theMoonisDark Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 My ex and I broke up in November 2016. I got tired of the way he would call me names, push me, and yell at me in public. This did not happen all the time, but it was becoming more frequent towards the end. He wanted me back and I said that I'd think about it. It was my last semester at college and I needed to focus. Two weeks pass by and I tell him that he needs to be nicer if we get back together. Tables turned and he wanted the break-up to be permanent. 8 months have passed and he has stuck to his word. I miss him so much. We got back for a little bit in January, but he said that he wanted to be single and focus on himself. I reached out to him in March and he tells me that he met someone. I will admit, I was difficult. I did not want to party as much as he did, I didn't want to drink, and I started to get paranoid by assuming that he was cheating. My stubborn behavior led him to drink more when we went out. He would curse at me in public, push me, and he has even smashed my head against the wall in October 2016. Two weeks ago I found out that my nose is fractured from that incident. I have also been experiencing pain in my knee from when he pushed me to the ground. For some reason, I cannot stop thinking about how much I miss him. My first relationship lasted for three years and it seemed too perfect. However, we ended up going our separate ways and I was fine. But for some reason, I am having a hard time letting go of my most current ex. I kept contacting my ex until he responded. I guess my threats of wanting to sue for the mental and physical damages made him want to "meet up". This is most likely a 99% lie, but I want to believe that we'll see each other in two months like he said. He was never like this in the beginning. We clicked and had amazing moments until he graduated a semester before me and moved to the city. After our breakup, he would leave me drunk messages saying how much he loved me. I texted him in February wishing him a happy valentines day. His response was that he misses me and can't be happy. Now he has met someone else but is not in a relationship with her. Why am I feeling this way for someone who can give a rats ass about me? I'm exercising, going out, working hard, living on my own, getting my hair done, and I am still dreaming about him every night. I apologize for the poor grammar. Please help, I'm losing my mind
LostOnes05 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 No offense, but you are losing your mind if you want to be with someone that has treated you like that. I mean the guy has smashed your head into a wall, fractured your nose, pushed you down, hurt your knee and you miss him???? Really??! Does he have to break your arm to show you he really cares? No idea why you'd even be up to meet this guy and not press charges, but maybe that's why I'm single. You will always be treated the way you allow someone to treat you. If you go back asking for more, don't be surprised when you get it. You already know what to do. But I'm still perplexed as to why it would even cross your mind to potentially take him back. What kind of psychological or physical injury will you have to suffer to wake yourself up and move on?
basil67 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 I will admit, I was difficult. I did not want to party as much as he did, I didn't want to drink, and I started to get paranoid by assuming that he was cheating. My stubborn behavior led him to drink more when we went out. He would curse at me in public, push me, and he has even smashed my head against the wall in October 2016. You are not to blame for ANY of his abuse. It is absolutely your right to not party as much as him and not want to drink. If he found the that your choices made you incompatible, the answer is for him to end the relationship - not to get drunk and blame you or smash your head against a wall. What did he do to make you think he was cheating? And again, if he wasn't cheating and didn't like your accusations, he should have ended the relationship - not assaulted you. I'm assuming what you wrote in this paragraph is what he's been telling you. Sweetie, this is 'victim blaming' at it's finest. And it's not OK. What therapy have you done to try and recover? 1
Abhainn Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 It sounds like you're feeling really ambivalent, you feel like you miss him so much, but yet you are afraid of him, and the things that he has done to you like fracture your nose! I'm wondering if it is possible that the abuse has created a confusion in you about where to turn. Could it be that the fear he causes in you, causes you to feel like you need a safe place to turn, but wait, he is supposed to be your safe place to turn, and so you miss him and want him through the fear, pain and confusion, even though you feel like (and know) he's dangerous for you? Because it sounds like there's a side of you that wants to go back to him, but a big side of you that is exercising, working out, that left him that wants to keep yourself safe from him!
whatnot Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 "My stubborn behavior led him to drink more when we went out. He would curse at me in public, push me, and he has even smashed my head against the wall in October 2016" Like Basil said...this ^^ is an untrue statement/belief. No one can make anyone drink without holding a gun to their head. And no one can make another person beat them. Every relationship is different. Therefore, each break up is different. It's impossible to see how difficult a breakup can be before it happens. They're not comparable. One of the reasons you're having difficulty is that you've not completely given in to it being over. Be careful. Threatening this guy to see you is dangerous. One man's opinion... Take care of yourself.
Author theMoonisDark Posted May 25, 2017 Author Posted May 25, 2017 Hi everyone, I can easily separate and put behind what people say or do to me. I didn't grow up in a stable home. But as a kid you need to believe that not everyone is bad, so I have learned to forgive the way my parents treated me. My dad is long gone (not dead) and my mom only talks to me when she needs something. It's ok though because I was able to get by on my own and land a stable career. In the beginning, my ex was a safe haven. He was sweet and loveable. By the last 3 months in our relationship, he snapped. I assume it was from the extensive partying and drugs. I thought it would be a phase, but he didn't know how to control his anger. The cheating assumption came from when he lied to me that he came back home with his roommate, but instead it was with his female co-worker. I am very lenient with who he hangs out with. He said that I would get mad and that's why he wouldn't tell me (because it was a co-worker). I knew that it was common for them to have friends sleep over their place. I never asked if he's partying up all night with any female friend. So this lie was very odd and not needed. He also began to text in the middle of the night whenever he woke up. That was another red flag. I only miss the person who I met before he moved to the city. It's hard for me to believe that he'll stay abusive for the rest of his life, but it's probably the path he'll continue to take. I gave him leniency because his father abused his mother. My ex comes from a strong wealthy background and his parents are executives from two major companies. If he continues to hate me, then I would be worried about my career. I don't want to get too deep with the job situation. (No I do not work for either company) I have reached out to seek professional help and it will begin very soon. Right now I just need to speak to someone. My mom doesn't care to hear about it and I don't want to bother my friends that much. I'm not really an open book in person.
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 I'm so glad you are getting help. Because of your upbringing, you think it's OK for you to forgive him. It's not. Every time your EX touched you -- breaking your nose, hurting your knee -- he committed a CRIME. He deserves to be in jail not back in your life. Hopefully your therapist will help you understand what a healthy relationship looks & feels like. It's not what you have experienced to date.
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