vadimay Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 I started seeing someone who I met online 2 months ago (talking for 3 months) he's 35 and i'm 30, when we first started talking we discussed that we were looking for something more than a hookup. We have been on around 7 dates, I have been holding off on sleeping with him until I know for sure where we are ..he is in constant contact .. making plans (he even talk hypothetically about if we were to get married and what would happen in x situation).. he even mentioned wanting to meet my friends BUT it appears that he is still active on the dating site .. which I am not .. I want to bring up exclusivity in a very gentle way but am unsure if I should or if it is the right thing to do .. I think I have a good one who is respecting me but I want to make sure that it’s just us!
mightycpa Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 How many times a week do you see him, and how many times a week does he ask to see you, and how hard would it be to see you every day (distance, other obligations, etc)? That early marriage talk always seems more like a red flag to me than it does anything else. I mean, at your ages, who would talk like that before you really knew somebody?
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 If he's not pushing you for sex, which you have already said is reserved for an exclusive relationship and he's still on the dating site, he isn't acting like he wants exclusivity at this point. If you want to bring it up, you can try mentioning that you have been off the site & wondered what he was doing, does he like the way things are or does he want something else.
Author vadimay Posted May 24, 2017 Author Posted May 24, 2017 i see him around once a week .. he is VERY busy with work as a manager and we live far enough apart that it takes some figuring out. we talk about meeting up again within a few days of having seen each other. he's mentioned wanting sex but like he isn't in a rush to get there...
kendahke Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 (edited) I started seeing someone who I met online 2 months ago (talking for 3 months) he's 35 and i'm 30, when we first started talking we discussed that we were looking for something more than a hookup. We have been on around 7 dates, I have been holding off on sleeping with him until I know for sure where we are ..he is in constant contact .. making plans (he even talk hypothetically about if we were to get married and what would happen in x situation).. he even mentioned wanting to meet my friends BUT it appears that he is still active on the dating site .. which I am not .. I want to bring up exclusivity in a very gentle way but am unsure if I should or if it is the right thing to do .. I think I have a good one who is respecting me but I want to make sure that it’s just us! Haven't you had any discussions on what your goals are for dating? If you talked about wanting more than a hookup, then that was the time to tell him you're not here for protracted casual dating--that you expect to progress towards your goal of being in a relationship and if things looks as if they're stalling out, that you'll say something and if what he says isn't satisfactory, you will end it... because that is where you're at right now, anyway. I would not have taken down my dating profile until we'd agreed that that was the step we both want to take with one another. Taking it down with the unspoken expectation that they should do it too is foolish policy--he doesn't have to take his profile down until he's ready to do so. That you took yours down is on you and doesn't reflect on him. You're in a protracted casual dating cycle and unless you say something, you're bound to be on this hamster wheel for some time to come. The guy I'm now seeing told me after 3 weeks that he's taken down his profile. Mine was still up at that time. We had a talk and I asked him what his goals are with regards to us dating and he said he wanted a committed, exclusive relationship that moves towards something deeper and more permanent. That is what my goals were, too. I decided my profile needed to come down since we were decided upon the same goal. If he hadn't taken his down, I'd have kept mine up as it was just a casual thing and no one was talking exclusivity. Edited May 24, 2017 by kendahke
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