Ichigo24 Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 I need some advice I have been confused on what to do for the quite some time now. It all started when I broke up with my ex CJ a few months back. CJ and I were together for two years. In those years we argued like normal couples. My issues with CJ was that she drinks too often, she did not call me, she did not spend nights, she was always depressed or stressed. I just wanted her to call and spend nights and slow down on the other stuff. It seemed like things were okay when I was the one putting in most the effort. My issue was I did not give her enough foreplay and did not listen or comfort her. The arguments turned real bad so I decided to end things. CJ always said I was the love of her life. We never cheated on another I just found that we both handled the relationship immaturely. After we broke up she tried desperately to get me back. I refused because I was afraid of us going back into the arguments. A month later I met this girl named Pat. Pat was fun to be around. She wanted to talk on the phone for hours and spend a lot of time with me. We soon started to argue after I have grown suspicion of her ex. When Pat and I started talking she confessed she had sex with her ex a week before we started talking. I would've been okay with it if she told me initially when we spoke about it. A few months down the line we were going out and things seemed good. An incident happened where we had unprotected sex and she took the Plan B pill. She said she felt extremely sad and needed me to comfort her. I asked her how she felt but she kept refusing to tell me. So after an hour, I wanted to give her space. Later that day she said she did not want to have sex anymore and I freaked out. At this time I started my new job and I wanted to continue being on the phone with her like we used to but she became extremely distant. I assumed it was because we were arguing. Pat stated that she wanted to give herself to god and soon I said okay and respected her decision. A week goes by and we started having sex again and I was happy. So we went to school and she left her phone in the car. I was hesitant to go through it because I normally would not. I looked out of curiosity. I saw that she had been talking to her ex the entire time. She even said when we were sleeping on the phone she wanted her ex in a sexual way. I saw messages of them confessing their love. He offered to come to her home in the morning for a movie (which was a sexual invitation) but she refused. She said she wanted more than sex and then he changed his mind about being with her. Then I noticed that was around the time she wanted to not have sex with me. She claims she does not want to be with him. She said that she should have said those things to me, but I can not trust her. Pat and I argued about it then she deleted his number and block him from most social media. She added him back after they were in a social gathering due to being involved in the same social group. Now Pat wants to go on a break. She claims she is love with me, but needs time to think. Pat said during our relationship for 5months I constantly broke up with her. I told her the few times I did was because of the dishonesty she gave me. We went on a break last night she said she want to build trust back and said she does not know when the break will be done. Same time I know her and her ex are talking again. Pat ex had been knowing her since they were in kindergarden. I do not expect them to stop talking in the future and that makes me uncomfortable. When she initiated the break at first I was emotional, but then I quickly said okay. My past experience taught me not to beg. Once I agreed to the break she changed her mind about no contact and wanted to see me the next day. She even stayed on the phone until I got home and I had to initiate hanging up. CJ came back into the picture and contacted me. I finally answered and she said she wants to work things out. I came over to her place and we did some exercises on what we like and dislike about each other. She said I have a hard time letting stuff go and referred me a book. She then said she wanted to go on a two-week break for us to work on ourselves. Now my ex has came back into the picture and want to work things out. I have two women saying they love me and I just need some advice. I tried to be very detailed with the events that occurred.
CC12 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 Your relationship with Pat is very messy. She's still very much involved (romantically or not) with her ex and that doesn't seem to be something that will change anytime soon. Plus, you and she have had a lot of issues of your own. At the same time, you're now involved with your ex so you're kind of doing the same thing Pat has done. And it sounds like CJ and you have some big incompatibilities that probably won't go away. I think probably neither of these relationships are worth your time. Wish them both the best and then try to meet someone where the relationship just works. You can very well find someone where there are no huge issues, no exes in the way, no BS. You'll just be happy and mostly drama free. That's the kind of relationship you should be looking for.
healing light Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 If you're trying to pick between them, I vote for CJ hands down. Pat sounds like she's had an emotional affair this whole time and would have willingly left you for her ex if given the chance. I am surprised you are even debating between them. CJ, on the other hand, has always maintained you were the love of her life and she appears to be interested on working on herself and your relationship, should you rekindle one. At least you can communicate with her and she's not lying or hiding anything from you. However, if you choose to get back with CJ, I would see what she's doing to handle any potential abuse with alcohol. It's very difficult, if not impossible, to be in a healthy relationship with an alcoholic. I'm not sure how big of a problem it really is given your limited description.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 If I had to choose between these two, I would say Pat is definitely OUT.
act00 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 Neither of these relationships are good. There's way too much turmoil. Taking "breaks" multiple times is not a good sign. During this two week "break" with CJ and your "break" from Pat should be used to reflect on how calm and easy life is without the constant stress, worry, and arguing.
OatsAndHall Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 The promiscuous drunk or the promiscuous cheater.... I'd go with the third option; Netflix.
Ieris Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 I would block Pat, friend zone CJ and look for someone else to have a relationship with.
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