waterwoman Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 I am clearly a slow learner but it has honestly taken me 5 years (minus a month) to actually internalise the truth that I did not deserve what H did. I have genuinely forgiven H, and am indifferent to OW but I was still blaming myself (the way I was brought up I guess - mum is the poster-girl for the Domestic Burning Martyr). So I have finally said 'F**K YOU!' to the self-blame. He won't do it again (I am as sure as I can be that is the case) but if he does I will tell him 'goodbye' without a twinge. I have been a good wife, good friends, good mother to his kids. If it wasn't enough that is his problems not mine. Feels good. That's all. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Yay you!!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Of course it isn't your fault.... And I am happy you came to this conclusion! Link to post Share on other sites
Krtk Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 If you don't give a ****, I don't give a **** either. Way to go 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 I am clearly a slow learner but it has honestly taken me 5 years (minus a month) to actually internalise the truth that I did not deserve what H did. I have genuinely forgiven H, and am indifferent to OW but I was still blaming myself (the way I was brought up I guess - mum is the poster-girl for the Domestic Burning Martyr). So I have finally said 'F**K YOU!' to the self-blame. He won't do it again (I am as sure as I can be that is the case) but if he does I will tell him 'goodbye' without a twinge. I have been a good wife, good friends, good mother to his kids. If it wasn't enough that is his problems not mine. Feels good. That's all. Good for you. When it comes to a situation like this, your husband's behavior is on him. You did nothing to deserve it, and anyone who tries to blame you needs to head to their nearest ER as their head is stuck up their rear and its needs to be removed. :laugh: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author waterwoman Posted May 25, 2017 Author Share Posted May 25, 2017 Good for you. When it comes to a situation like this, your husband's behavior is on him. You did nothing to deserve it, and anyone who tries to blame you needs to head to their nearest ER as their head is stuck up their rear and its needs to be removed. :laugh: Good luck to them then! We were at the hospital on Tuesday and there was a loooong queue. I just hope they have a small head and a saggy arse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Well done waterwoman, this is a milestone for you - a great point to reach! And from the mouth of an ex-cheater...... none of it is your fault, it is 100% on us and if we have to live with guilt for the rest of our lives, well..... we earned that right! Having said that, I really hope that you are BOTH happy and that the spectre of the A is now fading into the shadows for both of you. Great to be able to celebrate a mini milestone like this with a genuinely nice person like you. I've always admired your posts - keep them coming please! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author waterwoman Posted May 26, 2017 Author Share Posted May 26, 2017 Thank you Jenkins. Are we both happy? Yes I think he is and I definitely am. But the happiness comes from me now- I make myself happy, I have changed my life to do that. I won't ever let one person dictate my mood again. Our marriage is stronger and more honest but it has an interesting scar that acts as a constant reminder to us both to do better next time it isn't a fairy tale any more 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 I have been a good wife, good friends, good mother to his kids. If it wasn't enough that is his problems not mine. But the happiness comes from me now- I make myself happy, I have changed my life to do that. I won't ever let one person dictate my mood again. Like you a slow learner, took me a long time to understand I'm only in charge of me. And therefore, if I'm the only employee at mrlucky.com, I need to do a better job. The rest of it is out of my control though I continue to hope good things come to good people. I'll hope the same for you ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted May 27, 2017 Share Posted May 27, 2017 Thank you Jenkins. Are we both happy? Yes I think he is and I definitely am. But the happiness comes from me now- I make myself happy, I have changed my life to do that. I won't ever let one person dictate my mood again. Our marriage is stronger and more honest but it has an interesting scar that acts as a constant reminder to us both to do better next time it isn't a fairy tale any more If you compare a marriage to a person, they can go through that awkward, rebellious "teenager" stage, but if they can get through that, they can keep growing and move on to a mature long lasting love. The innocence of childhood is replaced by the wisdom, maturity and compassion of adulthood. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
onehalfmunky Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 Thank you for showing your strength! I found model myself and spirit after your own! I am dealing with the new discovery/details of my husband's affair 5 years ago. Similar time period as yours. I struggle between being very strong with confidence this will not happen again and insecurity as to how easily it happened and the what ifs. Thanks again for that strength! I will go forward with knowing I am the one who hold the key to me happiness, not him ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author waterwoman Posted May 28, 2017 Author Share Posted May 28, 2017 Thank you for showing your strength! I found model myself and spirit after your own! I am dealing with the new discovery/details of my husband's affair 5 years ago. Similar time period as yours. I struggle between being very strong with confidence this will not happen again and insecurity as to how easily it happened and the what ifs. Thanks again for that strength! I will go forward with knowing I am the one who hold the key to me happiness, not him ? Good for you onehalfmunky! Be your own happiness xx Link to post Share on other sites
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