js_77 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 We've been dating for only a few months, our first month I told her I have a dream to move to another country and she said "Yeah if you go we'd break up because I wouldn't leave my family behind!" We decided to stay together but recently a few days ago we had a huge fight because I brought up the subject again and she got mad because she thought I could change my mind about this, she even said I'm just using her, I don't want anything serious with her, I don't love her, etc! Anyway should I break up? I love her she's a nice girl but we don't have the same goals in life!
kendahke Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 We've been dating for only a few months, our first month I told her I have a dream to move to another country and she said "Yeah if you go we'd break up because I wouldn't leave my family behind!" We decided to stay together but recently a few days ago we had a huge fight because I brought up the subject again and she got mad because she thought I could change my mind about this, she even said I'm just using her, I don't want anything serious with her, I don't love her, etc! Anyway should I break up? I love her she's a nice girl but we don't have the same goals in life! Yes because your life goals are not aligned. The answer isn't for either one of you to keep at this with one of you having to kill your goals and becoming resentful and bitter over it. You're young. Go pursue you life abroad. You will meet someone who is more aligned to what you want out of life. This chick ain't the one. And if she's accusing you of "using her", then stop seeing her immediately.
BaileyB Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 If you truly want to live abroad, you should break up. She has told you what she wants and she is not prepared to leave her family. I would feel the same way. She is not being fair to you if she stays hoping that you will change your mind... That would be like staying with someone who says they don't want kids, hoping that they will change their mind... It's just not going to work. 2
basil67 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 Why would you raise the subject again when she's already made it clear that she's not interested in moving overseas? Did you not understand her answer? 3
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 How will you stay together if you have visions of life in different places? You can't have a permanent LDR marriage. Where would the kids live? You may very well like her but your divergent goals make you incompatible long term. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 js_77, Really man, she told you up front that she wasn't going to leave her family and move. I don't think she's being unfair as she has been under the impression that you could change your mind. It is YOU that continues to date HER, so she was thinking perhaps she could influence you. She has more to lose by leaving...her family to which she seems close. I think the fair thing to do is break it off or YOU stay. I don't know the whole context of your conversation(s), but it seems that if there is anyone that may be 'persuaded' to stay, it would be you. She's made her position clear, but YOU continued to date her. 1
Author js_77 Posted May 26, 2017 Author Posted May 26, 2017 So I should just break up? Just like that? 2
preraph Posted May 26, 2017 Posted May 26, 2017 Yes, why drag it out and chance her getting pregnant or just more attached. Because if she gets pregnant, you won't be going anywhere. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2017 Posted May 26, 2017 So I should just break up? Just like that? What else is there? She wants a serious relationship with somebody who will build a life where she is, near her family. You want to live somewhere else. She already thinks you are using her by dating her when you don't want to stay. How long is she supposed to stay with you, delaying what she wants? You don't have to do anything. The break up is coming, whether you want it or not. 1
Author js_77 Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 We broke up and everything sucks now! She's suffering a lot, we're suffering!
preraph Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 I'm sorry. There's people you love that you just can't be with because of different dreams or just different daily habits.
basil67 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 We broke up and everything sucks now! She's suffering a lot, we're suffering! The pain sucks but at least you're firm about your priorities.
Author js_77 Posted May 29, 2017 Author Posted May 29, 2017 The pain sucks but at least you're firm about your priorities. Yeah I won't give up my dreams and goals for any woman!
basil67 Posted May 29, 2017 Posted May 29, 2017 Yeah I won't give up my dreams and goals for any woman! Then she's very lucky you ended it now. She's now free to find someone who puts her as a priority. Meanwhile, you may want to be careful in your dating - otherwise this scenario will probably keep happening to you. 1
Author js_77 Posted May 31, 2017 Author Posted May 31, 2017 Suddenly she said she would move abroad with me, she said she didn't want to break up because she loves me, etc. We're talking about this, maybe she could go with me...I don't know, feeling confused right now!
dumbass2 Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 You've only been dating a few months. If you're planning on moving a year from now, then great, go ahead and continue to date and find out if you two are truly compatible. If you are moving soon then I would say to just stay broken up with her. You two don't really even know each other and moving abroad is a major step to take. She already stated she has no desire to move and is only saying yes now because you broke up with her. Her decision to go needs to be based on her wanting to go and she really doesn't want to go. This is a very big step and sometimes people will say one thing and mean another especially when it gets too emotional.
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Suddenly she said she would move abroad with me, she said she didn't want to break up because she loves me, etc. We're talking about this, maybe she could go with me...I don't know, feeling confused right now! Take a step back. Your future doesn't have to be decided today. Agree to date now. Live in the moment but with the understanding that you eventually want to live elsewhere. When the time & opportunity come for you to relocate see where you & this woman are. Perhaps an LDR will be in order for a while; perhaps she will be ready to take the leap of faith with you. Maybe you won't survive as a couple that long. Perhaps you will find better opportunities in another direction.
Author js_77 Posted June 2, 2017 Author Posted June 2, 2017 Take a step back. Your future doesn't have to be decided today. Agree to date now. Live in the moment but with the understanding that you eventually want to live elsewhere. When the time & opportunity come for you to relocate see where you & this woman are. Perhaps an LDR will be in order for a while; perhaps she will be ready to take the leap of faith with you. Maybe you won't survive as a couple that long. Perhaps you will find better opportunities in another direction. But if we continue to date and after a few years when I go she doesn't want to go? Would she waste her time with me until I go?
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 But if we continue to date and after a few years when I go she doesn't want to go? Would she waste her time with me until I go? Just focus on the present & stop trying to predict the future. A few years is a long time. She is the one who said she wants to date you now.
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