single8259 Posted May 26, 2017 Posted May 26, 2017 I was in a relationship with a man 8 years older than me last year. I never fully trusted him and I was surprised he asked me to be his girlfriend at all because I never saw him very often. I ended up breaking up with him because I would only see him once a month if that and something felt off. Fast forward to earlier this month when I find out he is married to another woman! They started their relationship on November 26th and the last time I saw him was the day before Thanksgiving. So there was definitely some overlap there and this explains why he had gotten distant and I wasn't seeing him very much. So why wouldn't he just tell me that he had moved on with someone else 6 months ago? Not only did he flat out lie when I asked him if he was seeing someone but he would text me that he missed me, missed having me naked his bed, etc while he was with her! He would tell me that we were going to get back together. Why lie and why not just tell me you were with someone so I could move on? It hurts to feel like he chose her over me and I don't understand why he manipulated me like that. I don't want to feel this way about him anymore, I don't want to miss him. I want to move on. I know these feelings will go away over time because it's already gotten better over time but I'm still stuck on the why. I've never had an ex cheat on me and then lie to this extent and get married 6 months later.
preraph Posted May 26, 2017 Posted May 26, 2017 Some men like to keep more than one woman on hand and they can't do that if they tell either of them what's going on. One of my old bfs begged me to be with him after his wife and him decided to divorce despite me not being ready to at all, having just suffered a bad breakup myself and thinking of him just a friend. I regret going along with it. The ink wasn't even dry and he had mentioned the M word to me. Before their separation, he had another woman in another town he called on for business who he had told me was trying to seduce him while he was married -- and as soon as I broke up with him, he had her moved in within a week or two and married a short time later, and she's a complete nut. He just couldn't stand to be alone for even 24 hours, even during his divorce. I guess she's no crazier than he is, but she is nuts. Their home is filled to capacity with little yarn creatures she's knitted and a wall covered wall to wall in what looks like postcards or something, very busy and hoardy. Yikes. Guys like insurance when it comes to getting sex and/or having companionship and that often means having one or more tucked away somewhere.
jjgitties Posted May 26, 2017 Posted May 26, 2017 Your ex was a liar and loser. You are better off without him. Let the other stupid one that wound up marrying him deal with it. Just give it a few months to fade away and move on with your life. 1
Frostedflake Posted May 26, 2017 Posted May 26, 2017 What's that movie.. Good Luck Chuck? The basic plot is that after having sex with/dating this one guy (Chuck) the women then find the love of their life. It's kinda funny. And I've seen a fair amount of people who breakup and then dive into another relationship that goes turbo and straight to marriage. And not for knowing this person or dating them under the table. Some relationships are just there to show you what you want and don't want. So that when you DO find something that meets all or most of the criteria, you're ready to lock it down. But I am sorry he took such a Jerk approach to it. You're better off.
Bromeo Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 Some men like to keep more than one woman on hand and they can't do that if they tell either of them what's going on. One of my old bfs begged me to be with him after his wife and him decided to divorce despite me not being ready to at all, having just suffered a bad breakup myself and thinking of him just a friend. I regret going along with it. The ink wasn't even dry and he had mentioned the M word to me. Before their separation, he had another woman in another town he called on for business who he had told me was trying to seduce him while he was married -- and as soon as I broke up with him, he had her moved in within a week or two and married a short time later, and she's a complete nut. He just couldn't stand to be alone for even 24 hours, even during his divorce. I guess she's no crazier than he is, but she is nuts. Their home is filled to capacity with little yarn creatures she's knitted and a wall covered wall to wall in what looks like postcards or something, very busy and hoardy. Yikes. Guys like insurance when it comes to getting sex and/or having companionship and that often means having one or more tucked away somewhere. Pre, I'm sorry this happened to you, it's must have hurt like hell. However, this isn't limited to men. It's more a condition of insecure, immature people. While the details are different, my ex did the same. Each time she left without a trace, she was dating within days. These types of broken people keep orbiters around them - just in case. These people have a hole inside of them that cannot be filled. Ironically, she used to say I was the one who was scared to be alone. I've grown to accept that when people lash out, it's usually a reflection of things they are struggling with. 1
Maldives Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 I've had that happen to me so it's not gender based or only happens wth woman but I've had most my ex's do it to me as insurance for them. They just incapable of being on there own and regardless of the connection hav a back up.
preraph Posted May 27, 2017 Posted May 27, 2017 Pre, I'm sorry this happened to you, it's must have hurt like hell. However, this isn't limited to men. It's more a condition of insecure, immature people. While the details are different, my ex did the same. Each time she left without a trace, she was dating within days. These types of broken people keep orbiters around them - just in case. These people have a hole inside of them that cannot be filled. Ironically, she used to say I was the one who was scared to be alone. I've grown to accept that when people lash out, it's usually a reflection of things they are struggling with. Aw, thanks. You know, honestly, I broke up with him and so I felt mostly relief, but then yes, disgust at how just any old warm body would do. See, he had asked for us to move in together during his divorce (as soon as they moved out from each other) and I said no. I mean, I was not romantically involved with him and had a recent breakup from someone I was in love with. But I told him no. I had to move however, because my apartment complex had a gas explosion and I let the landlord move me -- and he came and took an apartment just like 3 doors down and more or less still lived with me, had stuff at my place and when in town was at my place as far as I knew. The worst shock of it all came really years later when I even bothered to think about the sequence of events. He and I had been work mates and good friends, so I trusted him and didn't even blink while he was out of town, but then I realized he was seeing that woman or else she wouldn't have moved towns immediately upon us breaking up and moved in with him. So what was hurtful was that I wasn't worried about trusting him. He'd told me I was his first choice, mentioned the M word, which I wasn't about to consider anytime soon, but in the end he was like all the rest, just playing two women. So I lost respect for him. Then after he was with the next lady, he started denying we'd ever lived together to our mutual friends because his new lady was so jealous and he'd have been seeing us at the same time so he didn't want her to know. It was something I regret. I lost a friend because he caught me in a weak moment, beaten down from hurt of a breakup and then losing my apartment and really it was about the only time in my adult life I let the wind blow me around instead of taking decisive steps forward. Never again.
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