times? I think it is somewhat natural to think about an ex when you get in a new relationship. I think it becomes natural to sort of compare. Relationships can be reminders of old ones. I know when certain things happened with boyfriends it just reminded me of similar situations I had with other partners. Are you really sure you don't miss her? 1
Author zanim Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 What is it exactly that is on your mind? What your ex could be up to now? The good times? The bad times? I think it is somewhat natural to think about an ex when you get in a new relationship. I think it becomes natural to sort of compare. Relationships can be reminders of old ones. I know when certain things happened with boyfriends it just reminded me of similar situations I had with other partners. Are you really sure you don't miss her? I am sure I don't miss her, the memories sometimes yes. I am also very good at dealing with the comparison game, I don't believe its fair on anyone to compare so I can keep that under control. I don't understand why her name is stuck in my head. The name itself is just there. I even found out she was getting married not too long ago and it didn't really bother me too much.
Recommended Posts