RatherNotSay Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 Hello again. Well, Its been almost a year since we had any kind of contact, but I still find myself constantly thinking about her, and its holding me back from my duties and wanting to live a happy life. I've met someone else recently, and I was honest with her, I told her I'm still not over my ex, and my heart still aches everyday,still she stayed with me and didn't leave. Its been now almost 3 months and I think that now she thinks i'm over my ex, but I'm not. My ex will not leave my mind and its killing me. At the first month of our break up I used to stalk, but I completely stopped till I find myself sometimes writing her name in google, just writing her name not too much stalking. The feeling of a broken heart is ugly and its not worth it. Now, I'm with this girl, I think she loves me for some reason, but I can't feel the same towards her, I honestly don't want to love her even if I was over my past relation (Which right now seems like its never gonna happen). I HATE my ex and yet I know I will never be in love like I was again. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 A broken heart does eventually heal. It's not exactly the same but it's functional. You need to chose to be happy, which is admittedly easier said then done. Your EX wasn't perfect. A new person will be different but equally delightful in their own unique way. When you stop holding up your EX as the gold standard & start looking forward to your future, you will blossom. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 Break up with this new girl. It's not fair to her or to you to stay with someone you're just not that into. And you don't know you will never be in love again like that. Words are powerful, so you need to stop telling yourself that. You fear that won't, but you cannot predict the future. Self-talk is significant, and yours is putting up barriers. Why did you and your ex break up? 1
arsenalfan77 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 I know exactly what you're feeling. It's been 8 months since I broke up with my ex. She was not a good person. She hurt me more than anyone ever has or ever could, yet she is all I think about. I too look her up at times, but it's self torture. As far as this other girl, let her go! It's unfair to keep her around when You can't give her 100% of yourself. I went through the same thing. I tried to fill a void, and only made it deeper. I fear that I will never find the same passion and chemistry that I shared with my ex, but at the end of the day, she wasn't the one for me. Her actions proved it. have faith that the right person will come along, but you must be ready and fully healed. 2
GeekLover Posted May 26, 2017 Posted May 26, 2017 Break up with this new girl. It's not fair to her for to you to stay with someone you're just not that into. I agree with this. Don't use her as your emotional cushion. I truly believe the healthiest thing is to battle this heartbreak on your own. Well, not completely. Turn to your friends and family if you need to, or speak to a professional, but don't pass your baggage off to this new girl. You need to learn to love yourself first. 1
Author RatherNotSay Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 A broken heart does eventually heal. I hope so, I really do. Break up with this new girl. It's not fair to her I know its not fair, but she already knows that I'm not over my ex, or at least I told her that (more than once) before we went out, but she still wants to be by my side, why would I push such someone away? She said she wants to "mend" my broken heart. Still not working, but I'm hoping we are on the way there. Why did you and your ex break up? This is a long and a heart aching story. My relationship with her caused me some serious psychological problems and a indescribable feeling of pain in my heart. It was all because I thought I can never fall in-love, or didn't believe in such things. Then she came, and for me she was a goddess. She was the love of my life (That's the lie my brain believed) And I wish I've never met her. have faith that the right person will come along, but you must be ready and fully healed. What if I honestly don't want a "right person" to come? Its just not worth it to have the slightest possibility of being hurt that way again. I know I'm with someone now, but I'm not going to lie to whomever I'm with, I'll say it straight forward, I will never give you my heart, I'll give you all but my heart. And if they still want to stay, then why not? You need to learn to love yourself first. Its so much easier to hate yourself is it not ? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 It doesn't matter if the new girl says she wants to mend your broken heart. (which indicates a certain desperation) You are not into her and will eventually break her heart. It's pointless to keep dating someone in these circumstances. And yes, it's easier to hate yourself. But does that mean you should just give up and do so? No. You work harder to care for yourself and heal. But I'm rather concerned why your relationship with your ex caused some serious psychological problems. What do you mean?
Author RatherNotSay Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 It doesn't matter if the new girl says she wants to mend your broken heart. (which indicates a certain desperation) You are not into her and will eventually break her heart. It's pointless to keep dating someone in these circumstances. I honestly agree with you, and by the way, this girl who's going out with me she's really beautiful and very sexy, meaning she can be with anyone she wants. But mate, what if I don't want to fall in-love? Does that mean I can't be in a relation? Because I will be "unfair" to the other person? For me, things start to get ****ty when I start to have "feelings" for the other person. If i'm faithful and giving her everything I have, am I still unfair ? I don't know, I'm in a big mess, and with time, they're just piling up. But I'm rather concerned why your relationship with your ex caused some serious psychological problems. What do you mean? Adding on what I just said, whatever it was I felt with my ex, (call it love), when it was ended, I didn't know who I am, or how did I get where I was. I went into depression, only maybe 2 of my closest friends knew about it, I felt lost, (break up was on my college graduation), some old feelings rose in me suddenly, I never cried before, and so on.. The thing is, I didn't want to be "sad" it just happened, its like its who I am, to be sad, the more I fight it (I still am fighting) the "sadder" I get. And whenever I accept it, its a ugly path. This is just a small part of how I truly feel, believe it or not, it was all started right after my heart was broken, everything came to surface. How do you fix that? who you truly are? You don't.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2017 Posted May 28, 2017 You seem pretty set on staying right where you are. If you're not willing to seek out alternatives and broaden your perspective, then you're right - this won't change.
Author RatherNotSay Posted May 28, 2017 Author Posted May 28, 2017 You seem pretty set on staying right where you are. If you're not willing to seek out alternatives and broaden your perspective, then you're right - this won't change. You put it straight forward and weirdly enough, simple. I see your point, things need to change. It's not going to be easy though, oh, well I do believe beautiful things are the hardest to grasp. I have to ask, what have you been through ? What do you do?
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